anyone has advice on how to dicipline?

Natasha - posted on 07/06/2010 ( 43 moms have responded )

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my son has just learend how to crawl and is starting to test the "limits" so I was just woundering if anyone eles has started in disiplining there baby yet? and if they are how they do it effectivly without spanking? my parents spanked me but I would like to try it another way that workes so I dont teach him that hitting other people is ok. but I have also seen the "time out" method fail mireably also. help!! thanks!

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I wouldn't say that I spank my son. I tap his hand and say no no. That way he knows that touching what he isn't supposed to is the problem. It works for the most part. Then I move him away from what he's doing and distract him. He cries but because I say no no so firm and then take it away. I never make him cry from tapping.

Noreen - posted on 08/05/2010

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Right now for Abby (9/23) I will tell her NO in a stern voice and move her from the offending object. If she crawls back to it, I will get down to her level, look her in the eye and say, "Momma said NO NO" in a stern low manly voice and then move her again. That usually works. It's gotten to the point that when we go to our barnes and noble playdates if she starts to crawl away, I just tell her no once and she listens right away.

Meghan - posted on 08/05/2010

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Discipline means to teach. Simple as that. When your baby is 3 months old and starts to pull hair and you tell them ouch, that hurts mommy. Gentle touch.." that is is discipline. Obviously they don't get it right away. Heck J is almost 22 months old and he still doesn't get it right away, but the key is consistancy and respect (imo). At that age if J went to something dangerous I would say "Buddy, that is a big owie, we can't touch!" pick him up and redirect him to something else. I have ALWAYS tried not to use the word "no." It's one of the easiest words for them to learn LOL. Instead, I use words like stop, freeze, please don't....I am kinda rambling now.

Carly - posted on 07/18/2010

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I was spanked as a child and I always knew a firm way of right and wrong. I have no problem with however anyone choses to discipline their kids as long as it's not extreme. Now my mom used to pinch and I can remember that hurting real badly and sometimes it left a mark. I am not ok with that! You should never touch your baby in any negative way that leaves a mark, that's an extreme. I do tap and swat his hand when it's a really bad thing he is about to do. My house is older and unfortunately my heater is prominently displayed in the house and reaches scalling temps when on. I don't have time for the move and distract method. He touches it once and he's burnt. He needs to know that is a BIG no no. I'm not harming my child and I'm not scarring him in any way. It's just a different way of discipline and I'll never feel wrong for teaching my son the way I see fit. Everyone has their ways of teaching and I don't think anyone should judge anyone else's methods.

Jennifer - posted on 07/10/2010

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Look up the definaition of dicispline. It really means to teach. It is not sunomanous to a negative consequence. No child is to young to dicispline. Every action has a consequence, that is how they learn (it is how we all learn). There are positive consequences and negative consequences. Children tend to respond best to positive consrquences, although for many children a negative consequence will put a stop to a certain behavior. But lots of praise and attention encourages a behavior. So think about the behaviors you want to install in your child and encourage them, and it is never to early to start!

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Michelle - posted on 08/05/2010

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Thanks for the advice. Let me clarify when I say I pop her hand it's not like I pop her to make it hurt, I just simply let her know that it's wrong and she will get in trouble. If it's when she's crawling around I tell her no ma'am and put her in her walker for a while. Then I let her out and if she does it again that's when I pop (tap) her hand. I refuse to have a child that acts like all the kids I see in any store you go to. It's like parents are afraid to discipline their children and then wonder why they are so disrespectful. If I talked to my mom the way some kids do I'd have been wooped and grounded not rewarded because I threw enough of a fit.

Michelle - posted on 08/04/2010

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that is exactly what my little girl does or she'll look at me and inch her hand there slowly and if I go to move she moves her hand until she thinks I'm not paying attention anymore. Honestly I feel that a child should be taught young because i have a friend that didn't discipline for the first year and a half and he's a hell raiser now and very hard to control at 3 years old. I don't want my kid to be like all these bad azz kids I see running around walmart telling their parents what they are gonna do or what they are gonna get.

Heather - posted on 07/27/2010

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My son thinks that "No" is funny regardless of how stern it is given. His curiosity (sp?) is endless as is his imagination, even at this age. I am at my wit's end as well so far as discipline goes. Redirection and distraction simply doesn't work with him. He'll take the toy I've given him with him and go right back to what he was doing. Our house looks ridiculous. We have so many things that have cords, that every inch of our walls have stuff against them to keep him away.

Emma - posted on 07/27/2010

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Oh my goodness, I have a 10 month old and you know what I do? I ensure that the house is baby safe - so that I dont have to keep removing bub from dangerous situations and you know what else I do? I let him be a baby because he isnt going to be that for much longer - if you cant cut your precious little bubs some slack for the first 12 months of their life then I think thats a little sad! Just let them be babies - they have plenty of time to be taught how the world works later on! If my bub does goes near something he shouldnt, such as my parents gas heater - I just remove him and then we put a barrier up - come up people - you have to take some responsibility for making your environments safe and baby friendly and allowing them to explore. If they are touching something they shouldnt - maybe its your problem not theirs!

Michelle - posted on 07/26/2010

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My daughter is 10 1/2 months old and I do pop her hand if she repeatedly goes back to the same thing that I have moved her from numerous times. She knows what no no means already so she should know what happens when you continue to do a no no after you've been told.

Brittney - posted on 07/26/2010

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I use a certain Tone and shake my finger and say "NO" He turns and looks at me and cries,but sometimes he turns around and repeats what he is doing! Ha ha It is very frustrating but now that he is trying to walk he understands alot more and the Tone of voice I use means to stop! I do lightly slap his hand and say no and shake my head. Now when I tap his hand he shakes his head like I do when I say "NO"! He doesn't cry and just stops what he is doing.

Sherri - posted on 07/23/2010

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I belive spanking should be left to the really bad things, like hitting another child, diliberatly breaking something out of anger, you know, things that a time out or a simple hand slap wouldnt fix. Right now, since all of our babies are born in September, and we're coming up on 11 months, our little ones are testing limits and bushing buttons :| My husband and I got a paint stirer. It's very thin and it doesnt hurt as bad as your own hand. When my little one starts grabbing things that doesnt need to be and after being told quite a few times, we just give him a little pop on the hand. You can even test it out on yourself. The pop scares the child more than it will ever hurt him/her, unless you're swingin like a baseball player and in that case, whoa! Our babies at this age isnt going to take to being in time out. I cant even get mine to sit still for feeding time, let alone a time out. I'm not telling you to spank your child, but sometimes a little "pop" on the hand just reminds him/her that mommy and daddy are for real. Good luck!

Ashley - posted on 07/19/2010

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I agree with you Carly. I was spanked as a child and I don't reflect on that as an abusive childhood, but rather... I did something wrong and suffered the consequence. I do swat at my 10 month old's hand if he is going for something he shouldn't. Never hard enough to leave a mark, or really even make him cry. Usually it is just to get his attention and I follow it up with a firm "No!" and move him to somewhere he can play and not get into anything that will harm him. If I just say No and move him he generally just laughs at me and goes back to what he was doing. But if I take his hand off of whatever he was grabbing/pulling on/shaking give it a little swat say no and move on to something else it generally works.

Victoria - posted on 07/16/2010

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My little guy is into everything as well. Instead of using no (like no dont touch that; no dont go there and so on) all the time. We are now using Careful, stop as well as no When it just comes down to it. I think sometimes no can be confusing. When my little guy goes places or touchs things he shouldnt we will try to remove him and distract him with something else. But sometimes there is no stopping him when he gets something in his mind. Then when all else fails i will put him in his playpen. Between 1 & 5 mintues. Personally i think they are smarter then everyone thinks and they are definately testing there limits along w/ exploring. This has helped us.Henry will stop and sit (at times) & not go for what he was on a mission to get. But there are those times we will say Stop and he'll look at us and smile and go for it anyway. I guess i look at it as a good weight loss progam. Chasing baby.

Kylie - posted on 07/16/2010

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As mentioned before, babies don't have the ability to be naughty until at least 18 months. They don't understand that what they are doing is annoying you or is dangerous. From 6-18 months babies are learning by exploring their environment. The only way to deal with babies not touching something that they shouldn't is to keep it out of sight. If they happen to go somewhere you really don't want them then you can move them away and then distract them with something else. I even shut doors of rooms I don't want her to go in. So damage control is a minimum. This works best for my daughter. There are some great books on this topic. "Essential First Year" by Penelope Leach and for later "Loving Our Kids on Purpose: Making a Heart-To-Heart Connection" by Danny Silk.

Faith - posted on 07/15/2010

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One of my friends is a family therapist and whole heartedly recommends 1-2-3 Magic. If you google it, you can find their website. Whatever method you choose, be consistent. Best of luck!

Verity - posted on 07/15/2010

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my daughter is coming up to 10 mths and she does not respond to anything i try. If i tap her hand she just looks at her hand then laughs and goes right back for what she was going for in the first place. I have tried moving her away and distracting her with something else but she does not want to know and goes back to what she wanted in the first place. Even if i say no in a firm voice she just looks at me as to say bugger off im playing. Any ideas anyone? sorry not got any advice.

Jess - posted on 07/14/2010

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Maria, I think its a pretty broad assumption of parents who choose not to spank. I can assure you my daughter isn't a spoilt brat nor will she be because Im a level headed parent. Parents who choose positive behaviour strategies tend to watch their children more closely and correct the inappropriate straight away.

1 year olds have no idea of right and wrong. They are simply discovering their world and running into boundaries along the way.

Congrats on the impending birth too !

Maria - posted on 07/14/2010

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I dont usually tap or swat my sons hand but i definitely dont think it sounds harmful. theres a big difference between a tap and a slap or hit. and as for spanking, i was spanked as a child and im fine. im not violent and i dont look back on my childhood claiming to be abused. i think i was bad and got spanked. period. although i definitely think that a spanking at 9 months is a lil out there. too young. but i also do not think its too young to start diciplining your kids now. they might be babies but babies have to learn somehow. and waiting to start teaching till hes a yr old is insane especially since i will have a newborn by the time hes 1 and i definitely need him what NO means by then. i think parents these days are just overly sensitive. and everyones afraid to "traumatize" their children, so instead they dont dicipline them and their kids turn out to be spoiled brats who dont listen.

Laura - posted on 07/14/2010

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I have heard that children are not able to emotionally understand discipline before they are 2 years old. I have started telling my baby "No" and moving her away from whatever she is doing when she does something wrong so that she starts to understand what limits there are, but I don't discipline her in any way if she breaks the limits. She actually seems to be catching on pretty well. She is 10 months old.



The first time I told her "NO" very firmly was a couple of months ago and the look on her face was like "What!? You mean I can't do what I want all the time?" She was so sad-looking.



For kids, learning limits is another development and learning process - they are not "bad" if they don't catch on right away. Also, once they learn limits it may take a while to learn why they need to mind, etc.



My daughter is starting to understand the limits but does not always follow them. At other times, though, she backs off when we say "No." We have never disciplined her. It will just take some time for her to understand. Once she is old enough to not only know the limits, plus the reason for following them then she is old enough to be disciplined.

April - posted on 07/14/2010

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my 9 month old knows when she is about to do something wrong. she will look around to see if anyone is watching her and if so she will give a little grin and change her mind. If she thinks nobody is looking at her she will proceed to do what she was gonna do. If i tell her no she will stop what she is doing only to start again when she thinks im not looking.
She can walk and communicate with me very well. if i ask her yes or no questions she can respond to most of them.
I am not opposed to spanking. I was spanked and I dont have any emotional damage from it. However, obviously 9 months is too young to spank a child. I have given her hands a little swat to say no but its so little that she usually laughs at me so i decided to find another method. She understands that a lot more than trying to put her in timeout. Luckily I havent had many issues and when i say no she stops, i just have to keep looking at her and she will finally move on.

Amy - posted on 07/12/2010

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I have actually done time outs with my ten month old. i tell her 'ta ta' when she goes for something she is not allowed to play with, if she doesnt listen, then i distract her with other games, songs or toys and then if she goes back, usually she is being bad for a reason so i put her in her play pen, exersaucer or crib for about five to ten minutes... usually the time alone helps her calm down and she is more receptive to what i have to say. it works great, sometimes she even falls asleep! no wonder she was acting out! lol

Jessica - posted on 07/09/2010

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You can start telling your baby no but you really cant disipline yet. Minimum age for time outs is 18 mos

Teresa - posted on 07/09/2010

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I usually say a firm "no" ..he goes back to it "NO" a bit firmer and then a third time I ask him to "come here" (may have to say it a few times "James, come here please"...but eventually he will and I will smile at him, pick him up hug him and thank him for listening to me. I know that at his age, he might not fully understand what happened, but as he grows, I will start explaining to him the whys and etc and enforce some time out, but he is entirely too young for time out!

Alecia - posted on 07/09/2010

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and make sure u throw in alot of "good job" and "attaboys" at them so they know when they are doing good things. positive reinforcement is the best thing u can do for ur child.

Alecia - posted on 07/09/2010

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time out should be saved for about 2 yrs old and they should be in time out a minute for every year of life. we are going to use a time out chair and a timer. after the set amount of time the child should say a real apology. if they wnt then u start the timer again. right now my daughter is only about 10 mnths old so we say a firm "no" it does work sometimes, but if after 2-3 times it doesnt, then we say it again and redirect. at this age they dnt understand discipline. and even though it may mean u do little other than watching ur kids, they are learning TONS by moving around and exploring. its the only way they have to discover the world around them.

Shannon - posted on 07/09/2010

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I as well have the problem of my daughter getting into everything but i tell her no or get out of there and she will just ignore me and go right back to it. I have tried distracting her with one of her toys but that doesn't seem to work either. Even if i go pick her up and take her to another room she will still go right back to what she was into.... i don't hit her because i do believe that it teaches them that it is okay to hit. And my daughter already hits, bites, pulls hair, and throws temper tantrums when she doesn't get what she wants but honestly i think that comes from her fathers side of the family because they are very aggressive.... she seems to do it more when she comes back from her fathers house as me and her father are not together.... she has even head butted me in the mouth because i wouldn't let her play with my cell phone...

[deleted account]

Redirect, distract and firm "STOP"......I try not to use "NO" only because I found myself saying it constantly and it loses it's effectiveness. In my opinion, spanking is never ok, especially under the age of 2.

Good luck ladies!

Samantha - posted on 07/08/2010

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At this age they dont understand any kind of discpline so if you just keep distracting them from the negative behaviour and making sure they know when there doing good

Jessi - posted on 07/08/2010

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at this age I redirect and distract. I also use a firm NO, but with my second, my 9/09 baby, he just looks at me and smiles and keeps on. He's going to be MUCH more ornery than my first. This will probably get interesting. I didn't/don't use real spanking until about age 3. Before that a tap on the butt is used just to get attention.



Before any one jumps on the spanking any more, just remember this place isn't for judging but for sharing. I don't over use the spanking, it is a last resort after time outs and after she has gone so out of control, she can't control herself into changing her emotion. And it is not illegal in my state.

Jess - posted on 07/08/2010

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Ladies, please be aware that RUDE post's will be deleted. Whether you say the person's name or NOT.

Natasha - posted on 07/08/2010

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i love that idea in starting a com on these topics for moms like me because I dont want to be like my parents in the spanking yet I dont know anything but. the older my son gets I know the harder it would be. great idea. oh and thanks for the advise :)

Andrea - posted on 07/08/2010

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Babies are ‘into everything’ because they learn by exploring.



They are often smacked for touching things that are dangerous or breakable, but nothing you can do will teach a baby to leave particular things alone because they won’t understand. This is why no matter what you do your baby will touch it a thousand time because they do not understand why they can't touch it. The difference is what your teach them when you say no, redirect and/or tap their hands. I prefer to teach my kids what no means and the skills they need to redirect them selves when I say no. With the method of saying no and tapping there hand and/or redirecting them your teaching the same thing as the first but your also teaching them that it's ok to hit. Baby, toddlers, and children they like to imitate what they see.They perceive that it's okay for them to do whatever you do. At a young age they can't understand why it's ok for you to do something but not them. If your tap or spank your child they will perceive that that it ok to hit. Then to many parents wounder why there toddler/child keeps hitting there brother, sister, play mat every time they do something they don't like. You did it why can't they, you tap them spanked them when they did something you didn't like. It's just as effective to remove there hand from the object and say no as it is to smack tap their hands away from the object and say. The difference is your not teach them to hit. Think about the long term effects than it doesn't hurt them,they don't even cry.





This how I see it but each to his own do as you please it's your child. People just need to start looking at the long term. If some one can say they taught there baby how to roll, crawl, sit walk, why don't you think tapping their hand isn't teach them how to hit. Everything you do teaches them something baby are sponges they come in to this world not knowing a thing and we as parents are here to guide, teach and love them. Everything you do teaches them something just do what you have to make that learning experience a positive one that they take from it what you want them to. If you don't what then to learn to hit don't show them how this goes for almost everything. Yes they might learn to hit anyway but won't you rather be able say with a 100% that they didn't learn that from you. It a much easier fix if your not the example that they learned that bad behavior from. Everything you do has an effect on them even if you can't see it at the time

Jess - posted on 07/08/2010

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Ladies,

Please be aware smacking/tapping/swatting/popping/smacking a child under 2 is illegal in most countries.

It would be unwise to accept advise that includes smacking as you may very well be breaking the law.

Jess - Admin.

On a personal note, I would like to add that in my opinion tapping a child suggests that they understand what they are being punished, which for a 9 month old is a stretch. At this point, they are still babies. Babies do not know the difference between right and wrong and in their little minds all you are doing is hitting them ! They can't walk, talk, or even use the potty but they are expected to know what they are being smacked for.

If you don't try more positive techniques how will you ever know if they work ? I guess from here all that is left is to hit harder as they get older and the behaviours become more challenging.

Positive Behaviour Strategies - Solutions without Smacking is a great new group here on COM's and would be a great reference for all mum's to find advise and tips!

[deleted account]

My reason for tapping the hand is because he is touching something he shouldn't be so I smack it away. Plus my son does hit but I know that they outgrow that in just a couple of months so I use it. I mean when I say tap I don't bit*h slap him. I tap/move/swat away. It's a lot more gentle then what it sounds. His hand doesn't even get red. I see no harm in it what so ever.

Bridget - posted on 07/07/2010

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I use redirection and distraction for the most part. I also use a firm voice and say "Adeline, ah ah ah" and it usually works to distract her, she knows when I say that to either hand me what she has or to stop what she is doing. Im avoiding saying "No" because Ive seen too many of my cousins learn to say "No" and say it all the time! haha. Also, I was constantly spanked and often hit harder and my goal is to never put my daughter through what I went through. At this age spanking and tapping doesnt teach them anything but to learn to be physical as a reaction to something negative.

Sarah - posted on 07/07/2010

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I dont see the point in tapping their hand...that is showing them how to hit. I agree with most people on here, just redirect. A firm NO. and then if they keep testing, distract with a book/toy/ whatever works. If you find yourself getting annoyed, put them in their crib for a few minutes while you cool down.

Laura - posted on 07/07/2010

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Spanking has nothing to do with the action, so we are more direct. We will give my daughter a firm "no" and if she doesn't get the idea, we will give her hand or foot (she uses her feet like hands sometimes, lol) a swat and repeat "no". She's starting to get the picture because she will cry after we do it, but will then move on to do something else.

Marie - posted on 07/06/2010

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I agree with you on the no spanking. I'm a product of no spanking and I firmly believe that you can discipline a child with firm speaking - my parents are still able to rock me a little today with a firm talk. Anyway, I'm told that at this age they are learning the meaning of certain words, like NO. Try to engage your LO in other things to distract him/her from what you don't want him/her to do. If my LO is trying to get to some place unsafe or play with something that is not a toy, I usually give him a firm NO and then show him something else to play with or take him to another area to play. It teaches them the word at the same time shows them alternatives. He is just starting to test us though. When we say NO, he will start to crawl a little faster or grab the item very fast. But he is also learning that we are paying attention and he gets a kick out of that, at least. I would try to "react and distract" method for now. Until our LOs can clearly understand the word NO, I'm going to trust in this.

Andrea - posted on 07/06/2010

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Well yeah time out at this age would fail miserably. I also think disiplin before a year to a year in a half is a little much. This the time that you teach them. Th touch something there not suppose to give a firm no they go back for it you get down on there leave remove there hand from it and give another firm no. Repeat till they stop. The throw a fit over something,remove them from it and so on.

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