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Destructive Behaviour

Amanda - posted on 11/14/2011 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My little boys father and I are no longer together. His father has anger issues and every weekend after I pick my son up I can see the difference in his behaviour instantly. Im just wondering how I go about trying to teach him that destructive behaviour is not acceptable in either home, if he obviously gets away with more at his fathers. for example... when he throws something. I politly tell him thats not what we do, we dont throw toys or spoons or anything for that matter. I ask him to go pick it up for me and he says no. What is my next step without getting mad at him about it??

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Amanda - posted on 12/03/2011

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thank you for your comments, and no, his father and i are aloud no contact, directly or indirectly.. put in place by the police.. so I have to trust that he does whats best for our son while hes there! Hes been better though, Ive been trying to stay calm with him and even in the last week we had enough patience to potty train! So I think in the end hell do just fine! But thank you!

Ashley - posted on 12/01/2011

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I've learned that talking to my son more politely than yelling at him about something def works better. I use to talk louder when I would tell him not to do something and he would keep doing what he was doing but if I got down to his level and be more softspoken it works a lot better! At dinnertime if he starts throwing his spoons or food I take it away for a couple min and of course he'll act up more but I just ignore him and keep eating and eventually he'll quiet down and I give it back to him and don't say anything and then he does good. The more attention I give him when doing something bad the more he acts up. It's like he calling for attention. (he's not bad...but he has his moments lol)

Any chances of talking to his dad about your sons behavior and how he acts there? Just wondered.

Deb - posted on 11/28/2011

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Just keep reminding him how you expect him to behave. Correct him when he is getting out of line and back it up with positive reinforcement. When he comes back from his dads and sits down ad plays with his truck tell him how nicely he is playing and that you like it when he uses his toys/spoons/cups properly.
Remember that he is going through a hard time. Going to a diffrent house, where rules and shedules are diffrent. For a small child this can be confusing, frustrating and scary, his behaviour may be a direct result of these feelings. Try comming up with a comforting routine for when he comes home and have it be the same every time. Try talking to him about it (Iknow its hard to"talk" with a two yr old) Ask him if he is feeling good or bad/ sad or happy. Explain that feeing bad/sad is not a reason to behave badly.
Most importantly stay consistant.

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