Hitting

Cheryl - posted on 08/19/2011 ( 14 moms have responded )

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I meant to add this to my last post. My 23 month old strong willed girl has a problem with hitting me and her older teenage sibling. I dont know where she could have learned hitting because we dont hit at home. She hits us when she is frustrated, angry, when goes to time out, or when she is throwing a tantrum. I have been slapped very hard in the face when trying to pick her up - and almost to the point of tears.
I do not spank and will not spank her. She is too young. I have told her how much it hurts mommy and gives me boo boos when she hits me.l I have put her on time outs, and also have put her in her crib. I dont know what else to do. Please help.

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Mastoora - posted on 08/24/2011

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There is nothing wrong with hitting her back and making her feel that hitting hurts. It will show that is she doesn't like how it feels then she shouldn't do it to someone else. My daughter used to hit me ALL the time and I had tried everything to stop it and the only thing that worked was hitting her back where she hit me. Bite/ slap/ hit her back..may seem cruel but it'll teach her to stop.

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I think the majority of toddlers go through a hitting phase. It may or may not be learned. It is frustrating when your child is hitting you or other kids, and they dont quite understand the concequences. Its as frustrating to them as it is for us im sure. Hopefully they grow out of it soon, and in the mean time all we can do is stay stern with time outs ect.

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Romela - posted on 05/17/2012

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My son Nikko usually pull my ears to help him go to sleep. But there are times when he pulls my hair and slaps and bites me out of no where. Whenever he does these and it hurts me and I feel like crying...I actually cry to show him that what he did indeed hurt me. He will then embrace and kiss me and say sorry for hurting me. Punishing a toddler may keep them from doing these things too but I personally believe that punishments such as spanking or putting them in one corner may hurt them psychologically and emotionally. I believe a toddler's understanding is quite limited to crying when it hurts and tantrums when they don't get what they want. They don't really mean to hurt mom and dad, sometimes they just get too excited that they have to express themselves out. Punishing them hard might turn them away from exploring things and end up pleasing mom and dad instead.

Julee - posted on 09/02/2011

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My almost 2 year old has an issue with hitting as well. She hits (me, her daddy, her favorite toy, furniture) when she gets frustrated. My husband and I have been teaching her from the beginning that hitting is unacceptable. At first it was just holding her hand, saying a stern "no thank you!" and "mommies and daddies (or insert object) are NOT for hitting!" Now, we pull her to the side, make her look straight into our eyes and tell her the same thing while holding the hand that she hit with. I know she understands us, as she was playing the other day and actually said the words "no hitting..." to the two little stuffed animals she was playing with. HUGE BREAKTHROUGH! I feel the goal is to be consistent with EVERY hitting incident that you witness, and nip it in the bud immediately. Good luck.

Mariel - posted on 08/30/2011

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my son hits, head butts, scratches, and kicks. ive tried walking away, time outs, i spanked him once and then we both cried together, and nothing works. I tell him stories of why these are mean things to do to others. Some people have said that you just need to let your child cry until they learn a little self control. After an hour of screaming and crying though? and the pleas of not leaving and "mommie". I just cant do it. Yes, being a bully when upset is wrong for our children to behave, but we know it will end shortly. Just re-direct until they change focus!

Joyce - posted on 08/30/2011

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My son will be 2 next month. And I have the same problem with him. He hits, bites, and head bunts. I have tried having a stern voice, time outs, and I have also spanked him. NOTHING seems to work with him either.

Sarah - posted on 08/29/2011

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At least she isn't biting! My daughter of 23 months, is the same-VERY strong willed and she does the same. I believe it is normal for this age group due to their limited ability to voice their frustrations. lashing out physically, is just a way to vent, so to speak. What I have done- and sometimes it works and sometimes I still get hit-- is we told our daughter to stomp her foot when she gets angry or frustrated instead of lashing out and hitting. It can even lighten the mood, because she thinks its funny to watch mommy stomp her foot to show her what to do.

Steffani - posted on 08/29/2011

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For my 23 month old, we send her to her room, she has to sit in her bed & put her hands in her lap. After 2 minutes we go in & ask if she knows what she did? I make her tell me why she wad in trouble & then make her apologise. It seems to work for us.

Kristy - posted on 08/25/2011

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My 23 month old son is/was the same as mentioned. We stopped the biting very early on by walking away when he bites, but we also reinforced the correct biting i.e. food, teething rings etc. My theory is when my little guy starts to act out with hitting, throwing, tantrums...the best thing to do is be stern, tell him it's bad or wrong then ignore it. So far it has worked. He no longer bites. He no longer screams when angry. He is hitting much less. I feel he knows that those things are wrong & are unacceptable. He may only be almost 2 but he understands the basic concept of right & wrong. Good luck!

Mara - posted on 08/25/2011

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Hitting back is not the answer if they model everything we do, being angry with her as well is not the answer, so what is the answer??

I am reading an amazing book, how our behaviour, even sub concious affects a child, see The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems by Tracy Hogg, also she had a toddler book which may be amazing as well...

Alicia - posted on 08/23/2011

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Mine has been doing the same behavior, she's figuring it out with my sterness and she looks down (though I make sure she looks at me while I'm telling her no - I feel eye contact is important), and when I allow her to get back up (I sit her in the middle of the floor) she shows remorse and sometimes gives me a big hug and a kiss. Her hitting has gotten a lot better and I only have to say her name and she will stop and she seems to "think" about it. Of course, sometimes I don't catch her in the act and she thwomps her almost 8 year old brother or me and she goes through the steps again.

Laura - posted on 08/23/2011

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I have a son that's hitting, pulling my hair, throwing things, and biting anything he can grab in the heat of the moment. He also is doing this out of anger and frustration. We have smacked his hand, put him in time out, sat him the couch and explained why it's not nice. Nothing works. Someone in our family told me to put him down immediately on the couch or chair and keep him there even if you have to hold him down. Of course without harmful force but just so that he can't get up and walk away. I also keep a very stern face, and I noticed he got upset tonight. He kind of looked down like he was sorry.

Alicia - posted on 08/19/2011

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I think in this case, you need to have a very stern face and voice. I do spank my child, but only when needed. I think I may have spanked her like 5 times? Anyways - hitting does not fix hitting, but the sterness seems to get the message across to my 23 month old. Good luck!

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