How do you discipline your 14-15 month old?

Jenna - posted on 01/08/2011

I agree with Whitney. I do the same thing with my girls and it has worked out quite well. We haven't done very much babyproofing but they know what they can and cannot do.

Kara - posted on 01/07/2011

Well, there was many awesome ideas on here. I'm not even sure my idea would be something you're comfortable with. As a parent of 5 soon to be 6 kids under the age of 9yrs I have had many experiences in this area. As a parent over the past 9yrs I've learned 2 important things. There are parents who spank and there are those who don't. In my opinion. I don't feel one is right or wrong. Probably because I spank my children. If a parent feel that spankings are abusive and is willing to train them in other ways then, that's their business. I think whatever keep the kid safe, in peace, happy and listening is the end goal. Now for you out there who are so offended and taken back by my choice to spank I will clear some things up. I am not a mother who goes around spanking my kids for whatever they offend me about. Our spankings are done legally, with love and patience. I do not spank if I'm mad. I also have a rule that my children do not leave our spanking crying and mad. I have them talk about why their upset after and I heal anything that may have offended them. All my kids leave hugging me and smiling or even laughing. I believe in "training" your children and at times spankings are part of it. So many times, whether we spank or not, we only discipline our children when they offend or embrace us. Again whether we spank or not we do it out of anger and it has more to do with us then them them selves. We as parents understand that when the time comes to potty train we don't just one day go up to the child and say, "look from here on out that's not allowed. Go in the toilet." Then when they pee their pants we don't haul off and spank them or put them in time out or take their favorite toy. We just understand that would be dumb. They need to be "trained" to go on the toilet. So what's the difference to listening to us? They need to be trained for that as well. They need to be trained to listen, to come when called, to calm down, to sit still. It's something that we just one day expect from them because age wise they should be doing it. Let me tell you. I have children who act like kids and still get disciplined. BUT... I can go into public with all of them, by myself and do very often, I do not worry will they throw a fit, be disrespectful or break anything. My youngest one is going through our training time. It takes lots of patience and time. It takes setting your self aside. Most important it takes consistency. You don't have to agree with spanking to "train" your children. You just need to have those three things, patience, time, and selflessness. This is getting long. But to answer your first concern. I don't child proof my house either and haven't for 9 yrs. The way I look at it. If I make it so they think anything at their level is ok to play with. Then I set myself up for chaos when we go places. Because in restaurants, stores, other peoples homes you will encounter something they will think they can play with. My son who was born sept 18th 2009. (15 mos old) Is so use to not being able to freely touch anything when we go to friends or families homes who have decor or plants or even poison out. He doesn't touch it. If you can conquer it at home they will be pros in other places. Now as far as poison I do keep that up high because in training things still get pushed. Accidents happen when they are just learning. Kind of like wetting the bed when potty training. To help this though, I also use natural things for dishes or counters that if eaten will not kill them or even make an unexpected hospital trip. So that helped with training because I can freely keep those down BUT i treat them like any other cleaner and use those for training as well. I have never had any hospital accidents through this. So many people comment how smart my young ones are. They are. But they are educated too. If you want more info I can tell you more what I would do more step by step. I felt though this would be better to share how important it is to train our kids to listen. It will help us to have more peaceful homes. Our husbands will even want to be home. LOL. I hear often of men who dread going home cause their toddlers are terrors and the wife looks like she's strung out from all the stress. Not in this home. Hopefully not in your either. Hope that helps. Sorry if I stepped on anyone's toes. Just my way of doing things. I have wonderful happy children with lots of fruit on my tree.

Brandi - posted on 01/04/2011

My daughter understands what NO means but I have to distract her with something else. I try to include her in what I am doing and that seems to help distract her and teach her how to help at the same time. It takes a lot of patience but you will get there.

Lisa - posted on 01/03/2011

I like Jennifer's approach too. Also, I forgot to add that I do add on please or si vous plait (her dad's french) when I want her to do something (even if it's stopping bad behavior) and thank you or merci when she does. I think if you show your child respect from the beginniing and they hear you saying those things from the get go, they'll catch on too. *Hopefully*

Jennifer - posted on 01/03/2011

I dont use the word "no" much with my daughter. I use "stop." and the action I want to stop. Example: she loves playing with the dvd player. "Stop pushing buttons." Then each time she touches it, i count 1...2..3. On three she gets her hand smacked. If she keeps on. I start again, but when I get to 3, its a smack on the butt. She did not listen at all when i said "no" to her. My husband would say "No, ma'am" and she would mock him. It was really funny, but it made us think of different alternatives.

Lisa - posted on 01/02/2011

We didn't want to put away all of our breakable stuff or plants because when we go to visit other places we wanted our daughter to be able to understand not to touch some things.

I first started out saying no and redirecting her to toys. If it was something dangerous I would say, "No, danger." more forceful. Or if it was the plants, "No touch, you'll hurt the plant." Of course she didn't get it right away, but now that we're consistent she gets it SOOOO much more and rarely touches things we say no to.

People say just saying no will get them to say no to you, but I believe they have to know what the definition of no means in the first place. I also do utuh and wag my finger, which she likes to do back to me with a big grin.

I've also tried using more positive reinforcement when she actually stops the misbehavior and calling her a good girl and making a big deal out of her actually listening to me. Now that she's older I've expanded on it, like, "No touch" or "Hands off" to get out of the no range. I also say danger for anything dangerous.

This seems to be working for us. As far as the not babyproofing, maybe you can compromise? Like putting all cleaning products/medication up out of reach or safety latches on that type of thing that is fatal to the child, even the electrical plug things are not expensive and should be something your mom could be open to. As far as her expensive stuff, that's where she can draw the line. Break expensive dishes or put them up higher. Maybe do that while you're working on not touching things that don't matter as much, like plants or inexpensive breakable stuff.

Be consistent, that's the key. Timeouts won't work at this age unless you're putting them in a playpen to keep them confined. I guess you could try that with consistency, but then you may get them confused if you just want a break and put them in there to entertain themselves.

Keep working on it and they'll get it eventually!

Anne-Marie - posted on 12/27/2010

Its been really interesting reading all the different approachs that parents take and guess it just shows just how individual raising our children can be.

In our case we probably take the middle line in relation to baby proofing cuboards with detergents etc are baby proofed but he can open and close other cuboards and drawers so he learns how not to get his finger caught. Our stairs have gates but we spend time climbing them each day so if they are left open he hopefully won't just launch himself through. He knows to turn himself round to go downstairs and get off the bed/softa backwards and like everyone else my 15 month old is into EVERYTHING! If he is doing something that I don't want him to do I will try to stop him but also explain why - our little ones can understand quite a lot even though they can't say so many words! For example pet your puppy gently as it hurts him when you pull his tail. Don't pull that cord as it will pull the lamp down on your head and hurt you! I'm trying to avoid saying the word NO as much as possible as I know it will come back to bite me as his words and just about to develop and I'd much prefer if NO wasn't one of the main ones that he'll be using - LOL! Sometimes I try to show him what I mean but have to be careful here as this can just show him how to do what I don't want him to do - Ooops!.

Like the others have said pick the battles that are the important ones and allow your little one to win some!

Probably the only thing I would have any strong opinion about is time out - at 15 months I don't think that they are old enough to understand time out but hey if it works for you go with it!

I would try to have another chat with your Mum about some little amount of baby proofing. Could it be that she thinks what you want to do it way more than what you want to do? Just a thought.

Good luck and lets all enjoy our little explorers as they grow up before our eyes!

Sheena - posted on 12/27/2010

i have a 1 5month old daughter and when she wants to misbehave she sure will. I will sit her on the chair and tell her NO firmly and tell her you dont do that ok and say no to her but make sure she is looking at me. She knows i mean business lol. she stops and will sit still or play with her toys i do put her on time out at times but she is to little and i dont think right now at her age it will work she gets right back up and then it turns into a game of me sitting her back in the chair for the 10th time. my husband is in the military so he is a very strict guy. he does the same thing says NO firmly and makes sure there is eye contact otherwise she will just do what she wants. she behaves she is a good girl but they are toddlers nd they do want to explore and try different things. but that works with me.

Meghan - posted on 12/26/2010

Why not ask your mom to compromise and babyproof at least the living room or an area he can spend most of his time at home? My daughter is very active and we have an open concept house, but we have only babyproofed her room and the family room/dining room area for her toys. She is happy to have that area and I can watch her from the kitchen. In that area are the TV, gas fireplace and a floor lamp, all of which she knows she's not allowed to touch. But instead of constantly saying, "No," I say "No touch" for things she's not allowed to touch, or I instruct her on what to do with things I'd rather her not move/pick up (ie. if she's trying to move a dining room chair across the room, I say, "No thank you. Let's leave the chair at the table. Where's your [insert toy name here]?" and distract her/give her a new mission. I don't want to be constantly just saying, "No," because I'll get frustrated, PLUS she'll just learn how to say it and cop an attitude once she learns what it means, which creates an entirely new problem.

Other options include rotating his toys and books so he doesn't get bored in the day and start touching things he's not supposed to. Maybe bring library books home for him, or set up a toy exchange with some friends?

As for your mom, sounds like she needs a reality check. I would suggest sitting her down and asking her if she remembers what it's like to have a toddler, and how exhausting it is having to run after them all day repeating commands like they're a dog. Toddlers are in a big learning stage. She's just making everyone's lives more difficult by refusing to protect her OWN belongings for a short time until he matures enough to know right from wrong. Sounds like a bit of a control issue to me. Why invite you to live with her if she's not prepared for what it entails?

Rebekah - posted on 12/26/2010

Ok well, I am an aunt to 10 nieces and nephews... I've been an aunt since I was 11, so I know quite a bit about discipline. My nieces and nephews are the most obedient, amazing children in the world. I'm also mother to a VERY strong willed 15 month old girl, and am pregnant with my second. I don't believe in child proofing... the ONLY thing I child proof are the outlets... because all that takes is one time and they are dead. But other things, I think the child needs to learn what is theirs to touch and what isn't. That's the bottom line on that. The U.S. is BIG on baby proofing, but in other countries they feel that the child needs to "come up" to the adults level rather than the adult going down to the child's level and baby proofing everything to make it easier on them. And I agree with that.
My daughter who in the beginning (and occasionally still has a hard time with) would NOT obey at all. Now I say "no" once, and she looks at me and stops whatever she was about to do. How did I do this? Flicks on the hand/and or small smacks on the thigh. I know people don't like to hear that, but it works and my daughter loves and respects me SO much. If she doesn't obey after the first smack, I do it again and then put her in her crib while throwing her temper tantrum. Doing both of those things shows her that what she was doing was inappropriate and it shows her that I won't just cater to her temper tantrum. It works well and people tell me that I have the sweetest girl ever! :)

Jaime - posted on 12/26/2010

to the mom who said its lazy to babyproof-i think its incredibly irresponsible and lazy NOT to babyproof. i completely agree we need to teach them what is okay and not okay to play with and touch, but it is so dangerous to have chemicals and outlets just within their reach. i am a stay at home mom and for the most part my son gets 100% of my attention but you can't possibly keep your eyes glued to them at all times. they need to explore and not constantly be told no. they need their independence.

Miranda - posted on 12/26/2010

I also agree I have a 15 month old and nothing else works but the firm "NO" but I just gotta put out there its the worst thing u could do is baby proof your house, its better for them to know what they can and cannot touch in any home or enviroment. Just keep the no going and don't pull or remove your baby away he might go for it again keep consistant... thanks

Beth - posted on 12/25/2010

I totally agree that a child needs some free reign without being told no all the time. However when my son is doing something bad I tell him no ONCE and if he doesn't listen I take him away from the situation (just a few feet) and sit him down. You may have to repeat several times but at first but BE CONSISTANT. I also think it's important to acknowlage their feelings by saying something like "I know how hard it is when you can't have something you really want." It works and you don't have to hit. If he throws a fit, I tell him he can come play with me when he's done. Usually as soon as I walk away he stops crying. Good luck!!!

Kayla - posted on 12/24/2010

The professionals that I had talked to was not a physiologist it a a teacher with a early childhood development degree and it has worked very well with our child. We did the smacking of the hand thing and it made our child's behavior worse. So I was just giving my opinion on what else could help if they had already tried that.

Nanette - posted on 12/24/2010

kayla, Im not bashing you at all. But I smack my daughter's hand when ever she does something wrong, and my daughter has never hit another child or has never hit me or my husband. i think that is a lousy excuse for physiologists to tell people not to smack there child's hands or behinds. Now if there leaving marks on the child then fine its wrong, but totally different topic.

Kayla - posted on 12/24/2010

I have heard from professionals the best way to get your childs attension when they are doing something bad is simply tell them in a calm voice "we do not hit that hurts mommy". If you slap you childs hand it will only teach them that hitting is okay. Which is not something you want and telling your child NO is not good either because if they hear it often then they think that it is just another word and not listen. Then they tell you know. So my advice is not to show that you are mad or anything and just tell them that doing what they are doing is bad and that we don't do it.

Noreen - posted on 12/23/2010

When I had my first baby, a great friend of mine mother told me to pick and choose my battles. For instance, breaking expensive dishes, playing with light sockets, etc, that really should be baby proofed! That stuff could be dangerous and you have to use the restroom sometime. There is no way you could watch and make sure your child doesn't stick his fingers in the light socket 24hrs a day. Maybe talking to your mom and explaining the safety issue would help her to understand??

As far as disclipining my daughter, I tell her no in stern low mommy voice and guide her to somthing else. I was blessed with a great listerner though and all babies are different. My boys where not this easy. I would have to tell them no 100x until they got it. LOL

Kristen - posted on 12/23/2010

Well this is what I do and it seems to work well... I warn him with the classic count to 3(rarely ever get to 3). If he doesn't leave it alone by then I get up look at him tell him exactly what it is that he is not suppose to be doing and walk him away from the situation. If he then decides to go back and try again I do the count, if I get to 3 he gets the slap on the hand and explanation again, It has yet to happen where he goes back to the problem! It very very rarely gets to the point of actual punishment, but my son also has the freedom and baby proofing that is needed to keep him safe. And anything that can't hurt him that get's broken I look at as IT can be replaced he CAN'T so if that happens I explain to him that it's not ok and move on! As far as the baby proofing... sooner than later I think your mom will come around because she won't want her breakables to be broken just hang in there and EXPLAIN EXPLAIN EXPLAIN! They understand way more than we think they can and they are like sponges they will absorb!

Nanette - posted on 12/23/2010

I know no one wants to hear this but I slap my daughter's hand when she touches something she's not allowed to touch. Its either hmmm let her put her finger in the socket n get shocked or slap her hand (not hard just enough to sting a little). It has worked for us. My daughter is not perfect. far from it, but she is a good baby for the most part.

Whitney - posted on 12/23/2010

I am pretty tough on my boys, a 4 year and 15 month old. We also live at my mother in law's who has a lot of antiques and breakables at baby level, so it is rough trying to keep him from breaking anything, but I am vigilant. The HUGE thingthat I have found that works is to keep his eye when I say "No". If I don't, he will just do as he pleases, but when I do, he knows I am serious and stops and starts with something else. Now this is quite debatable, but if he is head strong about touching something that he shouldn't and will not listen to "no", I will lightly slap his hand. He usually looks at me and cries, but I won't coddle him like he wants, I just look him in the eye, show him the object and say, "no touch". It has worked for both of them so far. . .

Amanda - posted on 12/22/2010

Oh but I definetly agree with "pick your battles" as long as no one's in danger than sometimes they just have to rebel!!

Amanda - posted on 12/22/2010

My son is no different!! I too am at my moms and we have the cleaning supply cabinet "babyproofed" (except that if he really wanted to he knows how to work around it) and most everything breakable out of his reach. But he finds 100 things a day that he shouldnt be into and everything goes in his mouth!! He does hit too, which i take the blame for because my mother suggested "a firm tap on the hands" when he's doing something that could be potentially dangerous, i.e. playing with cords/cables, but since then he has taken to hitting back.
So now what i do is sit down on his level and look him in the eye and tell him no, also why he shouldn't be doing something, and I stay there and wait to see if he goes for it again. If he does I hold both his hands firmly for 1 min. Kind of a "time out" for the use of his hands, then i walk him away from the situation and play with him for a few minutes because 8/10 times it's just that he wants the attention. I used to do this same thing with my nephews (2 & 3) and nothing worked better. I told them i was taking their hands away because they didn't know how to behave with them And they could have them back when i could trust that they understood what not to be doing. Same as i do with any toy that my son will play with innapropriatly like putting in his mouth or hitting with, I just take it away then show him how do play nicely with something else.

Angela - posted on 12/22/2010

My daughter will be 15 months old in 8 short days. She gets into everything as well but I try to let her explore as much as possible. When she gets into things that I don't want her to, I try not to say no (because her name is Nola and I think its difficult... it just sounds like I am stuttering her name...lol:)). I always say " Nola we don't touch that" and I remove what ever the item it is she has gotten. When the fit starts... and it always does I just redirect her attention to something else. It has been working wonders for me! Good luck. And try not to fret too much... as they say this too shall pass!

Katie - posted on 12/21/2010

My son is also 15 mnths old. and gets into everything. I also do the time outs. Sometimes it helps sometimes it doesnt. We just have tobe patient for our toddlers. Cause i know for sure it will get worse. They are just so curious they cant help themselfs! Im glad im not the only parent whos kid hits. Good luck with the toddler years !

Diane - posted on 12/19/2010

For your baby's safety, you need to baby proof the house. Your mom needs to understand that! Did you ever ask her why she did not want to baby proof the house? That will put an end to the crawling up the stairs, playing with dishes etc. Also, you will not be at wits end trying to follow him around. I would be on egghells if that were me and not to mention i would be pulling my hair out!! I have stairs and when i left the gate open by accident, my ds crawled up and amost fell. That scared the heck out of me! You really can't discipline a baby for wanting to do these things because it is a good thing that he is so curious and inquisitive! It's only natural and your mom needs to give in and babyproof, because it is very dangerous, especially the stairs. I am sure you know all this though!! The only thing you can do is try to redirect his attention elsewhere!! Like show him a toy and make a big deal out of it or put a cartoon on!! Maybe you could ask her to come to a doctor's appointment with you and have the doctor stress to your mom how important it is to baby proof the house. I know my ds makes me a little nuts sometimes with all the things he gets into...so i give you a lot of credit for not having a baby proofed house although it is dangerous for him!!

Shalane - posted on 12/19/2010

I think you're doing the right things. I consider my daughter very well behaved, but still have to repeat no frequently and use distraction a lot. We have done minimal babyproofing like poisons and valuable breakables out of reach, but otherwise let her explore. It's a shame your mom doesn't want to babyproof- a few modifications go a long way.
As far as getting a kid this age to mind- he's not trying to be defiant for the most part. At this age their brains aren't capable of good impulse control- he probably wants to make you happy, he just can't help himself. It's just not in their brain chemistry yet. Keep up the repetition and he will get better as he grows up. Just think of yourself as laying ground work for the future and watch him closely.

Sarah - posted on 12/18/2010

Man, I'm honestly glad I'm not the only one in this situation. My 15 month old son is EVERYWHERE lol. I feel like I say "no" all day long, but it doesn't help. He just looks at me, smiles, and keeps on doing whatever it is I've told him not to do. I'm trying to be consistent about saying "no" & removing him from the situation, but it definitely gets tiring haha. Today I got down on his level & told him "no" in a stern voice & he slapped me in the face. I put him in "time out" for about 1 minute, but I just don't think he even understands what the heck I'm doing it for. I'd say just be as consistent with him as possible!

Carrie - posted on 12/18/2010

my oldest was a very easy boy never got into anything, never put anything is his mouth that wasnt post to b there so when my youngest now 15 months started gettin into everything n puttin everything in his mouth it was all new. we dont have anything baby proof but the cabinet that has the cleanin supplies n the plug ins....time outs dont work wit him n just takin him away from what ever he was gettin into didnt either. the only thing that has worked is a VERY firm no n a spankin on the hand or bottom....try everything all kids are different

Sabra - posted on 12/18/2010

I disagree with baby proofing for the most part. The only baby proofing we did was put away the breakables that we would be upset if they were broken put a gate at the top of the stairs and put a lock on the cupboard withe the poisons. I think everything else that people do is just laziness. If you don't teach your kids not to touch they wont learn and as soon as they are put in a situation without baby proofing they will go crazy.
I would talk to your mother and see if you can negotiate a few items to baby proof. As for teacher your son no just be persistent. Pick your battles otherwise it will seem like you are saying no to everything. Pull him away from the things that you don't want him to touch (it may seem like you have to do it a million times a day but he will eventually get the point) You can try time outs but you might need to make it 2 minutes rather than one. (I find 1 minute isn't enough with my daughter who is 15 month)If that doesn't work try taking away a favorite toy or having no treats that day. I know not everyone goes for this but sometimes a firm tap on the hand will work.
Whatever you choose to do though you have to be persistent. The first time you let him get away with it you're back to square one.
I wish you good luck.

Sarah - posted on 12/18/2010

The best thing to do is to ignore the bad behavior such as screaming for attention. Even if you fuss at them it still gets your attention so they got what they wanted. You just have to be consistent with "no" and like others have posted distract with other toys rather than continue to battle with them. Their brains just aren't developed enough right now to completely understand what you are trying to get across to them.

Connie - posted on 12/16/2010

Aaghhhh! I am having the same dilemma as you with my 15 month old son. I was coming on here to post the same question as you. Liam is into everything and I am losing my mind. Our house is very baby proofed and he still has found ways to bypass the baby proofing. I have velcro'd the lamps to the tables but he crawls under the tables and uses the couch to push them his feet. He throws everything and he now screams this HORRIBLE high pitch scream when he wants my attention or is frustrated. I am a stay at home Mom and he is my only child. This behavior has really gotten worse in the last month or so. We have tried the time out thing for 2 minutes in his crib and that did nothing. Tell him no and he just says it back and continues on. I am going nuts. From what I have read on here so far is that I need to suck it up and be diligent and patient. This is the hardest this parenting thing has been for me yet!

Danielle - posted on 12/16/2010

This is a tuff one, I do agree that he does need his space to explore and "get into things" that are safe. This is how they learn about the world. As for your mom......it is nice for her to provide you with a living space, but it is too bad that she does not understand that some baby proofing is def needed. Very sticky situation there, but I would def keep fighting for some baby proofing for everyones sake. Not good for you kid to not have any freedom to explore, not good for you mom to have a bunch of nice, broken things, and not good for your sanity!

Ericka - posted on 12/14/2010

She is staying at her mom's place and her mom does not want the house baby proof.

Orly - posted on 12/14/2010

You need to baby proof the house. He's a toddler, he needs to have some free reign to explore and play in a safe environment without been told no all the time.

Ericka - posted on 12/14/2010

I'm sorry but why doesn't your mom want to baby proof the house? Does she know how dangerous that could be to a baby? Anyways...I usually tell chris no or stop and if he doesn't obey, I move him away from whatever he is doing or remove the object he is playing with that is not safe.

Maria - posted on 12/14/2010

I tell him "no" very firmly and after the 3rd time of telling him no and taking him away i will put him in time out, but he only gets time out for something serious (like slapping his 3 day old sister in the face as hard as he can). He understands by now that he needs to be gentle with his (now 6 wk old) sister.
He seems to understand that he's in time out for being too rough with his little sister, and he's a good boy every single time after i take him out. I just put him in his room and close the door. I let him cry for 2 minutes, then take him out and explain to him again why he was put in time out for being naughty.

Tiffany - posted on 12/13/2010

I agree with Marybeth. As well as telling him no, when he is in something he should not be try and distract him with a toy of his own or something else fun to do.
Good luck!

Marybeth - posted on 12/13/2010

Just be patient, you will have to say "no" so much it'll become a reflex. It will stick, eventually. Timeouts won't really teach him anything until he's about two. For now, you will just have to be vigilant with watching him, and when he starts getting into something he shouldn't be, just give him a firm "no" and try to distract him with a toy of his own, or a different activity such as reading. I hope this helps a big,we are in the same situation as you, so I understand your frustration.