how to raise my child alone?

Precious - posted on 06/28/2011 ( 13 moms have responded )

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i am having a hard time raising my son alone, my husband left us, any tips? do you think my son will have a traumatic experience because of this? is it justifiable if i wont let him see his father in the meantime since he is always crying when he misses him. my son is cheerful but sometimes he throws things and yells at people to get attention, im trying to give my 100% love and attention (i cant even pee without him following me) to him but it seems not enough tomy son. is this just a normal phase for a 1 year and 9mos child? any help willbe appreciated.

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Jessi - posted on 07/12/2011

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you're son is behaving like like any other toddler :) i am a single mom too, and its so hard sometimes. if you are close with your brother, or your father, try to see if they can set aside some time on a regular basis. i believe that all children need that male role model and if it cant be their father, it can certainly be someone else close to you whom you trust.

Tonya - posted on 07/01/2011

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Sweetie first off let me start by saying I am so sorry. Now to answer your questions : 1) not sure about your christian relationship so let me just say find a good bible based church if you haven't already and put God first you will find comfort among the members as they will pray with you and get you on the right path I know I have been where you are. 2) If you don't have a job find one if you can even if it is part time life must go on but do not let dad know who is the daycare provider (reason I say this is if dad goes and files for a divorce whoever has the child has custody until court not saying that is his motive just giving you an eye opener) 3) Your little man is gonna feel like you are going to leave him too and he will act out and that is ok when he does tell him not nice but in a firm pleasant force then ask him to come to you and tell him mommy needs a big hug and if you cry when you hug him tell him see mommy is sad too but mommy does not do what you did so let's not do it again ok and then kiss him and hug him again and thank him for the big hug. 4) Make a date night or day for you and your son tell him you and him are going on a date sure he won't understand cause he is so young but do something fun with him for his age if it is just to go to McDonald's and let him play in the play area or Burger King and play in their area or picnic at the park. As for the visit with Dad sure let dad come to the house to see your son but make yourself invisible so dad does not think you are up to something but yet your eyes and ears are still on your son. This part is hard but do not let him see you cry prove to yourself and to him you do not need him and can make it without him but also let him see what he is missing too. If he tries to kiss you or anything remind him you left I did not and walk away make it rough on him. I went through this when my son was 2 1/2 and I showed my husband I could do it but I was firm with him and did put my foot down and made it known it was my way or nothing at all. I also made him pay me child support weekly or I made life miserable for him. Mind you what works in a marriage or a break-up for one may or may not work for another. We were seperated for 6 months and got back together and let me tell you my marriage has not been perfect or happy all the time but in October we will be married 18 years. I know from experience it hurts and you feel as if your heart is about to burst out of your chest and nobody should have to go thru that especially kids. If you need a shoulder to lean on you can send me an email at tonyameuir69@yahoo.com and I will give you more info so we can talk. I hope I have been of some help. Good luck and God Bless. I will keep you in my prayers.

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Antoinette - posted on 08/09/2011

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My ex also left me before my son was born, right from then my stance was that he (the father) had to be in or out of our sons life as in I would not allow him to simply pop in and out when he felt like it. That wouldn't be fair on my son, or on me having to deal with the aftermath and of course whatever of my own emotions might be affected. I think that if there are no concerns as to the safety of your child being around his father then there is no reason to prevent him from seeing his father BUT in my opinion visits should be regular and routine (as in every second weekend or once a month) not just whenever because thats when the kid is going to get confused, he will eventually get over missing his dad if he knows that he will get to see his dad regularly. I was unexpectedly and almost instantly a single mum of 2 (my daughter is whangai (fostered within family) exactly 8mos older than my son, I've had her since birth - I agreed initially to take her on temporarily so her parents could get their lives on track, they did not so she is mine), luckily I have a large supportive family to help me out when I get desperate but I too often can't pee or shower without two little assistants following me around to hand me toilet paper and soap. But basically I think that unless you allow it to be traumatic it shouldn't be. Just avoid bad mouthing the father in front of the son, it's not his fault or issues to deal with. There are some great single parent kiddy books around to help explain to kids when they are old enough why daddy isn't around. But basically, keep on chugging along, don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it, and don't be afraid to accept help when it's offered. If the father can't or won't be a decent male role model in his life look to your friends and family to help with that role. Good Luck!! You can do it!!! xx

Kylie - posted on 08/05/2011

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There is nothing you can not do as a single mum !!! My ex left me before my son was even born, because he did not want his life interupted...... My son does not miss out on anything, he has more love than he knows what to do with, and yes It is hard, I am working, studying plus a single mum so absolutely no time to myself. Though you will find it easier after time to settle down. your son will soon learn what it is like, and it will be normal. being this young when parents split can sometimes be for the better for the child, when they are easier to transition that an older child. he is acting like a normal toddler so dont worry, !!!! you will be fine, women are fighters when it comes to life, nothing can stop us, even though it doesn feel like that all the time, and instincts will come into play to make your son the best man he can be

Heidi - posted on 07/11/2011

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praying that husbands and daddies will rise up and be Godly fathers and husbands!!

Linda - posted on 07/11/2011

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I am having the same issues as well. My son's father is a drug addict, and is in and out of his life. My son is my shadow as well, and will not ever let me out of his sight. He is constantly throwing tantrums, and has developed a horrible temper. I have three older children, so I have experienced this before. A lot of it is his age. This is a very difficult age for children, and parents. They are just discovering themselves, and boundaries. Some of it could be missing his dad, but I think a lot of it is just a phase. All I can tell you is to give him tons of love and affection, but at the same time, set boundaries, and don't let him get away with doing things that aren't right. He wants structure and guidance, and you are the only person that can give it to him right now. He needs to know there are consequences when his behavior is bad. That, and lots of love, and you will be fine! I know it is a lot of work. I am going through the same ordeal, and sometimes I just want to cry. The best thing you can do for that child is to be strong! Good luck, and God Bless.

Heidi - posted on 07/10/2011

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Raising a child alone is really tough. My husband and I really work as a team and it is such an emotional boost to be doing it together. (And spiritual too) I pray you have a supportive network of friends and family. We will keep you in our prayers. Do you attend church anywhere? participate in Mom's day out or anything like this? You have to have some "me" time. I know what you mean about your little one following you into the BR..Caleb does this to me too...but we have a gate at the door to his room nad put him in there to play and he is getting better about playing alone without fussing too much! :-) Hang in there...this stage too will pass. Love in Jesus, Heidi Strauss

Maveliz - posted on 07/08/2011

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IT IS PHASE BECAUSE HE WAS USE HIS DAD BUT THEY WILL REALIZE THAT WE ARE THERE FOR THEM MY DAUGHTER DOES THE SAMETHING ME N HER FATHER OUR NOT TOGETHER. THEY WILL FOLLOW U EVERYWHERE THEY WILL DO CRAZY THINGS TO EMBARESS U SO U HAVE BE CALM AND DEAL WITH IT SOMETIMES U WANNA JUST BE BY URESELF AND NOT GO THROUGH ANY STRESS TAKE A WALK WRITE ON A JOURNAL EVERYTHIN WILL BE OK BUT KIDS ARE ALWAYS GOIN TO DO THAT U JUST GOTTA GIVE THEM ATTENTION BUT STRICT TO CUZ THEY WILL TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE SITUATION SO U DO HAVE PUT HIM ONHIS PLACE TIME OUT 2MIN TRUST THEY LEARN AND THEY WILL RESPECT U THE SAME WAY U TREAT HIM..

Nicole - posted on 07/08/2011

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I'm having the same issues,my son's father passed away in January and he tends to act out for my attention. I try to give as much attention as possible, but sometime it can get overbearing at times. I dnt know if this is normal behavior or not...like throwing his cup with anger because its empty, and he is very quick tempered.

Precious - posted on 07/04/2011

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thanks for all your advice.i do have a job and ny ex hubby gives me child support. we are getting through life day by day. tough but im optimistic that someday we will make it. Most of the time i pray for patience and strength. thank you all. love lots.

Diane - posted on 07/03/2011

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Sorry to hear that. My husband works almost 60 to 70 hours a week and I feel like a single Mom sometimes. My DS follows me everywhere too. He asks for Daddy and then when Daddy is there he only wants me. I give my son all my love and attention too and sometimes feel it would be nice to have 2 minutes to pee alone!! LOL! I think he should see his father, if his father, wants to be there, but I know that must be very hard for you. I have been trying to find mothers or toddler groups in my area, so my son can at least learn to mesh with other children. I found a group called MOPS (mothers of Preschool Children) and I may join that, just to let my son be around other kids. Maybe it will be good for me too!! Well good luck to you!

Ginger - posted on 06/30/2011

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YOur son is behaving perfectly normal for both his age and for what he's going through hon. You are going through a LOT too! Raising a son alone is hard but is more than possible. It is better for a child to have -in the long run- one happy parent rather than two miserable ones. Your husband left you AND your son. At this time I wouldn't be nice nice about it. Your son obviously misses his father. And in some ways you probably do too... so this is extremely difficult for BOTH of you. COntinue to love your son- like you all ready do hon. He's scared because he had you both and now one is gone- he worries that you'll go to. It's a normal fear for any child especially at this age. Im a mom of 5 sons. I raised one on my own for a LONG time... he's perfectly perfect to me *grins* And he's a wonderful father! But when he was young I was scared to death being on my own just me and him and didnt think Id ever cope. Or survive and I didnt think he would either. Your son is upset and angry to and will give tantrum when he just cant deal with it. If he throws things just tell him 'no' and if he yells, tell him 'no'. Hug him, reassure him that you're still there and knows he's there...and that you love him but he cant behave that way, and move onto the next activity. In the meantime- maek time for you to deal with the aloneness. Even if it means taking a bath way after your son has fallen asleep for the night- to reflect and breath.... Your son can feel your anxiety...it's okay. because you're going through a lot right now.... and so is he. He will grow and he will forget this scary time.

Sarah - posted on 06/30/2011

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I was in ur shoes once after a while ur son will understand what's going on and as far as following to the bathroom that's a phase I'm going threw that now with my daughter my oldest grew out of it...I know it's hard right now but it soon will get better. I was there and I was so sad and I didn't know what to do I had friends help me..thank god good friends.. I hope it work out ok for u..

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