How to stop co-sleeping with baby who wont sleep by himself

Maria - posted on 04/28/2013

Perhaps the vibrating baby sleeper app (link below) for iphones could be helpful. It works by sending soothing and relaxing vibrations through the mattress and creating white noise..

Good luck!

https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/vibrating-baby-sleeper/id599959685?ls=1&mt=8

April - posted on 08/11/2012

co sleeping is great.
I have 2 kids and although the youngest sleeps in his crib most of the time the 3 yr old still sleeps with my husband and I. All kids are different and need different things. My oldest daughter really needs to be close. Maybe its bc i couldnt breastfeed her or i had postpartum with her... i dont know... and my son only needs it sometimes... hes a true man and likes his space i guess. Many nights all 4 of us sleep in bed together and sometimes we love it and sometimes we hate it. I am also in school so i know it can get exhausting, but 4 months is young and it will get better regardless of if hes in his bed or in yours. They wont sleep with you forever so enjoy it, and if its not for you then change it, but dont let newborns cry it out. :) good luck. its been a battle and journey for us also.

Nancy - posted on 08/04/2012

Hello Mommies, I was a walking zombie the first couple of weeks home from the hospital with my newborn. Though his bassinet was right next to our bed, I would get out of bed as not to disturb my sleeping husband, change baby in baby's room and then nurse baby for 1.5 hours at a time while sitting in the glider.....put baby down back in bassinet and then 1 hour later wake to his noises (he eats his hands and wiggles when he's hungry). My baby is a big boy (9.7LBs) at birth and now at almost 4 weeks weighs 10.5 LBs. He loves to eat and I only breastfeed.
My lactation consultant suggested co sleeping as a way to get some much needed rest and I have to say it has saved my sanity. I have a little blue night light orb that I bought at IKEA that runs on rechargable batteries. Baby sleeps in bassinet but when he wakes to feed I grab this orb, put the baby in bed with me and let him feed to his hearts content. I get to doze and rest and when baby is OUT I put him back in his bassinet until he wakes again now 2-3 hours later. Co sleeping has saved me!
I read up on the research of HELEN BALL AND JAMES MCKENNA and it really helped to empower me to co sleep safely.

Jennifer - posted on 09/27/2011

My son is 8 mo old and he never slept with us until he was 3 mo and we were on vacation, he couldn't sleep in a strange bed on his own. He would wake up so upset so I started bringing him to bed. As a family we bond at bed time we all go to bed together and snuggle. Sometimes he cuddles with dad and sometimes with me. We breast feed out of necessity as he is allergic to formula and it DOES make feedings easier on us all. Since he started teething we whimpers all night and needs the comfort of mom and dad, he just does.

I have read the books mentioned above and they did nothing to help us. I was always against Co sleeping for all the reasons mentioned. BUT it turns out its what's best for us. I have tried breaking this habit a few times but in the end it always comes back to him in our bed. He is a happier child this way and we are better, happier parents this way.

There are always bumps in the road but you'll find your way over them, just breath and know he's your little guy and you'll do what's best have faith in yourself and don't get down on yourself if this is a long journey.

Tabitha - posted on 02/09/2010

If you have room, it is a great idea like Michelle suggested to push the cot up against your bed. My daughter is 5 months and sleeps with me. We love it, but its nice to have some time with just my husband too.

What works for us, is having teh cot against the bed, with the side rail off. There is no gap and the cot can't move. I let my baby fall asleep in bed where she feels safe [I found that she won't sleep if she feels unsafe] and then after about 20 min when she's in a deep sleep I move her over to the cot. That way I'm right there to comfort her, but we get some bed space too. Usually she wakes around 1 for a feed and spends the rest of the night in our bed.

I read an awesome book called "sleeping like a baby" by Pinky McKay [think its only published in Australia]. It is very gentle, but recommends not letting them cry it out, just like many people have said already. It recommends setting up a little bedtime ritual, like a bath, singing the same song as they go to sleep, and over a matter of weeks changing things so that eventually they are sleeping in their own cot. Another thing that my daughter sometimes likes is hugging the tshirt I was wearing that day as she goes to sleep. She finds it comforting, and if you're worried about SIDS you can always take it away when they're asleep.

Anyway, best of luck to you :) I hope that you find something that works and makes sleep a happy time for you all.

Michelle - posted on 02/09/2010

co sleeping rocks! i love waking up to my babies beautiful smiles. we have a king size bed and we have pushed a crib, without the railing on one side, up against it. my 2 yr old sleep in there and my 4 month old sleeps in the middle of my husband and i. i know it sounds silly and our room doesn't look like a room out of a magazine, like we all strive for, but it really is fullfilling to know my babies are warm and safe.

AME - posted on 02/09/2010

First of all, I personally am not a fan of co-sleeping. I just don't sleep well. Didn't try at all with my son but tried this time and everyone slept great but me. So when daddy left for deer camp i moved Emma out. But let no one tell you renai that you're way of parenting is wrong. that includes anyone who is supposed to be a professional. you do what works for you and your baby. That being said, I have been blessed with two wonderful sleepers. My son, Breydin, now 5 slept through the night at 6 weeks. I thought for sure that by some law, my daughter Emma would have to be the opposite because it was only fair...what i found was that it was our routine that created good sleepers. Emma has been sleeping through the night-10 to 12 hours-and in her own crib since about a month old. I swear I have the world's greatest pediatrician too and I agree with her 99% of the times, but she was telling me to wake my daughter up that it was too long between feedings at night. But I live by the the mantra never wake a sleeping baby. All i can say, Renai, is good luck during this challenging stage, and remember that it, like everything baby, will soon be a memory. Once you are over this hump, find a routine that is pleasureable for you and baby, and do your best to stick with it. what works for me-keep nursery as dark as possible overnight, but during naps in the day and evening I keep a dim light on, I swear by a ceiling fan and I use a white noise machine as well. I keep a cool mist vaporizer running. her last bottle is warmer, and is given in her room. we read a story, and rock, but i ALWAYS put her to bed when she is still awake even just a little. naptimes she is actually very alert when I lie her down in her crib. anyway its all just simple little things that are tried and true for me and my children. maybe something will help now or in the future. good luck

Jodi - posted on 02/09/2010

Do you have a playpen? Try putting it right beside your bed, and when your baby wakes up, put your hand/arm and soothe him. He may gradually get used to sleeping without you there at all.

Becky - posted on 02/07/2010

we had the same problem too..believe it or not but your bed is more softer than their crib mattress and they are use to that softness..what i did with my son who is also 4month..is i cushion his bed mattress with a blanket under his fit sheet..to make it soft and now he always sleep n his crib..from the first night that i did that..he is still in our room of course..lol..

Ori - posted on 02/06/2010

I'm having the same problem. I believe that Dallas and I both have seperation anxiety. So I've just decided that we will co-sleep. I know it may be harder down the road but it's the easiest thing for my family right now. Besides my husband works for the sheriffs department and is gone most nights so its just me and Dallas in our big ol' bed...I need someone to snuggle with.


You Should try placing a chair in your little mans room next to his crib and each night move it a little closer to the door. Reassure him but do not pick him up. Eventually you'll be in the hallway. It will teach your baby that you are there when he needs you. instead of letting him cry it out--which I believe is cruel. BUT, with that said, if it works for your family then so be it. I'm not here to judge. Good luck I hope this helps :)

Renai - posted on 02/06/2010

Thanks everyone for your suggestions. I'm definetly going to buy those books you suggested. It's very hard for me. I love my son sleeping with me and am not afraid of rolling over on him..he's very safe but both of us really arent sleeping good at all. I'm very stiff from not moving at all and he squirms alot but loves the warmth and security of me being there plus whenever he's hungry he lets me know. But its hard when im in school..I have to stay up to get homework done and right now my bed time has to be when he goes to sleep which means I get nothing done. My fiance also for about 2 months now has no choice to sleep on the couch which has distanced us aliitle bit with him not being able to sleep in bed because of the baby. I'll definetly get him in a routine with bathtime,breastfeed and then bed. I only will let him cry for 10 minutes though but I absolutely hate it. He ends up screaming and I end up picking him up and rocking him back to sleep. I hope it gets better. I think mommy and baby would both get better sleep if he sleeps in his crib. The only other thing I can think of is waiting for him to fall asleep when he's in bed with me and then putting him in the crib. His crib is now right next to my bed.

Virginia - posted on 02/05/2010

I'm in the same position you are. For me I put my son to sleep in my bed then move him to his crib (it's in my room). I'll stay next to him till he stop sqirming then i leave. He will wake up about 3 hours later and then I do it over again. Sometimes he cries when I put him down but I never let him cry for more than 10 minutes. Just remember that you know your baby best you know what will work for him. Bedtime needs to be a relaxing time and if you are stressed your baby will be too.

Julee - posted on 02/05/2010

Renai,
There are SO many methods to changing your baby's sleep habits. The two most popular books out there are "The No Cry Sleep Solution," and "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child." I know you're exhausted, but my suggestion is read both and see what you feel will be best for your lifestyle. Yes, it is time consuming, but this way, you'll be able to see all the options that BOTH books offer. I, personally, used the second book, but that's what worked on our house. Here's two things that me and my friends that are moms agree with 1) create a bedtime routine (bath, bottle (or, in your case, breastfeed), bed...or something like that and 2) make sure your child is getting enough to eat throughout the day so that he can sleep longer through the night. A good formula to figure he's getting enough over 24 hours is your baby's weight x 2.5. Maybe you could try adding some cereal to a bottle of breastmilk before bed. Also, remember, there is no absolute right or wrong "way!" Don't let anyone make you feel like you are doing something wrong. That just stresses you out, which translates to more stress for your little guy! Good luck.

Chantale - posted on 02/05/2010

I'm sorry Renai for having to post that, and i don't feel that Noreen's methods are wrong. I just don't appreciate someone telling me that what i'm doing is wrong. Cause as i said every baby is different, and what works for one family may not work for another.

Chantale - posted on 02/05/2010

Noreen-
I think your posts are inappropriate. You have done this on many of your posts! Do you see me telling you that your method of sleep training is wrong, and will cause harm to your child? No, i don't. I do not appreciate this at all. Give your advice, but if i want your opinion ill ask for it!

Becky - posted on 02/04/2010

I agree, there is nothing wrong with cosleeping if it is working for you. If you want to move your son out because you're not sleeping well, by all means do so. But if you're just doing it because you're getting pressure from others to do it, or else he'll be in your bed forever, it's not true. The fact is, the more a child feels loved and nurtured and that you're going to meet their needs, at all times, including in the middle of the night, the more independent they will be as they get older, because they know they can always count on you when they need you.
I do not like CIO, especially this young. I would transition him out gradually. Start by giving him play time in his crib during the day, when he's in a happy mood, and with you right there, playing with him. Then he'll get the idea that his crib is a safe, friendly place. You could also try putting the crib mattress on the floor and sleeping with him there until he gets comfortable on it, and then move it back into the crib. Not the most comfortable, I know, but hopefully it'd only be for a few nights.
I second the recommendation of the Elizabeth Pantley book.

Melissa - posted on 02/04/2010

thank you for saying that co-sleeping is okay. with my first child i felt immense pressure to stop sharring the same bed. at 9 months i started that battle with the comforting every 5 min. i ended up keeping it up for about a year until we got him a bed. i can now say that that was stupid and i haven't done it with my other 2. i plan on buying the book that you reccomended. thank you for giving other moms the courage to do what they know is right.

Amber - posted on 02/04/2010

Noreen- I dont think an infant is capable of a higher cognitive thought such as resentment. I dont necessarily believe in crying it out but not because my daughter will resent me but because her only communication is crying and at this age she is incapable of manipulation for attention.

Renai- This is what I do the 3 b's: Bath, Bottle, Bed.
I give my daughter her a bath, and then a bottle, then I swaddle her loosely in a recieving blanket, give her a pacifier. And rock her until she is almost all the way asleep. I gently put her in the crib and rub her back. If she whines a little, i just "SHHHS" and keep rubbing her back. I slowly walk away. If she cries i go back rub her back reassure her and do this until she falls asleep. Sometimes i rub for two seconds and other nights it is an hour. But my daughter doesnt cry it out, thats my opinion. Try what works for you guys.
My daughter NEVER slept in my bed either. Thats also my personal beliefs, plus I am afraid of crushing her.

Noreen - posted on 02/04/2010

I really hate to seem mean. And I'm really not trying to but....

Chantale- The reason why your baby cries as soon as you get close to the crib is because he is afraid and knows that he is about to be left alone unattended to. Try putting yourself in his shoes. Babies need comfort. If you force something on them, they will resent it and you will have bigger issues later on. For instance, he may go through some major seperation anxiety and be extremly clingy and whinny during the day when he's a little older. Or he may go the opposite way and become detached and not be able to socialize properly in school or have stable relationships.

Noreen - posted on 02/04/2010

You should NEVER let a baby cry it out under 6 or 9 months!!!!! It is not safe at all and can cause bigger problems down the road.

If you want a gentle way of getting your baby sleeping in his crib, I suggest reading the "NO Cry Sleep Solution" book by Elisabeth Pantly.

Is there a reason why you don't want him in bed with you anymore?? Just curious. Nothing wrong with not wanting him there. I only ask because with my first child, I thought I was doing something wrong by letting my baby sleep with me. When in reality, it wasn't wrong, but perfectly fine. He is now 5 and has slept in his own bed for the last 4yrs on his own with out any problems, or tears! The same goes for my 3.5yr old. He has been sleeping soundly in his own bed for 2.5yrs on his own tear free and problem free!! I'm only telling you about them because a lot of people will say, "If you don't break it now, you'll have your child in bed with you until they are 12" Which isn't true. Good luck!

Chantale - posted on 02/04/2010

Sarah is right, it will not be easy. But you have to try different ways, cause every baby is different. My little guy has gone through stages from screaming to not crying at all. Right now, he cries as soon as i get near the crib!! So what i have been doing is putting him down wide awake but sleepy (after his bathtime, feed routine at 7pm), and i keep my hand under his head so he knows im still near him. Once he has calmed down i take my hand away and say "Shhhh, go to sleep", untill he drifts away. If he whines after an hour (which mine does), ill let him cry for a few min so he learns to fall back asleep himself. If the whining has turned to screaming (judge based on your baby, mine whines and babbles to himself), Ill go into his room and put my hand unde his head give him a soother if he needs it. And so goes the routine. You can let him cry for a few min, It is hard though. But pick a routine and stick to it for a week or two it takes them time to learn how to fall asleep on their own. Thats the only thing that has worked for me so far, and ive done this one for a few nights and it has gotten better.

Sarah - posted on 02/04/2010

That is a hard habbit to break. All you can do is let him cry. then after 5 minutes go reassure him that its okay, put his nuk in his mouth then leave the room. Do that until he falls asleep. It may take a while and its hard to let him scream but that is the only way to break him of the habbit. Best of luck to you