Intimacy after baby

Stephanie - posted on 12/17/2009 ( 16 moms have responded )

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Is anyone besides me having libido problems? My son is 3 months old and I have yet to find my libido. My husband is trying hard to be patient. I don't know what to do. It's causing friction in our relationship. I am just exhausted from breast feeding, maintaining the house, and such. Any suggestions?

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Jaime - posted on 12/23/2009

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Yes, believe me you are not alone!!! I stay home with the baby and my husband works and I'm completely exhausted for all the same reasons. It's hard work being a mom-our jobs don't end at 5:00. My husband has been very persistant with me which used to annoy the heck out of me, but I've come to accept sex again little by little. Believe me, i'd rather sleep or shower but it's important to bring it back into your relationship. It really helped mine-we were really struggling for a while. I found that the more I gave in, the more he backed off-especially on days I tell him I'm just too tired, he's much more understanding. I also found the more I do it, the more I want to. It's refreshing to feel like you're slowly becoming your own person again. It's so hard to take that first step, but the more you put yourself out there (even if you don't want to) the more normal you will begin to feel. Remember, there was a time before baby this was actually fun and not a chore. You will get back to that, just take your time and compromise. Hope this helps.

Sanri - posted on 12/23/2009

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I am feeling the same. Waking up 3 times at night for feeds while hubby snores away doesn't help, At about 8 weeks after the C/section we tried, but I was still sore. After that it went better each time. It almost felt like losing my virginity all over again. We used a lot of KY Jelly and took it slowly. I have decided to make a mindshift and to went along with it even if I'm not in the mood. Something just kicks in when we start. It is worth the effort.

Teresa - posted on 12/22/2009

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I am right there with you! My daughter was born on September 15th and I have absolutely no urge for it and since our daughter was not "planned", my husband is almost scared to touch me, too! I have a horrible body image because my doctor put me on the depo shot and in addition to having extra weight after having the baby, I gained weight because of this shot! I am sure it will get better, but it is a little frustrating.

Tara - posted on 12/21/2009

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I was so disgusted with my extra skin, I would cry when my husband used to look at me naked. I had twin girls at 37 weeks and had a huge belly. I am quite busy taking care of the house and breastfeeding, so I am exhausted at night. I am lucky he is off work helping though. Even when I am in the mood for sex the thought of my post pregnant body turns me off. I am greatful he is so patient and loving and full of compliments. Best of luck to you and everyone else.

[deleted account]

Quoting Stephanie:

Intimacy after baby

Is anyone besides me having libido problems? My son is 3 months old and I have yet to find my libido. My husband is trying hard to be patient. I don't know what to do. It's causing friction in our relationship. I am just exhausted from breast feeding, maintaining the house, and such. Any suggestions?


I feel the same i have yet to find any solutions. my daughter just turned 3 months old and have no sex drive what so ever i didnt during the pregnancy either my doct says its just hormonal and it should work its way out but im not sure about that i know this didnt help but i have the same issue

Christine - posted on 12/20/2009

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my husband and i have only done it once. and my son was born on sept. 18th. in a way i feel bad, but at the same time, i pushed his child out of my vagina, if i dont want to have sex for a few months, i think that should be perfectly okay. plus i was on an anti depressant, so i think that has contributed. i am also breastfeeding, maintaining the house etc. i told my husband, if you give me romance, ill give you sex. his response was being too busy, and i said well in that case im too busy as well. thats is what i would sugest to any woman, tell your husband you need a little romance to get you in the mood, a massage, flowers, anything!

Tonya - posted on 12/20/2009

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I know what you mean I did not want it either but it is something that happens. Try pretending you are dating again and do the things you did when you dated that lead up to what happens under the sheets I bet in given time the spark will fly and the problem will resolve itself. Heck try taking a shower together when the baby is asleep. Start slow and go with the flow.

Sharee - posted on 12/20/2009

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My bub is 14 weeks old and I'm exactly the same..must be normal I suppose. My poor husband is finding it difficult and I find him looking for me even in his sleep haha hopefully the urge comes back soon. atm its the last thing I want to do!

Steph - posted on 12/19/2009

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my partner and i had to wait 6 wks but its been on since then...i always think if im in the mood and hes not well he still gives it to me lol so i give it to him even when im not in the mood. but honestly it may bring u both closer together again it is just the most intimate u can get with each other. and look wat it produced a beautiful baby its a beautiful thing, why stop. i find it brings us so close, its our time together to show each other how much we still love each other as the days r so busy with new bub and changes. hope u get ur labido back real soon =) good luck

Danika - posted on 12/19/2009

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I totally understand. I'm still not interested 15 weeks after my daughters birth. I think I'm just too tired, and focused on the baby. I hate the distance I feel from my husband, but he is being as understanding as he can be.

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I feel like the oddball now. Geez...is there something wrong with me that I just can't get enough of it???? My doctor put me on bed rest 8wks before i had my son and she said no sex...so those 8 weeks plus the 6 weeks and another 2 because i was still bleeding...guess i'm just trying to make up for lost time. lol....we just find the time for each other too. Even if its in the middle of the day when the baby takes a long nap...we take advantage of it.

Ashley - posted on 12/19/2009

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I have the same problem and I guess it is normal. Sex is probably the last thing on my mind.

Alisa - posted on 12/18/2009

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i still dont have mine back, doesnt help that im still bleeding 3 months later which ive talked to my dr and they said just keep taking my birth control but i know my husband is frustrated just as i am.

Larissa - posted on 12/18/2009

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I'm right there with you!! My husband is doing a pretty ok job not getting frustrated (or I mean not showing it) after we had a talk about it. My son is 3 months old and for awhile it seemed like no matter what he was doin whenever my hub and i would even just kiss my son would cry. i guess my son doesnt want a little brother or sister haha. also my "down there" still hurts when we try to do it. even with lube. so we have only done it 3 times since the baby, and we used to do it everyday before baby came. stay patient, i think right now our mothering instincts are causing us to focus on caring for a baby and keepin a neat and tidy nest instead of sex.

[deleted account]

Stephanie I wish I could help. My son is also 3 months old. At first I didn't have in me to do anything. After having a csection I was too sore after my 6wks. My body looked different ....I wasn't comfortable with myself. I also decided to quit my job and become a stay at home mom. I didn't realize how hard that was. I was more tired also. Just be patient. My libido is back in overdrive. I'm trying to make up for lost time and he's just trying keep up with me. I wish you the best and hope things get back to normal for you.

Fiona - posted on 12/18/2009

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Hi,



I know how you feel, my on is 3 months old too and i am just not interested at the moment.



My partner too is frustrated but i just not interested. I spoke to the Doctor and he advised it may be due to so much on my plate at the moment, he stated that it can take many months before we get out libido back.



I started making my partner help around the house etc and it has helped a little bit not being s exhausted but it still seems to take time.



I have just been trying to give my partner lots of hugs etc just so he knows i still care, until i feel more normal again.



Hope i can be of help,

Fiona

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