Is it bad to not let family babysit

Amy - posted on 04/13/2010 ( 13 moms have responded )

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we are planning to go back home to missouri from florida in like october. every time i talk to my mom she is always YELLING at my neices. not just getting onto them but yelling and cursing at them. Just a minute ago I was talking to my mom while she was babysitting my 1.5 yr old neice. she started yelling at her for playing in the toilet! she said "God d@#n Madison get your @$$ out of the bathroom. how many times do you have to get your @$$ busted before you learn?" this makes me so angry when she does that. There shouldnt be a way for Madison to get into the bathroom but my mom says well i dont have time to stand and watch her every move. also my mom and dad curse like crazy about everything. their house is so old and its not the cool rustic look. the tile floors are coming up in the kitchen so bad that if you dont wear shoes it hurts to step on because of the pointy edges. they also smoke like a freight train and dont care if it bothers anyone. my neice who is turning 4 in june has some sort of breathing problem and the smoke sees to bother her. the more she is there around the smoke the worse the problem gets. my neice always has a stuffed up nose and i think its because of the smoke. and my brother and sister in law want to babysit so we can have a date night but my sister just went to their house and told me they have black moldy looking stuff all in there bath tub and ALL of the dishes were dirty to the point my siste in law and the 1.5 and 4 yr old were standing at the stove eating out of the pans. Also my 4 yr old neice gota really bad burn on her hand by a pellet stove. my brother said well i told her to not touch it! is it bad that i dont even want to make the 17 hour drive to see them because i dont want to argue about it?

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Amy - posted on 04/14/2010

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oh and my husband has been on 1 6 month deployment from jan to july then he left last week for the 2nd 6 month deployment and wants to see everyone he hasnt seen since 2 christmases ago

Amy - posted on 04/14/2010

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yes we have to go back to visit. all of our family is there. and my brother in law was just told that he doesnt have long to live and he can not come here because it is to hor for him and he has seizures. and my family does not have the money to pack their bags and come visit. so its way cheaper for us to make thei drive which i have made 3 times in 6 months. 2 times was with a uhaul. 2 times with a puppy which will be going to and 1 time with my nephew (9) who urinated ALL over my front seat because he has bladder issues and fell asleep n didnt realize he wet himself till hours later! argh i was so angry. plane tickets are about 125 one way to come here so for my family to visit it would take winning the lottery to afford it lol.

Jamie - posted on 04/14/2010

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Ummmm...do you HAVE to go back to visit at ALL???? These do not seem like people I would ever let my child around! Smoking around the children and in the house is the #1 reason why your niece is sick all the time! Explain to them that you cannot make the drive with a small child, they will have to come visit you. Then lay down some serious ground rules and ask them to leave if they violate them. Your child is your responsibility to protect mentally, emotionally, and physically; who knows what damage could be done by just one incident of screaming/cursing/burning, etc????? Just come visit me if you a place to hide ^_^ YIKES, I am seriously praying for you guys right now!

[deleted account]

Dealing with family def is not easy! It sounds like you have very good reasons for not wanting to leave your baby with family members. My husband also just got back from a deployment and all the grandparents have been calling saying they are going to take the babies(I have twins) for a weekend so we can get away. Now, I don't have the issues (smoking, curising, etc.) that you do, I trust that they would be in good care, but for me it just comes down to the fact that I'm not ready to leave them for more than a couple of hours and def not overnight. It was difficult at first, because I didn't want to hurt anyone's feeling but I just had to explain to them it it was too soon for me. So if you want to visit family you could, just let them know that you are not ready to leave your baby with anyone yet while you are there. And if you just want to get away with your husband take the baby with you. That's what my husband and I ended up doing...we are making a family vacation out of his time off. Good Luck!

Allison - posted on 04/14/2010

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nope. i know exactly where you're coming from. I live in Holland and the rest of my family is back in canada. I wouldn't use them for babysitters. There may be a few exceptions but on the most part no no no. Nor do i use family here. I hire a babysitter if i want to take my darlin man out on a date. This way you're impartial. You pay a babysitter and set the rules. No smoking no drinking no staying up past bedtime fuckin done. With family it always seems to get fucked up. Someones feelings get hurt and bla bla bla the list goes on.

Stick to your guns

Amy - posted on 04/13/2010

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thats the feeling i have jessica. my husband is on deployment and i have only 2 friends here. 1 has a baby whois 3 months older then mine and she isnt allowed to babysit after dark according to her husband because that is family time and the other has 3 kids under 4 and babysits a girl 3 days younger then mine so she is pretty busy so i usually dont use a sitter. i just take her with me lol

Jessica - posted on 04/13/2010

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if you do not like the way your mother treats other children, then you certainly shouldn't allow her to watch your child. if she doesn't like it, oh well... tough!! your child, your choice. i don't trust most of my family to watch lulu. the only person who does watch her other than me is her father. that's it!

Amy - posted on 04/13/2010

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thanks ladies for the input. i just get so mad when my mom yells at them for stuff she can control but wont. she worries to much about my dad and thathe has what he needs. because he has her wraped around his pinky and does nothing for himself . so every minute of her day is focused on him and nothing is focused on babysitting. and just a minute ago she called and was trying to convince me to come home in 3 weeks even tho we dont have the money. her excuse is well you can babysit while you are here to get the money to make it back home! wtc she offered for me to babysit a family down the road who has 8 kids!

Shelby - posted on 04/13/2010

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I feel you. We live close to many family members. There are several that we do not let watch our daughter. And others we only let watch if they are at our house. As for the smoking, we do not let people who smoke even hold our daughter unless that have showered including hair washing and changed clothes. This is because of third hand smoke. Also, smoke in the air can give kids asthma.

Chelsey - posted on 04/13/2010

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no way! it is your child and God gave it to you to raise. do what you think is right for your child! You will know, its called motherly instinct:)

Theresa - posted on 04/13/2010

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I'm sure you love your family but that doesn't mean you have to leave your daughter with them. I think your concerns are very well founded. You don't have to feel pressured to leave your daughter in a potentially unsafe situation just because they're family. It doesn't mean you love your family any less.

Amy - posted on 04/13/2010

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the reason i am trying to decide to go or not now is because my husband is on deployment and we have to figure out if he wants to take leave or not because it would be the day he gets back that we would leave. and there have been many arguements between me and my mother about all of these things and just wondering if I am wrong or if there is a better way to tell her i dont want my daughter to constantly be getting cursed at, dirty, hurt and have black lungs from second hand smoke.

Tania - posted on 04/13/2010

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I think that you have to do what you feel is right for you and your family. If you don't feel that it's a safe environment for your daughter, then you're probably right. I don't think you should compromise how you feel because you're worried about hurting someone else's feelings. If the shoe was on the other foot, and your house was in either of those states, I wonder if they would be so willing to bring children into it. It's only April and you're already anxious about October. That's not good for you or your little one because they feed off how we feel. If you really feel THAT strongly about not taking her there, then you have two options. Either you invite your family to see you instead, or you just put your foot down and decide not to go. I'm sorry that you're put in that situation. I hope that things manage to figure themselves out for you.

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