Let Him Cry??

Diana - posted on 08/02/2010

Sometimes our 10 month old just needs a few minutes to cry it in her bed with some music on but if i do that i usually try to stay in her room so she can see me but not really talk to or play with her to let her know the fits she has started aren't the best for attention. She will stand up and I will lay her back down, cover her up and rub her belly for a minute and she will stay sometimes and other times get back up but then I wait a few minutes and try it again. A lot of other night's though it works to just catch her before she gets too tired or read a few pages of a storybook while she is sitting and playing to relax her and then i put the music on and leave the room. About half the time she wakes up to feed in the night and then I usually let her stay in our bed for the rest of the night.

Heather - posted on 07/27/2010

I REFUSED to let my older son (now 12) cry himself to sleep. I ended up with a child who didn't want to go to bed alone until he was 8. I let my 10 month old son cry and now he'll go to bed practically on his own. I did the method of letting him cry a little longer each time and eventually he stopped. He now sleeps from 9 pm to almost 9 am; maybe waking up once for a little formula and right back to sleep.

Danielle - posted on 07/27/2010

I have the same problem. Caleb used to always sleep through the night and for the past couple of months he's been waking up. I can tell by his cry if he's going to put himself back to sleep or not. I've tried to let him cry, but I work FT so if I want any sleep, I have to help him back to sleep. Occassionaly I have brought him into bed with me, and he instantly goes back to sleep, however, I don't want to get in the habit of doing that b/c in the long run it's worse and I don't sleep as good with him in bed. I always say on the weekends I am going to try the CIO method, but it never fails... on the weekends he sleeps all night.. go figure.

Daisy - posted on 07/22/2010

My son Gabriel is 10 months and since he was 9 months he started not wanting to be left alone in his crib to sleep or nap, i would have to rock him to sleep. Well he's teething super hard now since he still has no teeth so i know that's part of it and i did mention it to his pediatrician and she told me that starting at 9 months to 12 months they go through what is called the "9 awakenings"...Basically, if they slept good up until the 9 or 10 month mark, they will now start waking up or not wanting to sleep or crying alot and it's because they are going through major milestones from crawling to walking in some cases and throw in there the teething aspect. Basically she told me patience and tylenol or Motrin if that's the case and as far as the CIO, i have to say it all depends on you as a parent and your child. CIO is not for everyone and my son Gabriel definitely does not go well with CIO because he is stubborn. I did do it because i know nothing will happen to him, he will just be upset but instead of calming him to the point of falling asleep it gets him worse and i will not do that to him. So thankfully we are having much better nights but he's been teething super hard these past two weeks so i give him motrin at night only, during the day he is better. I simply rock him to sleep by 8pm, put him to bed and yes he will get up in the middle of the night for his pacy but once it's in his mouth he will continue sleeping until 5:30 or 6am, yes that's a whole other issue lol but i am happy he sleeps. Naps is also a different story...Just be patient because i have a feeling that by 12 months your baby will be just fine...

Jennifer - posted on 07/22/2010

Our doctor told us to let our daughter cry. 5 mins, the 10 the next, then 15 and so on. We did that and it does work. You have to be strong. As long as it's not a "I'm in pain " cry or they are sick. It's been 4 days and last night I put her in her crib , she woke up, stRted to cry. I told her good night and I love you, by the time I went down 2 steps, she was out, . She sleep 10 hours straight for the last few nights.

Jessica - posted on 07/22/2010

I let my son cry when he was like 2 months old and it worked for me. I would go and check on him if he would just keep crying. Check his butt and give him his paci and what not. He has been sleeping all night since I let him cry. He still takes 2-3 hour naps. Its real hard but sometimes you just have to let him cry.

Krista - posted on 07/22/2010

I know its so hard to hear but if he is fed and has a dry diaper and is tired then he will go to sleep. What we used to do with my daughter was let her cry ten minutes then go into her room leaving the lights off, we wouldn't pick her up but we would rub her back,sing to her and put her mobile back on. After the one time going into her room she would cry for another five minutes or so and then go to sleep. I think once they learn that you're not going to take them out of their crib when they cry they start to go to sleep sooner. Now Ava will cry for maybe a min or two if at all and go to sleep. I think its really important to give them the opportunity to go to sleep on their own. Another suggestion I've read that works well is to sit in their room while they settle themselves to sleep and each day move the chair closer and closer to the door until you're no longer in the room at all. I know its so hard but its well worth it. Ava sleeps straight through the night now and we're all a little more well rested and happier now because of it. Your son is ten months, not a little baby anymore so don't feel that you're being cruel. People don't give babies enough credit for how aware they are. He knows crying will get what he wants and thats why he's doing it. Its difficult tho so good luck!

Eliza - posted on 07/22/2010

First, if he's that tired you might try putting him down earlier. They say that an overtired baby will have a harder time falling asleep and staying asleep. A consistent bedtime routine might also help. In addition, something to help soothe himself might not be a bad idea. It could be a little blankie or, like my daughter, a glow seahorse that plays music (she LOVES it, won't sleep without it, we even have a back up in her closet ready to go incase something happens to it).

Second, if you are comfortable with crying it out then you might give it a try. Weissbluth and Ferber both have great books that not only provide suggestions on helping teach your child to fall asleep on their own but wonderful information on baby sleep in general. I learned a lot from both books. We did a modified version and now our daughter goes down at night without a sound. She rolls over and cuddles up to her seahorse and fall asleep quietly. It was tough at first but so worth it. She is such a happy, well rested baby now!

Kari-Anne - posted on 07/21/2010

I have twinboys, 10 months old. We do the same things every night, feeding them, take them to the bath etc etc. Don't let him cry for a longer period, just leave him for a couple of minutes, alk into the room, just let him know that you haven't left him. Repeat that until he falls asleep - wait just two or three minutes longer for each evening. I've done this with all my four kids, and it worked. It took 2-4 days with them. Good luck - I know it's a battle, and that it hurts - but he'll love you :))))

Babz - posted on 07/21/2010

my son jake is 10months tomorrow, n he used to go down striaght away no fuss, but not lately, i let him cry for about 10mins, then go back up to him and lay him down again and i keep doing this n he eventually goes to sleep. now he only has one nap a day n goes down to bed at 7 every night no fuss at all after doing this for a few night..i would never let them out of the cot and defo not put them in the bed with me no wonder the child is playing up at bed time if you do this they end up knowing that if they keep it up long enough you are going to end up picking them up and giving them what they want. i know it is hard to listen to them crying doing this but believe me it work eventually dont give in be as strong willed as they are.

Andrea - posted on 07/21/2010

i had the same problem with my son when he was a few months younger; i let him cry and he cried for about 30 min to a hour and now i just put him in his crib and he doesnt fuss about it' quick question do yu have a routine for going to bed? I do and it helps out alot, he takes a bottle before i put him to sleep then i turn on his night light and his CD of relaxing music, and turn on his little cow that sings the lullaby tune and he goes stright to sleep try starting a bed time routine and it could help alot

Jessi - posted on 07/21/2010

I don't believe in the cry it out stuff. I believe babies cry for a reason, whatever it is. It sounds like baby is over tired. Either needs another nap or an earlier bedtime. I follow my baby's signals. He goes to bed anywhere from 7 to as late as 8:30. With my first, she went to bed much later than he does and we had to do a bedtime routine with her to know to go to sleep. And when he starts pushing his bedtime back, we'll start a routine to get him in bed. With my first, the routine was bath (or lotion), book (or bottle) and then bed, it was always three b's. Good Luck. And give anything you try at least two weeks, if you give up too quickly, you won't succeed. I heard it takes at least 14 days to create a habit.

Katie Ryan - posted on 07/20/2010

i cannot praise the use of the night-time routine. my older son (will be 3 in october) had the super spa treatment... bath, baby massage with lights dimmed and lullabies playing, soothing bedtime with a bottle and a different lullaby CD that we brought with us wherever we went... along comes baby #2. still the basic bath bottle bed deal, but after bath is a good 10 minutes of playtime just to give me time to get the PJs on the older one, and the snack ready for him... the only thing that will keep my little one wanting to stay awake is if the TV comes on before he goes to bed... but he still fights the bedtime bottle,and will snuggle with his Taggie (cannot recommend these enough!) but then will ALWAYS cry... will give him pacifier at 7-8 minute intervals, and some nights i don't even have to do it at all - and never more than once! good luck! you WILL hear all different opinions on CIO, but bottom line is - do what works for you :) good luck!

Cindy - posted on 07/20/2010

Thats what I do! When my daughter gets to that stage were I know she is dry and fed and she still won't go to sleep, I put her in her crib with her mobile on and shut the door!

Chasity - posted on 07/20/2010

My lil girl was doing this to so about 2 weeks ago my friend just said laet her cry and i said it would be hard but i had to do it, so i put her to bed at 9:30 and the first night she cried for about 25mins then the next night like 10mins and now she will maybe cry and if she does its for only like 5 mins at the most..and then she is out till about 6:30-8:00 am and when i talk to ppl about it they say the same i know a guy whos lil girl is 3 and still sleeps in bed with them cuz they let her and now he is on his 2nd child and they let her cry he says he wishes he could change how he did his first.

Heather - posted on 07/20/2010

I know, different strokes for different folks, but... babies this age cry because they want something - food, drink, to be burped or changed, or for some cuddle time/reassurance. I really don't believe they are testing us at this tender age. Once they reach two, perhaps, but not quite yet. I really believe we should treat babies like we'd like to be treated and I think most of us would like to be comforted in our times of need. Just my two cents!

Gretch - posted on 07/20/2010

He is just testing your response to his crying; and you responded exactly the way he wanted you to. What I do with my son I let him cry,before I put him to I make sure that his diaper has been changed ate his last bottle, made sure I took away anything from his crib; let him cry until he falls asleep. The first couples days were tough,but now he got the message. I put to bed, sing for him and he falls asleep.

Heather - posted on 07/20/2010

My 10 month old gets like that too. I think - for her - it's that I put her down too late. I've recently tried putting her down a bit earlier and it seems to be working. I hope it's as easy a solution for you! I can't let mine cry it out either, but luckily if she gets that wired, she'll let me rock her and sing her to sleep. Not a fan of rocking all the time, but it's a much more peaceful way to get her down when she's past her limit (for me and her!). Good luck!

Marjorie - posted on 07/19/2010

A happy mother makes a happy baby....if I am burnt out how can I take care of my baby to the best of my ability? It sounds mean to do it but it works and I am a mother of 5. If a pediatrician is saying that it's ok than why should I not try it out.

Becki - posted on 07/19/2010

mine was up till last week i laid her dwn in her cot n she just cryed so i left her while i went n steralised her bottles went bk up laid her dwn n if she started cryin again i leave her for a further 5-10mins then i go back n lay her dwn she usually will go sleep at this point or just lay there so i sing nursery rhymes to her (hush lil baby the most) quietly n in time she falls asleep but i cant leave her room untill she fully asleep or she start crying again ......... hope this helps x

Jennifer - posted on 07/19/2010

There is a lot of conflicting advice out in the world and I think you're getting a lot of good ideas here. I'll just add that I absolutely loved Dr. Richard Ferber's book (Solve your Child's sleep problems) At 7 months when Nicholas wasn't sleeping through the night I decided I needed to do something. I got it at the library so it didn't even cost me anything and read it after he went to bed. When he woke up I went in to his room (as the book guided) but didn't pick him up, just assured him he was okay and told him to go to sleep. I then left. I did this again after 5 minutes then after 10 and kept going in every 10 until his crying got to be sleepy crying. This took about 45 minutes. The 2nd night it took 20 minutes and he's been sleeping through the night ever since.

Allison - posted on 07/19/2010

OH i feel like it's worth mentioning that my girl is the same age as your son and she's been sleeping through the night since she was about 7 weeks old. Oh and she's my third child. So i'm not just talking out my ass here.

Allison - posted on 07/19/2010

Sounds cruel, but in a situation like that it is better to let him cry. You know he's safe, in his crib. You know he's tired. He will fall asleep. I promise. I have to do this with my daughter on occaision. They sometimes just get out of sorts and when nothing you can do it good, it's best instead to do nothing. If you have tended to all of his needs and he still cries, he's just tired, over tired and miserable. Letting him cry won't hurt. . .

Crystal - posted on 07/19/2010

I've been using the book 'Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child' by Dr. Marc Weissbluth, M.D. and he has lots of information and suggestions on how to help your baby to get the rest they need from a newborn to adolescence. I REALLY recommend getting a book, (or a few) like this to try things out. As a first time parent everything I've read in here has been right on with my daughter as far as behavior and timing. This book has been a lifesaver for me and I also have something professional to back up what I'm doing (when the DH thinks it should be done differently, lol). Seriously, this book is amazing! My daughter is still not sleeping through the night, but we hardly have any fussing when it's time for bed anymore, which I LOVE!

Ashley - posted on 07/19/2010

I started letting my son cry it out when he was about 6 months old. My dr explained that sometimes that is the only way for them to burn off the extra energy and actually sleep well. I would let him go for about 10 minutes, then i would go in and rub him and talk to him in a soothing voice but never actually pick him up out of the crib. It was hard at first... we would go through that several times in a night sometimes, but now he is a great self soother. He sleeps in his crib in his room by him self through the night for almost 12 hours. Not easy in the beginning, mostly for me, but it has so paid off in the end. Now we have our routine at bedtime the same time every night. He may be wide eyed when i put him down, but with in 10 minutes he is sound asleep. the best part is, now when he wakes in the morning he is so comfy in his crib that he will just stay in there and play and babble for 30-45 min. I will just sit at the kitchen table listening to him on the baby monitor and go get him when he starts getting really active (usually when he is laughing and shaking his crib haha) I bought some of these stuffed animals that you can tie to the crib and he can pull on and they play lullabies he LOVES them!! Good Luck!!

Carly - posted on 07/18/2010

I left my son in his crib and let him cry it out. I went in at five mins and just patted him and comforted him and then left went in ten mins later and so on adding five minutes each time. It took a few days but eventually it worked. Now I place him in his crib at 8 and he goes to sleep himself. He sleeps through the night and wakes up at 7:30 in the morning. Life is better for both of us!

Kendra - posted on 07/18/2010

I completely disagree with CIO of any kind in which the crying lasts longer than about 30sec! Sustained, unattended crying lasting longer than 5 minutes deprives the brain of oxygen and can lead to brain damage. If he is so tired, I would try getting him down for bed earlier. Put him down at his earliest signs of tiredness.

Marjorie - posted on 07/17/2010

I went through the same thing with my 10 month old Justice and her pediatrician is the one that told me to let her cry, she will eventually get over it, it was hard at first but she did get over it.

Victoria - posted on 07/16/2010

I have the same problem now with our 10 month old. He will be supper tired and fall asleep in my arms. I will put him in his crib and he will wake's up and cries his eyes out. Sometime I will let him cry it out and he'll fall asleep. Other times he will wail non stop. (you know that cry that cuts you to your soul) Those time's i will go and get him. Those times i'll hold and rock him and wait 10mintues to make sure he's asleep. Other times i'll let him play for a while to get out that extra energy and start the nite nite process again. I am personally against co-bed sharing when your no longer breastfeeding. I think it creates more problems in the future and it become's harder to get them in there own bed. I know one women that co-shared for 5 yrs, another 2yrs and both told me that they wish they would of just let there baby cry it out when they were little.

Jodi - posted on 07/15/2010

Totally agree with PP Jutine the book "Save our Sleep" by Tizzie Hall is amazing and I have gotten my daughter in a great routine and she sleeps 7pm to 7am and I rarely have any protesting when I put her down, I just put her in her sleeping bag and place her in her cot awake with her comfort blanket and walk out she just goes straight to sleep.

Justine - posted on 07/14/2010

My baby sleeps 6.30 pm until 7am. The best thing I ever did for her was to let her self settle it was very heart breaking br within a week she was sleeping 12 hours. I used a book called save our sleep by tizzy hall and I highly recomend this to anyone that Is having trouble a know about 4 other mums that have used the same book and they also get 12 hours a night and two day sleeps. I think if your baby is getting upset and crying at bed time most nights and can't self settle ten a weeks worth of hard work and heartbreak has got to be better than a lifetime of sleep problems and an overtired bubbah! In my case my bubbah wouldn't let me rock her to sleep ever we woul spend hours walking around with her singing everything until she was four months and I used this book! This may not be right for u but it was for us goodluck!

Renee - posted on 07/13/2010

Wow, so many idea's and here's another one he he :) Personally I don't like letting my boy cry. If he's having a whinge that's fine. He doesn't usually cry unless there's a reason. Has your boy started teething yet? If he has no teeth yet that might be what's up. If you can try giving him to someone else for a cuddle. Someone calm :)

Good Luck, I hope it get easier for you :) xx

Tammy - posted on 07/13/2010

My 10 month old daughter slept great up til 6 months old and now hates to sleep through the night. A lot of people told me to try the CIO method and against my better judgment I did it. She cried harder than I ever heard her for 2 hours and 36 mins. I checked on her every 5-7 mins but gave up. Since then I can no longer get her to go in her crib at all. Before CIO she would take her naps in her crib but wouldn't stay there through the night now I can't even get her to nap there she has almost like panic attacks. She cries her heart out, holds her breath and shakes like shes scared or cold but shes not cold. So my advice is listen to your heart and try what u think will work for you. I just read a book on sleeping habits and it basically told me my daughter has separation anxiety and is now afraid of her crib because she associates it with me not coming to get her if she needs me when she is in it. Needless to say no more trying CIO for me. Right now she sleeps with us and although I'm terrified she will fall off the bed or her dad will roll on her at least she sleeps. My next thing to try is taking off her crib rail and attaching it to our bed and seeing if she can eventually get back to sleeping in her crib in her own room. Wish me luck!! and Good luck to you!

Julia - posted on 07/13/2010

Precious,
It's great that your method works for you and your husband but I would not have the time to lie there with my baby for 1 1/2 hours before putting her in the crib. I also have a 4 year old that needs attention as well and I will be returning to work in September which means preparing lunches for the following day. I prefer my kids to go to bed and soothe themselves so my hubby and I can have a bit of time to ourselves. Everyone has what works for them I guess. My 9 1/2 month old goes to bed about 7-7:30pm on her own and sleeps until about 7-7:30am and rarely wakes through the night.

Amanda - posted on 07/13/2010

let him cry... at 6 months for both of my sons i let them cry it out for up to an hour and after a few nights it gets down to a half hour, 15 min etc.... my 10 month old cries no more at bedtime and sleeps through the night.

Julienne - posted on 07/13/2010

you need to think about why they are crying at night when you are putting him to sleep for the night. If you believe it's because they just don't want to sleep and is being stubborn then maybe crying is the best option, however if you believe it's because they need something isn't it better you "fix" the problem rather than letting them cry over it. isn't that our job as parents.

We should you teach them all the skills to self soothe and then fix the problems when they occur. My little one only cries going to bed if she wants a nappy change, sore ears, still hungry or in pain... I definately wouldn't let someone who could talk go to bed with those problems so i'm not going to do it to my daughter when she can't talk she can only cry

Precious - posted on 07/11/2010

at about 7:30 me, my husband and my baby just stay in one bed, we played with him until 8:30. 8:30 we just watch him (still in one bed) just play with himself and let him be. 9pm he goes to sleep and thats the time that we put him to his crib. He is asleep 9-5 am and wakes up just once for feeding, This is just me though, dont know if this will work for you.

Julia - posted on 07/10/2010

I don't agree with the co-sleeping, I think a baby needs to be able to self soothe as well and not depend on someone to lie next to them every night. Just my opinion though.

Julia - posted on 07/10/2010

I say let him cry it out but it wouldn't hurt to check on him every 10-15 minutes if he continues to cry. The first night it may take him a bit to fall asleep but it will pay off, after a few nights I wouldn't be surprised if he went to bed without much fuss. My daughter went through a stage of not wanting to go down and I let her cry it out. The first night or two she cried for a while but by the third night no problem. A bit of crying is not going to hurt a baby as long as you know nothing else is wrong with them other then not wanting to go to bed.

Teresa - posted on 07/09/2010

I like your post Emma, I think at 10 months they should be able to self soothe just fine. I just would disagree with an infant below six months :).

Emma - posted on 07/09/2010

I had the same problem with my son, who will be 10mths next week. It took alot of hard work, i would put him down and he would scream, i'd wait 20 - 30 mins then go lie him back down give him his dummy, there would be no fuss or eye contact, we would carry on this for 2+ hrs then he would finely go sleep. Now i can put him in his cot at nap and night time, he'll be wide awake, i can leave the room and he'll go to sleep by himself. I appriciate not everyone will agree with this approach, it may seem rather harsh, but it worked for us. I think you know your own baby and what he / she and yourself can tolerate. Good luck.

Teresa - posted on 07/09/2010

Co-sleeping might not work with all babies. James isn't albe to fall asleep in the same room with us! I can't sleep even when he has a bad night because I worry about daddy rolling over and if he isn't in the middle, I worry about him falling off. Each baby is different and I hope you find your way of handling, maybe try bringing his bed time up maybe half an hour? If he doesn't get so tired, maybe then he will be able to go to sleep. (sorry can't remember if the initial post was for a boy or girl so I apologize :).

Jessica - posted on 07/09/2010

Did you ever consider co-sleeping? My son goes right to sleep snuggled next to me. We tried the crib in the beginning but he didnt like it so I didnt feel right letting him cry

Teresa - posted on 07/09/2010

James' dr suggested adding five minutes to the crying time every night. With James, we let him play until his bedtime (8pm) then we change him, we give him kisses, a story, lay him down give him his paci and his bear. He will sometimes complain but never gives us any issues. He usually does well and sleeps until 6 the next morning. I hope you find something that will work. I think them crying is harder on the parent then it is the child at this age. I have read that CIO shouldn't be used on babies less then six months of age but they are at the age now where they should learn to self soothe...we usually go in after 10 minutes if he is crying bloody murder and rock him just to calm him. One time, I even went to put his clothes up ...didn't pick him up but my presence calmed him enough for him to go to sleep.

Lisa - posted on 07/08/2010

I struggle with this too, but what I heard from an expert is to let him cry as long as it takes. You may be in for some hard nights, but it will be worth it. Just check on him every 5, 10, 20 minutes to make sure he's safe.

Bridget - posted on 07/08/2010

Does your son have anything he uses to soothe himself? We had to do cry it out stuff with my daughter. It was heartbreaking for me! I hated every minute of it, and it was really tough to stick to. My doctor gave me a hard time about my daughter not sleeping through the night and it seemed like we tried everything and nothing worked. She would just scream and scream, and scream louder when I went in to try to soothe her and lay her back down. It would go on for hours. One day she grabbed a stuffed animal at a store (a JellyCat dog from Gap) and she never wanted to let it go. It heped a lot. She still cried but it seemed to calm her down faster. Last night was the first night she ever slept through the night- but before she was sleeping for 5-6 hours at a time. Maybe that could help? good luck, I know how difficult and frustrating it can be!

Michelle - posted on 07/08/2010

pushing his bedtime will only make him more tired and make the problem worse. Sorry. Establish a relaxing bedtime routine for him and see how that goes. For us, I put on quiet music around 4:30pm, give Jewel her dinner, and then give her a bath. If she is super tired I will put a chamomile tea bag in her bath (for chamomile is soothing) and then give her a cuddle with a bottle and then put her to bed with her favourite teddy. The whole time I have the quiet music going and talk in whispers to her. Even though her brothers have no concept of quiet as much as I try, the fact that I am being quiet helps.
If she is so tired or grumpy that she wants Mummy cuddles until she falls asleep, which is not often, then I give it to her. Good luck.

Andrea - posted on 07/08/2010

If he is super tired at night maybe push up him bed time a little

August - posted on 07/08/2010

People are going to tell you that CIO is bad for your baby but my dr is the one who told me to let my son CIO sometimes. If you don't then your going to get frustrated and end up doing something stupid. 10 minutes is perfect. Any longer and people start getting upset on here. My son does the same thing yours does some times and I let him cry a few minutes and eventually if it doesn't work I just put him in the bed with me and my husband. (my son refuses to let anyone remotely touch him but for some reason sleeping with us works great!) Listen to your heart. I can't stress enough to you how much people are going to tell you different things! A bath with that sleep time stuff works AMAZING. My son will sleep for hours (naps) with that stuff. Johnson's purple bottle.

Taylor - posted on 07/08/2010

I have the same problem with my 10mo. i have tried everything and i cant find anythings that work