Not Ready

Kellie - posted on 01/10/2011 ( 36 moms have responded )

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Hi all, so obviously I have a September 2009 baby and my husband and I planned on having our second when Mason was 2...which means getting pregnant soon. I feel no where near ready to have a second baby. I guess it doesn't help I'm dreading actually being pregnant because I had a horrible time with it but I can't get over the fact that my baby boy will be my big boy. It's so weird...but I'm not ready for him to be a big brother. For anyone who has planned baby number 2, did you just feel ready for another?

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Jessica - posted on 01/20/2011

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i have twins. good luck. it will be super tough. try to get as much help as you can the first few months. it takes 150 hours a week to take care of twins. you will be very sleep deprived the first year. it gets a little better in the second year. i wish you a lot of luck and to have healthy babies. you are very blessed. it will be a lot of fun watching them grow up. after the first year it gets easier and a little bit easier than single babies in some ways because you twins will always have a play mate and entertainment. it is the cutest thing to watch.



i do know that after you have you second one the worries you had go away for the most part and you realize that you were worrying about nothing. it is a struggle at first but after the baby/babies start sleeping through the night and are able to walk, eat regular food, and be on schedule, things get way better.

Jessica - posted on 01/13/2011

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i had children two years apart and three years apart. it was easier when they were three years apart because my three year old was more independent and understood more. i could also tell her what to do (as in go get your pants, get a snack out of the fridge) verses the two year old who could not do any of that. she was very dependent on me to do things for her and still required a lot of help. plus she did not understand what was going on and still wanted to be the baby and felt put out because my lap was being occupied by something else. it was also very hard on her to suddenly be the big girl when a few weeks before she was the baby who sat on my lap all the time and got all the attention in the world. my three year old understood books and i could read to her about having a new baby and she understood and was more prepared. my two year old did not understand and could not be prepared. but after the baby was more mobile, each time, everything evened itself back out. it is just a short time before the new baby is running around with the others and your attention can be better divided and your other children will find a place on your lap again. but if you aren't ready, then wait. there is no rule book that says how far apart your children should be. my children two years apart are very close and the ones that are three years apart are not. but in terms of being easier the first few months? the ones that are three years apart were.

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Christina - posted on 01/25/2011

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Koree - My experience with trying and letting fate take it's course is that they do not always agree. My husband and I tried for a year with my second child and finally decided to stop trying and figure things out. A month later I'm pregnant! So, some times stress is a factor in not conceiving. Relax, do it for the fun of it and do it often without thinking if it's the right time and it will come when it's ready!! Good luck!

Koree - posted on 01/25/2011

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i feel the exact same way! i guess i just figured since my husband is army, and he is deploying soon, that if i dont do it now, it will be another year before we can conceive again! we have been "trying" for a couple months now, and medical issues keep getting in the way.. so i am just going to let fate take course i guess.. it sure is frustrating tho!!

Christina - posted on 01/24/2011

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Well, I planned mine 4 years apart so it was a little easier, but with my September 09 baby it's a different story. I had medical problems after she was born and was told I had to have a hysterectomy. So, we decided to have another before that happened. I am now 12 weeks pregnant and I am getting a little scared. My sweet little girl is not going to be my baby anymore!! I will say with my 2nd child I was really scared about not giving my oldest enough attention. You know how much you have to do for a baby, so I was worried I was going to do that wrong. I was also worried about my oldest. How is he going to handle not being the baby or the center of attention anymore. I was worrying for no reason. You will always have enough attention and love to give all your children. Look at me. I have 4 kids and 1 on the way and I still have time to sit here on my computer! As far as the pregnancy goes, you may remember how horrible it was, but it was soooo worth it wasn't it?? I have and always have had terrible morning sickness all day, but it's not something I even thought of. Just think about how happy you were when you first held him and how exciting it was to watch all his milestones up to now. You are going to get to do that again. That feeling you get never changes, no matter how many kids you have. Every time it happens it's like it's the first time!! Don't worry about having another baby because your son will be so excited to be a big brother. That's a big job that most kids love, until they are teenagers! LOL. Just think about all the great things that come with a new baby and you'll feel ready.

Krittika - posted on 01/24/2011

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Hi my little gurl was born sept 6 2009.I very much want a 2nd one soon.I had thought in terms of career if I gave too much gap I might change my mind .also my little one is 16 months now & is quite mobile with her things .I can also see her bored around my company she likes to be around kids.she already has first cousins in a joint family set up .but it's never similar to having your own siblings.so I think it's important to have a 2 nd if u can afford it financially & physically .the kids are each others uncondtional best friends for life !

Robin - posted on 01/24/2011

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HI, man I am in the same predictament. Happy to know there are others out there. lol. I think we decided, yes it is time to try for another one. I was having a hard time cause my boy is my baby boy and how can anything or anyone beat having just him. We decided that we will still have however long it takes us to get pregnant, plus the whole pregnancy to enjoy just him. And we get to enjoy watching him grow up and be a big brother when another one comes along. I still get that feeling like it is too soon, but I think this is a question that you and your other half need to answer individually then discuss what you are each thinking. Good luck:)

Samantha - posted on 01/24/2011

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I just found out 2 weeks ago that I am pregnant with my second just a few days before Landon will be 2. To tell you the truth I feel a little guilty. Landon is a momma's boy and I don't want to take that time away from him. But I also want him to have a sibling close in age, something I didn't have. Plus, if I have another one soon then I will get to enjoy them both at the same time!

Rebekah - posted on 01/23/2011

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I think everyone is different... but yes, I felt ready when my daughter actually turned 1 to get pregnant with another. And right when she turned 1, we found out I was pregnant again. So they will be 20 mos apart. Which to me seems really great. But again every one is different!! I think though, when you get pregnant and you have your next one, you will become ready. The second you lay your eyes on your second one, everything will fall into place.

Kathy - posted on 01/23/2011

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My two boys are 2 years 3 months apart and it was perfect! We had planned both pregnancies and wanted them 2 years apart so it was just as planned. My older son was great with a new baby coming into the house and called him "my baby." They truly love each other so much it makes my heart melt watching them laugh, play and hug each other! We do want to have another but think we will wait to have the next one be 3 years apart from our younger one. I had a great pregnancy but my sept baby was so big that he did some major damage to my body and his so we feel like we need to give it a little extra time for us to all heal before we go about it again! I love children and being pregnant and if it was not so expensive to raise the little darlings I would keep having them until god told me to stop!

Heidi - posted on 01/22/2011

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girl my daughter is the same age and im 37 weeks pregnant with my second and last and i am no where near ready. You will know when you are ready. Don't do it til then.

Mila - posted on 01/22/2011

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I dont think you can ever be "ready". My daughter is now 16 months and i am pregnant with #2, who is due in march so they will be 18 months apart if this one comes on time. I dont at all feel ready but then again, i didnt feel ready with #1 either. Im hoping the readiness comes with the baby, after all, i wont have a choice!

Alyssa - posted on 01/22/2011

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my husband and i planned to get pregnant in sept 2011 so i could have a winter pregnancy and it would make our daughter close to three when # 2 is born. i'm in the same boat, not sure if i'm ready, or ready to hear the crap from families

Ruby - posted on 01/21/2011

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I have 2 boys, both born in Sept. but they are 4 years apart. Honestly, I couldn't have planned it better if I tried!
My oldest boy understood that there was a baby on the way and his excitement was worth it! Everytime we went in for an ultrasound he sat on daddy's lap and was able to ask the doctor questions about "his" baby, lol. he still remembers coming into the room after his brother was born and he understands and share in our excitement over every new word uttered and when his brother took his first steps. Not to mention the sheer joy my oldest shows when he is trying to teach his baby brother something new.
And during pregnancy he was old enough to also understands that I needed quiet times for the days I was really sick and/or tired.
My point is there are some really good thing about having a slightly bigger age gap between kids.
No matter what you decide, once you see that new face all your stress will melt away...at least for that one moment!

Clare - posted on 01/21/2011

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I didn't think I was ready either. But I'm 38 soon so time is not on my side. So we started TTC this month and initially I was feeling like you. Not ready, not sure, shit scared! Now we are in the TWW and I've changed to hoping I am! I figure I've still got at least 9 months of my little boy being my little boy and I will just soak it up as much as I can. He's getting more independent anyway, so it won't last much longer whether I get pregnant or not!

Do what is right for you. I probably would have waited longer if I was younger, but we will only have one more anyway as I'm already pushing it age-wise.

Joy - posted on 01/21/2011

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I have two children who are 13 months apart. My boy is 2 1/2 and my girl 17 months. Given the stage we are in now (not wanting to share, everyhting is "mine", my daughter full out screaming when her brother takes something from her) would i do it again - so close in age, probably NOT. However my child bearing experience s are over. We are done with two children.
I found the transition for my son when we brought home a newborn was easier for him as he was only 16 onths old and didn't really understand nor get the jealous tendancies that i feel a two year old would feel. So with that said, it was definitely easier to manage the both with him being under two.
I LOVE that my children are close in age as they play well together (for the most part) and my son, Greyson just loves his sissy. I knew i wanted my children close in age ie: no more then 2 years however didn't exactly plan on 13 months apart. But i have them now and i woulnd't give them up for the world.

Cindy - posted on 01/21/2011

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Hi there

My son is reaching 16mths now, Sep 2009 baby. All the while, I would like to get a second one as soon as I can (at least after 1yr's rest from delivery) so as to bring them up at the same time.

Reason being that after he sleeps through the night after 4-6mths old, life was better. Then started to harbour the thought of stopping at 1!! This differs from my plan of at least having another one as a companion for my boy.

When my son was 13mths old, by chance, I got it. So they will be 22mths apart. Be delivering in July 2011. Now I suddenly feel that # 2 is "too soon" at times!! OMG!

I start to be pressurised in a way as it's time to start training him lots of things - emotionally, intellectually & socially. However at times, he's bored to play alone so having a companion is a need.

In a dilemma at times. As I believe the nanny is unable to cope with 2, as she dotes on my son a little too much, I want to send him to a childcare centre so that the nanny can look after the second one in Oct this yr.

I also worry on how my boy will settle down upon entering schools!! I know kids adapt fast. As a first time mum, it's unavoidable to feel the heart-pain when he cries in the school..haha..

Katie - posted on 01/20/2011

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Our son is 16 months and has been the easiest, happiest baby we could ever hope for. He has slept 12 hours a night since he was 3 months, eats everything and is flexible and fun. Which wodrries me because I have the feeling the next One will be the exact opposite! I don't feel ready yet either, but then I consider that I will be pregnant for nine months, and that is a long time to get ready.

Kayla - posted on 01/20/2011

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We planned number 2 and we got pregnant with it in Oct 2010. We thought we were completely ready but then we got a surprise we found out we are having twins so we will have three little ones under 2. I am not sure you can be completely ready this soon but do what is in your heart.

Emma - posted on 01/20/2011

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My daughter was born in sep 2009 and I always thought that I would like to have my childern two years apart. Sometimes things don't always go to plan. My partner and I didn't plan to have any childern and now we have a beautiful little girl. I think you just know with your second because you know what you can expect, well to a degree. Obviously all children are different. I think if you feel that you are not ready in way then i don't believe any harm in waitting, in life we change are plans all the time to suit are current situations and thats a not a bad thing. When the time comes I am sure you will both know and u never know it may be in a year form now or maybe even sooner but if you don't feel ready why put yourself and your family under that kind of pressure just to furfill a timeline.
Goodluck to you

Stacey - posted on 01/20/2011

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before i got pregnant i wanted a big family now i have my daughter and i don't know wether i want anymore children, i don't want her feeling left out or feeling less loved than any other child i might have, thats my biggest fear, my partner is determand that we arn't having anymore babies because he doesn't like getting up in the night, but we both miss having the little baby but now we have a clever beautiful little girl that means the world to us both

Bethan - posted on 01/20/2011

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I am 32 and my baby girl is 16 months old, me and my husband had planned to try again the begining of 2011 but we have decided we are not quite ready yet so we have booked a family holiday in June and decided we would re assess the situation then becuase I would deffo like to have 1 or 2 more children but you just have to do whats right for you and when ur ready x

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I didn't exactly plan it but my 2 are 13 months apart. Being pregnant with a young toddler was very hard and it is even harder with an infant but we are making do. Hopefully they will be great buddies when they are older. DS1 loves to give DS2 kisses and he is learning to be gentle.

ERIN - posted on 01/19/2011

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I have had baby fever since my son was born september 17th 2009 as much as I want another baby I know were not ready. I wanted my kids 2 to 3years apart now I'm going to make sure my son is potty train before I have another 1

Victoria - posted on 01/19/2011

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I was as equally not ready for baby #2 as I was for #1. I got Pregnant when #1 was 6 months old I couldn't believe that I had to give up my body, which I had just gotten back, again. And I felt the same as you - my first pregnancy was NOT a good one. But my second was nothing like the first. I felt great, hardly put on any weight, and didn't even notice that I was pregnant most of the time. Now that baby #2 is here, I couldn't be happier that they are that close together in age. Think of it this way: it is better to get the pregnancies and the constant night feedings out of the way. Then you can focus on you! Good luck!

Kate - posted on 01/18/2011

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My September09 bubba is number 2. He wasnt planned and we wern't really read. he and his sister are only 18months apart, but i wouldnt change a thing...i wasn't prepared and dreaded being pregnant coz i had tough pregnancies. But Im glad it happened. He and his siter are the best of friends they play together happily and share a bedroom. my daughter looks after her little brother and he idolises her. You may not feel ready but the closer together they are the easier it actually makes it on you. it means they can grow up together and learn from their older ssiblings. My son is nearly 16 months and can say close to 30 words, understands commands runs climbs and is a very independant boy because he learnt from his sister.
hope this is helpful :)

Ori - posted on 01/16/2011

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I feel the same way. I really want another I have some serious "baby fever" but I don't completely feel as if we are ready for another. We have so much going on right now it seems like we should wait. But I don't want them to be too far apart in age. I have 6 siblings while some are close to me in age I have two that are 5 and 7 years older and 2 that are 11 and 13 years younger (yeah, huge age difference!) and growing up I wasn't very close to them. As we've gotten older we are much closer. But I feel as if we've missed out on alot. I don't want that for my children. I think my husband and I are honing to try for another sometime this summer/fall. They will be close to 3 years apart. I still feel like Dallas is my baby and she always will be. I dont fear pregnancy it's the aftermath and how hard it can possibly be! Though I think if you want another it's totally doable and theyre only going to be little for a short time. Why not go ahead and have more, if you want more!

Julienne - posted on 01/15/2011

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Good luck... I have just had our second baby in Dec 2010. Our 2 children are 15 months apart. We conceived when our daughter was 6 months old. We were both loving being parents and knew that it was time to go again.

Saying that... it was a tiring time... rough pregnancy again, tired, and now our lovely baby who was sleeping through the night stopped when she got her molars at 12 months, and I spent weeks 32 - 38 awake most of the night with her. Now the baby wakes to feed and its the older who still cries at night needing assistance...

Any way short story was we knew immediately that we wanted to try again for number 2, we will wait a little longer for number 3 though. Good luck

Kellie - posted on 01/14/2011

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Thanks everyone for your input...my husband and I are both 25 so we do have time on our side. Although we'd been married for a year, our son was not planned. He's the greatest thing that has ever happened to me but I wasn't yet in the mindset to be a mom. I'm afraid I'll never feel ready for another one. I don't just want to have another right now because that's how I envisioned my kids (2 years apart). But I also don't want to regret not having my kids close in age. I didn't like being pregnant and I'm afraid I won't want to do it again if I wait too long. (the whole I have to start over again feeling) I want it to feel right. So I guess we just sit back, relax and enjoy your little boy until the urge for another comes.

Amanda - posted on 01/14/2011

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Kellie,
First of all, I love your profile pic. :) My man and I want our children to be 2-3 years apart so that they can, hopefully, be playmates and grow up together. We though we were going to have a baby in July 2011, but we miscarried instead. To be honest, I want to have a second one for the reasons above but also to just get it over with! My first pregnancy was a breeze-I am not gloating; I am just being honest. I worry that if we wait too much longer, I won't be interested in being pregnant. Additionally, I am 33 will be 34 this year! That really matters too! At least to us it does.

Beverly - posted on 01/14/2011

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I had my second son two months before my first son turned 2 years old. They are 16 months and just over 3 years and It seems like it just started getting eaiser. I would have waited a little longer if I knew how tough it was going to be. I just got my 3 year old fully potty trained. I was too busy to pay 100% attention to making sure he went every hour and he was more interested in acting like a baby like his brother. If you are not 100% ready yet I would deff. wait a little longer so you don't stress yourself out. We want 1 more child but I am going to wait until my yougest is 2 or a little older.

Emma - posted on 01/13/2011

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we actually planned to leave 3 or 4 years between ours when our son was born then once he got to 10 months old all i could think about was having another baby and him having a sibling so close i had my mirena out when he was 12 months and got pregnant straight away there will be 21 months between them and i cant wait to have 2 babies and see dylan being a big brother and looking after him (he is so loveable to other babies) i can honestly say i was desperate for another baby, i think you will know when you are ready and dont have to stick to what you planned as we didnt!

Kassi - posted on 01/11/2011

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I am 29 weeks pregnant. My son was born Sept 24th. My due date is March 30th. So they will be 18 months apart. I wanted them to be close in age because my closest sibling in age to me is 5 years older than I am so I know from experience how hard it was to be so far apart. I had a terrible pregnancy with my first son(I was sick all the time and had blood pressure problems and developed precclampsia and my heart stopped beating twice during delivery. Pretty scary and wasn't sure if we could have more, doc said I should be ok. Cross your fingers.) So far this pregnancy has gone exactly the same. My blood pressure is high, but they haven't said if I that I have precclampsia again yet, so hopefully that wont be the case. So anyway even though I was worried about being pregnant and worried about the delivery I knew that I wanted my kids close so I knew that if I really wanted them too be I was going to have to just do it. However, I do think I felt ready, aside from the nerves haha. When your ready you will know if your not then just wait it out.

Kellie - posted on 01/11/2011

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I've always had visions of my child being 2 year apart. My sister and I are 2 years and it was wonderful so I'd like to give my son the same type of relationship. (being in school together and what not) We did plan on starting to try this spring but it feels too soon for me. I'm absolutely loving being with my son during the day, just the two of us. I don't want to take the time away from him just yet. So we'll see how I (we) feel in the next few months. I'm just wondering if there's a feeling of the right time.

Sarah - posted on 01/10/2011

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Before I had my son, I THOUGHT I wanted my kids exactly two years apart. Then once I got pregnant with my son, I realized how much work really does go into it lol. Pregnancy takes SO much out of you & of course we all know that having a child changes everything. I LOVE being a mother to my son. He's such a wonderful little boy, but honestly, I don't think I could have another child quite so soon. At the same time, I'm getting that 'baby fever' again. I'm definitely NOT ready right now...mentally, physically, OR financially lol. I'm going to give it another 6 months or so to see how things are going, before I think about getting pregnant again. I think it's good to weigh the pros & cons of having kids closer together & then decide what's best for you & your family. Good luck! Let us know how things are going. :)

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