So tired of the judgements and negativity!

Bridget - posted on 04/18/2010 ( 36 moms have responded )

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I am so tired of all of the judgments! I read through the posts on this board and it amazes me how negative and rude people can be if they don't agree with decisions other parents have made. Breastfeeding until 12 months doesn't work for everyone, just like formula feeding early doesn't work for everyone. Each baby develops differently, has different needs and circumstances and lifestyles. I think that unless someone is making a blatantly horrible decision (something harmful to their babies for example) I think we should all be supportive of each other! We don't have to agree, but people don't deserve to be verbally berated for their choices! Does anyone else feel this way? or do you think Im off base?

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Cheri' - posted on 04/21/2010

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totally agree! some people are one way minded and if its not their way then they will get defensive and rude! which is uncalled for because this site was created to help each other in motherhood. i think some women need to take a step back and realize what they are saying and how they are saying it!

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Ashley - posted on 05/03/2010

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I COMPLETELY AGREE!!! I am always debating on how to raise my son with family and friends and in the end were the mother's. People need to respect our decisions and supportive as long as our decisions arn't harmful to our children.

Bridget - posted on 05/02/2010

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Thanks ladies! I am so glad so many people agree with me. I just found it so frustrating when I would see Moms asking for advice/help only to be attacked or put down! We dont all have to agree, but we should respect each other! So I want to say thank you to all of you! At least there are a bunch of us out there who are committed to being positive and helpful!

Jennifer - posted on 05/02/2010

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I'm so glad you said something, i feel this website is here to help us mothers so we can stay connected with other moms not sit here and be judged

Janelle - posted on 05/02/2010

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Hi Bridget,
Thanks for making the observation. I was getting so frustrated a couple of weeks ago at a couple of people on here who were having a go at other mums who were asking for advice. I gave a response from my perspective to help, but was waiting to be shot down.
I thank you for your bravery as I thought about saying something, but decided against it.

Sarah - posted on 05/02/2010

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Well, it JUST so happens that MY opinions are RIGHT & everyone else's are just plain WRONG & STUPID! Sorry, I couldn't resist. But, honestly that IS how some moms come across on Circle of Moms...and it's so annoying! I agree 100% with you Bridget! When I first joined Circle of Moms a while back I honestly couldn't believe how many rude moms were out there! God forbid you raise your child differently than someone else. You gotta be careful when you bring up topics like vaccinations, circumcision, or breastfeeding vs formula feeding for exampe...you throw out one of those topics & it's like throwing some meat to a pack of wolves!

Naomi - posted on 05/02/2010

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I agree with you!!!!! This post is the first post I have made for a long time. I gave up posting on here, after receiving some negativity, sad but I have more important thing in my life to worry about than this forum....my georgous son! I still get on here and read and see what other mums have to say, I take advise from here and there, and compliment the ones I like. I think if we have survived this far we have all done a great job! Take care everyone Im going back into hiding :P

Stacy - posted on 04/25/2010

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I agree. It is tough being a mom, we should all support each other without judgements!! I've seen some posts that have gotten really catty responses, but there have been others that have been very supportive! Hopefully we can all see, and participate in the positive posts and not indulge the negative ones!

Charlene - posted on 04/25/2010

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i agree with all of these comments as my mum everytime my daughter makes a noise she's hungry NO! she's tired tho its not so bad now she has her solids as she only has a bottle b4 bed n doesnt even cry wen she's hungry as she know's i know wen she wants food, anyway the worst person 4 do's n dont's is my sis that doesnt yet have her own baby (she has 4wks left) myself & my partner r so annoyed wiv her but don't say anything 2 her in 1 ear n out the other we just say 2 each other we'll see wn her baby gets ere she has no partner but is very stubburn so wont listen 2 any1 anyway she does think its a piece of cake bein a mum my partner works away alot so i'm a lone mum alot of the time n ithink its hard tho getting used 2 it is this the worst ppl 2 try n give parents advice she's not really maternal n gets wound up very easily i have 6 bros n 2 sis n 14 nieces n nephews so bn around them alot she critises every1 of us parents in the fam they should b doin this or shouldn't b doin that it makes me want 2 shake her so we'll just wait n see thats my rant anyway guys lol any1 else have ppl like this? sorry so long just irritates me i will take advice if it could help me but i think we no if its 4 us or not & if givin advice i will state this works 4 us it may work 4 u or it may not could b worth a try thanks x

[deleted account]

Agreed! If I disagree with someone I dont tell them that they are wrong I just state my opinion and find something I agree with or like about their decision! If I cant find anything construstive to say, I dont post anything. Im not on this site to hurt other peoples opinions, im here to see the variaty of parenting skills. Some of which I even end up using myelf!

Katie - posted on 04/24/2010

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Agree!!! I only know whats best for my child!! I am a first time mom, so i don't know whole lot about raising kids. The only thing i know how to do is educate my self and be open-minded to new ideas and advise. Knowing that what works for my child now might not work for him in the future, the next child, or any other child. The only thing i can do is take advice either do it or not, and if it works than great and if it doesn't try something else. I understand that most of the time people just want to help and so do i, unfortuantly, we are negative humans. I can take what other people are doing and think ya that is something i want to do or i don't. Learn from other peoples mistakes or take their good decisions and apply it. People have to realize that "yes" we are going to make mistakes, but that is how we learn, its what you do with those mistakes and how to apply them. We are only human. What didn't work for my child might work for the next child or someone elses child, or what did work might end up happening with the same results. Parents have to realize that every child and person is different. A parent knows their child better than any other person, and therefore knows whats best for her or him.

Tammie - posted on 04/23/2010

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i got so far as depression and anxiety because of the way my father in law ignored me infront of my kids and undermined me...it happens less now, but i was physically sick.
I have come a long way, and i know my kids are my right etrc, and others respect that to a degree, but when they pass judgement on you for doing it different, they should just back off

Marie - posted on 04/23/2010

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Im so gald you said something, people need to understand that were all here looking for input, and advice...not someone on a power trip about whats right and wrong...

Your so very right!!!!! Be supportive or dont post a reply!!

Tammy - posted on 04/23/2010

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i totally agree with you! Everyone was raised differently so therefore everyone is going to raise their child different.

Kacee - posted on 04/23/2010

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Hi Bridget, I'm really sorry you're encountering negativity. If you're like me, this is Baby #1 and everything is new and often overwhelming. Sometimes we don't have the support we need, so we look for it where we can; some people take advantage of that.

I wasn't able to do a lot of the things I'd planned to (breastfeed being #1), so dealing with the reality rather than the plan was hard enough. It's nice to see the mamas here who agree with you. I don't post here often, nor do I read the posts much - if one stands out to me I'll take a peek and possibly respond to one.

Thanks for your post!

Emma - posted on 04/22/2010

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I totally agree, to me its about sharing your experiences with others, giving support and advice. Not imposing your beliefs on others and putting people down.

Elizabeth - posted on 04/22/2010

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Bridget,
This is the first time I have posted on circle of moms, but I had to just say that I agreed with you so much. I have come on time to time when a question or comment has come up that I was interested in hearing what other moms have to say about, and lots of the comments have really put me off. I think it is very important to have a support group and people to go to when questions arise, but everyone has to know that every single person, child and family is so different and that what may work and seems right for one is not for the other. We need to be supportive and not so judgmental of each other. I just wanted to thank you for your observation and to tell you that you are definitely not off base.

Laura - posted on 04/22/2010

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That is how every forum I have ever been on was, that is why I tend to stay away from them. It is such a waste of time to have to pick through that nonsense to get to the real stuff. This is the only forum I am on and I only come on here minimally and only for the sake of getting help in taking care of my first child, not for socializing. I just can't stand forums.

Teresa - posted on 04/22/2010

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I had to stop when my baby was six weeks because my job involves handling dangerous chemicals...I think I would have been STUPID to continue!

Marie - posted on 04/22/2010

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There is no self-check involved with using the internet. That's a blessing for unpopular views, but it's also a curse for people who believe in being civil online. I have found Circle of Moms to be very mild though. There's a pretty popular standalone moms' website that I don't visit anymore because I got tired of seeing malice and ignorance on every board. Being attacked personally was merely the final straw. The only safe areas where in small private groups that tended to have low activity. Likely because they hadn't attracted the trolls and flamers yet. Or had already been burnt.

Melissa - posted on 04/21/2010

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Bridget,

I find that so many people are "know it alls" anymore. It doesn't matter if it's on this site, an in-law, a co-worker, or a stranger. They are bossy and condescending. They are full of advise that no one asked for. If it wasn't about your baby it would be something else they would pick on. It's all about control with them. If they get the slightest argument from you they become more determined to tell you what to do. It took me a long time to learn to just shrug off anything they say and do what I think is right. Once they see that they can't control you or push your buttons they go fnd someone else to pick on.

Lyss - posted on 04/21/2010

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I agree. I think sites like this are important for information gathering, for looking for different opinions, and of course support. However it is important to remember that written messages sent lack the tone that verbal messages carry, perhaps what one person takes as being rude, another may not - and it may not be intended that way.

They are our children to raise how we see fit.

[deleted account]

I am brand new to this site and haven't really come across anything like that but all these really are, are peoples opinions and suggestions. So, I agree completely, I am looking for support! I am coming here for advise and help. Some stuff I will try and some stuff I don't believe in....but we all are trying our best or wouldn't be here.

Thanks for posting this...it really puts things in perspective.

Betty - posted on 04/19/2010

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Agree. Every baby is different and each to their own. Every parent choose to raise their child differently. What works for you doesn't neccesarily work for me. I like to just bounce ideas of different mums because you never know, sometimes it could help.



I didn't have much support as my mum passed away 3 years ago and I didn't know anything about babies when I had my daughter. I learnt everything really through trial and error and also getting ideas of my friends who has babies.



I think Circle of mums is a good place for mum's to get together and ask quesions and share stories and experiences.



Anyway, this is my two cents.

Alicia - posted on 04/18/2010

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I agree with you as well...we have to keep in mind that not every method is right for every child...or every parent! Most of us are on here to get advice from other parents and give our own advice...but for the most part we take and use what we are comfortable with. We all are experts on our own children...so do not second guess yourself when someone thinks that your way is wrong...your way is what is right for you and your baby!



I had a recent rediculous quarrel with my mom over feeding my son...she feeds him EVER TIME HE WHINES!!! But as his mom, I know whinning mean tired and crying means hungry...but to avoid cying, I feed him every three hours because that is generally when he asks for food. He is bottle fed, and breast milk is a limited commodity! On demand usually applies to physicaly breast fed babies...but if he shows signs of hunger...I recognize it and feed him! But really?!?! Every hour and a half, he is not hungry! HE IS TIRED!!! AHHHHH!!! I wanted to pull my hair out! Her friend even tried to tell me that I was wrong for the way I raise my son...she is against Ferbering and she is all for feeding a baby whenever he whines! I have to tell her, "those things were fine for your kids, Jaylen is my kid! LET ME RAISE MY SON!"



Whew! Now that I got that off my chest! lol!

Bridget - posted on 04/18/2010

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Exactly! We are all just trying to be the best parents we can be, and we make the decisions we think are best. It almost feels like no matter what choice we make someone is going to jump on us for making the wrong choices!

Sarah - posted on 04/18/2010

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I totally agree! Just because its something you may not do, does not make it horrible! It bothers me so much, even when I am out and people just have to put their opinions in. Everyone thinks they're right. They just have to remember, what is right for them, is not the absolute only way!! Even doctors say contradict eachother, so who is right???? NOT JUST ONE PERSON!

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