Very personal questions!!

Alicia - posted on 01/22/2010 ( 11 moms have responded )

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Okay, I hesitate to ask these questions, but here goes nothing. And I do assume that I'm not alone, so advice might be nice.



So.... I had my daughter on 9/20/09 and since, I have lost my sex drive. I had it up until I gave birth. AND even had it right afterwards.. in the time that you are not suppose to have sex. SO my first question is - where did my sex drive go now? I am nursing, and am a stay at home mom, but I could care less about sex. I want the baby taken care of, take one good nap during the day, (usually at 2 or 3pm for 2 hours) and then get her to bed at 8.. and by the time that comes AND I've been doing stuff around the house when I can.... believe me, I'm not thinking about sex anymore. How can I get back into the swing of wanting it? My husband says he understands, but to me, he either understands "too much" and gets that I'm tired and doesn't bother or is afraid to feel like he's pressuring me.



my second question is why does it hurt? I didn't' even have her vaginally ... is this normal? We do use lubrication, but it seems to hurt no matter what.



Please help, I do miss being intimate with my husband and would love to know what others have done in this instance.

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Becky - posted on 01/22/2010

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I'm with you, I have no sex drive either! I think it's a combination of being overtired, being busy, and not feeling as attractive, since my body is still carrying a lot of extra weight. Also, with 2 kids in 2 years, we're too busy to really take much time for each other, and there is almost no romance in our marriage anymore.
As far as the pain, I believe that some of the hormones that breastfeeding produces can cause vaginal dryness. I'd check with your dr. too, just to make sure nothing else is going on, but it may be a result of breastfeeding.
As for what to do, I'm not really sure! But I have heard that the more you have sex, the more you'll want it, so maybe just try to go for it on a regular basis and you'll find you want it more? It doesn't seem very romantic, but you may need to schedule it now. It's more difficult to be spontaneous when you have kids! And make sure you still find time for some romance!

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Rachael - posted on 01/25/2010

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i cant really help you on the lack of sex drive cause i dont know why im suffering with it myself! I first had sex again 5 weeks after having my baby and it hurt like hell. i delivered him naturally though, it just felt like it was really grazed up there and it was so painful. eventually a few more times just putting up with the pain, it eased and now i'm fine. i think you should talk to your doc about your pain, and your lack of sex drive. im going to do the same. Good Luck, I hope things get better for you soon

Marsha - posted on 01/25/2010

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My daughter was born September 28 and i still dont have any sex drive. i have forced myself to have sex with my husband just cuz he wanted it but other then that i dont have any part of it. I got my tubes tied and i thought that mite have something to do with it but i dont know. We have only had sex i think 3 times since i delivered.

Brie - posted on 01/24/2010

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ok since you are seriously asking i will be honest and open with you... i really can't explain your situation but i can kind of relate before pregnancy i used to joke that i had a man's sex drive, anytime all the time, on my menstral cycle it was worse.. during pregnancy it was like when i had my period i really wanted it, the six weeks afterward were the longest six weeks ever then after about 8 weeks post partum i started feeling like i just didn't want it anymore and it lasted until about two weeks ago (about 2mos) but now its back... i can't explain but i hope a little relation will help...
and the first time hurt me to but after about the third it quit hurting

Claire - posted on 01/24/2010

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I have a feeling that many women go through this lack of desire. As you all say, it's nothing to do with not being attracted to your husband any more but just plain exhaustion. YOur body has just bee through quite possibly one of the toughest things it will ever have to go through, your hormones are up the wop, especially if you are breast feeding. How many of you are breast feeding and haven't had your period yet? Quite possibly, your body just isn't interested because it's just come really close to working on all that primeval instinctive basis and knows that period = sex drive = another baby! I've found that I want to make love to my husband and that a lot of foreplay really helps. Love and tenderness!

Jennifer - posted on 01/23/2010

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Thank God I am not the only one...;) I agree with Kayliecia Carrolll. I would talk to your dr. But it could just be stress. I have 2 under 3. and my life is upside down...Also talk about it with your hubby. I have to, because I am just not into it, because either I am worried about the kids or housework and I never take time to relax...Good luck ===

Alicia - posted on 01/23/2010

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Thanks for your help everyone! I will chat with my midwife or my primary Dr to see what I can do about the hurting. It just seems as though I can't get enough lubrication, even though we are using it. Maybe the estrogen cream would help. And as for just going for broke and making myself have sex, I will have to have a takl to my husband, he maybe is being too nice about it by not acting as though he want me still. Doesn't help to feel attractive when he doesn't act interested and just says it's okay. Makes me feel worse!

Thanks ladies!

Maura - posted on 01/23/2010

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it hurts because you are breastfeeding so something about your hormones makes dry down there my doc gave me this estrogen cream havnt tried it yet but maybe if you ask your doc it'll help

Angel - posted on 01/23/2010

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i feel ya but i think if you get into it ,it will help my husband has a very strong sex drive and i have to keep him happy... even tho i have the baby and im always tired ..but i think if you try to get amped up about it , it helps ..u have to think i want this as much as he does or maybe even more.. and for the hurting i had pain when i frist started to have sex again but now it doesnt hurt anymore... good luck

Noreen - posted on 01/22/2010

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You are not alone!!! I have ZERO sex drive and I feel really bad!! This is my 3rd baby, but 1st time with no sex drive!! And I breastfed Noah for 12months, so I can't nessassary blame it on breastfeeding. Idk! It's crazy! I am constantly thinking/worring about the baby and can't wait for it to be over with so I can clean up and go to sleep!! LOL I am just so overly tired and a little overwelmed with having 3 kids. 2/3 are very active little boys who go to different schools right now with different hours, plus, I am very active in our community going to MOPS (mother's of preschooler), breastfeeding support group, charleston mommies, and the boys' different playdates! I seriously just survive in our house and only get a few hrs of sleep a day! I need to drop something, just not sure what!

As far as the 2nd question. Not sure why. Expecially since you had her by c-section. Maybe you could call your ob and ask?

I miss being intimate w/my husband too! I just want things to go back to the way they were!! I miss him!

Kayliecia - posted on 01/22/2010

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My sex drive did the same thing...totally know how you feel..i could care less as well but i still give it to my husband..and i enjoy it once im into it..i would talk to ur doc about it huring. also i looked it up and here's what i found on the internet! hope this helps! http://www.mamashealth.com/sexualhealth/...

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