missing the days before baby

Jenny - posted on 08/31/2011

I have a total of 4 at home - my in-laws will only take a max of 2 at a time... unless I am delivering, so the last time hubby and I were out alone was when I delivered my boy in July 10... and I'm guessing the next will be when I deliver my last in Nov 11. We have learned to work around it all - I don't think I miss the days before. Life for us wasn't that great then - eventhough we have been married for almost 17 years and the oldest at home is 7 the first 10 years seemed to be our harder years.

We are now more responsible - we have a home that is ours (not renting and moving every year or so), we seem to do more as a family and we actually seem to talk more now then before kids. So honestly I'm not missing the days before - I'm actually scared of the days after they all leave... I don't want it to go back to want it was.

Sheri - posted on 08/30/2011

My oldest children are 16 and 13. Time off is a must like any job too maintain Spiritual and Emotional well being. I don't pretend like I did with the older ones that I can do it all. Her grandparents on my hubby's side adore my daughter and will take her day or night if we need adult time. It's an absolute blessing for all of us. There's so much truth in the saying, "it takes a village to raise a child."

Rebecca - posted on 08/24/2011

I have a 1 year old and a 3 year old and I am a single mom. My ex husband lives 800 miles away. I feel this way more often then I would like to admit. I spend a lot of time thinking back on the days when life was "easy." All my dreams seemed to go up in smoke when my marriage ended and I was 8 months pregnant with my daughter. Since then life has been a one challenge after another. I love my kids so much and they are my whole world and I know that someday I will be able to get my life in order. I try to enjoy the time I have with them, sometimes it is just so stressful because I never get a break.

Deana - posted on 08/19/2011

This is what my husband and I are going to do, as to force ourselves to take a date night. We are going to sign up for a "Love and Respect" course in our area. It will be healthy to learn about each other more and have it all about us. A couple of hours focusing on us, not talking about finances, the baby, the house, work etc. Is going to be wonderful. Just talking about us. We went throught this course when we were engaged years ago, and loved it. Another excellent one is "Mastering the Mystery's of Love. Look around in your area for places that are holding these classes. Ours is at the church but they are held other places also. I have been feeling mentally, emotionally and spirtually broke lately and drowning over here. I feel so selfish for feeling this way but it is what it is. I want the Joy back for our relationship. I am also going to find a way to get some exercise, that will bring my seratonin levels up so I feel better. That is going to be a little bit harder. My husband is trying to be supportive and that helps and he knows how I feel.

Alyssa - posted on 08/18/2011

I thought I was the worst mom in the world for feeling this way. I love my little girl more than anything in the world and I wouldn't trade her for anything, but I'm back in school and I keep reminiscing about how easy life was when I was working and in school full time. I SO wish I would have finished my degree before I had a baby. It is so hard to give each the time they deserve and my husband and my step son. Who knows when I'll ever meet my own needs again. Yeah, right...

Marissa - posted on 08/18/2011

I definitely feel this way, often.

Deana - posted on 08/17/2011

Husband? I have a husband. That is the way i feel sometimes.I have to make a conscience effort to think of us being a couple. I daydream about how it used to be al the time. We have date nights whenever possible. I have to remind myself that I will get to know this man again later. I also deprive myself of my needs. I used to go to the gym now it is not an option being a working mom. I would rather spend that time with my son. I used to ride my bike all the time and now it is gathering dust. I chose to have this baby and they are alot of work. On the other hand the joy that my husband and I have with my son surpasses all of the other things. Just remember to not forget your spouse. Look at pictures and laugh about those times. You will get them back someday. But, if you dont find a way to spend time with your spouse you will loose alot of those feelings. Trust me I am there. We just had a discussion and decided to come up with a plan. Now, if I can just have someone come to my home and put things away and organize ha! Dont know what that is either but it is driving me crazy. Glad to know I am not alone.

Courteney - posted on 08/17/2011

I love my kids and would give and do anything for them but me and my man haven't had a break in over 2 years. My mom won't take both kids at the same time if she asks to take them and we don't want to pay someone $10 an hour for a sitter to get the free time because then we wouldnt be able to afford to do anything. It is not a good thing when you don't have time to yourself because then you get frustrated and things just end up being crazy. I would definately recommend some time to yourselves to keep you sane. lol.

Anna - posted on 08/12/2011

I know it makes things more complicated, but what about having a regular babysitter? Then however frequently you choose set date nights. If you don't necessarily want to pay for one I've heard of many families babysitting for one another in exchange for payment. (I know this is not addressing your question BUT best thing to do is look for ways to give yourself some opportunities for couple-time)

Mary - posted on 08/11/2011

I think any mom who says she doesn't feel this way (even a little bit) is lying! I absolutely feel the same way. I love my little guy to the moon and back, but that doesn't mean I can't wish for more "me" and "couples" time. This was probably my hardest adjustment when the baby arrived. I try to listen to more experienced mothers' advice to appreciate this time while it's here, because eventually we'll have more time to ourselves and with our significant others. But that's sometimes hard to remember when you can't remember the last time you sat down, or when you last ate an entire meal without interruption, or got those recommended (and highly laugable) 7-8 hours of sleep. I feel guilty for feeling these things sometimes, but only because more people don't admit to it, too. So thank you for being brave and opening up this discussion that too many are ashamed to talk about