Seriously need Support- Baby Cries SO Much

Megan - posted on 10/05/2011 ( 16 moms have responded )

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Hello All,
I am a new mom to a baby boy born on June 1st. He was born C-Section breech and had some trauma as a result of the birth. He was a screamer from the very first night he was born, and never stopped. The first week he was home he screamed most of the time- worse at night. Everyone said it was colic and it would get better. That was four months ago! Around nine weeks he started improving slightly, and then got worse again at twelve weeks. I stopped eating dairy, and that also helped considerably. He is exclusively breast milk fed, with expressed milk when I am at work. I am at the end of my rope. I feel like I have done remarkably well with him since he has done nothing but scream most of his life. I just don't know if now I am so hyper-sensitive that he just seems fussy, but is really normal, or if he is still super fussy. He cries when it is time for a nap, no matter how I try to put him down, he screams bloody murder when he wakes up. He screams when he is hungry, then screams when he is done and I burp him. He screams for hours before going down for the night. Okay, maybe I am making it sound more dramatic, but that is seriously how it feels!! Some days I just feel so strung out and tired. I am getting so that I feel really detached from him, and angry. I know it isn't healthy, but I don't know what to do. We have no family here, and the only time I get away from him is when I go to work in a stressful Emergency Room one or two days a week! My husband doesn't help much because he is dealing with his own postpartum depression! I just don't know what to do- need encouragement, I guess. Maybe to hear from those of you who had similar babies and survived! I just wonder when he will stop crying so much. It tears me apart, especially when I cannot seem to do anything to stop it.

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Erin - posted on 10/27/2011

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Hi sweetie my name is Erin and my daughter was JUST like that! Please read the book "The Happiest Baby On The Block" it will save your life (and sanity) i swear to you!
Do you have a Moby Wrap? I suggest you buy one if you dont and "wear" him AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE...that will be a unbelievable help with his screaming and will also help you to strengthen your bond with him....i was feeling the same way with my daughter at one point i was starting not to like her. i was to the point i thought she was doing it on purpose and would get bullshit when she would start to scream like "are you f-ing serious"??????? but i ALWAYS held her IMMEDIATELY the second she would start to cry (i still do to this day and shes is 20 weeks) because i knew she needed me.
Basicly what will calm your son is for you to make him feel as if he is still snuggled in the womb...this is where the Moby Wrap comes in. Please read that book! LOL ill even give you mine! ill mail it to you! i know EXACTLY how you are feeling but please believe it will get better. My daughter is 20 weeks and she hasnt cried like that in at least 3 weeks. Around 4 months it just stops one day! i swear to God it does LOL....Google "the 4th missing trimester theroy".....it makes sense....please keep in touch because i really feel for you right now....jus keep remembering he needs you k? good luck girl!

Megan - posted on 10/26/2011

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Oh Melissa- Hang in there! I TOTALLY understand about people talking to you and having NO idea how bad it can be! Everyone kept saying the same thing and they said it would get better at 12 weeks, too! I was really having a tough time, but he really did turn around and get so much better! We finally had people get it at the end when we had some people watch him. Anyway, hang in there- I cried so many times! We are enjoying him so much more now than we ever did before- and maybe we appreciate him all the more after all the screaming! Love his smiles and laughter, and now, when he has a cranky day like today- I don't even mind after the last four months of screaming!!

Melissa - posted on 10/26/2011

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glad to hear it's over! my son was born june 14th and is also a screamer. noone believes me until they hear him. people always say "oh, babies cry" lol, ya thanks! He seemed to get better just last week but with him screaming and my 2 year old getting into everything i had many moments where i was crying and feeling so overwhelmed. i def know what you were dealing with and being a mom is the hardest yet most rewarding job. keep up the great work

Nanette - posted on 10/24/2011

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Glad to hear. Cant wait for that to happen to my little guy! who happens to be wide awake right now and wont go to sleep! ugh, were all sick here with colds, coughs, fevers, sore throats... u name it we got it! and were not getting any better living on 3 hours of sleep a night! Glad to hear ur little guy is doing better! im so happy to hear that! gives me hope! So guess no reflux? or it went away! lol

Megan - posted on 10/24/2011

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Nanette,
Thanks so much for posting! Amazingly enough, after soooo many weeks of misery, our little guy has become a new person! Just literally overnight he changed completely. Last week he stopped fussing, he stopped screaming, he now goes to sleep without a fight, just dozes off at nap time in about 5 minutes, and he now goes to bed and has been sleeping anywhere from 4-7 hours without waking. Wow! He has been happier, more well-mannered, and just a real joy to be around. What a serious relief! My husband and I have been talking about how remarkable the change was, and how sudden. Just literally overnight. Guess maybe the combination of chiropractor, stopping dairy (me), and praying helped him to get over whatever it was that was causing all of this. I can't believe it- that was seriously the hardest four-five months of my life!!! hank you all so much for your support, tips, and encouragement. I am sure I will be needing it again before this adventure is over!! On to the next challenge, right? Thanks so much ladies!!

Megan

Nanette - posted on 10/24/2011

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i know im a bit late in this convo but how is ur baby doing? mine was born the 13th of june a boy and he sounds like ur little guy, he has reflux and i wouldnt have known that unless i took him to the er one night when i was at the end of my rope. he is on zantac and previcid and also maalox when he is having a screaming fit. the next time ur little guy is screaming give him a half of tsp of maalox (my sons dose is a tsp but give ur guy a bit less then my guy and see how he does. usually that shuts my Kylan right up! my doc last night (he screamed for 2.5 hours, no lie) said its not normal for babies this age to scream that much! i would take him to doc, ask about reflux! he might be in pain. try the maalox, it might work wonders. its not something u wanna give on a daily basis (altho i know someone who gives it to her son every 2 hours he is only 10 weeks). But just try it, it cant hurt him! also go look on infantreflux.org lots of help there. sounds like reflux to me! good job mom, i know its hard, ive screamed a time or two (maybe a handful or two, plus a foot and maybe the other) myself. Ive also got a 2 year old. its hard being a mom. nothing like babysitting huh? well im curious to know how he is doing? give an update!

Megan - posted on 10/11/2011

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Thanks so much for the encouragement! Every little bit helps! And Leslie- I tried the leg pumping last night and it totally helped him get the gas out! Good one! I actually stopped dairy about a month ago and he got significantly better during the day. Well, I say 'better' while I am listening to him scream in the other room and I have already bawled myself twice today while he screamed, but still, better than he was. Anyway, thank you so much for the encouragement. Right now I am just wishing we had someone close by (family) that could give me a break for a day- I am just completely frazzled and never get away from him except the couple days I work. We have been going to the Chiropractor once a week and it does seem to help some. I have also been going to a mom's group but today I could not go- just to exhausted- needed a pajama day! Anyway, seriously, thanks for the support- this is so very much harder than I ever imagined possible.....

Joanna - posted on 10/10/2011

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Hi, you have done amazingly well to cope so far- well done, it sounds like such hard work. I found it helpful to join a mums group - I don't know if you have baby clinics or churches near where you live that have these kind of groups? It helps to hear that other mums struggle as well, and how they cope. Us women need to talk about these things!! It might be worth taking your baby to a Chiropractor, especially because it was a traumatic birth. I know a couple from our birth classes who had a screaming baby, and it really changed things for them. No guarantees, but might be worth a try. I hope things get better for you soon- hang in there.

Leslie - posted on 10/10/2011

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Hi Megan- sounds familiar. I remember many long nights of walking and speaking softly to my little guy. As far as the gas goes my son had that issue too. It seemed like his tummy was ALWAYS bothering him. The gas drops didn't help much. I'd try changing your diet a bit. Be careful not to eat foods that can make you gassy: broccoli, cauliflower, onions ect. Also, dairy allergies are common (although babies frequently grow out of it). Try cutting dairy out for a week or so. If that doesn't work (did not for me- but has worked for mom friends I know), don't knock yourself out cutting out every food you eat. You could spend your whole time nursing trying to figure it out. Another option with gassy babies is to pump their legs. Lay your baby on his back and hold both his legs just below the knees. Now gently, but firmly push his legs up towards his tummy. Do this 5 times then stop. Then try again. Try to get his knees on his belly (within reason of course). This helped my colic baby and helps the 3 month old I have today. my colic baby improved once he was sitting up more than laying down during the day. At night he slept on an elevated surface made for babies with this condition. All this being said, my now 4 year old is a great kids, but somewhat of a "worrier". I think some of it was just his personality. He still needs a lot of hugs and reassurance today. Best of luck. Let me know how it goes.

Cassandra - posted on 10/10/2011

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My son was born with colic and reflux so if he wasn't screaming he was sleeping, it was like this til he was 11 months. The doctor put him on 2 meds. Hycosamine and axid. The hycosamine did nothing! The axid kept his reflux down. I'm sorry you are going through the screaming. I know it's rough. Just hang in there and stay in touch with your doctor. Good luck.

Megan - posted on 10/10/2011

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To Leslie- when did your little one start improving? My guy is actually doing a bit better but is still horribly gassy at night. He has been doing better during the day, but wakes up gassy! Last night he woke at 11pm and 4am to eat and I ended up walking with him for an hour each time due to gas! We try gas drops and they don't seem to help. Any thoughts?

Leslie - posted on 10/07/2011

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My baby boy born 4 years ago now behaved the same way as an infant. He cried and I cried because I was so so tired and didn't know how to help him. He was diagnosed with reflux, but the medication he was prescribed didn't work. The doctor said that colic is either refux or that some babies are just a bit premature in the way they handle entering this world. They are scared and everything new-- lights, sounds, cold/warm air, smells--- just make them uncomfortable. They need to be comforted. My advice is to give that baby all the snuggles he needs. Continue breastfeeding him (did) - babies love to satisfy that need to suck and snuggle at the same time. And find a friend to help you take shifts if your husband isn't around. Don't be afraid to take a little time for yourself. Keep in mind the house is not going to be as clean... That's ok. It's tempoary. This time with your little one being so little is so short. You'll look back on this time and be glad you did these things.

Joanna - posted on 10/07/2011

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Hi.love, I am sorry this is happening to you. First of all,congratulations on being a mom,and definetely, my hat goes off to you for being back at work. It is amazing you can do both. It takes SOOO much. My baby was born is june the 30th and she is an angel now. She was also a csection.
I did training with sacred a birhthing specialist, I encourage you to look for someone in your area or look for the book. I don;t know your spiritual beliefs but I do ask for help from my daughers guides and angels. I kid you not, it WORKS.I ask for constant help from Michael ,the Archangel to help me when I feel tired or feel a lost of balanceinside of me . It HELPS. You need to take care of yourself, massages, meditation,whatever you can. Babies sense energies, and they mirror ours. I was tought to tell Ariana, things such us,mommy is feeling upset about whatever and it is nothing to do with you, Mommy is feeling tired,just concern yourself by growing healthy and being happy.
Ah,super important, as soon as she was born Ariana had craneosacreal treatments for babies. It was a miracle to help her release the birth anxiety. I hope this was helpful
Ah, if your husband is depressed,well, baby can pick it up.so same thing, got to tell the baby that his daddy is depressed or whatever ,not baby;s fauld,baby just grow happy and healthy.
I never let Ariana cry. She is in arms a lot, I even do the family bed,If she needs something it is eather diapers changed, to be fed, burping or needs to be soothed or to get help to go to sleep.
They tought me that we need to put ourselves in the babies shoes. How would we feel to be brand new in this world? To feel harsh cloth against our super tender skin? harsh noises after being in mommy;s womb? Out of the warmth and protected enviroment were we developed inside of her?
I hope this helped. The US is an amazing country however being a new mother can be tough,having to go back to work right away and without enought community support or family support.
.Please be in touch.
http://www.sacredbirthing.com/

Megan - posted on 10/06/2011

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Thanks ladies. Today was actually better because we all three got out of the house. I think that is key right now- getting out of the house gives him something to look at and makes him tire more easily so naps were not as bad. He is also sleeping better tonight as a result. I also need to quit being stubborn and keep taking him to the baby chiropractor. When he was born he had lots of head/neck trauma from the C-Section and being stuck, and the chiropractor and massage therapist really helped him. Every time we take him to the chiropractor, she finds cervical stuff out of whack, which I guess can affect the vagus nerve and contribute to reflux. Might sound hokey, but there is lots of good research out there. Anyway, I need to keep taking him, because he DOES get better when we go. Thanks for letting me rant, and thanks for the suggestions- I especially like the shower idea! To Tracy, he actually eats really well, and sleeps well at night once I get him to stay asleep. I have thought about the reflux though......... Hmmm, things to think about. Feeling a little for sane today.

Tracy - posted on 10/06/2011

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While I'm definitely not one to push medication on anyone, especially children, my son had a similar - although less severe, from the sounds of things - problem. With Isaac, it ended up being reflux, and some of the symptoms sound similar to your little one: Screaming when he's lying down, screaming after he eats, screaming when I burp him (because of the acid coming into his throat from the reflux), not sleeping well... He ALWAYS needed to be in my arms. That part hasn't changed, but since he's been on medication for reflux, he's gotten so much better... it's almost like he's a different baby, in some ways.

How does your little one do when he nurses? With mine, at his worst, he couldn't eat more than a minute or two because of the pain. If you're finding he's having trouble eating, it might be worth it to take him to the doctor and see if it is reflux... I know that getting my son on medication not only helped him, but it helped my sanity, too!

Maria - posted on 10/06/2011

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You poor thing!! Have you tried showering with him??? Sometimes the skin to skin with the relaxing warmth of a shower can really soothe babies.. Even a gentle massage.. Also look for ways that you can have him close to you to bond and build a connection with baby.. Also get that husband of your s to bond with him too. Even if he is going thru his own depression. Make him spend time with baby cos baby may have noticed that their daddy isnt spending much time with them. You are doing such an excellent job to have last this long!! Keep it up love xo,

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