Hubby's deploying and going to miss birth of first child. Need coping advice.

Melissa - posted on 07/30/2009

(Starting from the top lol)
My mommy instincts have really started kicking in this trimester..its been awesome, you will really start getting like intuitions and feelings and so far mine have been dead on, it's pretty cool! :)
An ombudsman is a designated wife on a ship that usually communicates with the captain or a higher up to find out whats going on with the guys and everything, she also heads up parties and get togethers while they are gone. But like I said I get to talk to my husband pretty much every day so I don't need her..lol
The Military I believe will do 3 ultrasounds in total, I know they did 2 for me before I moved away and it was the first one at 11 weeks and then the second one at 20 and I know they have to take another one once you are farther along. I thought about the 3d things, they always weirded me out before but once again mommy stuff kicks in and nothing is gross it is allll cool and interesting, but the guy that does my ultrasounds here says that its not worth the money, he was like you are going to see the actual baby soon so save your money (because its expensive) But to each his own! :)
Yeah I'm back with my parents and I know that my mother will always be up before me and holding him when he cries in the middle of the night..I'm sure your mom will do the same! :)
That sucks that you got sick, I was really lucky, my mom never got sick either so I was hopeful. Don't worry about your weight hun I didn't start gaining weight until I was like 6 months along, I was actually loosing weight until then and was constantly getting yelled at by the nurses lol but I'm am exactly where I am supposed to be now :) Your body will do what it needs to..no worries, I've been taking all my baby care classes and its amazing what our bodies would do on their own if we didn't interfere. Don't forget to start taking your weekly/monthly pictures of your tummy..I forgot to do mine a few times and wish I had done them all every week instead of monthly and then whenever I remembered lol.
Good luck moving hun, where in Utah? My best friend lives in Murray. Just try and spend as much time as you can with hubby now, I really cherish our last, I don't want to say moments or activities..lol basically we just had fun like we went to theme parks and like dinner theaters, stuff we won't really get to do by ourselves again you know? Definitely treat yourselves to lots of date nights!

Shauna - posted on 07/30/2009

I can't wait to be fascinated by the pregnancy and have my mommy instincts kick in! How long did it take you? I just want to relax and enjoy this already! I keep watching movies on youtube and tv shows.. anything to do with babies. I watch them over and over again. Just like my baby books. I read the same passage a million times until I almost have it memorized until I actually reach that stage and then I move on to the next week.
That really stinks about the webcam on the ship thing. I guess I didn't even realize that would be a problem. I saw on the baby channel (that's what I call it) that an army guy got to see everything over the internet. I thought that would be awesome! Btw, I wasn't offended. I'm not even sure if my marine even gets internet. If you ever wanna vent you go right on ahead. I'll probably do the same to you. lol.
What is an Ombudsman?
I heard that the insurance only pays for one ultrasound. Can you get two? That would be soo cool! I was planning on getting one of those 3d/4d ultrasounds for myself, and not tell my husband, when I get to Utah. He doesn't want me getting one because he knows that if I get one he'll want to see it. hehe. Husbands...
That's so exciting that little Kamden is probably coming early! I was just reading about dropping yesterday! He should come soon! Wow! You're almost there! Do you have someone that's home with you that can help you out when the baby cries at night and you just can't take it anymore? I'm hoping my mom's grandmotherly instincts kick in and she takes over and gives me a rest. :)
Boy I wish my pregnancy hasn't been terrible so far. Just a few days ago I stopped needing my nausea meds. Food still mostly grosses me out but hopefully I'll start to crave foods soon. I'm in my second trimester and haven't gained a pound! So I really need to start eating more. My husband has been on a training thing for the last week so he'll be shocked when he comes home and finds a little baby bump! I can't wait to see his face when he hugs me. lol
I also don't talk to the wives in my hubby's unit. Way too much going on in there. I don't usually get along with military wives. I'll definitely keep you updated. When Benn gets back we have 2 weeks to pack up everything in our house and put it in storage or put it in the truck for us to take to Utah. He is being all protective and wants to drive me there and back. I like this whole Daddy side of him :)

Melissa - posted on 07/30/2009

My husband is the same way about seeing everything..wait until you are farther along, I have always been grossed out by everything ucky related to having the baby and well your mom instincts kind of kick in and you'll be fascinated too..I go on to Babycenter.com and watch videos all the time..lol

My husband is in the Navy so he is out to sea floating around on his boat lol..Which is why skyping the birth wouldn't work for us because the ship's internet isn't fast enough, unlike on land..I even brought that up to my ombudsman (not to offend you) but I don't see it as fair that they will let like soldiers on land get to see everything through web cam but I can't record it for my husband..(ahhh still needed to vent a little, I'm done now lol)

Anyways, I moved back home where there isn't any military bases close so I'm sure living near the Airforce one they will most likely let you do it because they understand. Congrats on finding out..I was around a military base when I found out and they would do another ultrasound until I was 20 weeks to let me know whether he was a boy or girl..but my story is a crazy one so let me just stop there..lol

We are having a boy and his name is going to be Kamden Edward, I just dropped like 4 days ago so he is probably coming early (which I always had a feeling he would) I'm due on Aug 31st but have a feeling he is coming around the 15th. I have been very very blessed, I never got sick, no complications what so ever, I'm not gaining an excessive amount of weight, everything has been perfect (I just get really bad heartburn but I refuse to give up all of my yummy foods lol)

You totally have to let me know what you are having and keep me updated on things! :) I don't talk to any wives from my husbands ship (too much drama, I learned my lesson fast) and if I can be any help to you it would be great!! :)

Shauna - posted on 07/30/2009

That daddy doll is a great idea! I never knew where to get one before. I was so worried about telling everyone on a support chat that I needed my husband because some women can go without their husbands with no problem. I'm so glad that you understand. Nothing can really replace them. This is our first deployment too. I know my family will do all they can but there really is no substitute.
I know my husband would LOVE to see everything. He loves that kinda stuff. His mind's very technical and has to see how everything works. You should see him when I get a pelvic exam. I have to hold him by my top half. (and yet he's freaked out by 3d/4d ultrasounds...) I'll definitely ask the hospital when I get there if I can record anything. I am hoping against hope they'll let me skype the whole thing to him. That would be ideal. That idea's on a probably-not-going-to-happen-pedistal right now. But it wouldn't hurt to ask.
Man the red cross sounds scary. I've only used them once when I was having my galbladder surgery and I was alone, (he was across country for 6 months). They got him there the day before the surgery and let him stay for 2 weeks while I recovered. Then my mom drove me across country to be with family while Benn went back to work. I'm moving next to an airforce base. I don't really know how they work. I hope it's basically the same. (yet another thing I'm freaked about) That's so awesome that your husband has internet access! Is he in Afghanistan or Iraq? Mine's headed to Afghanistan. I hope he has internet.
I'm due January 30th. I'm only 14 weeks along. I'm very happy I've stopped throwing up all day, every day :) I don't know what I'm having yet but I'm hoping to find out on the 7th. We'll be 15 weeks by then and hopefully be able to tell. I just call the baby He for now until we're told different. Have you decided on a name for your little one?

Melissa - posted on 07/30/2009

Yeah I am with family oh and one thing I am doing is getting one of these (http://www.hugahero.com/) a daddy doll because all my classes I'm going to and everything I'm reading says that you should be constantly giving baby one particular item (be it a blankie or toy) that it will be its comfort toy so I thought this was great! :) you are so right about the smells and especially the voices..i've had my husband record videos and such just for the baby so the baby will know who he is and recognize him when we see him again.

I am with family..I had to move back home because I just couldn't do it alone you know, plus it's our first deployment too..so they've helped but they can also stress you out, you know on your bad days noone will be able to help you except your husband so its hard for them to understand that sometimes but I guess they get it eventually..

Check with your hospital about the whole videotaping thing, every one has their own policy, I thought I didn't want EVERYTHING taped either until it got closer and I'm like wow it is pretty special and my husband wanted to see it all. So they won't let us do that but whatever, I can take pictures and video afterward so it will have to do.

My experience with the redcross (I hope it is just the office in my "hometown" that is like this) but the one and only lady that I can go through was a complete bitch! lol Like I was just trying to make sure I had everythign in order and was asking her questions just in case of like an emergency and such and she was just like..we won't contact him unless you are dying or after the baby is born..I'm like whatever..lol They are supposed to contact him if anything at all goes wrong (God forbid) but major or minor, I even contacted my ombudsman about it and she agrees and even called the evil lady for me and yelled at her..lol But like I said I hope its just my office lady that is a bitch and I'm sure you won't have problems with yours. I'm just extremely lucky that my husband has access to the internet almost 24/7 so technically I don't really have to go through the stupid red cross to reach him..

When are you due? Do you know what you are having yet? :)

Shauna - posted on 07/30/2009

Thankyou so much Melissa. It helps knowing I'm not the only one. Someone told us that babies don't really focus on faces that early, they focus on smells and sound. So they suggested that he sleeps with a receiving blanket and keep it in a ziploc bag until the baby can sleep on it. And to have him record his voice reading a story so that the baby will know his voice. Are you with family? I can't believe the hospital wont let you record it! I really want to record mine too. Well, not everything.... I want it above the equator. How has the redcross delt a low blow? That scares me. I thought they would help. You'll have to tell me how your husband reacts to your son. It'll be so sweet!

Melissa - posted on 07/30/2009

Hunnie I am going through the exact same thing right now..I am due next month and my husband has been gone for 3 months with 4 more to go. I know it is so hard and I don't know how to help you cope because I have my bad days and my worst days but there are also good days.. It is our first child and I was going to record it for him so he could feel like he was there and then my hospital says no..so I have gotten a lot of low blows (especially from redcross) But I just keep focusing on how amazing it is going to be when he comes home and gets to hold his almost 4 month old son for the first time and the joy on his face and everything..I am here for you if you need to vent because I can actually say I know how you feel!! :)