Dealing with emotions when the kids leave home and you feel empty and lonely

Tesha - posted on 10/21/2009 ( 103 moms have responded )

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I am in the state of life right now that it categorized as "empty nest", when your children leave home, go to college, or just start their lives without you. For me it is especially difficult because I was not prepared for the utter separation, I am not permitted to keep in touch too much for fear of jeapordizing what little connection that I have. My husband doesnt understand that I cry everyday and that its part of the grieving process. Anybody else going through this difficult time and want to share?

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Rita - posted on 12/06/2012

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One other thing I have recently learned is that what we are dealing with is like a death and we have to give ourselves permission to morn the loss of this relationship that we have had all these years.



I finally gave myself this gift and it has made a difference. It isn't all better, I still find myself in tears some times on a daily basis but it is better.



Rita

D - posted on 08/17/2013

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I totally understand what you mean. It is worse than loosing someone. The worst pain and emptiness I have ever felt. I was doing so good yesterday bit had to run to Walmart to pick up some groceries and things and I saw something I know my daughter would love and bang! Just like that I went from feeling okay to crying on my car. I love on 5 acres in a small town and the neighbors who want to give me advice don't have kids and don't understand. I help with my neighbors horses and pups as it is therapeutic for me and get my mind off things and he told me tonight that he is selling his house as his wife passed away a year ago and he cannot afford it. It is one more thing. Omg.

D - posted on 08/17/2013

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That is how I feel. I feel like I should be sucking it in as people say I will get over it. iOS her so very much. I cannot even watch tv shows braise we always watched them together. I also want her closer like you want your son. Move there or sometimes I find myself hoping she will get homesick and come home. I agree with you. This is the worst pain and emptiness I have ever felt. One moment I am okay and then something pops on my head or you catch yourself thinking...if they were with us, what would they say or do. I am an emotional wreck. I understand girlfriend. You are not alone. It is nice having people say what a good job you have done rising them but I would cut my arm off to have her here. I would love to stay on touch with you. Sounds like we both need support. I feel alone also

Carol - posted on 10/27/2009

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Hi- I feel that my job as a parent was to raise my children to be independent people. I'm sure that you did the same. I used to tell my kids that there is a life and a world beyond Mommy, Daddy and home and my job was to prepare them to stand on their own 2 feet. They want to spread their wings and try out their new found independence. Trust that they will make correct decisions and be there for them when they make mistakes. I was a little sad when my youngest left for college, but it was a time for my husband and I to things together and deepen our relationship. Don't mourn the loss, but view it as another stage of life. You will always be their mom.

D - posted on 01/20/2014

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This is D.,
I am doing better now, depending upon the day. My daughter came home for Christmas break and of course wanted to hang out wither friends. I cherished the time with her watching movies and just talking. It wasn't nearly as much as I would have wanted. I made the comment to her that I wish it were legal to chain her to the wall so she couldn't leave and she laughed. I am proud of her and the woman she has become. She doesn't realize as we, as parents, not just Mom's but Dad's also...we close our eyes and can still see and remember so vividly holding them for the first time in our arms, their first turn over, crawl, walk, words, bike ride, car ride, date...everything. All we have to do is close our eyes and it is like yesterday. They don't see what we see. Our babies will always be our babies. Yes, I cry and get mad. I am human. Yes, I try to be strong for everyone but you know what? Before she left to go back to college this time and yes, I will see her in a few months or more...I asked her to give me a hug that showed me how much she loves me and my little girl gave me a hug that made me cry. And through my seeping tears I told my little girl (though she is taller than me) that I am proud of her and the woman that she has become. I told her I was crying because I am selfish and want her with me and that I cherish every phone call and text but it isn't the same but I will take it because I know she is thinking of me. I told her that I feel like she doesn't need me anymore. Her response? That made me feel like I was walking on air? She told me..."Mom, I will always need you." I needed to hear that.
We all have made mistakes. Parenting doesn't come with a handbook. We do the best we can. We can only hope that we instilled the best qualities in our kiddos. I wouldn't change my little girl for the world. Please remember that you are not alone. There are so many of us going through this. It is easier to do it together.

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Barb - posted on 03/18/2014

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My situation is a bit different. My 34 yr old daughter and husband and 5 yr old grandaughter...live 3 blocks from my husband and I, thus we see them everyday and I help with her care. My younger daughter (who I campaigned to have and not be an only child like i was!)...will be 29 in May. She has always...lived in our town and at age 26 moved an hour and a half away to go to college to finish up...but the visits were frequent, dinners with us, shopping, and her Auntie role was so nice (we have no other grandchildren or children)...then she met...her fiance, who is from NYC/Long Island. Theyboth graduated and he decided he wanted to be near HIS family, HIS friends, and HIS home...they got engaged and...she moved with him. I feel as tho he kidnapped her basically and "sold" her on NY living. they have a little apt. in Queens, walked to restaurants, bistros, cafes, she goes to NYU grad school (a good thing)....they got a dog, she's cute but...but...but...I cant be happy for her as I miss her so much and I feel resentment that...the fiance didnt think of her family (and how small we are/his is huge)...and now we are the ones to adjust...not him, not his parents, grandparents or friends--they are thrilled he is back home...we text, she calls...but...I cant relate to her life...we cant have dinners, talks over coffee at Starbucks...thats the kind of "baby" she was to me and I had her a long time close to me. She felt "visits"...facetime, calls, will keep us in touch...but I feel I cant "settle" for that....oh boy. they have no wedding date yet--NYC/Queens too expensive!...even her new dog, I wish our dogs could play with it and our grandaughter could see her Auntie more in her life. I act interested, we text goodnight but I want to see her face, feel her hug. I also am not young, turning 65 this year....but I dont want her to feel guilty...it was her choice and she needs....to find out if that is where she wants to stay....and like the other moms...I secretly hope she will want to be near us, her aging parents and her neice:)....but I dont want to sabotage her relationship..."he" her fiance knows how we felt about her leaving...My other daughter and I are opposites and have our issues but the "baby" and I were close and she was just fun to be with. She plans to fly home again to visit--its a 2 hr flight but....then I will cry myself to sleep all over again....does anyone understand and give "an old dog" some advice...I dont want to hurt her, just be with her:)...I'm so conflicted:)

Tesha - posted on 03/01/2014

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Kristina, I was glad to see your post just this month about being encouraged. I dont get a chance to be on here much, but I saw your post and wanted to send you a big HUG! Praying for you friend! ♥

Kristina - posted on 02/12/2014

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The passing of time helps, and I must share what I have learned from talking to younger generations. A colleague shared with me how she left home on bad terms, but she is thankful for her parents putting a foot down and forcing her to figure things out on her own. She had to move out (not on good terms) and she was resentful but now she and her parents are fine. She is thankful for and understanding of their action, and she is now successful, she owns her home, and she is now in a serious relationship. When I was having this conversation with her, she explained how social media has such a great influence on our youth and the 20s are the new teen years. Our conversation gave me hope and I am hoping now that I did my daughter a favor by sending her out into the real world as opposed to keeping her home and trying to "fix" everything for her. My daughter is my baby, but she is no longer a baby; it's time she becomes a responsible adult.

Lillian - posted on 02/09/2014

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Lilliian c 2/7/14
I was crying today very sad but thank god my sister was with me! so hard but Iam planning on visiting her next week .....I can't wait to see her!!!!!!! They say as time goes by it's get better .I sure hope so!!!!!!!!

Lillian - posted on 02/06/2014

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LILLIAN C 2/6/14 YES I UNDERSTAND IT HAPPEN TO ME MY DAUGHER KEEPS IN TOUCH ... BUT SHE MOVE SO FAR AND WHEN I SEE HER "I WISH SHE COULD STAY LIKE OLD TIME'S BUT SHE MARRIED NOW.WHEN I CRY MY HUSBAND IS NOT SO HELPFUL HE JUST LET'S ME GO THREW IT.IT.S ONLY TWO MONTH'S BUT IT FEEL LIKE 2YRS ....I GO HOME IS LONELY NO NOISE IS JUST SOOOOOO... SILENT AT TIME'S...DINNER TIME IS THE WORST I S ME AND MY HUSBANDMY DAUGHER AND I USE TO TALK ABOUT ANY TOPIC ....HOPING THAT TIME WILL PASS AND I WILL FEEL BETTER.......

D - posted on 01/20/2014

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I hear you but I have to say that our jobs are never mostly done. I agree with everything. I text my daughter everyday even though she doesn't text me back all of the time. I asked her if she wanted me to stop and she said that she liked it. That made me feel good. Many people tell me to clip the cord and I just ignore them. She and I have a very close relationship and the people who are close to me know that. The others can go to h***. We all do what we think is right and each of us knows what is right for ourselves and our families. We are a family and will support each other.

D - posted on 01/20/2014

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Sandy, I still have those kind of days. Girl...you are not alone. Does your daughter have a cell and do you have the number? Call her and tell her you are sorry, even if it wasn't your fault. Never end the sentence with "but" though. If she won't take your call, text her. It will work out. Remember I am here

D - posted on 01/20/2014

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I hope you are doing better. I have my up's and downs still. It is so very hard. How are you doing?

[deleted account]

To D., - It IS like a death. Not ONE person I know can relate to that.

To Kristina - I too am a broken mom. As I said above- Not ONE person I know can relate to that.

I feel like the walking dead! Everyone thinks I should be jumping for joy because I don't have to take care of anyone, etc.

I am literally lost. My daughter left almost 3 weeks ago, not on good terms. Not one person around me seems to know the emptiness and pain. I felt like there was something wrong with me until I just stumbled upon this site. Thank God!

I feel like a walking shell!!!

Don't have time to read much tonight, but I'm so looking forward to it. Other moms are hurting like me!!! It's wonderful to be validated by you all!

Kristina - posted on 12/02/2013

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Hi Tisha. I am a broken mom. My last one left the nest and it was not on good terms. She is 21 and for the life of me I can't understand her line of thinking. I thought I was a good mom, but I question myself now. This is not how it's supposed to happen.

John - posted on 12/02/2013

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I just came accross this site and feel a little silly as I am a father of a beautiful 18 year old girl/Lady who is going overseas with a friend for 5 weeks. Being a male I guess it may surprise some people on this forum, however i feel what I feel and it is really hurting at the moment. in the last couple of days I just feel teary and stomach in a knot, cant seem to shake it.

Deb - posted on 11/11/2013

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I guess I feel a little better reading that other mothers have gone through this feeling. I have 3 kids. My daughter is soon to be 21 and talking about getting engaged. She spends most of her evenings with her boyfriend. My son is soon to be 18 and I thought everything was just great. He was staying here at home and going to college getting great financial aide and education. The problem is that he hates it and isn't going back in January. He is also 80% sure he will be going into the air force. I am crushed! I still have a 17 year old daughter, but I am just crushed. Cry all the time. I stayed home with my kids. I went back to school 3 years ago to complete my Masters and am now a full time Kindergarten teacher. I love my job and am so so busy. I cannot seem to shake this feeling.

Perri - posted on 10/28/2013

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My son left yesterday to go to another country to be with his girlfriend. I knew it was coming but I was not prepared. I started crying before he left. My other son is in the Army. He is in the states but he is across the country. I am a single mom and my children were my whole life. Sometimes I am all right but other times if I think of him or things he said or did I just start crying. If i go to places he used to work I feel so sad. Is there any easy way to get through this?

Michelle - posted on 08/18/2013

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Hi again D, thank for your uplifting words. It really does help. I also am sick of others looking at me strange and telling me I should be happy......I too feel like biting thier nose off....... I like that you speak your mind, I think maybe your daughter and you, and my son and I are alike, maybe that's why it feels like we have lost a limb here lol. I am trying to keep busy but your right, it just sits there. I am very lucky to have stumbled on you D! There must be the door that opens when one shuts as they say..... I would love to see pictures, I will give tou my email and send some too, it's getting warm here again. I come from the tropics, and I hate the summer here! Lol ou just sweat sweat sweat... My son is going into the army to train a as diesel mechanic. He is a bright boy, and yes pretty strong, we have had to endure some tough times. But for me this one is the toughest yet. I am happy he is happy tho, that kind of keeps me going . I love the idea of thunder shirts lol I feel like I need one of those lol. Xx here for you too . Hug. My email is opus3164@gmail.com x

D - posted on 08/18/2013

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Michelle,
I would love to have your email. We can share pictures of the kids and everything. And would be great to meet you. Thank you for the birthday wishes. I appreciate it. Let me tell you, I am not going to complain anymore as I cannot imagine not being able to even text my daughter. You are one amazing woman. It had to be so scary when you found out he was ill. I am so sorry. I haven't heard from daughter for a little while and find myself hoping she is okay. Dumb huh. I wish her the best but catch myself wishing she would get so homesick she would come back. I am trying to fill my time up bit it really doesn't help much and if I hear I more person say to get over it I am going to scream. I am lucky I haven't son and have thought that I am lucky he will be with me for some time. That is so very selfish of me but it is the truth. I don't have many friends at all as I speak my mind and most people don't like that. My daughter is the same way. Sounds like your son is strong like you. What branch of military is he in? Big storm moving in and dogs are freaking out. Have to put them in their thunder shirts. I am here girl.

Michelle - posted on 08/18/2013

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Hi D, Happy Birthday to you!! My best wishes to you xxx I wish for you the best day possible , and I wish you could be with your daughter too. thank you for your letter, it's so nice to speak to someone who really understands how it feels. I am really struggling with it, my son is at kapooka, that's where they train them intensely.they take his phone away, and they are not allowed to contact family in the first few weeks or month. It's so hard not being able to text or talk to him. He got very sick down there and was put in hospital and rang me from there. You could imagine my worry and frustration with not being able to do anything to help. At least I got to talk to him , but then they took his phone again and I have no idea when I will speak to him again. I write every day too, and I also have a heap of cards to send! Lol. But again they hold back the mail for the first few weeks.
Your so lucky you have your son at home, I have a daughter that is in the same city as me, but she has a partner and I don't see much of her, and my son and I were very close. I am trying to find a support group here, but there is nothing for this. And it really is like a death, but people don't understand , so you can't really tell them. I live alone now, and have little support, so I am trying very hard to find something. I think I may be getting depressed;(.
I am going to try a water color painting class......but nothing fills that huge empty hole in my chest. I hope for us both that in time this passes, and we can share some happy memories without hurting. I would love to come to America one day, who knows? We may meet one day and share photos of our loved children :). I am thinking of you xxxx your daughter is lucky to have such a loving mum. Ps, would love to know more about you too, if it's easier I can give you my email? Not sure how that works on these sights.....xxx

D - posted on 08/18/2013

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Thank you so very much Michelle.
You know exactly how I feel and what I mean. Yesterday she didn't text me to say ilu. I stayed up with phone on hand until after 1 waiting. I am so happy that she is doing well but I wish I could at least talk to her at least once a day. Don't get me wrong. I am happy for her but what I would do to have her here with me. I bought a boat load of cards the other day to write to her and my 16 year old son asked when we can go visit her. He is having difficulties too. I text her good morning every morning but I know she is getting ready for classes to begin and she doesn't text back. She has called me a couple of times and I pretend I am doing great as not to worry her but always end with,"I miss you." Tomorrow is my birthday and it will be the first time she isn't here. On top of that, my husband won't be either.
I stay at home and take care of my son, 5 acres and I volunteer with a dog rescue (I have 4 of my own) but feel as if I am contributing nothing. Need to occupy my time. My poor neighbors. I love cleaning and baking so my house is clean and I have food. Lol. Sending you hugs girl. Hang in there.
Australia sounds like a beautiful place. My old neighbor was from there.

Michelle - posted on 08/18/2013

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The people around me don't understand either. They think I should be happy to be free of the responsibility, but I agree it's worse than a death. And I have had those too. It's like part of me has been taken out....and I will never feel the same. I have a little dog, that I am hoping my nasty ex does not try to take, and a little hand raised parrot. They help too. I am here any time you need to talk. If I could send you flowers I would ()() ()

Michelle - posted on 08/18/2013

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That is uncanny, I have just come back from our wall mart, which is woolworth.I am from Australia , and the same thing happened! It was something I would buy for him to eat, and I am really down today.nothing is helping, I have washed the dog walked in the park, but all I can think is my life feels worthless. It sounds nice where you live, I love animals too. And sad to hear about your neighbor, there is a lot of pain in the world at the moment I think. All I know is at he moment I would be the happiest chap in the world if my son was here again. Got to try and move on. I must thank you again for staying in touch, I would love to communicate more, is it possible to email each other? Or better here? It sounds like we have things in common. It's nice to know we are not alone in our feelings . Hugs

Michelle - posted on 08/17/2013

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Thank you so much for your reply it means a lot. I woul love to stay in touch. It's hard when no one really understands. I have the same things happen to me, and sometimes I am kind of coping, but then I think of all the things we could be doing together. It just feels so final. I am sending you a cyber hug (((())))) I am crying now as I write this! I am trying to do things for myself, but the pain is like a big hole in my chest. Staying in touch with someone who understands would mean so much.thank you D. Please feel free to write to me any time

Michelle - posted on 08/17/2013

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My son has just joined the army and I am having so much trouble letting go.. I miss him and cry all the time. I feel empty inside, and just want him to come home. I know this won't and should not happen but the pain is so strong. I feel like moving down to where he is but I know that's not right. Any advice on how to deal with this? I am alone with no real support

D - posted on 08/15/2013

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I just got home last night with my 16 year old high functioning autistic son after driving 5 hours one way to drop my daughter off at college. When we were getting ready to leave she was so very happy and I was trying to suck back my emotions as not to upset my son. Couldn't sleep last night as that was my time and just cried. My daughter and I were...are inseparable and now? I have texted her last night and this morning and now, no reply. Drove my son to school, kept my composure with him and cried when I got home. Feel so very alone. I hope this doesn't last long. We are so close, we finish each others sentences. Monday is my birthday and she won't be here. Crying again. I don't show emotions in front of others...suck it in girl...right

Gina - posted on 07/25/2013

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It is really hard. One thing that has been happening is other kids are sort of gravitating to me. His friend who lives next door told me anytime I missed him too much I could talk to him. I thought that was really sweet.

Gina - posted on 07/25/2013

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Hi everyone, thank you for your replies to my comment. I was in a real state of depression. My son joined the army and at the time I had gone three weeks with no contact whatsoever with him. I have since received letters and seen his pictures of him in boot camp. That helped a lot. I live with my in laws and my mother in law has been much more supportive than she was being at that time. So, I'm not in that deep state of depression I was in when I first posted.

I will say that the quiet is too much sometimes, and no matter how bright the sun is shining there is a darkness with out him around. I just wish I had not taken him for granted as much. He is my heart and I love him so much. I am also very proud of him.

That's all I gotta say except this empty nest syndrome is for the birds! It's a very real thing and moms who still have their babies (grown or little) at home, enjoy them. You will miss them when they move on.

Elizabeth - posted on 07/24/2013

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I feel the same and am not even in the same city as my children and grandchildren I have no friends here and cry every day I am 64 years old and know I need to get out and get involved with women my age but have a hard time making new friends My husband says I stay in my cave and won't even get the mail I have made myself sick from all the crying I do have a few friends in different states who are going through the same feelings so you are not alone I don't feel needed except for my husband but he works all day I live in Mandarin Fl in Jacksonville so maybe their are others on here I could connect with I can't tell you it will get better because I have been like this for 2 years God Bless you dear mom you are not alone

Gina - posted on 07/15/2013

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Why does it seem like husbands don't go through this? My husband looks at me like I'm crazy and tells me I'm crazy because I keep crying so much and so sad.

I literally don't know how to live now and I don't think I want to learn. I'm not suicidal, I just don't see any reason to want to live. I'm so lost and so lonely and I'm just driving people away, I don't deal well with emotions.

I really hate myself, I haven't worked in 15 years and I don't think anyone would want to hire me. I have no siblings. I feel like a useless piece of garbage. I feel very unloved.

Tesha - posted on 07/07/2013

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Thanks to everyone who posted on this feed over the last several years. Here's my update. I have resolved through lots of faith and prayer to hold on to God with my whole heart and constant prayer has really helped me to deal with my emotions. Some days are still hard and I have had my kids move in and out over the past few years so my empty nest grieving has become extended. A wonderful friend offered a book that I have read and shared with others during this time. It is called, "Second Calling: Finding Passion & Purpose for the Rest of Your Life" by Dale Hanson Bourke. This book was so encouraging to me, and I think I should probably get it back out and re-read it. My heart goes out to all of you who have struggled through these emotions and to everyone who responded to this post. God bless all of you and may you find peace in a job well done with your kids (whether you feel like it or not), and move forward to your next great adventure in life! Hugs to all of you! :)

Sher - posted on 06/24/2013

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I have felt a sense of joy, sadness and fear. My one and only left for college 8/2013. We both were experiencing a case of seperation anxiety.1 year prior to our departure. He is now in college and has since moved with his father to attend college based on in-state tuition. I was blessed to have a beautiful baby boy. My mom passed away when he was 11 months old. I was my mommas baby. So even at age 24, I felt alone, buy I was happy to have my baby with me. I experienced a lot of torment from the paternal grandmother for reasons I never understood, including attempts to kidnap my baby. I have forgiven, over and over, but now my boy has left the nest to conquer his destiny, I have been feeling a lot of things. First, it felt like I still wanted to mourn the loss of my mom. I kinda didn't do it so much because of my baby. Then, I felt a sense of loss with not being married and mu son leaving. So, I am trying to adjust a lot of obstacles that I have had to fight. Most weren't too easy. I want to remember my mom the way she was and my baby the way he was. I keep getting small gymps' of his sweet face. I have a lot of things bottled up and they thrive as anxiety one day and joy on other days. I just want to really let go and let God have His way. Its coming and I cannot wait for the freedom. I am 42 yrs old and I want to enjoy my years.

Vickie - posted on 05/28/2013

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Yes, and to put it into two words, it hurts. My son just got married and their moving away tomorrow and I just took my youngest son to the airport going to the navy. They are both wonderful kids but I miss them being in the house.

Brandy - posted on 04/28/2013

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My son leaves tomorrow for the Air Force, I can't stop crying! I am suppose to be proud and excited for him but I am just scared and sad for myself. My husband does not seem to understand why I cry so much. Has anyone else been through this?

Lynn - posted on 04/22/2013

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Hi. I am a single mom of 4 boys for the past 14 years. Within 9 months my two oldest boys moved out separately. Both with good lives ahead of them. They both have good jobs and are very independent and capable of whatever they do. So while my head tells me I did right by them, my heart hurts so much. Letting go is so so hard. I cry all the time just at the thought of what isn't anymore. I don't want to be selfish but being sad I feel is being selfish. I read something that I keep trying to remember. From the day they are born it is a parents job to love them and raise them to be capable of living in this world as grown ups !! Responsible and capable. If at age 19 and 20 your adult children are able to successfully move out. Job well done !! Sad thing is this. I never for a day thought it was my job. It was my love and enjoyment... It's hard to move on to different phases especially when loving them and being with them daily is all you know. I sure hope this gets easier. The worry is torture !

Cristina - posted on 01/14/2013

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I have been grieving since they left my belly! Rejoice in the fact that they are out on their own and your job is mostly done. Be there for them every time they call you. Text them once a day or every few days to tell them something short and sweet, don;t be afraid to let them know how much you love them or miss them or respect them as a grown-up. Text them a pix of when they were a baby or something sweet, maybe once a week. If they don;t reply, they are busy but they are smiling. I told my sons that they will always be my babies and not to ever think they are just gonna love me and leave me haha

Ginny - posted on 01/07/2013

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This last year has been one of changes and the final straw was when my daughter and her family moved out. This is the first time my grandchild has not lived in the same house since he was born. The worst part is the silence and not having them there. My head knows that I will still see them but my heart hurts. My husband also is dealing with the recent death of a parent is thinks I should get over it and deal with it. How do I stop crying and realize all the good things this can bring?

Karen - posted on 12/25/2012

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I am so lucky , as while I am going through this with my daughter not living me me anymore , I have met the most amazing man just before she moved out, and he has supported me a great deal with this.
We spend a lot of time together and this helps me not feel so alone.
I didn't hear from my daughter at all on Christmas day but I will not let this bother me.
I sent her a text on Christmas morning telling her I hope she had a very happy Christmas where ever she was, but no reply.
She is coming over on Sunday to have my new boyfriend fix her stereo up in her car , so this will be a good opportunity to see my darling again , I cannot wait. I miss her so so much it hurts.

[deleted account]

I totally understand how you feel. I feel so lost. They live in a different town than me and are spending Christmas with their dad. I miss them terribly. It just doesn't feel like Christmas. It is so hard letting them go, but I do know that it is important to allow them to live their lives. Where do I fit in now? I know they love me and miss me too, but I feel so sore inside. How do I do this and what do I do with myself now that my kids are adults?

Ventris - posted on 12/12/2012

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Because of the economy, I have enjoyed having my children continue to live at home. Today, my 23 year old told me that he is ready to move out and wants to experience being on his own. I was encouraging and shared the joy of my first apartment. Inside though, I was crying and my heart was very heavy. I don't know when the move will happen, I suspect within the next couple of months but I know inside I will be sad and outside I will display a smile and be supportive, loving and caring. I will probably pray harder.

Karen - posted on 12/12/2012

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Thank you so much for that .

I will get center link to send me something.

Thank you Rita.

Rita - posted on 12/11/2012

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Some days I just don't know what my purpose is and just don't seem to be able to enjoy things like I want to. Was so amazing to see a post from my second daughter about good memories of when I drug them out to go caroling. She hated it but they were great memories. Did my heart good to see that.

Rita - posted on 12/11/2012

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I am so sorry that yo are dealing with that Karen, In time she will get it but maybe get a copy of child support information and highlight that child support is for the CARE AND MAINTENANCE of the child. Not to save for future use for the child. If it was supposed to be a savings they would require it to be put in a savings account not be sent to the custodial parent for their care... Just an idea.. I will continue to pray for you as well.

Shelda - posted on 12/11/2012

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It takes time but "When we accept that we have no control over a situation that we are able to let go. And it's THEN that we slowly manage to climb out of the black pit and start to live again." I belong to another group and this very wise woman posted this.

Elena - posted on 12/11/2012

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Hi Tesha yes it's funny how you feel like you are alone in this but you're really not. I felt the same way I have 1 son 17yrs old who will graduate in May and is planning on leaving away to college, I think I cried almost everyday but I had a lot of help from great friends and I see we have a lot of other mothers here who share in the same situation. It's safe to know that you are not alone. As 1 mother responded to me she said take a class, or even join a gym she is right it is time to think about ourselves as selfish as that may sound we have done a great job at raising our kids and it gives us comfort to know that they want to go off to college. I am currently in the process of reading a book that was recommended to me by a great friend I went to high school with it's called "The Grief Recovery Handbook" by John W. James and Russell Friedman. When she first emailed me about it I thought I didn't lose anyone but one doesn't put together that it is a grieving process we go through. I recommend that you read it and we are all here if you need us. After all we should be a support group for each other. If not I think we would cry all the time. Take comfort in knowing that you do not stand alone. take care.

Karen - posted on 12/09/2012

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Thank you so much Tesha.

You are right though , I have been doing a bit of finding me , and its funny as with raising your children we do forget about who we are, I love how my daughter made me feel comfortable being my self and I could act like a idiot in front of her and she would always laugh at me , but she is the only one who can bring that out of me.

I am going to miss that side of me.

Karen

Shelda - posted on 12/09/2012

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It gets better in time.You gave it all to them and now you need to find yourself again. Wish I had saved some of me when my children lived at home. I gave it all and saved nothing for me. Stayed at home and brought them up then they left with anger at me. Discover yourself and in time you will be okay.

Karen - posted on 12/07/2012

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I am so worry Rita to hear about all the problems in your family.

and yes I will pray for you dealing with similar stories.



My daughter text me again last night as she found out that I in boxed her friend to ask how she was going.

She texed me and abused me and told me to stop talking to her friend , and then started blaming me again for her being in dept , and says that i should have been saving the child support for her again, and its my fault she didn't get a head start in life .

I think the best thing for me to do is just back off and leave her alone , she had me so wild last night and this is not helping me deal with her moving out.

Karen

Rita - posted on 12/06/2012

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It sounds like we are all going through some of the same things. I have spent the last 33 years being a mother to five children. My youngest graduated high school last year and has since been very rude and disrespectful. He moved into the home of his best friends parents and doesn't realize that at the end of school they were so happy that I was sending him to college out of state because they wanted their son home. When they hang out they do all sorts of crazy things and feed off each other. When my son came home they let him move in there and he doesn't realize what the reason is but continues to treat me like I am nobody.

I have helped my children financially until it has caused me difficulty so the Bank of Mom is closed now. My youngest son seems to think it is my job to give him everything he wants but he is getting a rude awakening and finding out that it is his job to take care of himself.

As for Karens daughter that things the child support you received for her "Care and Main" while she was growing up she needs to be reminded how much utilities and rent and her school activities as well as clothing and other things cost and let her know that what you received was not for her to have at her leisure but for you to use for her upkeep.

I raised all of my kids mostly on my own except for the last 8 years I have been remarried but my husband has not been a "father" nor a friend to my youngest. He would help with things like taking me to his sports events but as for being a role model he wasn't.

I will keep you all in prayer and hope you will pray for me as well. My youngest is Josh. Josh has been drinking alcohol for the last two years with his buddies and I am very worried about him.

My oldest son is 25 and has been home from the Marine Corps since last year. He lives on his own but he had three traumatic brain injuries and has serious PTSD from the wars. He was in Iraq and Afghanistan. His best buddy was killed in front of him and he is struggling horribly with the memories. He is drinking terribly and is certainly an alcoholic which really worries me. He has attempted to take his life over the PTSD twice in the last seven months.

My youngest daughter is 26 and had after a terrible abusive situation and her husband getting another woman pregnant and then three months later he got my daughter pregnant with their second child and then she found out about the other woman. This just tore her up and he left her for the other gal because their baby had heart problems well my daughter got messed up with drugs, I had her two babies and things just kept getting worse for her and she went to prison. She is home now and working hard to get her life in order. She is working on visiting her children now and hope that will be soon.

My second daughter is 29 and an amazing young woman but also is now going through a divorce. She is out of state and I can not afford to go to her. She is raising two precious children as well.

My oldest is 32 and she is married to a drug addict. They keep having children to live off the system and have four children now.

I feel like I messed up so much with them but have to realize that they are making their own choices and I did raise them with good values and morals but they are doing their own thing. I just pray that at some point they will realize things and we will have a chance to share more of life together. I am not in the best of health.



We all have a lot to deal with but I hear that this is just another part of life for them to grow up. This is when we have to stand firm and not allow them to bully us into giving them everything they want but remind them that we love them and now is the time that we need to be taking care of ourselves and we can offer them encouragement. Be there to listen and again that we will always love them in a way they will not understand until they have raised a child.



Blessings to you all,

Rita

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