Corina - posted on 12/13/2009 ( 44 moms have responded )
hes going lean about sex a 10 and has not clue bout it ...Learning about sex 2 early...or not? Should my husband talk 2 him first?
Corina - posted on 12/13/2009 ( 44 moms have responded )
hes going lean about sex a 10 and has not clue bout it ...Learning about sex 2 early...or not? Should my husband talk 2 him first?
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Deborah - posted on 02/17/2012
This topic often confuses me.
There seems to be real confusion going on. I agree that the schools should consult closely with parents, but I've heard often 'My child came home from school after being told this, and I'm not happy.' These parents seldom seem to make a point of asking the school about the policy for sex education beforehand - if it is so important to them, why don't they ask right off the bat?
Why don't they talk to their children to actually see what they chat about in the playground, what ideas they're getting about sexuality? This should have been started at home anyway, and is no good complaining that the education system beat you to it.
Dealing with things afterwards is the mentality that might explain the teenage pregnancy rate in this country ( i was one of theses ) the highest in Europe. EDUCATION is the way forward. Children understand far more than we give them credit for.
It is exactly the attitude that bodies/sex etc are 'lewd' or a bit 'innapropriate' that causes a culture of whispers, giggles and shame. Ok, maybe oral sex etc is going too far, but surely discussing loving relationships, how babies are made, body part etc is healthy and positive?
I look around at the fashion for young girls, the Hannah Montana/High School Musical culture obsessed with relationships, boys and being pretty, and wonder how these parents think that this is perfectly ok, with no mention of the 'real' facts of life?
Also, we all watch the news, and unfortunately, not every child has a home where a loving adult can be expected to teach them what they need to know. This education may even help children who are being abused finding a way to speak out. Knowledge is power.
Personally I have no problem with it, my 3 girls (even Freya ) have known the ''facts of life'' in an age appropriate way since they were about 3/4 ...my rule is that if they are old enough to ask the question they are old enough for the answer.
Both girls and boys can start having hormonal changes from this age. Certainly, I'd expect a lot of girls to know about periods by the age of 9 just so that they're prepared.
The other way to look at it is that they would have been given correct information unlike perhaps if they are finding out from friends, and if you feel embarrassed at least you haven't had to approach the subject first.
that's only how i feel lol
Jerusha - posted on 02/11/2012
Well, what most of the mothers on this website believe is proper is to let your 10 year old watch pornos to learn all about sex. Personally, I believe 10 is too soon to have an indepth conversation about sex with a child. 30 years ago, we weren't so open about sex with children, and children were growing up with better morals.
Karen - posted on 04/29/2010
Ladies, young and older as I am(48) with 4 grown children ages 22,23,25, & 27. I went through a book Preparing for adolescence. We need to come to terms with the fact our "babies" do grow up with or without the information. So try to not get sooo emotional that it blinds you to what is necessary for your child needs to be able to live in this world and not be a victim! When we go to anger this is a protective mechanism which is ingrained in us as a mother, but to protect not Isolate them from the world. My children still ask the most private questions about anything they need advice on. Open the door to HONESTY about all things and they will always respect your participation in their lives!
Crystal - posted on 04/20/2010
scrolling down I've seen one really negative reply with the suggestion that children at the age of 10 have no business being taught about their body. While that is a really nice, but no longer exsistant reality, I think it's pretty unfair to say that we have young mothers because they were taught about their bodies and/or sex as a child. 1) I'm pretty sure I'm considered a young mother being 31 w/an 11yr old. I wasn't taught about sex or my body as a child and still ended up getting Married at 18 and having a son at 20. 2) I was taught about drugs and never experimented with them BECAUSE i was made aware of possibilites of not handling them, not because they were illegal, but because I was made aware that I didn't have the personality to handle them. "REAL" connections as to why they'd be a bad idea. 3) pretty sure every parent has the right to dicline their child participate in this designated class. If not, I'd be bringing up that issue. 4) the very sad reality is that I have had 10yr old girls come in to deliver babies. I have watched 10 yr old children try to actively act on their hormones. They learn it early than we did. Do you really want you're child to learn from another child or whould you like to teach the properly?
It's parents/people that are scared to teach their child about their body that usually end up with problems. Sorry, but I felt the need to stand up for all us mothers that do take an active part in teaching out chidren about life even if we don't really want to face that this is actually happening so early in their little lives.
Bridgette - posted on 04/19/2010
Take this opportunity to not only allow them to learn it in health class but be sure to have age appropriate conversations with them (my husband took the lead in this area first, then I followed). That way you can put things in their proper context. There is so much on TV that our children are exposed to that we are not always aware of. Children talk to each other and are exposed to other children who may having more exposure to more mature topics. By creating a strong foundation and open dialogue, you counteract alot of outside influences that you may not even be aware of. I have 5 boys. My oldest is 13 yrs old. So much goes through a boys mind. My husband has really helped me to understand my sons more intimately. I have long believed that boys are prematurely mislabeled . They have a purity and innocence in them that is overlooked. Create a nurturing environment so that they can feel confortable talking to you. As the parent, you want to be the more influencial source of information for them at pre-teen, tween and teenage years. Now our son knows, he can ask questions and talk to us about whatever concerns them.
Crystal - posted on 04/16/2010
I asked myself the same question when my 10yr old came home from school with a sex ed permission slip in 4th grade. After discussion with my husband, we thought it would be the best thing because all the other students would tell their own story and our son would likely learn it from some other kid. Which is exactly what happend. an older student gave him her version of what she perseived sex as so, I ended up having to have an un-detailed version of a sex talk with my 10 year old. As much as we don't want to think about it, I've sadly seen 10yr old girl come into the ER to give birth without it being a rape case. :( Our kids are going to grow up faster than we did I think and we need to be prepared to handle the issues.
Karen - posted on 03/11/2010
first of all the term "sex" education has a negative meaning from what the sexual media teaches. The real teaching should be about the human body and how it changes as we grow, meaning it is natural to have feeling for the opposite gender (sex) We shouldn't be afraid to talk about the body as if it is something dirty or secretive. Teach respect and boundry's without the fear.
Tiffani - posted on 02/27/2010
i had d same problem with my 10 year old daughter i was upset because they took all the girls in her 4th grade class and had a conversation with them about puberty periods and sex it upseted me because i feel like that should be something that is taught at home first or they should at least ask the parents if they want their child to participate i think it is not fair for those parents who really want to be a parents and teach their children all aspects of life instead of hearing it from someone else first
Amanda - posted on 02/25/2010
i beleave that the parents should talk to their kids about sex first to prepare them for what there going to learn in school. i also beleave that it should be the parents choice for there kids to learn it at that young of an age and should have the right to refuse for their children to attend such a class at an early age.
Debra - posted on 02/15/2010
I think that his dad should talk to him first about sex. I believe in having open communication about the subject sex. It is better for you children if they learn about it from the parents and that they keep an open mind about it. Make sure you answer all there questions about it.
Jessica - posted on 02/13/2010
10 is about the average age of the onset of puberty, I think your husband should talk to your son about the soon to be or already possible changes in his body, and reassure him that they are all normal, and also tell him that in school this year he will learn about it in more detail. but if he has any questions its okay for him to go to dad (or mom if your comfortable) with any questions he may have that may not have been covered in class.
Mary - posted on 02/12/2010
maybe it about time your talk to her about sex. even if she doesn't sit in on the class she hear her class mates talk about it in school. talk to the teacher what they going to talk about in health class. so you can talk to her about it.
Nadia - posted on 02/11/2010
I can't take it! How can you possibly think it helpful for a kid at 10 to change his thinking about life.
A 10 year old boy should be riding his bike and learning how to understand why he has extreme emotions/aggression and confusion and more importantly and how to respect himself and other children. Girls should be playing with games and gaining the much needed hormonal heath information that will defend their bodies from things like breast cancer and bone degeneration as they get older. As well as the same respect lessons of the boys. Sex ed. will not help a young child's confusion, it only adds to his or her questions.
I propose the idea that possibly these extremely young parents may possibly have known too much. Human nature is to try and experience the things they learn about. Let's face it, that is life... to try, use and experience what you know and learn.That is the primary job of a child from birth on.
Which brings me to my last and final point. We are the parents of our children and we should determine when our child needs to know. Not society because society really doesn't care what happens to my child after the information is placed there or if they fall victim using the information they collect from all the sources they find.
I stick to the belief that schools should start to focus on teaching respect of one's self, others and their bodies. Parents should advocate for their children and teach them what they need to know about human sexuality. As Rehmat says in her posting sex is "not something to be ashamed of" but it is something that should be shared in love not experimentation.
Sara - posted on 02/11/2010
It's unfortunate, but I think it's a good idea for young kids THESE DAYS to be taught sex ed early on. Because even at 10, they could be a parent in the next year. Although it might even help for you and/or dad to talk with him beforehand. Better for him to hear it from parents and teacher than from other kids at school. :)
Rehmat - posted on 02/11/2010
ten is not too young . there are kids who at the age of 12 are mothers .sex is a way of life not something to be ashamed of . its a warm communication between two people . i dont think your son is going to have nightmares going to a sex ed class at school and it certainly wouldnt hurt if both of you talked to him together about it without being graphic.
Ann M - posted on 02/11/2010
Candice...you've made some EXCELLENT points! >:o) Having knowledge doesn't cause people to go experience/use it. Just because I learned about drugs or mountain climbing or driving 100 MPH doesn't mean I did those things. I am a lily-livered, chicken-hearted, pansy! >:o) IMHO, it is a LACK of information/knowledge that causes people to act in very dangerous ways. (Well, geees, I didn't know that if I did "X", "Y" would happen.) So, schools teaching the biological aspects, including how animals/humans reproduce is, I feel, very important. BUT, it needs to occur in an age-appropriate way. OH - males can get erections nearly from birth. Simply b/c the penis is erect or hard doesn't mean that anything else (ejaculation, etc.) will occur. I recall my son sitting at the breakfast table when he was about 3.5 y.o. and saying something similar to what your kiddo said to you. Thanks for writing! Being a single Mom is tough. My Mom was a single Mom. She managed to work, earn, 2 masters degrees, earn a doctorate, raise 2 daughters, and transcend THREE bouts of breast cancer prior to her untimely death from a car accident. YOU can do it. Just reach out to communities of Moms as you are right now. >:o)
Candice - posted on 02/11/2010
This is a really hard one. On one hand, maybe most of these kids wouldnt know so much if the schools werent exposing it to them at such a young age. But on the other hand, there are some kids that are exposed to sex and everything that goes with it outside of school who will be informing the kids that dont know anything. Some kids develop faster and experience changes earlier on. I am a single mother of an 8 year old boy and yesterday he was complaining his "weiner" was hard and didnt know why, and it was bothering him. I didnt know what to say at first cause I didnt know an 8 year old could get a "boner" I told him to just leave it alone and it should go away on its own. Maybe the schools could teach them about there OWN bodily changes, then a little later teach them about SEX. I dont want my little girl to know "how to have sex" then it triggers her curiosity and wants to experience it before she should! WWAAA!! Maybe i'll just throw them, and their childhood innocence in a bubble! lol
Ann M - posted on 02/02/2010
I'm gonna' sit this one out. Thanks for the invite, tho'.
Nadia - posted on 02/02/2010
I think that it would be crazy for me to agree that my child should be learning about 'sex' in school at 10. However I do think it is my responsibility to have them be aware of their own body and how it works at least byt this age anyway.
As it is my son is 10 and has no interest in sex issues or having a knowledge of it. He covers his eyes when there is a kissing scene on tv for goodness sake. I think it wise for me and other moms to wait for the signs that the child is ready to hear and have an understanding of what sexuality is about.
I think it better safer and wiser for schools to teach self respect and how to show respect for ones body as well as other bodies both male and female. For the record children learn about the human body parts in the more primary grades starting with preschool.
My question is 'Why do we want to take away childish thoughts and ideas and place more grown up one in their place.'
Children will ask and as parents we can answer.
Well that is my 2cents worth. I hope you trust your own heart on this matter and not lest society dictate the best choice for you and your child.
Ann M - posted on 02/01/2010
Then at least I will agree to respectfully disagree with your opinion. My education (Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology) and experience (as both a parent and a clinician) have shown that the earlier children know that appropriate name for their body parts (@ age 3-4 yrs) and "where babies come from" (@ age 5-7) the more comfortable they are with their bodies and their own sexuality. Thanks for conversing with me.
Maria - posted on 02/01/2010
I don't agree with kids being taught at such a young age. It should be the parent to teach them about sex, I don't agree with teachers to teach them.
Ann M - posted on 02/01/2010
Paula...it was similar at my school - but that was WAY back in the 20th century! >:o) Things HAVE changed. BUT, I can only imagine that the way that human biology/sex education is taught differs from school district to school district, and may be taught in an even more sensitive way than it was when I was a kiddo. It is important that as parents, we are active in our local school districts and learn about the curriculum. Excellent point, Paula!!!
Paula - posted on 02/01/2010
Are they teaching sex ed or is it more health ed? When my daughter was 10, they did not talk about sex, but they started introducing kids to their organs, including male and female differences. They discussed girls periods. Which is a good thing since there are reported cases where girls as young as 11 start their periods. My daughter was one of those 11 year olds. Had she not been educated about her body she would not have known what was happening. The boys and girls were separated.
Ann M - posted on 02/01/2010
Maria...you wrote, "I think that if a kid wants to know about something that they should be asking their parents and not some teacher." How is it that a child can ask ANYONE to teach them something about which the child knows nothing about? It is not the child's responsibility to ask for knowledge, it is the parent's responsibility to teach, as well as to allow them to learn and have knowledge reinforced in the presence of their peers. Why does it have to be either the parent OR the teacher. Why can't it be the parent AND the teacher working with kids?
Maria - posted on 02/01/2010
I think that if a kid wants to know about something that they should be asking their parents and not some teacher. That is the way my mom raised all 5 of her kids and we can talk about it still to this day because I think that it made us closer because I knew that I could always come and talk to her about literally anything.
Ann M - posted on 01/30/2010
Please think about going to the bookstore or library with your husband so that the two of you may choose a book that is appropriate for your son. Then, BOTH of you can sit and talk about sex with your son. There will be multiple discussions, of course. Sometimes, maybe he'll want to speak with only you. Other times, he'll want to speak with your husband. However, if the family works on this situation, then your son can learn that sex is a wonderful and miraculous event that should be entered into in a responsible manner. Also, I do feel that Health/Sex Education in a public forum such as schools is very important for kids. Good Luck. There are some VERY good books out there to help parents introduce sex to their kids.
Yesenia - posted on 01/25/2010
i think he should take the class, i assure you its age appropriate. i took the class around that age my self and i learned alot. kids these days are having sex very early and alot of parents dont take the time or ever bother to sit and have the talk any more. lets face it times have changed and kids are maturing very fast. you should sit with him or her and talk before the class , im sure youll be surprised how much he or she really knows. some one else's kid is talking to your kid about sex and hes giving him or her alot of wrong info. its just a fact!. you should talk with your child after every class and ask him or her what she learned and how she feels about it , that way you can still but your own views and ideas into the mix aswell. you dont want your child to end up going through puberty and have no clue whats happening to their bodies. i got my first period at 9 and i had no idea what the heck was going on , my mom thew a pad at me and said congrats your a women that was it! , it wasnt till i got to the class that i really fully understood what was going on. so in my view it helps. it also helps break the ice alittle since kids are most of the time very self concious to talk about things like that with there parents and ask questions.
Janet - posted on 01/24/2010
I do not feel the school should be a teaching ground for sex. I do believe that the parents should be who teaches their own child, when they are ready to. Although each child learns at their own pace the parents are there with their child and know's when they feel it will be the right time to start talking about this subject. This is a difficult subject to bring to the table, I feel you should always be open and honest about this so they learn from the right person/people! I have always believed if your child is old enough to asked you about it, they are old enough to hear the truth and believe me they will come to you and start talking... You will know when your child is ready
Diana - posted on 01/23/2010
He may know more than you give him credit for, he does watch TV and he talks to his friends. Most kids don't let their parents know half of what they know, you only find out when they are older what they knew at an early age. Talk to them before they learn on their own.
Donde - posted on 01/23/2010
My son will hear me say things to my fiancee sometimes and I don't hide the fact that I am saying them. I just sit down and talk to him about it. I don't mean he has heard me say bad things, but we might be talking about his daughter having a baby with her husband and my son may start asking questions about how he got here and about what having a baby is all about. I don't volunteer information because I believe at 10 years old, they don't need to be thinking about sex, but they need to be thinking about homework and growing up to be the kind of person that someone would want to know.
I don't think my son has learned anything about sex in school. I think it's way to early for that.
Jennifer - posted on 01/22/2010
I would ask the school what he will be learning and then have your husband talk to him also. There is a wonderful book out there calling "Know your body, Know yourself" that talks about everything and anything your son may ask. They have one for the boys and one for the girls. My mom got us that book when I was 10 and it really helped my mom answer all my questions. Take Care and good luck
Tosha - posted on 01/22/2010
OMG! I do not think someone else should be teaching my kids about sex yes i do know what u r saying last year my kids brought home papers from school about the class and i couldnt belive what i was reading theirs no way someone else will decide when its time to tell my kids about sex.Yes i do know young people r having sex I have a couple of young friends who have had a baby r two.But who knows your kids better then you and i will be the judge of when its time they learn about it not the school my kids are not into boyfriends and girlfriends yet they are to busy playing with their toy and watching t.v not every child is ready at such a young age to know about sex.
Joy - posted on 01/21/2010
I firmly believe that all parents are the first teachers, so if you haven't talked about sex to your 10 year old yet, you are about to fall behind. While I realize I am kind of ancient here, my biological kids range in age from 5 to 16, we didn't get sex ed in school until I was 14, and I really could have benefited from that information many years earlier.
Most kids I know (*Please keep in mind I've been a teacher, child advocate, homeschooler, sunday school teacher, and parent for over 17 years) start asking where Babies come from by the time they are 4-5. All information should be AGE APPROPRIATE, but the kids definitely need to have CORRECT information.
One of my baby sisters knew more about sex at age 8 than I did at 20! It's not cool to have your kids learn the facts of life from somewhere else, where it might not be appropriate or correct. Plus when you tell them, you get to explain your values, morals, ethics and decision making process you want your child to use!
Jodie - posted on 01/21/2010
I definitly think 10 is too early. Unfortumatly society does not agree. Our daughter is now 11yrs old. I had the sex talk with her when she was 10. It broke my heart because I felt my little girl was too young to have to learn these things. But I wanted her to hear it from me first, not another kid or a teacher. She took it supprisingly well, and I was shocked to find out she had already been hearing some of these things at school. By me talking to her, it helped clear up some of her confusion and give her the confidence that she could come to me if she had questions. I still believe that our children are being made to grow up too fast, but it helps to have a parent to guide them. I hope this helps. :)
Annette - posted on 01/20/2010
My guess is that your son does know something about sex. At least as much as a 10-year-old mind can comprehend. I know...it is an awful thing to think that your child would know this at such a young age, but it is hard to not know anything if he watches t.v.,movies and plays video games. It is everywhere! I can't believe what they allow on t.v. during prime time now. Anyway, I guess I"m just trying to say that you have to deal with the issue the most tactful way you can. I think your husband should talk with him and keep the subject open while he is in the class at school. Good luck!
Ann M - posted on 01/17/2010
Why is it that a 10 y.o. knows nothing about sex? I suspect that he/she knows MUCH more than the parent is aware. If not, it is HIGH time this child is taught. Ignorance is NOT bliss, but dangerous. Learning about sex in the context of his/her peers will help to normalize sex. Sex is not abnormal or "dirty," but a NORMAL part of biology. Then, his/her parent/guardian may discuss the "values" of that family unit surrounding sex. The school AND the parent/guardian may work hand-in-hand instead of as adversaries.
Juliet - posted on 01/10/2010
I forgot to mention....at my daughter's school, the parents can preview the full video and be informed of conversation and lessons before they're taught in class...you should ask the school for this.
Juliet - posted on 01/10/2010
yes, your husband should talk to him first, because chances are he's not being taught about the emotional and moral consequences at school, only the physical. An unofficial experiment....When my daughter (6yrs at the time) asked a sex-related question after something slipped unexpected on a tv show we were watching, I asked everyone in sight, even some of my hs students their experiences in talking with parents and later sexual experience...Everyone who had more conversation with parents had less premartial sexual experiences. YES, I also think he should hear from health class. He needs to now the truth and facts and then discuss the moral and emotional factors that are unavoidable with his parents. It's not just a physical activity.
Christine - posted on 01/01/2010
There is nothing wrong with the health class...i went through it...my step mom went through it...my sister and my mother...all the class is...is just preparing them for the changes their bodies are going to be making...and there is nothing wrong with having your husband telling him anything...if nothing else just have your husband give your son a little bit of back ground info on the class and make sure he tells him that if he has any questions about the class or about anything at all that mommy and daddy are always here to listen and talk...i just went through this with my 9 year old daughter...they had her learn about periods and the changes that her body will be makin in the next couple of years and then some...i asked her if there was any questions that she has and she said that she didnt have any but if she did she would ask...i told her its alright to feel embarrassed talking about these things cause mommy and grandma and gigi (thats great-grandma) and grams has to go through and have gone through it since we were about her age...she was surprised but she said the class helped her understand most of it...and told me thank you and i got a big hug...
Jenny - posted on 12/29/2009
I guess you have to choose the better of the two. Learning it in a classroom setting in a respectable way or learning it from another kid with no control on how it is presented to him. Kids know a lot more then we think they do, and I wouldn't trust another kid to explain that type of subject to my child.
Christina - posted on 12/27/2009
I think it is a good idea. Have you questioned your child? How do you know that he doesn't know anything about sex? You would be surprised at what our children know these days, especially with todays t.v. shows, movies, commercials, it's everywhere. And all though he may not be very knowledgable, perhaps one of his friends our even just randoms kids may make comments or tell stories of what they heard or seen. He will be exposed and informed oneway or the other. I think it's better to have facts rather than stories or myths ect... to go on. At my childrens school they seperate the girls and the boys in 5th grade and have an age appropriate talk with them. It is geared towards themselves( thier changing bodies) and just gives facts. This is probably what will be covered for your child.
Danielle - posted on 12/15/2009
I personally think it's a good idea. I mean i was 12 when I started learning about sex in school and I had no clue either. Think about it, kids are going to learn about it one way or another whether it be in school, out on the street or by the parents.
Denise - posted on 12/15/2009
i think yes they should be well informed early on, you only have to look at the papers to see girls as young as 11/12 having babies. Your son may not have a clue about it now, but all it takes is another boy / girl at school who is well aware to cause little niggles in there minds to try it out and children are so easily led on thats just the way school is. As for your husband talking to him thats your choice, im sure there are some good information books that dont go into to much detail but enough for him to understand what its all about. Good Luck !!
Alexis - posted on 12/14/2009
no.................because why would a teacher in elementry school tech about that...........................i know now a days kids think they so cute fine the think they grown know everything thing but they dont so no they should not teach them that parents should beable to teach there kids that not the teachers