Culture Shock

Sheila - posted on 05/31/2011

It's not easy. Take as many things of theirs from home with you as you can. You will want their bedrooms feel like home to them. We bought all new things and made my son a big boys room but moved him in stages. He didn't do as well with the move as my 2 year old did. To here homeis where mommy is. On the other hand, he remembers home and food and friends. So taking as much stuff that they feel makes them who they are really helps. While you will be living in India, keep them as American as you can. At home celebrate the holidays they know and love. Don't let them get away with anything just becasue you have moved. Take spices with you that you use to cook so food doesn't taste so different to them. Don't be afraid to have things shipped to you. Get a VPN for their computers so they can watch American TV. Get Skype ont heir computers and have their friends families do the same.
I think, for us, one of the hardest things with the move to China was living in a very big city and in a highrise, not a house. The kids really miss their own yard and not having to get ready every time they want to go out to play. No walking barefoot outside here!
Are you going with a company to India? What city will you bein. I know of several ladies that live there and they could help some, if you need it.

Sheila - posted on 06/29/2010

Kim, We just moved from the US to China. I think for us having small kids helps. Our 4 year old is not happy to be here and really misses home and friends, he was already in school, BUT we do get a paid trip to the US every year so the kids and I will spend most of their summer breaks in the States so they do know about the US and what it's like to live there. I have money with me so they can learn at home what it is like and what it is worth. I have US measurments with me so they can learn them and know them at a young age just as well has the metric system. I think the best thing is to be sure the kids ger enough of a taste of their home country as often as possible so they don't feel so out of place when they go back. Such as I cook the same as in the US. I dress them the same ( China layer and layer the kids in clohtes, even in summer I'm getting looks for them having bare legs and arms as their kids are sweating to death. We have done what we can for my kids to still see kid shows fromt he US weather it's from i-tunes or DVDs. I can't have them going back with no clue about Christmas shows that are on every year. I found China not to be very bad in shocking but maybe it's because I asked questions from people who live here before the move so I had a lot better clue from things to bring to things I could find. I might have to hunt for them though. We are seem as rich here so it's important to me to let my kids know we are not and to explain it to locals we see often that we are not. I think having family or friends at home who you can call to talk to helps. Get skype if you don't have it. Have people mail you things you want, even if you don;t really need it.
So you have been in India over a year now, how is it going?

Kim - posted on 04/17/2010

Hey everyone, TY for the replies, I forgot I'd posted here *blush*



Well since I posted this, we relocated to India and have lived in Kashmir, where my husband is from, since April 1 of last year. I'm very happy to report that my worries were for naught - we've all adjusted beautifully! Even my teenage son wouldn't return to the US if you paid him, he says.



There aren't any international schools in Kashmir, but there are plenty of English medium private schools and we've gotten the boys enrolled in one. So far, so good :) We're picking up the language(s...it's a mix of Kashmir, Urdu & Urdu's close cousin Hindi) here. My youngest, now 10, is catching on much quicker than my 15 year old or I but we're getting there! We've met a very few other expats in the area, which is nice, too :)



Just thought I'd update on us! Thanks again for the replies!

Colleen - posted on 07/07/2009

Hi, Kim! Our family has been living in Calcutta for about 2 years now. We are all born-and-bred Americans here for business, unlike your situation, but I hope I can help!

1) For yourself, do get involved with International Women's groups. Delhi is a major city. If I can find one in Calcutta, certainly you can there. That said, also make some Indian friends. It helps to know that some of the friendships you develop won't dissolve when you or she moves on.

2) For your kids: There are 2 books I can recommend. One is "Third Culture Kids" by David Pollack, and the other is "Raising Global Nomads" by Robin Pascoe. Both give you a good perspective on how your kids might manage culture shock, and how to parent your child during the process.

3) For your marriage: Since your husband is Indian, he probably has a head start on understanding his country's culture. If he won't teach you Hindi or Urdu, take a class! Learning a bit about the language gives you a whole new understanding about the people who speak it. You will run into obstacles as you adjust to the culture and surroundings. Learn from them. Try to connect with other Americans/Westerners married to Indians. It might be helpful just to know that you're not the only one dealing with inter-marital culture shock on their home turf. (I can give you some names if you want!)

I hope this helps!

Margaret - posted on 03/22/2009

My family moved from Canada to Russia, which was difficult, and later to Iran, which was even more so. The first six months in a new place are the hardest, when you miss what you left behind and don't know what you will like about the new place. Kids feel this keenly because they relate to time differently; six months is a long, long time. You can do several things to become accustomed to the new place. Get out of your house, explore and try new things, do the tourist stuff, enjoy your weekends together, and soon you all will feel better about your new home.
Good luck!

Morag - posted on 03/11/2009

Kids are amazingly adaptable. Much more than us adults. The best way with your 9 year old is just throw him in the deep end. You'll have around 3 months of tears and then he will just adapt. You might have more problems with your 14 year old though.

My parents moved to Spain with my sister who was 9 at the time and my brother who was 14. They both have Down's syndrome. My parents threw them both in the deep end and sent them to state Spanish schools. My brother went to a special needs high school, but my sister went to a normal state school. They had tears and tantrums from both for about 3 months and all of a sudden they just got it and settled in. Now they both speak fluent Spanish despite having speech problems although my brother struggles more but he struggles more in English too, my sister is like a native. So normal kids should have a much easier ride. My eldest was 3 when we moved to Spain so it was a bit different for her.

Think the major culture shock for me was the medical system in Spain. In some things, like stem cell research and operations, they are so advanced and in others, like child birth, they are around 50 years behind in their beliefs. Its crazy. Apparently your baby will drown if you have a pool birth and you will electrocute the baby if you use a tens machine, breastfeeding is only for healthy babies...formula is far better for sick babies... some real strange things.

Lauren - posted on 03/09/2009

Not sure if this is an option...depending on where you are in India but maybe international school would be an option. It would give your boys the opportunity to settle in but with the friendship of other kids who might be going through or have been through the same kind of experience.