Communities

Expecting and trying my best!

All Communities > Expecting and trying my best! > Am I being selfish?

Am I being selfish?

April - posted on 06/17/2010 ( 2 moms have responded )

206

56

So, I've been doing a ton of thinking lately. With my mom being sick with cancer our plan to have her watch our soon to be son after he's born and I'm ready to return to work is falling through. This is forcing me to be a SAHM. I have nothing against SAHM's, just it isn't for me. I enjoy the freedom of working, the friendships with people at work, and of course the money to splurge on this or that, and the ability to take random day trips or little weekend vacations. I want to be able to continue this once our son is born. However, when he's born, I wont be working, so all of this stops.

I know that Scott is a fantastic provider, and know with out a doubt that he will be a great father, it's just I feel bad that he will be providing everything, and I feel like I wont have anything to contribute. Sure I will be at home with our son, but is that enough?

I am so in love with our little man to be, but I wasn't ready to start a family, so please don't judge me when I say, I was not planning on having him right now, and it makes me sad. I want him, of course I do. It's just a big part of me, and my ambitions are going to go away.

Scott has allowed me to finish school, and since photography is my hobby and my other love, we decided that I finish school in this, so that I can be an independent photographer, and eventually open my own studio. That will take a few years I'm sure. But this allows me to take our son with me and still be able to help contribute to our household.

Scott isn't asking that I help contribute to the household, but for so long I have been and it would just feel wrong if I didn't. (we've been together going on 11 years in August; off and on. We are 25 and 26 years old.)

I know it's time we started our own family and settled down and all, but a part of me feels like I still am not ready for this? Does this make me selfish?

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms

2 Comments

View replies by

Amy - posted on 06/22/2010

1,761

18

My husband is a stay at home dad because he doesn't have a degree yet (He's had a few issues figuring out what he wants to do). Being a stay at home parent is a LOT of work, you are contributing a lot to the household.

Being a stay at home mom can defiantly help you start up your own business since you will have the time! If you must you can always work part-time on nights or weekends (or opposite hours as your husband) to get started. doing photography you wouldn't always have set hours, from my stand point it sounds like a great opportunity for you!

Not to mention, you'll get LOTS of experience photographing little children with your growing family!

Dealing with those types of changes can be stressful, and it's a huge adjustment to what you are used to.

Regardless if you do decide to be a stay at home parent, you really should make sure you do things with adults. If you start your own business you can network with other mom's in the area, have some social time, play dates with your children pass out business cards for taking photo's of there kids, etc (IF that's the type of photography you want). My husband goes out and hangs out with adults (even if it's just his family at times), and it's helped a lot. Going from working to being at home with a baby all day is a hard adjustment. Try looking for things to keep you busy. There could be a community center that offers free events and stuff. If you look into some of that now it might help put some of those fears you have to rest.

Jane - posted on 06/17/2010

1,488

32

you're not seflish at all. parenthood is an adjustment. even positive change is stressful.
once he gets here, you will be wrapped up in him, you won't concentrate on these things first and foremost. and you are contributing to your family by being at home - you are caring for your child. you also have a career that will let you set your own hours and with a family that is key. everyone does what they can to contribute to their family, sometimes it's 50/50, sometimes it's not. you each do what you do and it equals out to 100%.
i'm sorry for your mom's sickness. i've lost a lot of family members to cancer. enjoy the time you have with your family.
things will fall into place and nothing is forever so take it step by step.

Want to find out the opinions of this community?

Add Poll