Angry to my baby...Am I a bad mommy?

Isha - posted on 06/28/2010 ( 13 moms have responded )

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My son is 8months and 3weeks old. He has been through the wonder weeks. He gets lots of milestones together (Sitting, Standing, Teething, Walking...) that have made him waking up at night frequently or playing at middle of night. I'm a fan of "Baby whisperers" book by Tracy Hogg. Anyways.. He's wok up at night and playing at least 1hour or 1:30 hours usually. But yesterday he woke up twice and playing 2hours each. OMG.. That made me soooooo upset and wanted me to yell him. Yes..and I did.. HU............. I put him down liiiiiiiittle bit heavily with my feelings. I feel really guilty for that.. I'm getting tired and not much strong as time goes and his growing...

Am I a bad mommy??

Here is a good sentence in "Healthy sleep habits, Happy child". This makes me better...

"Feelings of anger toward your crying child are frightening ㅡ and normal.
You can love your baby and hate her crying spells. All parents sometimes
have contradictory feelings about their baby."

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Always remember ladies: Bad moms don't worry about whether they are good moms or not!

Colleen - posted on 10/25/2012

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Oh how I understand what you are going through as I am in the same situation. 7 months now and I have only had at the most 3 or 4 hours of sleep a night. I too get so angry with my little guy and then regret it later, I am going to try to take a deep breath and try to hold the anger in or leave him in his crib to cry until I am ready to get him. It is so hard when you are so sleep deprived and you feel as if you are always looking after baby 24/7 with no breaks. My husband will not get up with him at night and will not wake up early so that I can go back for a sleep in the morning he doesn't really do much to help me out just tell me he's tired nice hey! I think part of my anger is at him for just letting me be the one to deal with him all the time I never get a break maybe on Saturday he gives me an hour or so of extra sleep but that means nothing after 5 days of no sleep whats a few extra hours on Saturday doesn't help me with the rest of my week. So when he doesn't sleep I think I feel twice as angry, angry at my little one for not sleeping and angry at my husband for just laying there and trying to sleep while I once again get out of bed and try to calm him down. So much for thinking I would get some help this time around, I have no one to help so it is very very frustrating you are not alone believe me!

Nataschia - posted on 03/27/2012

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The thing you need to remember mother hood is FRUSTRATING but getting angry adds to it if they play in the crib at night let them there exploring as long as they aren't excessively crying they are fine while you sleep clean whatever and also they don't understand then it scares and confuses them try to remain calm and remember to try not to take your feelings out on them go scream in a pillow leave the room or have a good old cry it's hard raising kids and discouraging at times remain cool calm collected and channel yor anger into something healthy

And yes totally guilty of screaming at my 1 st baby it was hard adjusting from a care free lifestyle to a stay at home mom it happens but you live and you learn if it becomes a habit where you can't control it and you feel mean feelings for your baby you may have post partem psycosis seek a drs help

Gina - posted on 07/13/2010

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If your baby wakes up and plays in the crib thats okay, it will happen. The key here is to leave them alone, no interaction... even if they cry. I read the comment above about manipulation... here's a different way to look at that; While babies are not 'manipulating' with a mall-intent, they are manipulating in the sense that they are Learning to get their needs/wants met. So if they cry and you go and get them up, they will learn cause and effect.
What is really important to understand here, is that you need to provide the opportunity for the baby to learn to self soothe (meaning get back to sleep without your help). This is a Huge chance for him/her to start learning independence. At this age (8-9 months) they do not need a nightly feeding and should be able to sleep. Yes teething may interrupt this, and you may have to offer a teething strip or whatever method you choose to help them, but then its back to bed.
You are not a bad mom for feeling frustrated. I think we have all felt it. It is a credit to you that you are being honest open and most of all communicating!!!!! Most people would just suffer in silence with guilt.
Know that you are a good mom for that reason alone if nothing else. :)
Also remember that guilt is a useless emotion, it does nothing for you. If you start feeling guilty try writing down some positive things you did that day, or things you Will do better next time. But never beat yourself up, maybe see if your partner can take the baby for an evening and leave the house ) I know it sounds weird, maybe sleep over a friends, have a girls night) but try to give yourself some time, both you and your baby will be happy you did.

Sheelagh - posted on 06/28/2010

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No!!! You're NOT a bad mum. The sentence you quote is so true. I understand completely the emotions you're feeling. My little boy is 8 1/2 months and has never slept longer than 5 hours straight, and has only managed that a handful of times. Most nights I'm awake with him every few hours. He hasn't had too many episodes where he has been awake for long stretches at night but when he does is it really does my head in. At the moment we are going through a phase of waking nearly every hour crying and it can take me up to an hour to re-settle. If I have several of these nights in a row I have little patience & find myself getting a bit irritated by his behaviour. I too have yelled at him once in frustration and then I ended up crying along with him from guilt. I try to remind myself that he is still so little and I truly believe that they are still too immature to "manipulate" like some people think. I remind myself that he is not doing this on purpose and he is asking for my help to reassure, love, calm down...whatever it is he needs... It is so hard sometimes. I find putting on some gentle music and singing to him helps to calm myself down first and also him. Our bubba's are pretty attuned to our emotions (sometimes more than we are) and I know that my little guy won't settle if I"m worked up - regardless of my outward face he just knows what I feel inside. The developmental stages are as you say notorious for frequent night-waking. How does your bedtime routine go? I find that if we keep things quieter & low-key he settles for the night better than if there's lots of noise, excited playing etc for the hour pre-bed. What time do you put him to bed? Do you think he gets enough rest through the day or perhaps too much rest? sometimes these things can impact on their night-times. Sometimes walking away to gather yourself is the best option. They can't hurt themselves in their cot & it's ok to give yourself some space.

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Chiquita 'Bellaa - posted on 09/02/2014

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I know I'm a bit late but after I read your comment I identified 100%. I'm a new mother and my son is 6 weeks old and he is a healthy and beautiful child. I am very new to this and having a infant around for an extended period of time. I do everything I know to do but when he just cries for no reason I get so upset. And I think your response is dead on about not getting the help I need from his dad. He has another kid that's 3 and he gets 1st dibs on daddy while I have to be on my own. We are in a relationship but I always feel by myself and on top of being exhausted I had a c section and it's making it difficult for me to heal doing more than I should. I love my child but sometimes I get so angry and feel bad later but after reading your comment I don't feel as bad about it because I'm not alone and support chats like this is just what I needed. So I wanted to thank you for making me feel better.

Mandy - posted on 05/09/2014

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My husband does the same thing and it gets me frustrated because I get no sleep just hear complains from him and that is true

Caitlin - posted on 07/12/2010

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'There's no way to be a perfect mother,
but a million ways to be a good one.'
-Jill Churchill-
I live by that quote esp. when it's in the middle of the night and I'm getting frustrated. Remember...you deserve a break to.

Nozibele - posted on 07/07/2010

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Pheeeew, thank you all I feel better..it hurts to yell and being agry with a little person..am just tired of the emotional side effects :(

Neha - posted on 06/30/2010

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My baby has been getting quite frequently in the night lately coz she is teething. I did something similar the other night.. She woke up around 15times and a wanted to be fed each time. I was tired, my nipples had become sore.. I yelled at her too and have been feeling miserable till date. I guess sleep deprivation can cause things like this.

I just saying things like this happens to everyone sometime.. I am feeling better now and I am not alone in this.

WE LOVE OUR BABIES AND DEF ARE GOOD MUMS..

Lise - posted on 06/29/2010

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There are definitely times of frustration where i have to put my LO in her crib and walk away to take a few deep breaths. It's a LOT of work, being a mommy.

Jenny - posted on 06/29/2010

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The trick is to recognize you are angry and no matter what....do not take that anger out on the baby. The baby absolutely will not understand first that you are mad and second why you are mad. Babies go through different sleep stages. My son has been up an hour now and it's 4am but I leave him in his crib to talk and play with just a few toys and he is happy and content. When it finally gets quiet in his room, I go in and cover him back up and go to bed myself. My sisters daughter did the same thing and still does at times. It's normal and ok. Try to sleep as much as you can when he does, including naps! I know that there are things that need done during his daytime naps but if you are tired to the point of getting angry and taking it out in any way on the baby....then the chores can wait. Sleep cannot.

Mary - posted on 06/28/2010

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It is normal to get frustrated! You are not a bad mommy! It is soooo hard to be a mom and a lot of women don't like to talk about things like this because they want everyone to think they are perfect. My daughter has started waking up in the night a lot too. She wants to get up and play and she cried and tossed and turned last night for 2 hours and I felt sooo tired and irritated at her. I don't have to get up and work the next day like a lot of moms do so it's easier for me. I could not imagine being woke up that many times a night and then having to go to work the next day!! Just hang in there and know that you are not the only one dealing with a baby who doesn't sleep well :)

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