Frustrated Mom who was not able to breastfeed her baby

Lise - posted on 12/18/2009

Breastfeeding IS NOT A BREEZE! Bfing and I have a love/hate relationship... I HATED it with a passion for the first 2.5 weeks of my baby's life, but I'm stubborn as hell and kept going. She couldn't latch, my nipples were cracked and bleeding (sorry if TMI), and it was just horrible for me. I ended up meeting with a lactation consultant who told me that her feeding all the time (and seeming to not get enough) was her way of bringing in more milk. I ended up feeding her every hour and then pumping each side for 10 minutes after feeding her, and eating a ton of oatmeal every day (it helps produce milk). My baby also was tongue tied and had to get her tongue clipped.

I was close to giving it up every minute of every day for those first few weeks. I hated it and I sobbed every time I had to feed her, which of course made her cry. She dropped from almost 9 pounds down to 6 - my pedi told me to keep going with the bfing, though, and gave me the number of some lactation consultants. If I wasn't so stubborn, I would have just gone with formula. Anyone who tells you it's easy is WRONG - they may have had it easy, but it's very hard for a lot of people. I'm sorry it was so hard for you!

Are you still trying? If so, I have a ton of recommendations I can give you. I joined a breastfeeding group and it's really helped - I can recommend herbs that will really bring in your milk. Also, an LC can really help.

Jessica - posted on 12/15/2009

I couldn't breastfeed but that was because of the meds I take and I couldn't stop taking them so I know somewhat how you feel.

Angela - posted on 12/15/2009

Don't think that you are having prolem because you did not try hard enough, that has nothing to do with. The problem is almost always because of an improper latch. And knowing how to get them to latch on or knowing what a proper latch looks like does not come naturally. I would get help from a lactation consultant to improve the latch, and continue to pump. You only need to pump every 4 hours and only for 15-20 mins. Drink and eat plenty and be patient.

Jessica - posted on 12/14/2009

I planned to breastfeed & cloth diaper since the day I found out I was preggers. At the hospital it started to go bad I got a cracked nipple. Met with a lactation conultant she had me buy a pump ($200) and pump for a few days till it healed then come back for another meeting. All seemed better, but i continued having trouble as my little porker was to excited to eat and wouldnt latch properly so I was bottle feeding then spending 40 minutes pumping (20 minutes per side). Then I was exhausted and getting frusterated, so I rented a double pump ($50 + $4 per day for 3 weeks). After a week I was not making enough milk for him still so I was breastfeeding, then formula feeding, then pumping. Met with another lactation consultant and she sold me a "LactAide ($80) which is a bag you hang around your neck with a straw like tube you tape to your nipple, you fill the bag with milk and then as the baby feeds he gets breast milk and bag milk and it apperently increases your milk supply. Tried this 3 times and breastfeeding still is frustrating and sore . . . So I started just feeding pumped milk, more convienet and time effective. This was going well so I returned my rented pump and bought a double handsfree pump ($400). I used my brand new pump for 10 days. Then I stopped, now my baby eats forumla only, I dont cry anymore, I tried my best, but we are both happier... if you cant do it, and keep trying you will drive yourself crazy!!!

Danielle - posted on 12/12/2009

I know exactly how you feel. I say screw those moms who say that you didn't try hard enough, they have NO idea how you feel. I was in an online community the entire time I was pregnant and ended up leaving it because of the responses I had when I told them I stopped trying to breastfeed. My son ended up back in the hospital the first week because I was not getting enough food to him for him to work his jaundice out. I had to formula feed him in the hospital and pumped intending to continue trying when we got home. The day after we got home I developed a rash that completely covered my body. I have read about hundreds of other women reporting this problem and no one knows what causes it. I think its like a reaction to hormones or something, but anyway I was miserable and he was fighting with me on BFing not latching properly I was blistered and bleeding and I was getting hardly any sleep because he was up and I was so uncomfortable. I made the decision to stop breastfeeding because it seemed to be the best thing for both of us. He was much happier and so was I. I don't care what people say... breastfeeding just isn't for everybody.

I continue to feel guilty and pretty much inadequate because I went to formula. But it didn't work out this time around. Maybe with future children it will be easier...

Try not to feel bad, hun. You did what you could. For anyone out there who thinks they have the right to tell someone that they didn't try enough-- You have no idea what you're talking about. I wish people had more compassion.

Tricia - posted on 12/12/2009

Same thing happened to me w/ both of my sons. My second was born oct. 13th and was 4lbs 13oz and he was 4wks early, he had to stay in the NICU but I was determined to breastfeed because I knew it would be so beneficial to him. I pumped all the time to bring milk to him and I just couldn't get enough so they had to start giving him formula. I feel the same way because all my friends breastfed and told me how wonderful it was and what a great bonding experience it was. I did everything the doctors and books told me to keep my milk supply up and and nothing happened.
Don't feel guilty, at least we tried, right? A lot of women these days don't even bother because they don't want to "ruin" their breasts. Even if you baby only got a little, that little bit was great for her, like I said, you tried, you didn't just give up.

CJ - posted on 12/10/2009

I know how you feel I just had my second in October and I was not able to feed either of my boys. With both I did nothing but breast feed for a week and all they did was scream and cry and I did not know what to do and every time I asked someone they would say "it takes time" I gave up and started Formula and they started sleeping threw the night and being happier during the day. I talked to the Doctor and the most important part of breast feeding happens with in the first few days to a week, and thats so baby can get colostrum (not sher how to spell that) did you breast feed in the hospital? if not your body might not produce milk, thats why when in the hospital they push you to breast feed. Dont feel bad and I know thats hard to do but not every one is made or even able to breast feed, your not the only one so just look at that beautiful baby smile and be happy there healthy no matter what you need to feed them, a happy baby on formula is better then an unhappy baby with breast milk. If you have amy other questions you can message me and I will answer them as best I can.

Laura - posted on 12/10/2009

i'm in the same sit. i notice that when i guzzle more water, especially right before pumping, I can get more milk in a session. if you're dehydrated, you obviously don't have the fluids to expel.

Jill - posted on 12/10/2009

ohhh i'm sorry. I went throught the EXACT same thing. My baby couldn't latch on so I tried to pump and then feed. I was trying to pump every 2 hours to really get my milk built up but by the time I got finished pumping it was time to pump again...literally. In an hours time of pumping i wasnt getting but 2oz. total out of both breast combined. Everyone said 2oz is all you will get at the beginning but when i told them it was taking me an hour just to get 2oz they realized then that there really wasnt enough milk. I kept trying to get help in the hospital before i left but no one would help me and so they sent me home (note: as a first time mom) with a baby that wasn't eating and they didn't care. I tried for 6 days to do this and realized, after my sisters and mom really talked to me about it, that my job as a mother was NOT to breast feed it was to make sure my baby was getting fed. I really thought about that and it really helped me. I felt like i had added pressure becuase both of my sisters have breastfed their kids and was VERY successful at it so i felt like i had to be as well, and whoever said breastfeeding just comes natural is a LYER...haha...must have been a man that made that statement. My baby is now 7 weeks old and is on formula and has been since he was 6 days old and he is perfectly happy and healthy. Don't beat yourself up over it. Just remember that as long as you are feeding your child, and loving it then you are doing your job a mother. Good luck honey!!



Note: if you have quit trying to breastfeed and have quit pumping then your milk will dry up and after that you can't get it back. don't want to be a discouager but sometimes a baby can be coliky for up to 4 months so by then you def. would not be able to start breatfeeding again. If you want your baby to have the milk and possibly want to try her again on the breast then you need to keep pumping.

Kylie - posted on 12/09/2009

Hi, I maybe a little too lax on the breastfeeding front. I tried for a week with my first daughter and boy did I try. In the end I put her on formula full time. I have no regrets now. Like you I was feeling low and miserable and I had every expert telling me I should persevere. Being a first time mum and feeling like you aren't good enough is really hard on a relationship too. I have two other children, I was considering breast feeding my second but had formula on hand. The minute he was born I felt that aweful dread and fear about not being able to breastfeed properly so I didn't even try. That feeling came from all the people who looked down on me and ridiculed me when I couldn't feed my daughter. I didn't even consider breastfeeding with my newest bub, which I have made peace with. It was my decision to make not anyone else's. So the moral to this very long story is. You are a wonderful person and mum to try so hard, but in the end if the baby is thriving and happy on the bottle and not on the breast, which is better for it? There is one person on this site, who hasn't responded on here (thank god!) Whom I believe should stop pushing mothers to breastfeed so insistently. No wonder women who choose to bottle feed feel so bad. Breast is best, but in the end a baby needs to gain weight and grow properly and to be happy. And so does mum.

Marcella - posted on 12/07/2009

I have same experience with my first child! No worries about it too much, breastfeed is an arts that need to 'master', not everyone cud master to breastfeed immediately. Don't listen to other moms who breastfeed that you didn't try hard enough. They just don't understand our experience. If u can't breastfeed (even after seeing the lac.consultants) then, don't be so hard on yourself. Your unconditional love & care is important too. Being a mother is not a mere breastfeeding but the important of values in life that you want to instill in them, start from young. Don't let others view putting you down. Believe me, you are not alone. I truly understand that feeling.

Lisa - posted on 12/06/2009

I too know how it feels to not be able to breastfeed. I had my son 5 weeks early and we were both in the hospital for 5 days after. He was in the NICU so I had to pump every 3 hours. It started out great, I got my milk within in a few days and I thought it was going to be great. After about two weeks he seemed to cry way more frequently and always seemed hungry. I started giving him some of the extra milk I have stored in the freezer and started pumping to see if I was producing enough. I wasn't producing half of what I had been and my breast were tender all the time empty or full. My doctor said my breast were causing a fever and that I had to stop breastfeeding. Since then he has a difficult time pooping and spits up frequently. He gets fussy more frequently too. I feel terrible not being able to breastfeed him. But at least we live in a time where we can substitute it with formula.

Tara - posted on 12/06/2009

I have also had to supplement for my 5 and a half week old because i don't make very much milk! Don't worry about what other people say you are doing what's best for your baby! I just pump and breastfeed as often as she will take it but then still offer her a formula bottle to make sure she gets enough. good luck!

Stacey - posted on 12/05/2009

I have also had a hard time breastfeeding. I thought I was the only one to have trouble, but it's nice to know that I'm not alone. My baby is now 7 weeks old. She had trouble latching on so a lactation consultant recommended a nipple shield. That worked, but she still wasn't getting enough, so I started supplementing with a bottle. I ended up getting mastitis and had to go to the ER. They gave me medication and told me I needed to pump and dump for the next 24hrs. I'm still having trouble and am pumping and giving her milk through a bottle. It's a lot of work and very time consuming for me, but I know it's best for her. I'm not sure how long I will be able to keep it up, but I'm doing my best. I have to say breastfeeding is one of the hardest things to do. I had no idea. I thought it would come natural for both of us. It has been stressful and when I try to do it we both usually end up crying and frustrated. I understand feeling guilty about not being able to do it, but don't. You are doing the best you can, that's all that matters.

Aleah - posted on 12/05/2009

oh also isogel and mothers mates help alot cause i know when the breasts are healhing and you are pumping it can be challenging! glad to hear things are improving for you.

Aleah - posted on 12/05/2009

i completely understand what you are going through, my daughter that is now 6 weeks wouldnt latch on properly due to finding out later that i have more inverted nipples so she wasnt sucking properly. the hospital didnt really show me crap( excuse my language) but the home nurse came a few days later after my milk came in and showed me with a nipple shield, it helped for a short period but i was so engorged and my nippples were cracked and bleeding i had to stop nursing cause i was so much in pain from breasts to well delivery area lol. i was supplementing formula aswell and she was very irritable. i decided to stop breastfeeding but continued to pump cause i have the same thoughts about breast milk over formula. I get about an oz an hour and was poumping every hour or 2 to increase my breast milk at 4 weeks bt still seem to get a max of an oz an hour. I just pump every 6 hours or so, if im just cruising around the house and have time to pump in 4 hours i do. I was on mottillum which is the the same a dompirodome to increase milk. Have tried fenugreek just on its own and everything went through my system i ate, so i stopped taking it. So now i just feed her bottles with breast milk and supplement with formula usually 2 or 3 times a day sometimes more. she had some problems with the carnation good start digest ease so we put her on soy, they say its easier for them to digest. So thats what i find is working for me, it was depressing at first when i couldnt nurse and its very time consuming pumping and stressful but i figure a few months of it and she will be healthier if i can do it. I also run my own business and its physically demanding so i figure if i can do it anyone can! So good luck hope this helps ya!

Roan - posted on 12/04/2009

Thanks everyone for your stories. It made me feel better that I'm not alone in my dilema.

My baby is now almost 2 months and she already stopped trying to latch on. It seems whenever I give her my breast it reminds her of starvation so she makes funny faces, she hits my breast with her hands and she wails as if someone is cutting her finger. I find it funny but it also makes me sad. I've also stopped pumping my breast because the nipples are becoming very sore and the milk seems to be getting fewer and fewer.

My baby is also colicky so I've stopped trying to give her my breast to avoid a crying spree which she already has a lot of because of gas. I'm hoping when the colic goes away I can try again. Would it be possible to breastfeed again after stopping? Should I already give up 100% since she's already 2 months old?

Maranda - posted on 12/03/2009

I had to stop breastfeeding my baby because she has a lactose problem. I was and still am very sad about it, because we both seemed to enjoy it. But when she went a week of being constantly hungry, fussy and spitting up insanely I listened to my doctor and used formula. It was very upsetting, but in the end you have to do what is best for your baby.

Priscilla - posted on 12/03/2009

My baby boy was born Oct. 10th, 2009 and breasfeeding was not a breeze. I can say that for sure. He wouldn't latch on, it was difficult to produce the amount needed, and I cried CONSTANTLY. You're not alone. Those that judge know nothing. Everyone is different okay. Well for me, I drank only water and tons of it. Water gives you milk. Some think drinking milk gives you milk. Not true. You need to eat and rest. That's so important. Because your body needs that energy to produce. You're doing well by pumping, just keep it up. My milk production goes up and down, because I get too tired to pump at night. (I don't have help with the baby). But just keep it up. You're doing everything fine. Everyone adjust differently and in their own time. Your baby came when he/she was ready and so will your milk. I tried so hard at the beginning. It hurt so much, because I pumped my nipples raw. They literally bled, because I tried so hard. Even after bleeding, I still continued because I was so determined to get my milk in. Than once my milk did come in. Everyone had me question the amount he was getting. So i'd feed him more, but he'd spit up repeatedly, so I'd get upset. Because they kept making my doubt my own abilities. I'd over feed him, causing him to spit up than cry for hours because his tummy hurt. I hated that. I'd try to ignore them, but after they said it. It was too late. Because of the prior complications. I'd question it again and worry I wasn't feeding him enough. But if the baby is done, that he's done. Don't over feed them, they're too little and they're tummy can't hold it. So 1 oz huh? You're not too far off. Don't worry, you're almost there. They only take ~2 oz. My baby is almost 2 months old and he can only hold 3 oz. You're almost there!

Brandy - posted on 12/03/2009

I had a very hard time getting the hang of breastfeeding and getting my baby to latch. My son was born at 7 lbs 14 oz. When i left the hospital they said he was down to 7 lbs 8 oz but said it was very normal to lose in the fist few days. I was a little bit worried because it seemed that he was not getting any. A couple days later I called a nurse that they have on call all the time to help and she told me that something was wrong if he was yellow in the eyes and not taking the breast. He wouldnt sleep or eat or nothing. All i did for 2 days was worry and cry. He wouldn't sleep or eat or nothing. All i did for 2 days was worry and cry. She advised us to give him formula. two days later we had a doctors appointment and she said that he has lost another 4 oz and was not doing well. She offered to help me with the breastfeeding and the latch. She spent about 20 min with me to hands on teach me what to do to latch and know if he is getting some. She saved me with breastfeeding. I probably would have quit that day if it was not for my doctor helping me. I didn't feel that kind of help at the hospital. Now he is 8 weeks old and just got his weight done yesterday and he is 11 lbs and 6 oz. Breastfeeding is definitely not easy. It takes a lot of patience and time. I can understand how you feel. You are not alone.

Kimi - posted on 12/02/2009

Oh man! I feel exactly the same way! My baby was born via c section for being big (10 lbs. 6 oz.) and had to spend the first four days in the NICU. I didn't even get to see her other than the little look they gave me while I was still being stitched back up. She was on iv's for having low blood sugar for two days and then they put her on formula so she wouldn't get jaundice. My first time being a mom they told me that I wouldn't produce enough milk to keep jaundice under control so that this was best. I wanted desperately to go home with her so I let it go. Right after I was discharged from the hospital and the hour before she was discharged I met with a lactation consultant and she tried to show me how to latch the baby on. It kinda worked but once we got home I would try to latch her on and I couldn't get her even interested in being fed. We were waking her up to eat and shoving my breast in her mouth til she screamed and screamed and then would get the bottle ready and feed her. I tried nipple shields and went to a breastfeeding workshop, met with a consultant and by the end of two weeks was done making my baby scream and me cry. She only cried that whole two weeks when I tried to breastfeed. I couldn't take it and decided to switch. We wanted to breastfeed for the health benefits as well as the cheepness of it but for her emotional health and mine it was better to switch in my mind. So, I may be giving up some of her health benefits because she isn't getting breastmilk but at least she is gaining weight now (She wasn't when I supplementing).
I still feel bad too like I gave up too soon or like I could have done something else. But as a mom I'm comfortable with the choice I made because it isn't like I didn't put a lot of thought into it. So when people make comments I have to just smile and say to myself "they really just want to help but they have no idea what it was like."

Brandy - posted on 12/02/2009

Congrats on trying so hard. That is all you can do. I am a person who has had a breast reduction, so I will never have a full milk supply. I breastfed my first baby until 6 months and am breastfeeding my son who is now six week, but I also have to supplement. I can tell you what I know about increasing your milk supply.

1. the more you breastfeed the better, but if your baby is not gaining weight, you need to supplement. You can do this by bottle, SNS, or an improvised lactaion aid, which is what I use. To do this, you get a feeding tube from your doctor or medical supply store and put one end in a bottle (formula or breast milk). Get you baby latched on and gently pull your breast away from the corner of the mouth. Slip the end of the tube toward the top of the baby's mouth. When you see the supplement being sucked up the tube, you know the baby is taking in the milk.
2. Fenugreek works better to increase your milk supply when it is taken in conjunction with Blessed Thistle and Alflfa- all three can be purchased at health food stores and are not expensive.
3. You can ask your docotr for a perscription for Domperidome- this is a stomach medication that has a side effect of increasing your milk production. It talks about two weeks to fully take effect.
4. And it took me a long time to figure this one out...breastfeeding is about more than milk. It is about the cuddle, the snuggle and the bond that you build with your baby. Your baby needs to be fed and whatever way you choose to do that is OK. You can't be a good Mom if you are crying all the time and exhausted from pumping.I put Ben to the breast at each feed, let him take both sides for as long as he wants and then use the supplement. My husband gives him a bottle once a day to give me a break- sleep, time with my other child or a long hot bath. Your sanity is paramount and this time is so incredibly short.
5. If you want more information about any of the techniques that I mentioned, google Dr. Jack Newman. he is a leading breadtfeeding expert in Toronto and his website is very helpful There are videos and handouts on practicaly every breastfeeding issue you can imagine.

I hope that helps you. Please do not feel guilty. Your emotion, care and concern for your baby shows that you are already a wonderful Mom. Your desire to breastfeed is admirable, but like someone wise once told me, you did not have a baby so that you could breastfeed, you had a baby to have a family. Enjoy it and take good care of yourself :)

Wendy - posted on 12/02/2009

before i had my son i would poo people who said they couldnt breastfeed i just thought they were making excuses.. i breastfeed my 2 girls succesfuly the 1st for 6 months the 2nd for 14 months i also trained to be a breastfeeding peersupporter ( a mother trained to help other breastfeeding mothers overcome problems with breastfeeding) so i assumed i knew it all .... i gave birth to my son Alfie on 24th october by c- section and he had a breastfeed straight away i continued to feed him on demand but i started to become sore i was a bit confused because i knew he was latching on properly i even got 2 midwifes to check as it was really becoming uncomfortable, they assured me he was on fine he was feeding well etc etc i became more and more sore but perservered.



Day 3 my milk came in but i didnt feel as full as it was with my girls but i continued i came home and asked my midwife about a breastfeeding support group, i phoned them up and they told me to come along to the group.. i did and they asurred me i latching him on properly so why was i still sore ?



The health visitor decided Alfie had lost far 2 much weight and was still jaundiced and we both had thrush but still i carried on went back to the group Alfie contined to lose weight and get yellower and yellower so i had to be referred to the hospital



Alfie was fine they just had to check the bilirubin levels due to the jaindice, i got treatment for thrush and was advised to give him some formula .



The next my partner went out to buy some and i spent all that day crying and lying in bed i felt like somebody had taken my baby off me and i was an awful mother especially as i was supposed to know what i was doing !!!



Well Alfie started to put weight on and he is doing really well now he is completely on formula which i still feel bad about but at least he is ok.



It seems Alfie liked to chew my nipple which would explain the soreness and i had no idea how to stop it well he is happy on formula s thats the way i am going now



So dont feel bad about it just do what makes baby and u happy

Peita - posted on 12/02/2009

It sometimes just doesn't happen for us!! I was ok breastfeeding my first, only he fed evry hour for an hour and exhaution kicked in and I was also told that I wasn't doing it right and that it is normal to feed that often! My second my milk did not come in properly due to me having a bleed out and receiving a blood transfusion and my third who is now 5 weeks old was started on a bottle from birth due to me having major complications and ending up in ICU for 4 days! I had massive blood transfusions this time and after week 2 of feeding, my supply never increased, at week 5, we only manage a night feed before bed! I am devestated because this bub is my last! Don't let anyone tell you you aren't trying hard enough, there is nothing wrong with breast supplemented with formula, at least you are still trying! Good luck with it all!

Leah - posted on 12/02/2009

We had a hard time getting our baby to latch at first too, plus when I pumped, I was lucky to get 10mL of milk. The hospital suggested I try Fenugreek to increase my milk supply. For three weeks we gave our daughter formula mixed with as much milk as I pumped at the previous feeding. Once she was done I would put her to the breast to get her to learn how to latch. Each day we would decrease the amount of formula/milk mixture we gave her. Now a month later she takes only the breast.

Chelsey - posted on 12/01/2009

I know just how you feel, all i want is to be able to breastfeed and it makes me feel terrible when i can't. First he wasn't latching on right so i saw a lactation consultant which helped a lot and i would recommend seeing one, but then he got thrush and i got it too and it hurt so bad to feed him. its getting better now, he is 2 months old now, but i don't seem to make enough milk so i started supplementing with formula a couple times a day and seems to satisfy him but I breastfeed him as much as i can cause i heard that the more you feed the more your body with make. I am also gonna start trying mothers milk tea because its suppose to help increase milk supply. if anyone has any other ideas on how to increase milk supply i would love to hear them.

Grace - posted on 12/01/2009

Breastfeeding is absolutelt NOT a breeze at first. It can take a while to trach your baby how to latch on to the breast. Did you get help from a lactation consultant? Your local hospital usually has one, and they can help a lot.