How do I break hitting?

Jessica - posted on 09/06/2011

I hold my son's hands in mine and look him in the eye and calmly say "You may NOT hit." If it's another child he has hit, I explain to him, "Look, you made _____ so sad when you hit him. That is not acceptable. You had better apologize."

Another part of it is getting to the "why" the child hit in the first place. You need to validate their feelings and then teach them better options. "I understand that you felt frustrated when ______ did ______ (i.e. When Elaine took your toy truck). When you're frustrated like that you may hit your pillow or your bear, but you may not hit people."

It sounds a little advanced to talk to a 2 year old like that, but they will understand if you make it a habit of talking to them this way. My son started telling me when he was 'frustratin!' at about 19 months.

Sharon - posted on 09/05/2011

my 22 month old does this too,sometimes it is accidental,which happens,but when she is tired that when she starts flapping around,then it gets to actual hitting,i have found that saying ouch!! quite loudly does make her stop and then she starts crying,cos she doesnt like that were upset,i think making them realise that they have hurt you,it makes them stop hitting you,well it works for me.

Toni - posted on 08/31/2011

When my son goes to hit we remind him to be gentle, which usually works. When he does choose to hit we tell him we don't hit people, hitting makes ... (insert name) sad, do you want to make... Sad, he always says no because he doesn't like it when people are sad, we then ask him to apologise to whoever he hit (he gives them a kiss and a hug).

It is really important to be consistent with how you react to behaviours so the child knows where they stand, it can take months for a child this age to fully understand so with whichever method you use make sure you continue it for a good few months.

Renae - posted on 08/30/2011

My little guy is a hitter too...I look at him, tell him "no hit, that hurts", then walk into the other room where he can't see me. When coming back into the room, it seems like, most times, his attitude is adjusted. My theory is, I am telling him that I am not going to pay attention to bad behavior...it seems to work...give it a try and let me know if you have any luck!!

Erin - posted on 08/27/2011

My son does this sometimes and I can tell he doesn't really understand that it hurts, and usually he's laughing. We try saying "gentle" like we do when he pets the cats, and sometimes it works, but when he's tired and cranky, usually when I put him on the change pad to change him he smacks. I take his arm firmly and say "NO HIT" and "If you hit Mama again you will get a timeout. Do you want a timeout?" and he usually stops, because he hates timeouts. We only put him in his crib for one minutes for a timeout, but it works, and usually the threat of it is enough to stop him from doing something. We just try to be consistent - if we threaten a timeout, we follow through with it no matter what, so he knows we mean it.

Karen - posted on 08/27/2011

i have 2 little boys that are almost 2&3, we have a lot of hitting going on too. i always make them give a hug and say sorry. i also have taught them at a young age how to be "gentle" by petting someones back or arm. so now if i say "gently" they will stop beofre they hit and rub each others arms. boys will be boys though and its in their nature to play rough. when my kids are getting crazy,i give them pillows to hit instead. they like having a punching "buddy"

Meagen - posted on 08/27/2011

Hitting is hard to deal with, because the idea of cause and effect are a little beyond them. Also, the fact that others have feelings and can be hurt is something that they will not get for a while longer. I try not to hit back, because it models the "bad" behavior. Luckily my daughter doesn't hit much, but she did get me in the face with a set of keys the other day. That hurt! I usually just hold her hands and kneel down so I can look her in the eyes. Then I say No, that hurts. in a really firm voice. We haven't really started time outs yet, but this would be a good time to do it. Letting him know that other people can be hurt by his actions may help. If you see that he is about to hit, try distracting him with a toy or treat. Also if a child is involved, try getting him to give a hug and say sorry. Good Luck

Shelly - posted on 08/27/2011

I am having this same issue too and we have tried many things as well. The most recent thing that we are trying is to do the same thing that he does back to him which he does not like. It has helped some, but any additional help would be greatly appreciated.

Elisabeth - posted on 08/27/2011

My 22 month old daughter does this too!! She has been a hitter for a long time and lashes out mainly before her afternoon nap or bedtime at night. I'm assuming she does it when tired? It's awful! Would love some tips on this one too.

Gretchen - posted on 08/26/2011

I always laugh when I say with a swat, don't hit....because I just hit. I haven't really encountered this too much, but what little I have, -calmly- I make them stand in front of their victim and see how upset they made them, appologize for their actions and mean it, then take them to a time-out. If you wait until the time out, you have to wonder if they will remember what it was they just did.