Almost lost the baby because of babys father&family....

Melanie - posted on 05/02/2011

Um, YEAH!!! Cut off ALL contact! If he doesn't believe the baby is his, and neither does his family, you don't need him. After baby is born, look into child support recovery, and that is it. (Only if you need help) I would just try to avoid them. Don't let them bother you when you do see them, tho. My fiance's family hates me. They still don't believe my 10 1/2 month old is his, and I'm sure they will say the same thing about the baby I am pregnant with. I always ignored them. When they would start haggling me about it, I would tell them if they didn't want to have contact with me or the baby, they didn't have to. My fiance and I have been together for 3 1/2 years, and this is how they treat me?! I don't think so. We finally moved away from the majority of his family. Currently, we are staying with one of his sisters, and she does not judge us.

Joyce - posted on 04/28/2011

I think it is adviseable to think of your baby's and your safety before making a decision. Your baby being born hale and hearty should be your number one goal and not his father's interest in him later. All the best.

Cyndel - posted on 04/28/2011

Your health and the health of your baby is more important then a man who has no interest in the baby at all. I would cut them off and protect yourself and baby. Have your phone service block their numbers so they can't call you. Or just don't answer when they do. If they don't stop I suggest getting someone you trust who won't take crap to be a mediator so you have less stress.
I've had a lot of stress these past few months, my son has one lung partially collapsed, we are going in for more x-rays and tests today (i'm 37 weeks 4 days, due May 15), my best friend was severely traumatized in multiple ways 2 nights ago, and I drove over to be with her and stayed over night, that was extremely stress full, and my husband starts finals on monday...I've been having a lot more braxton hicks and was worried last night that I would go into labor before DH finished finals, and while DS could possibly be going in for surgery soon. So stress is so difficult on pregnancy...mine is completely unavoidable in my case, but you can avoid most of yours, you don't have to necessarily cut him off, but defiantly cut his family off.

Erin - posted on 04/26/2011

Plan to get a DNA test immediately after the birth, and dont let him get to you. I say get the DNA test, because when you file for child support I bet more than likely they will resist because of the claims they have of it not being his. I am going through a rough process of getting child support from my daughters father, and she is 5 years old. I finally just got news that the courts have appointed him an amount, and it will be starting up very soon. I only wish I had gotten the ball rolling as soon as possible, instead of holding up a hope that he would be responsible and take action himself. You should also apply for full custody, on paper, and if he still shows no interest whatsoever in the child or helping you, file for abandonment so that he and his family have no rights to dictate how you or your child live your life, and you can rest assured that they can have no legal influence in your life at least. It all sounds harsh and stupid and immature now, but in the end its a huge weight off your mind to know this child wont be affected by the mean minds that his family seem to have.

Brianna - posted on 04/12/2011

it he is trying to stress you out so that you miscarry well i think u need to cut off all contact with them.. start by changing ur phone number for sure.. maybe even moving?

Chrissie - posted on 04/12/2011

Cut everyone off and wait for an apology... I can not believe they are treating you like that! Omgosh I am so mad right now... =[

Camille - posted on 04/12/2011

Stop contact RIGHT NOW!!!!! I'm really sorry about your situation. If they are causing you all this stress it means they don't care about you and the baby. By their actions they are demonstrating they're not good people. Nobody deserves that kind of treatment. Not even a woman who claims the baby is his and really the baby is not. It is not your case but a mature and reasonable man and family would only wait for the test without humiliating the woman. They are not decent. Period.

Michelle - posted on 06/30/2010

You should just tell him he if he wants a DNA test you will give it after the baby is born and as of now you need to concentrate on bringing this baby into the world healthy and he is not helping with all the stress he is giving you....

Stacie - posted on 06/29/2010

hi there,
im sorry to hear what is going on.
yes u have to think what is good for u and the baby
my oldest doesnt have his dad in his life his family went on his side even know he was in the wrong and he never wanted me having my boi. i went through alot been preg with my oldest but i did what was best waited til i had our son and tryed to get his dad to bond with his son but like through my prego life girls cars and mates where more important.
he turned his back on my son and went and started a new relationship with some other chick and made a family with her as i put my foot down that my boi needed his dad in his life not some one that would say he would be there and wouldnt and never seen him. . . . he now hangs out with alot of people that i had to say bye to as he trys finding out stuff abut us both. my son found it hard sitting there waiting for a guy that would say that he would be there for bdaes and weekends and never did. .. i think him not been in my bois life is the best thing.....when my boi was four years old i started dating again and ive been with my best friend of 12 years for three years and he a good step dad to my boi but my boi says his real dad is his father and his step dad is his real dad. . .. we both have one kid to some one else and we have a boi together and now we going to be having a little girl together in a few weeks.
id say do alot of thinking but make sure u think about what is good for u and ur bubs.
u never know he might grow up once the baby gets here

Jess - posted on 06/29/2010

My children sperm donor did the samething he even ran me off the road. So I stoped having anything to with all of them and whenthe state made him say yes they are mine or do a test he did a test and he felt like an ass. If they want to see the kids the visits are supervised by a social worker and only the father is allowed unless I give them permission to see them. Trust me thing could get really ugly so I wouldnt try anymore. I been there and have we havent see the father in 4yrs and my daughter has never seen him or him her. Hes loser if thats how he is going to treat the soon to be mother of his child!!!

Mariana - posted on 06/29/2010

oh and change your number if you want give it only to the father and ask him not to give it to anyone if he does give it out change it again and dont give it to him untell your baby is there

Mariana - posted on 06/29/2010

you need to do what is best for your and your babies health . So if that means to stop talking to him intell you have the baby then you should let him no when you have the baby when your inlabor or after what ever you think is best because I believe every father should at least get a chance to be a father and go from there goodluck with everything

Rachel - posted on 06/29/2010

i dont wont to butt in but if he dont care for the baby now thin he mit not care whin u do have it even if it is his so for now so u dont lose the baby i would stop seeing him in tall u have the baby

Nicole - posted on 06/29/2010

If ignoring them for now helps then DO IT!! You can't think about them and how they feel right now!! They OBVIOUSLY aren't thinking about you or the baby's feelings! And that is sad and selfish on their part! If they want a DNA test, then fine, let them pay for it, BUT they shouldn't be so hateful about it!! If they don't want to be a part of the baby's life, then let them walk away, you won't be the one losing anything!! Trust me, I know some what of what you are going through and feeling. I told this little thing to my cousin yesterday and I also believe it for my own life. No matter how tough things get always remember God is your Locomotive and your child/children is your Caboose!! YOU CAN'T LOSE!! You focus on happiness for you and your baby, regardless if they father and his family is there! The years will pass by but the memory of Mommy working hard and ALWAYS being there is something your child will never forget!! My 9 year old tells me so :)

Good luck! Keep your head up! You have the ultimate prize and thats all that matters at the end of the day!! YOU CAN MAKE IT!!

Samantha - posted on 06/29/2010

do what you feel is best for you and the baby.

Melanie - posted on 06/28/2010

he is not worth even knowing.... you can do this baby on your own,, you dont need his family or him,,,, get the dna done,,, then you will have the last laugh as you turn around and walk away with your precious child in your arms, when it proves that you were not lying and that he is the father lol...... im a single mum pregnant with my 7th,,

Andrea - posted on 06/28/2010

Hey im sorry you have had to deal with this, you need to take care of yourself and your baby first. I would forget about him, I know it would be tough but you don't need someone like that in your life especially while your pregnant. He sounds like a real jerk, and so does his family. I wouldn't take that and if his family keeps it up I would get a restraining order from them so they can't call you or change your phone number so they are not harrasing you. Trust me you do not want to have preterm labor it will just add to your stress. My twins were 25 weeks and are healthy now thankfully but it was extremely stressful not knowing what will happen because you have to take one day at a time and never know what will happen, and no mother should have to deal with what your dealing with. I hope your family is behind you, and I hope everything goes ok for you.

April - posted on 06/28/2010

Girl Stop the contact. I had a similar situation, except it was my mans step mom, and she was causing me such turmoil. I cut that entire side of the family out of my life and my pregnancy. They eventually got their acts together, and they keep things mum, because they know if I lose my child, there will be hell to pay especially if it's over some of their bs drama. Scott has even told them, that one rude/snipe comment and we will send them packing, and they will never hear from us, or see our child. Ever. Period.

Block their numbers (Most cell carries will do this for you, call them and they will tell you how to). If they can't change your number, and cut them out! Just do it, either they will come around or they wont, and if they wont, then you simply don't need garbage like that in your life.

The babies daddy in my opinion needs to be smacked anyways. Who allows a pregnant women, whether his or not, to be victimized and taughted? That's just disgusting and bottom of the pit in my book.

Do you and your baby a favor and get ride of these ridiculous people!

Alexa - posted on 06/28/2010

Thank you so much, so far I have cut off contact. Hopefully I can maintain that!

Diana - posted on 06/28/2010

You are thinking like a mom :) The baby's health always comes. It is more important that this baby lives than the relationship the baby will soon have with his/her father.

Danica - posted on 06/28/2010

Whats best for now is to let him go. ( Easier said then done.)
I didn't have my father in my life so as for me its very important that my children have theirs.
All that your child needs to know that if when he gets older he doesn't choose to be in his life that you tried your hardest to make things work (:
good luck.

Marissa - posted on 06/27/2010

well you need to think about the health of ur baby.. and do you really want your baby to grow up with a family that jeprodize its life?
really in the end you need to think if ur willing to put the baby through having people question weather not it is blood relative.

just do whats you think is best for you and ur baby

Sarah - posted on 06/27/2010

you have to do whats best for you and your baby! you are the only person that can take your child out of a bad situation while you are pregnant! i've been having stress from alot of people in my life! my husband is quitting tobacco and is really moody... so he gets upset easily and starts yelling, i have told him that when he yells he stresses me and it in turn stresses our baby! at the time he acts like he doesn't care and one time he even said he hoped i'd have a miscarriage... in the end though he realizes he was wrong and apologizes a ton for what he did to me and he even talks to my tummy and apologizes to our child! i know he is just getting mad because he's quitting an addiction to tobacco! but i have had other people in my life that have been stressing me and i have been alot happier without them being involved! if your baby's father is denying its his more than likely he won't want anything to do with the baby once its born! if you need child support from him then get a dna test done after the baby is born and take him to court! a friend of mine's child's father denied their son for the 1st year of his life and when the DNA test came back showing it was his he was upset he had missed out on so much! i would suggest for the time being don't talk to him or his family... if they keep calling you and harassing you ask them to stop if they don't call the cops and get a restraining order! that way the law is on your side and you shouldn't have to worry about dealing with them while they are behaving like this! the best thing you can do is cut out as much stress from your life right now as you can and worry about carrying your baby to term!

Desiree - posted on 06/27/2010

Im kind of in the same situation as you (Under a lot of stress) but its about different issues than yours, and everyday I fear that something bad will happen to baby. Im 6 months pregnant now due september 17th and I cry everyday I think its to the point now that I have depression, I have yet to discuss this with my doctor. I feel like I've given up on everything.
I think that given the situation you are in in might be a good idea to cut off contact with the father and his family, like you said he doesnt care for the baby anyway but you should only contact him when you go into labour, or even after the baby is born if he has no interest in being at the birth, and if you are in need of seeking financial support from him make sure to speak toa lawyer about your situation.
I know how it feels not having the father of your child not be there for you when you need him and it has caused me to think very hard about if I should leave him once the baby is born, I will have to wait and see until baby is born though till I make my final decission because if he doesn't change then we're gone and thats all he's gonna be is financial support for us if he can't do it emotionally and mentally. Good luck with your "problem" I hope whatever you decicde it's best for baby. =)

Amanda - posted on 06/27/2010

U need to think of that baby and at 20 weeks going into preterm labor not good. If uve tried talking to him already and he's done nothing to change than obviously he is not. U shouldnt have to deal with phone calls in the middle of the night and everything else they're putting u through. Its time to let it him go and have no contact until he decides to str8 up and act right. My sons biological father isnt in his life and hasnt been. He's prolly seen my son 10 times and my son is 2 n a half. My fiance has been in my sons life since he was 8 months and my son is all he knows. His loss not urs. Be strong and definitely eliminate ur stress. Good luck and keep ur head up.

Michelle - posted on 06/27/2010

I agree with the other mommies on this post! You are a mommy now, this means you have to protect your child at ALL costs. If you know that these conversations are threatening the LIFE of your child, then you need to cut them off COMPLETELY! You have a precious innocent child inside of you that can't defend themselves.. you are their only line of defense. Do whatever is necessary for your child to be brought forth in a healthy situation... deal with the drama later.

Sarah - posted on 06/26/2010

You definately need to cut off contact with anyone causing that amount of stress to you. We had a family member lose her baby at 18weeks because of being under a tremendous amount of stress from an ex. She had a routine ultrasound and their was no heartbeat, no abnormalities at all and no other reason other than her stress causing high blood pressure that the baby didnt survive. She was made to be induced and deliver it naturally,then have a buriel. I cant imagine anyone having to go through such a traumatic experience and if you can avoid it i would highly recommend it. Please stay healthy, do what you can to relax and just enjoy your pregnancy. Cut contact until they can be mature enough to respect you and that precious baby. God bless and goodluck.

Lenica - posted on 06/26/2010

Get rid of them do your self a favour buy or rent the dvd "In the womb" it will open your eyes everything you say your baby hears and feels everything you feel. Im about 20weeks and 5days now and I cut off my babies dad and family he just wanted to get rid of her and it made me depro I got complications because of that stress. I have a grandmother who i live with and she has wished death on my baby 2 times now and it upsets me so much...every time I get upset she stops moving its really bad because she knows im upset... You know what you need to do just get it over with! you and your baby is better off! Good luck!

Heather - posted on 06/26/2010

I'm sorry that you are having to deal with all that drama. I have never been in that situation but would have to say as a mother of two and one on the way you need to do what is best for YOU AND YOUR BABY at this point. If he is already trying to cause rifts and doubts then it doesn't matter whether or not you cut off contact now because at some point he will try and find a way to cut off contact with his child. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but the reality is that even a lot of dad's who are involved through the pregnancy will find a way to resolve their involvement after baby comes. I wish you much luck sweetie and please take care of yourself and cut off all contact from him and his family to allow urself to carry a healthy happy full term pregnancy, that needs to be ur focus right now. And not to say you don't know that he is the father but if he is sooo adamant about a paternity/dna test then let him have it. Get a lawyer, go to court and make sure he has to pay the costs. Then when baby is here and you go file for child support you already have on file that he IS the biological father and it won't take quite so long. Sorry I'm rambling. I just want to make sure you do what is best for YOU AND YOUR BABY. Good Luck momma, sending love and feel better karma to you and baby!

Kat - posted on 06/26/2010

I agree with the others. Until baby has come along cut the contact. Focus positively on yourself & your baby. Revisit the situation later, you just don't know what may have changed by then. Maybe cut the contact in conjunction with a letter as Liz suggested. Write a letter, positive & mature. Express your feelings, your needs & your intensions & leave it at that. That way he knows what your doing & why & there can be no repucussions later when he wakes up to himself & starts demanding to see his baby. The other thing I think about too in my situation is don't do anything that you would be ashamed to explain to your child in 14 years time when they start asking the questions.

Jane - posted on 06/26/2010

do what's best for your health and the baby's health. leave this all by the wayside for now. even if your health wasn't in jeopardy right now, leave the people who aren't supportive of you aside for now. don't make any permanent decisons about anything. just concentrate on yourself. if he complains that you aren't responding, just tell him you can't b/c it puts the baby at risk.
he and his family are trying to make a situation go away and it's not going to go away, it's a very immature approach but it's their approach. there's nothing you can do about that. celebrate that you are a mom and be the best mom you can be, that is NOTHING for ANYONE to laught at!

Carolee - posted on 06/26/2010

Cut contact with him. When the baby is born, go to the courts and get child support. If he asks for a DNA test, then he will have to pay for it. And child support has nothing to do with visitation rights in most places...

Alexa - posted on 06/25/2010

Yeah thats what Ive been doing through this entire thing. I have explained it to him so many times. I suppose stepping away for a bit may be good. Thank you!

Misty - posted on 06/25/2010

If he is acting like that he doesn't deserve to see the baby anyways..... you would be better off without him if he is gonna keep being so immature. He knows its not healthy for you or the baby but yet he keeps making you stress? Just ask yourself if he is rele worth it.....

Liz - posted on 06/25/2010

I'd suggest sitting down and writing out what you're feeling. Send it to him in either a letter or an email, let him know exactly what is going on, and how the situation is affecting both you and your unborn child. If he chooses to read the email and reply, you can go from there, if not then I would suggest leaving them be for a few months at least.

I know you don't want to do that, but if it's better for both you and your child, then that is what you may have to do. At least step away from the situation for a few months if he can't be mature and respond to the situation in an adult manor.