Anyone Experience "Gender Disappointment"?

Andrea - posted on 06/24/2010 ( 34 moms have responded )

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I'm just curious to know if any other moms who have more than one child of the same gender and are expecting have ever been/are disappointed to learn that they are expecting another boy/girl. I haven't exactly found out yet but have a gut feeling I'm having another boy and I've been a little down for the last 2 days because I was really hoping for a little girl for a myriad of reasons.Yes, I'm happy that my baby is healthy and I will know for sure in a few more weeks. Just wondering if anyone can relate and how to deal with these feelings. I don't know if its hormones or true disappointment.

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Kellie - posted on 04/26/2013

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I just found out I'm having a third girl when I was POSITIVE going into the ultrasound that baby was a boy. This pregnancy had all the ear marks of a boy andi was just so positive I would finally get the boy that I have been dreaming of my whole life. This is defiantly our last baby (I hate hate hate being pregnant) so I am just mourning the loss of the son I have always imagined having but never will. Because I had the same feelings of disappointment after both my girls I thought I would get over "it" with this little one too but it's not happening. I think I am struggling with it more because this is my last baby. There is no 'well maybe the next one will be a boy'. This is it. I'm mourning and I am afraid that I'm going to stay in thif funk. I'm really trying to remember all the wonderful things I do with my girls and how much I love them and how I couldn't imagine not having them. I am really trying but its not working. I don't like feeling guilty about not being happy with my baby. I just really wanted a son. My granfather recently passed away and we were going to name the baby after him. So that ia adding to my disappointment.

Sarah - posted on 09/13/2013

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Yes gender disappointment is out there. I had an ultrasound the other day and the us lady asked if I wanted to know the sex and I was excited cuz my symptoms of this pregnancy were different so I was positive it was the little boy I have been wanting but then she said its a girl. My heart literally dropped.....I even had to bite my lip to prevent myself from crying right there. Even with the whole rest of the ultrasound I was numb. I don't wanna hear criticism cuz I am thankful she's healthy but I was disappointed....and the fact this also is my last pregnancy. My friends would say oh your still young but honestly I don't like being pregnant...vericose veins have popped out in my legs which are painful and spider veins. I talked with a friend of mine who also went through the same thing. That helped me feel better....she said to go shopping right away. I'm going to try and do that ASAP, I feel guilty for feeling the way I do. But I know I'm not the only one...and yes I do realize there are some women out there who can't have kids and I should feel lucky...I understand that too....and I'm thankful I can....but this has been hard for me......especially since it seems like everyone around me is getting the gender they want. I know time heals. I'm in that acceptance stage. If anyone has any other tips please let me know.

Fiona - posted on 05/02/2012

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It is perfectly normal to experience this i think. I say "i think" because my gender disappointment is so bad that i have considered termination; the only thing stopping me is that after 12 weeks if the baby is fine (just had an amniocentesis and was cleared) it is considered murder to terminate a healthy baby. I have 2 boys, my pattern was boy, girl, boy, their ages are 12, 11, and 6. i was so desperately hoping for a sweet baby girl in my arms this time around. Now its making me cry typing this - I only found out at ultrasound 2 days ago, and my heart skipped a million beats when I was rang by the hospital and it was confirmed for sure that i was having a healthy little boy. To me, my boys are so difficult to take care of; they're disobedient and naughty stages start very early in their childhood. I honestly feel robbed of having the 2nd little girl i craved, i had many reasons why i wanted a girl. Yes, I have a girl - I shouldn't whinge, but i wanted my girl to have what i never did - a sister. I now cant give that to her because nature has dealt me with ANOTHER boy, and i'm not trying again as i do not want the disappointment again, and i know in my heart of hearts i couldn't deal with 5 kids. I now look at baby girls (even baby girls clothing or pink) and burst into tears! My only experience of having a girl out of 4 kids is now just a distant memory! It kills you inside! At the moment (i feel bad for feeling this) i do not want my baby - i would prefer to not be pregnant at all! Maybe my feelings will change later, but noone's tries to convince me its going to be OK is working, I feel ashamed of my ability to produce girls, and feel my daughter must have been a fluke. I Blame myself also because i have reason to believe that the woman has half the say in the sex of the baby; i have a friend who only was ever born with one ovary (she feels like a freak because she only had one) and has only ever been able to have boys - she has 4 of them. Yeah so it is normal, some have it worse than others as u can see. I'm sorry you have to deal with this, and hopefully we both will get through this. Good luck xx

Jessica - posted on 04/28/2013

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I don't have more than one child of the same sex, but I have a little boy and LOVE raising him and am actually AFRAID to have a little girl. I secretly hope for another boy and am scared I will be disappointed if it's a girl. I know that sounds horrible. I'm happy about having another BABY, period. But I do have these feelings too. And I feel bad for having them.

Destiny - posted on 05/02/2013

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Actually sperm determines the sex of the baby. The egg the woman carries has 1 X chromosome. The sperm either has a X or a Y. XX means girl and XY is a boy. Some men can only produce one so that's why some women end up with all boys or all girls.

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34 Comments

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Julie - posted on 03/12/2014

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Hi everyone
My husband and I were swaying for 8 months with a pretty intense sway (to tip the odds in our favor of making a girl)~
I was stressing the whole time. I had one chemical pregnancy in September and I was so disappointed. I just wasn't getting pregnant.
I have 3 sons (2 different fathers). My husband and I have two amazing little boys... We are somewhat trying for baby #3, and I have given up swaying completely. I am still hoping for a daughter but I am completely leaving it all in Gods hands♥

I'll write back when I'm pregnant and let you know what it all is.
To me, praying makes more sense than swaying

Ester - posted on 02/27/2013

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Just found out we are having a boy. My husband and I along with my five year old daughter were very much looking forward to another girl. We wanted a sister for our Talli and we just couldn't see ourselves with a boy....

Then the news. I am truly sooo disappointed, to the point that I really feel kind of bad because I know I should be happy our baby is healthy. :(

I can't help it though. It feels terrible. It even crossed my mind that I couldn't really love a little boy as much as my little princess. I know its probably the hormones talking though.

Reading the other comments helps though, I know this will soon pass. I hope VERY SOON.

Carolee - posted on 07/14/2010

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I JUST had my girl, and could NOT be happier!!! (I had posted earlier in the thread about my situation... thought I'd give an update.)

Melanie - posted on 07/12/2010

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i have 3 boys and 3 girls.19 weeks pregnant baby 7... i have a pattern going,boy girl boy girl etc.... cant seem to break the pattern lol...

Rocio - posted on 07/12/2010

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Will my two olders brothers already have kids...they both have boys! One is 7 years and the other is 5 months. When I became pregnant, my whole family wanted me to have a girl, but on the other hand, my boyfriends family wanted a boy! My boyfriend wanted to have a boy too but I wanted a baby girl! When we finally got to know, I had gotten my hopes up a little too high that I was having a girl and got pretty disappointed when the Ultrasound Tech said it was a boy! Of course my boyfriend was over the moon with happiness, but I began to cry! At the moment it was a cry of mixed emotions, but later realized I had cried out of disappointment! And yes, hormones play a huge role, at least that's what my doctor said! It has been a month since we found out the sex and I'm extremely anxious and happy to meet my baby boy in October!

Penny - posted on 07/09/2010

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I really wanted another boy, I had 2 already, and when I found out it was a girl I was really disappointed. It took me about a month to warm up to the idea and start shopping for her. She was born April 1, 2010 and I do love her dearly. I am the youngest of 6 girls and I did not want to raise a teenage girl!LOL I guess because I know how moody and difficult it can be. You will love your child no matter what the gender, it just happens.

Chelsea - posted on 07/08/2010

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Lol, oh my was i disappointed. My fiance really wants a boy right along with myself!! I mean really want a boy!! I have an 8mnth old girl && was dead set on this one being a boy, even bought some boy clothes... Went in for my ultrasound and sure enough its a girl! I CRIED & cried & cried...I kept repeating to my fiance "dont have a boy with another girl, dont leave me to have a boy" I was dead set on because he wanted a boy so bad that he was going to leave me. Thing is he didnt care that it was a girl!! Im the one that cared, still to this day i find myself believing that the ultrasound tech is wrong and its a boy...I was devastated. Still kinda upset but i will love them no different!

Bonnie - posted on 07/08/2010

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I felt my heart drop when they told me I was having another boy. I am not sure I want any more so was really hoping it was a girl. I always try my best to look at the bright side so I kept repeating all the good reasons for having the same sex....like they will have each other for those times they are too shy to ask their parents, they will generally play with the same toys, I save money on clothes. Then when my second boy was born I fell in love and it didn't matter what sex it was anymore.

Jacquie - posted on 07/08/2010

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I will admit I had pretty bad gender disappointment. I have 13 brothers, 4 of which are all still under 6 years old. I wanted a girl more than anything in the world. My boyfriend also wanted a girl as he's recently experienced the joys my brothers bring to us. We both just really wanted a girl. When they showed us it's a boy my boyfriend was disappointed for all of 2 seconds before he got tears in his eyes and said "thats my boy!". I however felt horrible because I didn't want a boy and I was afraid I wouldn't want my baby. I felt that way for about 3 or 4 days. I just was miserable about having a boy and all the things that came with it. However now at 28 weeks I can't wait to meet my little dude and raise him to be a wonderful, loving man. I didn't get what I want but I am reminded everyday of the positive and refuse to allow my selfish wants to get in the way of how wonderful my son is going to be.

Tiana - posted on 07/08/2010

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hi there my name is tiana and im currently pregnant with my second. and when i was pregnant with my first son i was so happy i didnt care what the gender was and i ended up having a boy well. now my son is going on 13 months and im pregnant with my second son. when i found out that i was having another boy sure i was kinda upset. cuz i really wanted a girl this time but i was just happy that this one is healthy and growing fine. but for the first few days i wished over and over that i had a girl lol. but i wouldnt change it at all

Kylene - posted on 07/07/2010

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I can't say that I was disappointed in that way but I was disappointed when my doctor told me that I was having a boy and I named him and had a baby shower and became adjusted to that gender and at 8 months pregnant he changed the gender to a girl. I didnt care either way originally but it was hard when I had already imagined holding a little boy in my arms.

Cheryl - posted on 07/04/2010

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My first baby was a girl...the second baby was a girl...13 years later, after I remarried I got pregnant to find out it was twins. A double chance of a boy after all! During the ultra sound the tech asked if we had any other kids at home and I said two girls...she said make it three and then she giggled this evil little giggle...the other twin was also a girl. But...I just adopted my baby boy May 28!

Jennifer - posted on 07/03/2010

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I'm having my third child which I wanted to be another boy but turned out to be a girl.I was a little upset and so was my son.But I'm already use to the point that I'm having another girl.I figure my daughter has someone to play with other then her brother.It should be fun and exciting with 2 girls and a boy..We shall see!!! :)

Angie - posted on 07/01/2010

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I know the feeling and I am defo hoping for a girl this time round. I have loads of reasons for wanting another DD and only 1 for a boy. My Son is a bit of a handful can be pretty stressful to cope with at times not just at home but at school as well. My partner has another son to a previous relationship and well he is just the same, throws tantrums when asked to tidy his room etc. The boys do not see each other so I can't say its bad influence I more see it as genetics. So I worry painfully that if this little one is a boy is he going to turn out just like his older bro and older half bro. My Girls are absolute dreams to work with not stressful at all. I also have lots of baby girls clothes 3 big massive boxes of 0-2yrs to be exact of everything girly few neutral things so I feel having a boy I would have to start all over again and with the way things have been as per to recession, difficult financial times I feel it would be hard with a boy. However I don't find out until the 23rd so I will let you know if I get what I am secretly wishing for or what I am secretly dreading but to be honest I seriously thing once I have him in my arms if he is a boy then I will feel not too bad. The one reason for me to have a boy is? So I do not have 3 girls stuck in 1 room together and that my DS has someone to share a room with. Time will tell and hope you get what your wishing for :)

Jenna - posted on 07/01/2010

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I did too. I have one son alraedy, who is my world, I love him to death. But then I became unexpectedly pregnant, my hubby and I decided 2 children were enough and made the decision to hav emy tubes tied after this pregnancy. I was really hoping for a girl, but it is another boy. But I'm over it lol. I can't wait to have two little gremlins around this house! If this lil oy is anything like my first, then I will have a very fun and adtive next few years while they are growing. The boys wil be 20 months apart exactly, so no downtime for me. Do I still wish it was a lil girl sometimes? Sure, sure. But my husband and I both talked about adoption in the future, so then I can just about guarantee a lil girl lol. That's ok. I can wait! :)

Nicole - posted on 06/29/2010

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I swore that baby #1 was a boy. But there we were, hospital, baby born, and she was a GIRL! I was NOT disappointed at all. we didnt want to find out before b/c its truely the only surprise you get in life!
So here I am pregnant w/ #2 and my hubby didnt want to find out. I was really wanting to now, but i know if i would have found out it would have been all over. I cant keep that kind of secret! LOL!
So I only have 5 more weeks to go, and we will find out what this baby is. I pray for a girl so my 2 year old will have a BFF!! But if its a boy they can still be BFF's. I feel like i might be disappointed if its a boy, but I will love that baby all the same! but please Pray its a girl! LOL!

ASHLEY - posted on 06/27/2010

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I have a 3 1/2 year old little girl. And expecting again due oct. 5 and we went to find out what we were having and we are having another girl. I am still a little sad because I have health problems and I wanted a boy so badly and still hurt because I really dont want anymore children becasue of my health. But I guess you get over it when time passes. We are happy that she healthy and my daughter happy she going to be a big sister also.

Kathryn - posted on 06/27/2010

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I have a 4 year old little girl and when i found out i was pregnant again i wanted a little boy so bad...i was alittle disappointed when i found out that i am having another little girl..but i soon got over it because i started thinking about how much easier it was going to be since i already know what i am doing with a girl...realized being a single mom with 2 kids might be more challenging if i were to have a little boy this time..plus i have alot of my 4 year old daughters clothes from when she was little...another thing that help my disappointment was when i seen how excited my daughter was when she found out she was going to have a baby sister..

Rebecca - posted on 06/27/2010

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I am sort of in the same boat as you. I am not very far along and don't really have a clue as to what the gender will be of my baby. I have a boy already and it would be nice to have a girl but I think the past couple of weeks I have just been working myself up thinking I have a girl.

I keep researching symptoms of my pregnancy and if they go with boys or girls (knowing that isn't exactly the best way to tell) and I keep thinking I am having a girl. I, too, am sort of scared of how to deal with things when and if I find out the sex and am disappointed.

I think the best way to deal with things from my point of view is to think of things this way-if it is a boy, your son and him would really have fun playing together. There is always next time for a girl and sometimes, girls and boys don't like to play together. So, try thinking of your current child and how it could benefit them to have another baby of the same sex.

Sarah - posted on 06/26/2010

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i just found out a week ago that im having my 2nd boy and i wont lie when i left the doctors i was crying cause i really wanted a girl. i love my 1st son soo much but iwanted one of each and after this pregnancy i can only have one more baby. but about 10 mins later i was happy. but still when i see lil girls or girl clothes i do get a lil down but im glad hes healthy and it will be easier for many reasons.

Kat - posted on 06/26/2010

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With #1 we both wanted a boy. We always spoke that a healthy baby is best bla bla bla, but deep down we wanted a boy bad. When she came out the midwife told Hubby to tell me what we had & he pronounced her a BOY - her privates were very swollen. Then after being told to look again he said she was a GIRL. I had the split second disappointment, but it truly only lasted that split second. I fell in love with her instantly. Now only days away from #2 we desperately want another girl. I know girls now & would be so much easier. A healthy baby is what is best of course. I think when you hold them in your arms for the first time & kiss them on the messy head your thoughts on the gender melt away. All you know is that baby is yours & that's all that matters.

Brandi - posted on 06/25/2010

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We'll find out July 27th what we are having but I must say...and I've felt bad about this. If it's a girl, I will be a little disappointed. Mostly because I've been telling my SO that I just feel like it's a boy. However, the farther along I get, the more I wonder if it's not a girl. Either way, I'll be so happy with whatever we get but there will be a split second of disappointment if it's a girl. I think a lot more parent's have disappointment but never talk about it because they feel like that makes them bad parents but I disagree.

Keli - posted on 06/25/2010

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You are not alone Im glad my baby is healthy, but I really want a girl. I had a sonogram 2 weeks ago and the doc say she cant tell but thinks it's a boy. I have a 5yr boy, and would love a little girl. I have another sonogram july 9th. I hope I get the girl I want, if not I will just take a healthy boy.

Joanna - posted on 06/24/2010

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I was actually relieved to find out I was having another of the same gender (girl). I mean, sure, having one of each is always kind of the dream, right? And I would have liked having a little boy. But me, personally, I know girl, I can do girl, whereas something new is a bit frightening, lol. My husband and I had the tiniest bit of dissapointment when we found out it was a girl only because he wanted a boy badly and I knew he wanted a boy badly. But he got over it quickly and shared in my excitement.

Amy - posted on 06/24/2010

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I just found out were having a little girl, and I've got one boy so far. Both my husband and I were hoping for a boy (It would make things SO much easier on us), so part of me is disappointed but the other part of he is looking at all the positives of it too!

Carolee - posted on 06/24/2010

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I have a boy, and I was disappointed at first when we found out that I'm going to have a girl. You get used to the idea, and I am actually excited about it now... only a couple of weeks to go for me!!! It really just never crossed my mind that I would have a girl... ever. I'd always wanted boys. I'm VERY greatful that she's healthy, though.

Sarah - posted on 06/24/2010

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i thinks its normal to be a lil disappointed but i've seen a few people on here that wanted to terminate their pregnacy because they didn't get the gender they wanted! i personally don't care what my child is (its my 1st pregnancy we're having a boy) and i would like to have a lil girl next time so we have one of each! either way we will be thrilled! if its mean to be then its mean to be! i wouldn't be worried about it until you have an ultrasound! you could be worrying for nothing!

Ashlee - posted on 06/24/2010

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The hormones will definately mess with you during the pregnancy! That could definately be contributing. But I think a lot of people go through gender dissapointment, even if it's only for a split second, when they hear what the baby is for the first time. My husband wanted a boy and we found out we were having a girl and I know he was he a little dissapointed, you could tell for a little while (5-10 minutes) and then he started coming back around and was excited again and can't wait for his little girl to be here, it's all he talks about. I on the other hand was very happy to hear that she is a girl. But, we would love a boy next and I'm sure if we hear that it's a girl again we will both have a little dissapointment, that will of corse ware off, but only because we plan to try three times for a boy. We want two children only, but if the first two turn out girls, we will try one last time for a boy. If they are girls all three times, we will probably give up, had a little more dissapointment each time, but will love our girls each the same, more than anything else in the world.

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