baby #3 on the way and not coping very well

Rhiannon - posted on 01/17/2010 ( 7 moms have responded )

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i'm 21 and i'm due to have baby #3 in just under 9 weeks and im having a hard time coping i'm really unsure and uncertain about myself and how i will cope after baby #3 arrives. i have 2 beautiful girls who are 31 months and 17 months, this pregnancy was unplanned and really unexpected, so it has been a bit of a struggle to deal with. especially with reactions i got and am still getting off people. my partner works 13-14hr days and i am a full time stay at home mum he doesnt seem to understand how i feel (he's not 1 for talking about feelings) and that im really not coping very well, i do ALL the house work look after both our girls and never get any time to myself but i feel so alone. he also makes me feel very unappreciated and unloved. i was just wandering is there anyone else who is in the same sittuation as i am? it woud be nice to know im not completely alone

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Rhiannon - posted on 01/18/2010

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i just want to thank everyone for there supportive words and im really glad to know im not the only one who is in this sittuation and feeling like this. i am very overwhelmed about baby #3 but i do know as soon as i hold this little baby in my arms most of that worry will go away. i think just realising that i have only 9 weeks left kinda caught me off gaurd a little as this pregnancy seems to have just flown by (which scares me). i have sat down and spoken to my partner about this and he has now planned some alone time for us on my birthday which is in a week, which is really nice its nice to see that he is trying :) once again i just want to say thank you to every one :)

Elizabeth - posted on 01/18/2010

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I'm on #3 as well, and sometime feel the same as you. My hubby works out of town Sunday night to Thursday late night. I get an entire day with him and the kids! I have a 4.5 yr old, a 2.5 yr old and I babysit 4 other kids under age 3 full time. Even tho this one was planned, I still feel overwelmed and not understood. What helps me is to say, "I'm going grocery shopping alone today ...". It took some time, but my hubby (who doesn't do the whole feeling talk) finally realized I do it to keep my sanity and peace. Although, I have to remind him ALOT. I've also learned to ask for him to help. Men aren't mind readers. If there are dishes after supper, and you don't get to them, ask him to do them. Ask him to put kids to bed. Honestly, even if it's on the weekend, it helps. Just because he's not into telling you his feelings, doesn't mean he can't understand yours. It might take some time though. I literally had to say to my hubby, "I need some time w/o the kids, w/o being needed for something, w/o worrying about them. I spend 24/7 with them. At the end of the day, they don't call for you." He misunderstood why I wanted me time. Since he's gone all week, all he wants to do is spend time with me and the kids. If I hadn't been honest and blunt, I don't think we would have had that conversation. Of course, I have to remind him I need me time ... but that's just cause he's male and doesn't think like we do. Good luck, let me know if you need to talk!

Cat - posted on 01/18/2010

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Honey, I'm there, I with you. I'm 28yrs old, and I'm having my 5th. I had an IUD...which mysteriously vanished...and the doc that was supposed to tie my tubes wudnt thats why I had the stupid IUD in the first place. The fathers family, at first, were the only ones who were at all supportive, they're great people. I had the whole nine, people telling me I was ruining my life, ruining my kids lives, also the situation wasn't the best, as my Ex and I are going through a divorce. If you need to talk, let me know hon...I totally understand...my boy isn't exactly well versed on the ways of being supportive...but he's learning, and trying, so it can happen.

Angie - posted on 01/18/2010

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hey girl we are almost exactly the same i have 2 girls age 4 and 22 months and am pregrent with the third and it came out of no where. Everyone around me is saying nothing but complaints and im a stay at home too. i also do all the housework and take care of the girls..i have no idea what we are going to do cause we are struggling as it is i only can count on god to take care of us and what him for this precious miracle and know if god didnt want us to have this child he wouldnt have blessed us with it.. i just wanted you to know you werent alone and if you need to talk to can write me back

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In regards to the reactions you got when you fell pregnant i can sympathise with you there. From baby no 2 I got the comments you are ruining your life and you will never be able to cope. Guess what best way to show them how wrong they are is to bring your kids up and do a good job. Life will get easier as the kids get older honest it does. I have three boys and baby 4 on the way, and when you've got two kids one more doesnt make much difference from my experience. Very rarely it seems that men do understand what we are going through because they dont have to do it so we are on our own but I think you should try some mother and baby groups you sound as though you could do with a few friends to talk to. Believe me when you have someone to laugh with life seems a lot easier to cope with.

Jennifer - posted on 01/18/2010

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i feel your pain. and im 10 years older than you! I have a 3 1/2 year old, and an 11 month old and am due in FOUR weeks. i will have two babies and a preschooler. Number 3 was conceived 3 months after number 2 was born. total accident. ( condom came off, and plan b failed) I am happy now ( a little nervous!) but at first it was hard to accept, my husband is still having a hard time with coping with it. His family didnt have the best initial reactions either, which is hard. of course we didnt plan it, but its stilla baby, and it made me sad when people didnt seem happy. I just try to think that everything happens for a reason. Babies may be "accidents" but they are not mistakes. :)

Staci - posted on 01/17/2010

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It sounds like you are needing to find some supportive moms in your area who are in similar situations. Have you ever considered a Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPS) group, a good playgroup, or a local preschool parents group in your community? I am part of these and can't even begin to tell you how much I rely on those other moms for support and encouragement on my toughest of days as an at-home mom. I find it hard to be an at home mom when everyone in society seems to look down on it as if it's not a real job...I actually read a book about being an at-home mom and the first chapter really goes into detail about how you feel unappreciated and unworthy in society because it's an unpaid job that noone seems to have respect for. I had my husband read that chapter and we talked about it. I feel like after that, he finally had some understanding of how it feels to be overwhelmed at home and just need a break. The book is "Stay Home, Stay Happy" by Rachel Campos-Duffy. Just know that you are not alone...it's tough to stay home and work all day and sometimes all night...I find that those parents groups help a lot and we also budget for a babysitter every month so even if we don't do a date night, I can do an alone evening out with friends or sometimes just by myself. It helps to get away from your "job" sometimes...If you can't afford a babysitter, look for other moms in your area that are willing to trade babysitting...I do that with a friend of mine too - I can get a haircut, go to the grocery, etc for an hour or so alone and she watches my daughter for that time. I repay her with watching her kids while she goes doing errands another time.

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