baby shower before or after baby?

Stefanie - posted on 04/29/2010 ( 21 moms have responded )




I thought you were supposed to have your baby shower before you have the baby, and all my friends who have had children had theirs before.. But my entire family is SO shocked by this and say thats not how its supposed to be.. that there has to be a baby for people to come see for their to be a baby shower.. but it doesnt really make much sense to wait for things you have registered for until after the baby gets here..
So. were taking alot of heat for wanting to have it early... I dunno if im right and your supposed to have it before or if my family is right for thinking it should be after baby is born?


Sally - posted on 08/16/2013




Due to a family scheduling conflict our baby shower happened when my oldest was 6 weeks old. Having the shower after the baby comes is stupid. The entire purpose of throwing someone a baby shower is to "shower" them with gifts of things the baby will need. If you've already bought them yourself because the baby is already here, it's just an exercise in pointlessly tiring out a new mother. The party after the baby is born is for the baptism.

Dawna - posted on 05/04/2010




I had a baby shower with my baby's dad's family before and I am going to do one with my friends and family after. It all depends on what you decide and what you feel is right. There is no right or wrong.♥

Heidi - posted on 05/03/2010




I know i'm having mine after she's born (well, she's been born already) but i'm doing it because it's a lot easier on people knowing what to bring and so forth (pink vs blue etc) it makes it so everything doesnt have to be yellow and beige, also you can tell people what you need, the type of bottles that work so far, the type of formula you're using (if you are) the diapers that fit etc.

Kara - posted on 05/02/2010




I've never heard of anyone having a shower after the baby, unless it was an adoption. The whole idea of a baby shower is to help the mother to be feel prepared with all the necessary odds and ends. I'm only 28 weeks and have already had 2 baby showers from family, I'm having one more my in laws are throwing for me a month before my due date. It's really up to you when you want the shower.

[deleted account]

I often find "older" women have the opinion that you should wait. It used to be considered "bad luck" to have a shower before you had a baby. I'm glad mine was before though. If it had been after then my baby would have had no place to sleep for the first week(s)! Plus I would have been too tired/busy/sore to enjoy the party.


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Beth - posted on 08/13/2013




I am fairly new to LA and don't have any close friends here. I am 8+ months pregnant and my husband can't understand why I would rather have no pre-baby shower than one with none of my friends or family there. My parents are flying out 4 or 5 weeks after Chloe is born to help out and his mother will also be flying in from the other side of the planet around the same time. I told him it would mean so much more for me to have a "Welcome Party" that our parents can also attend, not to mention I have been so extremely sick my entire pregnancy that I'm having trouble enjoying it. I'm so sad that I've done this without any of my friends or family around for support, but it will be so incredible to have our baby girl at her own party with the grandparents in attendance. We live in a very small apartment and pretty much have everything we need anyway (newborns don't need a lot!), so random gifts ahead of time from people would just take up space that we just don't have. So people can come by for a glass of bubbly and a piece of cake, and if they want to get us something, they can give us a gift card for diapers or something. No pressure. I hope everything went well for you! I know it's an old post, but I came here today looking for some answers, so maybe this will help out someone else in the future as well. :)

Stefanie - posted on 05/07/2010




Thanks Everyone for your advice and input =) we have decided to have a baby shower before (as well as a beer & diapers party for my hubbie and his friends.. all the men have to bring beer & a pack of diapers for him.. that way he can be there for gift opening and the important stuff and still feel involved! and then they will go and have a bbq and fire in the backyard while all us ladies do our girlie games & such! also another thing were doing differently, because apparantly a baby shower is a woman thing! But we have the view that it is a BABY shower, not a mommy shower!!) and then after baby is born, and when it is convenient for US we will have a welcome to the world shower!
Thanks again =)

Tannisha - posted on 05/06/2010




I had a baby shower two weeks after my daughter was born only because I had temporarily moved to another state at seven months so that her father could be there for her birth when he was in training for the Army. We flew home after she was two weeks because he got out of training :) Like everyone else has said, it almost always comes before. It's nice to have all the extras to be ready for the baby to come!

Mrs - posted on 05/04/2010




I recently had my baby shower (before) and there were so many that couldn't attend that they've decided to throw one for after the baby is born. Some prefer to have one after if they've lost a child before birth etc.

Either way -it's yours and the hostesses choice of when you prefer to have the shower ;)

My opinion - makes more sense to have before the shower so you can all the essentials ready before your little one comes into the world

Corina - posted on 05/03/2010




In my family we have a baby shower before the baby is born. This time, my husband is having a welcoming party after the baby is born to introduce her to family and friends who live far. I think maybe you can ask your friends to have a baby shower for you before than your family have one after.

Ciera - posted on 05/03/2010




I had twins last February and I had two showers. One was for all my friends and my side of the family and my church (where I also work so I know a lot of people) so needless to say it was my large shower. I had this one like 2 months before they arrived and that was nice because I got all my main stuff there. My husband's family believed in having the shower AFTER the baby as well. I had never heard of that before. My MIL threw me a shower AFTER they were born for his side of the family. I got more stuff then so that was fun too but if I had only had that one, I don't know what I would have done because it wasn't until they were about 3 weeks old (we planned it later knowing that twins are likely NICU-which they were) so I would have had to go 3 weeks without my stuff or else I would have had to buy it all in which case why have the shower? Even the nurseries needed to be done in time so I wouldn't be recovering, taking care of 2 babies AND finishing a nursery. Maybe just let them know these reasons that you need the stuff done BEFORE the baby arrives but maybe set up some sort of welcome party and invite them all so they can see the baby after he/she is born. Maybe that will be a good compromise for them.

Johanna - posted on 05/03/2010




a baby shower is supposed to be held before you have the baby not after cause when the baby arrives you'll be extremely busy taking care of him/her and recovering at the same time so you won't be able to do a lot of things!

Pam - posted on 05/02/2010




If they want to give you one after the baby is born, it sounds like they aren't planning on getting you any of the big stuff you need before baby comes. So just have a separate "shin dig" with them after baby is born.

Kelly - posted on 04/30/2010




I've never known anyone to have it afterwards either. Even if the sex was a surprise. You need the baby goodies before the baby actually gets here.
Maybe one way to appease your family is to tell them that you will have a welcoming party for the baby and invite people over after the birth to come and meet him or her.

Stevie - posted on 04/29/2010




Tell them to get a clue! You will be too tired with a new baby at a baby shower, you will be sneaking off every little while to feed or change the baby and the point of a baby shower is to get everything you need BEFORE the baby comes. I understand them all wanting to meet the baby but once it's born it's not going anywhere. I was overwhelmed enough with all my family my boyfriends family and friends all in ne place at the shower, I would have stayed home if I had to be caring for a newborn on top of that. Most people have their shower before the baby and those that don't seriously regret it unless they have small families and are blessed with very very well behaved infant. If they are so concerned with seeing the baby they will make the effort to come visit you AFTER you bring baby home, and then you can let them play with the baby while you take a nap or do a load of laundry or something. The last thing a new mother needs is her whole family in her face at once while she is trying to cope with being a new mom! You are right so stand your ground!

Debra - posted on 04/29/2010



0 far as i know you have the shower before the baby. I mean the point of a baby shower is to celebrate the babies eventual arrival and congratulate the parents with gifts...and so that you'll have the things you need BEFORE baby arrives. I also have never heard of someone doing it after =/

Char - posted on 04/29/2010




The benefit to having a baby shower before is that you will have things to start off with when the baby arrives. Not many moms feel like entertaining during the first week of baby's arrival. In addition should a mom have a difficult birth all you want to do is rest.

In my family my grandmother does not believe in buying anything for the baby prior to the birth. So this may be where your folks are coming from. Personally we had our welcome showers after our childrens christenings. This way we were able to introduce the baby's to friends and family that we did not often see.

[deleted account]

baby showers are held before the baby is born, a Welcome Shower is AFTER the baby is born lol. I'm going to have a welcome shower myself personally

Sarah - posted on 04/29/2010




My mother had hers after I was born but that was ONLY because i was a month premature! lol! So i made a guest apperance at my own baby shower! I will be having mine before my baby is born it makes more sense! Because I was born before my mom had the baby shower my mom didn't have alot of the things she needed because it was all stuff on her registry and she didn't want to get doubles! I would say that people can come see the baby when the would like after the baby is born or at the baptism (if you are having one). Since is a big deal with your family have your family plan a welcome home party of the baby or something like that... then you can have a baby shower before the baby is born and still have a get together afterwards as well! I would just have them plan it because after the baby is born you don't want to have to plan a big event or travel very far!

Jane - posted on 04/29/2010




let your friends give you one now and your family can give you one later.

babies should be left alone for at least a good month after they arrive. i made the mistake of not staying home w/our first, i took her everywhere, and it was just stupid. w/our 2nd i stayed home for a month, only doctor appts, i took her out and it was much much better. you don't want a bunch of people breathing on your baby and touch him/her.

a lot of families wait for the shower to make sure that the baby is here and healthy. that's what my family does, my hubby's family does it before. w/technology today, i think if you want to have one before b/c you have ultrasounds, strong heartbeats, etc. then do what you want. it will be a lot easier to organize things before and there will be plenty of gifts to add after as well.

AND whoever wants to see your baby, comes to you. not the other way around. and only when it's a good time for you, not them.

Alyssa - posted on 04/29/2010




i've never known anyone to have a baby shower after the baby arrived. that's like having a wedding shower after you're married. it only makes sense to have the shower before, that way you can prepare for the new addition! trust me, you don't want to be assembling strollers & cribs & whatnot once the little one is already here, & you certainly don't want to get him/her home & have to wait a few more days for people to bring you that crib & stroller & whatnot! i think your family is confused...everyone who matters will know when you go into labor & will most likely show up at the hospital to greet your new family what they're talking about just doesn't make sense to me.

but regardless of them, this is your baby & your new life! do it the way you want! i still take heat from people for how i do things with my little one (born in june '09), but i know in my heart that what i'm doing is right & sensible...the key word there is sensible. besides, if someone is buying you a car seat, are you supposed to wait at the hospital until they bring it to you so you can take the baby home? sorry, but i have to say, duh! lol

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