Baby Showers

Heidi - posted on 06/30/2010 ( 21 moms have responded )

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I am 26 weeks pregnant with our second child (another boy) and our oldest is almost 5 years old. When my husband and I announced that we were having another baby, his sister told us "don't expect another baby shower"!!! I was very hurt by this comment. I feel it was both a RUDE and UNNECESSARY thing to say to happily expecting parents! I do not expect anything from anyone and I just could not believe she would say something like this to me and her own brother!

Anyways, as our son got older and started growing out of things, we gave his things to family (clothes, swing, toys, etc.) I did save a few outfits but I gave a lot of the other things away. Also, most of the furniture we had (crib, bassinet, saucer, etc.) got destroyed in storage because his brother NEVER told us that his basement flooded until after it was damaged.

My question is this, my hubby wants to throw me a Baby Shower, he said that he is going to take care of it. Is it wrong for us to do this? For some reason, his family is against having more than 1 Baby Shower, but the way we look at it is, we are celebrating the upcoming birth of a child! Whether it's 1 or 4, it's about the child, not the Mom or Dad! I mean, are we going to wear those cute little outfits, or wash up with Baby shampoo or go to the bathroom in those little tiny diapers??? I think not!

Please tell me if I am overreacting! Are we being selfish for throwing our own baby shower to celebrate the upcoming birth of our baby boy?

Thank you!

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Samantha - posted on 06/30/2010

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i don't think so. i think that his family is being selfish for not accepting that a baby shower is celebrating your son. that just isn't fair.

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Heidi - posted on 07/04/2010

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Our first son is almost 5 years old now and I have a few things left from when he was a baby but not much. Like 6 months after I had my son, our nephew's girlfriend had their son and to be helpful, we handed things down. Instead of giving it back to me like I had requested, she gave it all away. Nobody in his family takes that into consideration. On the other hand, when I was pregnant with my first, my mother (who is disabled and doesn't have a lot of $$$) threw me a shower and hubby's family got pissed because she couldn't afford to send out 10+ invitations. But I knew about the shower so I went ahead and told everyone about it and only 1 person came from his family. So, what would have been the point of her sending that many out for just one person to show? I just can not wait for all of this to be done and over with. I have had a pretty good *stress free* pregnancy and I am not going to let these people spoil anything for me. Thank you for your help and kind words!

Faith - posted on 07/03/2010

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hi! I am 24 weeks along and my family was like this. My 1st, a boy, is 18 months old today, and we are expecting a little girl. our families don't get along and we had 2 showers for our son. We also are getting 2 for our daughter. Either way, we wouldn't have had smaller clothes and if nobody was throwing one, we were going to do one, and have everyone bring a covered dish to share.
I agree with you, every child born should have the same treatment, whether its your first child or your 30th!!!! it doesn't matter! I don't think it is selfish of you to throw your own shower, as i agree 100% with you.

Heidi - posted on 07/03/2010

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I hear you. He is a wonderful man...I wanted to cry when he said that he would throw me one. He was very mad about the comment. He said that he isn't going to invite any of his family, so it will be our friends and maybe a couple of people from my family. I do not understand why they are so against this. Thank you all for your help.

Mellissa - posted on 07/03/2010

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Every time you have a baby you should get a shower!! Even if you have all the clothes and equipment, there are still little things you will need. Diapers, formula, gift cards for stuff you forgot to get. Tell your hubby he's a good man and that you love him, kick back and let him give this to you!!!

Carina - posted on 07/02/2010

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go for it. there is nothing wrong with having another baby shower. my first two kids are only 16 months apart and i was given a baby shower for both of them. i am now pregnant with our 3rd and there is going to be a 2 1/2 yr gap between this one and my youngest and i'm feeling guilty for wanting a baby shower for this one.

Heidi - posted on 07/02/2010

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We definitely are not inviting his family. It will be our friends mostly-maybe my Mom if she can make it. But, for some reason these people think this is how you act and handle things. I don't think that I am going to say anything about it at this point because it would just be a waste of time and my breath. But, the next person to say something rude and unnecessary to me will definitely hear it. I am sick of these people thinking it's ok to treat family like this. When I was pregnant with our oldest son, his other sister told me that she thought I got pregnant on purpose to get new clothes! Hello B*TCH, I am a very petite little woman, why in hell would I want to wear fat clothes??? They are just the most pathetic drama setters I have ever met!

Selena - posted on 07/02/2010

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Wow .... I think most people have a shower for each child. My last child was 13 years ago.I would be a little disappointed not have a shower with this new child that is due in September. I say why not have another shower. It is a celebration of the baby not the parents.

Kelsea - posted on 07/02/2010

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I don't think you're overreacting or being selfish at all! The celebration is for the upcoming birth not the parents. And I don't think it's wrong for the father to throw the shower. I'm guessing though that if his family doesn't believe in showers for children other than first born that they also don't believe in co-ed baby showers. If your husband is staying for the shower or their will be other men you may encounter problems from that. My step-dad threw my first baby shower and it was co-ed. My family was okay with it for the most part, but some of my grandparents and extended family did not agree with it at all. We're having a second shower for my baby's father's family. It too is going to be co-ed. His extended family is the kind who don't agree with baby showers for children other than the first born but so far haven't voiced their oppinions about the shower being co-ed.

But anyways, I think it's perfectly reasonable! And I hope that if it's what you want that you preceed with it and have fun! Also, good luck with your new baby boy. =]

Billie Jo - posted on 07/02/2010

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WOW I am sorry to hear that...you know what I would have a baby shower. Alot of people have baby showers after they had a child already. I wouldnt stress about tho you def. dont need that. So most def. HAVE A BABY SHOWER and be happy. congrads I am having my 1st boy too....I am 22 weeks. Hope it works out.

Atkina - posted on 07/02/2010

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I think you should have the baby shower, my family you can never get enough for the baby so, sometimes we have 2 different baby showers for the same pregnancy... so no I don't think you are being selfish

Heidi - posted on 07/02/2010

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Thank you all. I have NO idea what is wrong with his family. They really get under my skin sometimes and it seems like all they know how to do is hurt people. My husband said that he is not inviting anyone from his family because they are so against having another baby shower in the first place, he doesn't want them to feel they HAVE to celebrate with us! Which is completely fine by me. As for the sister, she is stubborn and if anything was said to her about the comment she made, she would just act like she did nothing wrong. So, we try to ignore it and her. I tell ya, IN LAWS are such a hand full.
Again, thank you all for your help. I just never knew anyone who threw their own baby shower and I was not sure if it was a selfish thing to do or not. Our second baby will be here before we know it and we are all very excited!!!

Taesha - posted on 07/01/2010

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Absolutely not! And I can't believe someone would say that and the fact that it was a family member makes it worse. I personally see nothing wrong with throwing your own baby shower. More power to ya, I'm actually organizing my own shower as well just because I'm having two 1 for family than 1 for friends and co-workers.

Felicia Neikolle - posted on 07/01/2010

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I know the feeling ... no one seemed to wanna throw me one either. I'm throwing myself one! lol ... this is my third and our fifth all together ... but our youngest is 8!!! It's not like we want to have the baby for free but are COMPLETELY without for him and are starting completely over (not to mention it's our first together) ... I don't think it's selfish at all ... enjoy it! Oh, and mega Kudos to your hubby for throwing it for you ... my cousin finally decided to help me b/c she said it wasn't right for me to throw my own ... but I've still been doin most of the stuff.

Laci - posted on 06/30/2010

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I agree with everyone elses relplies except I'd probably tell the sister exactly how I felt about that comment...She probably wouldnt be invited to my baby shower either

Heidi - posted on 06/30/2010

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Thank you all. I still can not believe that she would say this to us. I am still shocked about it. If they act like this before our baby is born, than how are they going to act after? I had even asked her at the time (before the comment was made) if she wanted to be there with us when I go into labor! As far as expecting gifts, it's not about that! Like I said, it's a celebration for the upcoming birth of our child!!! Like a birthday party-you are celebrating for the child, with or without gifts.

Erika - posted on 06/30/2010

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The only thing I would add to the other responses is that the baby shower is a celebration. I don't invite people to come over to my house for Christmas because I want or expect gifts from them. I do it because I want to share that special time with them. So if you make the baby shower all about the gifts then I do understand why some people might not like it. I love buying baby stuff when my friends have their babies, but if someone tells me that I "have" to get something "good" that maybe I can't afford then I'm sorry but I won't go to their baby shower. Other than that, it wasn't very nice of her to say something like that. You weren't even asking for it, you were just sharing the happy news. So if you want to celebrate with your friends and family then I would say go for it! Congratulations on the new baby!

Amy - posted on 06/30/2010

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Every baby deserves a shower, your family is being rude. It's understandable that things were lost or given away, I know how that goes! If you want to have a shower but want to do it so the family isn't AS upset about the fact your having a shower you can always plan it for after the baby's born and make it more of a come meet our little boy thing then anything.

Either way, if your husband wants to throw you a shower, he should throw you a shower you'll enjoy. Don't let family upset you during such a happy and exciting time!

Diana - posted on 06/30/2010

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I can't believe somebody would say that and especially it being a family member. A baby shower is a celebration for the baby and if you want one for yours I think it's okay.. this baby deserves one as well. Just like birthdays - they each get their own birthday parties - you wouldn't just throw one birthday party! I can't believe family members would actually not want to celebrate a new addition to the family. If a babyshower wasn't given to one of my family members I'd still buy stuff for the newborn just to help out. I think it's totally fine to throw your own babyshower...I've seen other people do it! Don't let family members make you feel like you are selfish because babyshowers are truely for the baby!

Heidi - posted on 06/30/2010

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Thank you. I just didn't expect someone to say something like that to us. At first we thought maybe she was just trying to through me off but she was very serious and she made it clear. That is why my husband is going to take it upon himself to throw one for me. Thank you for understanding:)

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