getting married before your baby is born.

Casey-kathryn - posted on 05/15/2010 ( 34 moms have responded )

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I'm eighteen years old and hadnt been with my boyfriend long before i fell pregnant, we have since decided to get married all before the baby, im also studying and suffering from ptsd ( post tramatic stress disorder ). my wedding is july 4th then my little baby girl will be born in september i feel i need to do this, i deffently feel that it is for the best for my child. whats everyone think of getting married before the children come. the traditional way people might say.

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Carolee - posted on 05/15/2010

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If you wouldn't get married 'normally', don't get married just because of the baby. Yes, I was pregnant when I got married. We had already set the date and picked out my dress and almost everything else. We simply moved the date forward a bit (original date was May 1, 2010... we got married December 31, 2009) because I was on bedrest when I was 7 months pregnant with my first, and I was not about to risk being on bedrest on my wedding day. I'm SO thankful that I didn't go through with the wedding to my son's biological father (we had thought of getting married because of the pregnancy)... but that's MY situation. Only you can decide what's best for you. I wish you all the luck with your new addition!

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Amber - posted on 05/29/2010

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Me and my husband were together for two years before we concieves and of course we waited to get married until it was more afforable so I'm 36 weeks pregnant and been married for about a month or more but I always think about when she is older and asked me how long we've been married and it always seemed to be a bit uncomfortable if she were 6 and we said 4 years, ya know? I'd rather have the number bigger than her age so she doesn't have to be embarrassed either or think we love her less because we married before (insert imaginary second child here) and not her. Its not for everyone, and don't do it unless you actually think ya'll will be together for the rest of your lives.

Bobbi - posted on 05/28/2010

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I was due November 4th, 2009. and we decided to get married October 18th, 2009. Well the baby came the next day on October 19th. I guess he wanted to be at the wedding so bad but came a little late.

Bri - posted on 05/27/2010

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my boyfriend and I are in a somewhat similar situation... although before we actually got pregnant, we were already discussing marriage-it was actually supposed to come before kids-!!!
But of course things dont always go according to plan... I would say most definately DO NOT get married just b/c you are bringing a child into the world together...it usually leads to unhappiness and resentment on BOTH parts, because what may have started out as "love" becomes something more or like "duty" having a child is very serious business and of course with the fact that you two weren't together long beforehand, ppl change overtime & becoming parents definately brings about change... I hope that whatever you and he decide you think about fully and decide whats best, but please don't make any decisions that you will regret later...Good luck to you both no matter what you decide!! CONGRATS on your Blessing

Sarh - posted on 05/22/2010

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Don't do it how "it should be done". Do it how YOU want it to be done! Don't rush into a marriage. Boy friends are so much different just living w/them, then even more different once engaged and marriage really changes EVERYTHING!! Do what you want to do, not what you hear is the correct thing to do. I became pregnant w/my daughter at only 15 yrs old! I did not marry her father and I'm glad I did not he has not matured at all!!! Plus, now I am w/my fiance (obviously different man), my daughter loves his to death! And he wanted to get married before the baby is born, but I told him no. Marriage is just a title and an expensive piece of paper in my eyes. There is truely NO rush on marriage. The two of you know you love each other very much and who cares what others may think about you two being young unwed parents. Sorry if I got off topic a bit, I hope this helps you!

Sarah - posted on 05/20/2010

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do what you feel is best for you and your partner....



i am 19 and have only been with my partner a yr b4 we fell pregnant...we have talked about marriage but we both agree we wana do that for US when we both feel ready...since the pregnancy we have moved into our own flat and have been there for each other...i don't see the point of people assuming we got married for the baby if we had got married but more the fact that we are in our relationship because we love each other soooo much and both feel even happier that we are guna have a family and one day get married...plus we wana see how our relationship will go once bubz born as we have only been together for a short time and havnt experienced many issues in our relationship but i have noticed that everyday as he cares for me and shows his love towards our baby and me that our relationship is getting stronger and i am falling in love with him sooo much i just feel so happie and won't see my self with anyone else...but all the best for you and your partner and your baby i hope your wedding day goes to plan!!!!

Brandi - posted on 05/20/2010

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Just be sure you are really in love be for you get married. I got married for my son and i wasn't in love and of course we are almost divorced

Rachel - posted on 05/19/2010

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I would only get married IF you know this is who you would marry him anyway. Not just cuz your having his baby. Because that can be worse. My cousin got married to her first hubby cuz they were having a baby and they ended up divorced. You have to be happy with who your with. Whats best for baby is when their parents are happy and if tha means together than FANTASTIC but if your not happy together then thats not teaching them what a real relationship is. So I would say unless you KNOW FOR SURE that this is who you want to spend forever with dont do it. Wait a lil while and see if this is how you want our life to go. your so young theres no need to rush into anything. If you KNOW that this is who you wnat to marry then do whatever is best for you. The baby will know one day that they were on their way before you got married anyway.

Natasha - posted on 05/18/2010

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When I found out I was pregnant I had already been engaged for about a year. We hadn't set a date yet and really weren't rushing it because I wanted a big fancy wedding and he didn't care if we went to the Justice of Peace as long as we spent the rest of our lives together. Well when I got pregnant it weighed a lot on my mind about us not being married yet. Although I heard it a lot from his father that never played a factor. It was because it bother me so much that one day I told him lets set a date to go to the justice of peace. It's not that I didn't want a huge fancy wedding the pregnancy just changed my perspective on it.
We ended up getting married in Nov. getting a hotel room that night, eatin dinner, and then (due to my horrible morning sickness that lasted until I was 6 months) I puked all over the parking lot and all over my husbands shoes. He spent the remainder of the night taking care of me at the hotel. Not exactly the way I picture my marriage starting off but hey I still have memories to tell my little girl.
Don't let people pressure you, YOU make the decision. :) Good luck!

Stefanie - posted on 05/18/2010

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my boyfriend and i are 20 & 24 and been together for a year and a half.. when we found out about baby we contemplated getting married and decided not to because we didnt want to rush through wedding plans and not be able to have the wedding we always wanted.. and he says hes doesnt want people to think he only married me because we have a child together.. he doesnt want me to wonder that either 10 or so years down the road if the only reason he married me is because of our child.. because its not. we wanted to get married before anyways. you dont need to be married to have a child. and statistically.. children do not necessarily do better because their parents are married. its actually worse for them to have parents who shouldnt be married, resent eachother, fight all the time.. etc. If thats what you want & think is best, then thats the best thing for you. but being a child of divorce myself.. thats the worst thing a child can go through.. so be sure your doing it because you want to be with him FOREVER not just because you have a child.

Teena - posted on 05/17/2010

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im in the same situation except by bf is 6 months younger than i am. so im 18 next month and he will be 18 in january. to me i would love to marry him, one day. but haveing a kid shouldnt force us to get married because your relationship should still be good and haveing the kid will make things a little complicated at first and by getting married because of the kid will only make it more complicated.

Rebecca - posted on 05/17/2010

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You can be a perfectly good couple and wonderful parents without being married. You can also be a terrible couple whether or not you're married... but once you've gone in front of the church and the law, it's MUCH harder to get OUT of if you need to.
Since you've only known him a short while, I think it's best for ALL of you to wait and really get to know each other first. This takes YEARS.
Sadly, there is a lot of pressure to be "traditional" and "proper" and "right", and it takes some effort to be different from the expectations.
But getting married because you "like" each other or because you "feel you should" is very dangerous ground, and you're the only ones who have to live with the results.

Many of these comments are from families who were already engaged; who already had taken some time to be a couple before having the unplanned baby. Your situation is different, and I hope you'll take the time you need to be sure you're right together, before you become legally bound.

I wish you [all] the best!!!

PS.. I'm with my boyfriend of several years, we have an 18-month-old and are expecting our 2nd in Nov. As much as I want the commitment of marriage, and to have the same last name as my kids, it's just not right for us yet.

Jasmine - posted on 05/17/2010

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my husband and i got married wen our girl was 2 weeks old we had already been engaged for a year before hand, she was no problem at our wedding but on the other hand i would have been less stressed if we had done it before hand, i dont regret the way we did things and thats all you should hope for is that your happy and you have a beautiful wedding an a happy healthy child

Lauren - posted on 05/17/2010

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I think it's whatever feels right for the two of you. The best way to think of it (in my opinion) is: if you weren't pregnant would you still feel that way?!
Two of my sisters got married when their children were 3 months old, there was always the silly gossip going around that they got married because they had a baby, but both had been engaged to be married before the pregnancy was an "issue", and the pregnancy simply affected the date.
My boyfriend and I have been together two weeks longer than I am pregnant hahaa We have talked about getting married - someday. We always make sure that aside from our daughter we have OUR relationship. We aren't planning on getting married anytime soon, but maybe some day in the future - you never know.

I just recommend not making a decision BECAUSE of the baby. Make sure it's the right decision for you two, your child will feed off that energy!!

Jessi - posted on 05/17/2010

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I was 17 when I fell pregnant.My boyfriend and I had only been together 7 months,but had moved in with one another and were already talking of the future.We found out we were expecting in the march of 2005..and decided we may as well begin planning a wedding for when I was 18 that same yr,because we didnt think we would have time or spare money for a good few yrs once baby was born.

August 13th 2005 we got married.I was 18 for 3 days at the time and hubby was 19 for 1 day.We were exactly 5months pregnant.Those family members and friends who were happy showed up,and those that showed ignorance towards our personal decision were not invited.It was low key,very sweet and we were happy.

Now 5 years later(this august)we have 3 beautiful daughters,aged 4,3 and 19 months,and are due 4th June with our 1st son,and last child.Hubby got the vesectomy back in Feb this yr.We are only 22(23 in august)and 23(24 in august) but we feel we have gotten our family we wanted at a yound enough age for us to handle raising all the little ones so close together.and still have the chance to build careers to carry us(hubby is full time army i am full time mum till this bub to be starts school on 6 yrs time)through till we retire.We are happy we didnt listen to the negatives..and I believe that as long as you both love one another and understand its not going to be easy and go into it with an open mind,you will do well in you marriage,and feel secure as parents.

Niki - posted on 05/17/2010

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personally I think shotgun weddings are way old fasioned, but you gotta do whats right for you - and if its based on how you feel about each other and not about the baby or pressure from society/family etc then go for it. Me and my boyfriend decided to wait until few years after baby (a very long enjagment) because theres already way too much to do before babys born and I want my wedding to be really chilled out and well planned, not a rushed stressfull event, also i wanna look good in my dress (not have a huge bump) and be able to have champane etc and really enjoy my honeymoon.
I know there are still some places where having a baby out of wedlock is frownd apon, but for me marrage is forever - i dont believe in devorce and i would never rush into somthing like that, if i had married the father of my first child (like my grandmother wanted me to) id be stuck in a really abusive relationship and would never have met the true love of my life. good luck with everything xx

Victoria - posted on 05/17/2010

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My situation is alot like yours except i just turned 20 i was with my boyfriend for maybe a month before i found out i was pregnant and our little girl is coming in september also we have both talked about it and we know that someday we will we just don't know if were ready for marriage yet he has been there for me throughout my whole pregnancy so far and i love him so much we still get into it sometimes but i think thats normal...

Jen - posted on 05/17/2010

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I became pregnant right after I turned 20, I had only known my husband for 3 months prior to becoming pregnant. We were and still are very much in love, my first daughter was due in september and we got married June 30th We wanted to get married, period that was it. It had nothing to do with the baby, just the fact that we were in love and being able to call eachother husband/wife would be such a dream come true. So many people told me, that i shouldnt get married to him just becuase I was pregnant, that I could wait until after our daughter was born. This was upsetting that, that was how people viewed us, no one understood our relationship however that was fine. We had an amazing private wedding that only my father and his mother attended. We have now been married for three years this June 30th and our second daughter is due to be born June 29th!
Do what feels right in your hearts, but do it out of love, nothing else. A child needs to parents who are in love. One thing that I was also told was that a child's parents should not stay together just so the child can have two parents, becuase if they fight or dont get along that is no example or life for the child.
So, some food for thought, Congradulations on your baby, Congradulations on your wedding, may you have blessed beginings!

Stacy - posted on 05/17/2010

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just be sure you are wanting to get married because this is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. not because of pressure from anyone or because of your baby being born and you two not married. and make sure you arent being blind sided from lust right now, its best to have time to really get to know eachother but again it could work out perfectly! i have heard incredible stories and sad ones.



personaly me and my husband got together and we lived with eachother after a YEAR of being together and we had a daughter after TWO years of being together. we got married on our FOUR year anniversy and have two girls and are expecting our 3rd sept. 22 2010 and our SIX year anniversry is comeing up in july.



my younger sister fell pregnet with her boyfriend after being together a very short period of time. they got married within a year of being together and her being pregnet because she was caught up in lust and thought it was the man she wanted to be with and they where haveing a baby so his parents thought that was best. their marriage didnt last beyond 3yrs with many seperations. he turned very abusive and controlling after marriage and now they have two kids and are divorced and he dont even pay his child support or go to any visitations. he didnt even show up to any of the divorce or particiapate or attempt to fight for his kids. she was granted soul custody and now he has no custody rights over the children

Kirsty-Louise - posted on 05/17/2010

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i think its down to you and your partner and even f it might be the right thing to do for your child that its the right thing to do for you and your partner and that its what you really want cause you dont want to have to put the baby through a nasty break up a few months or years down the line cause you just got married because you were having a baby. Im not trying to be negative im trying to be honest with you and i wish you all the best with the baby and the wedding :)

Amanda - posted on 05/16/2010

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My boyfriend and I knew each other for a few months before we started dating, and had been together for about a year and a half now. I wanted to get married before the baby is born, and we had talked about getting married before I found out I was pregnant. But we don't our marriage to be defined by the baby, and the boyfriend wants to wait until money is better. He says he wants it to be perfect for me.

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My now husband & I both have children that were born out of wedlock. My daughter's father's mother PUSHED for us to get married & I said absolutely not...I will not get married just because of the baby...I said that simply because I did not want to get married & then later end up getting a divorce...which is exactly what would have happened. My daughter's father hasn't seen her for a year & a half now...hasn't ever bought her any gifts...anything. Now I am due August 30th, with our 3rd child technically. 3rd total...1st together. We just got married on May 13th. But I'll tell ya...I've never been so sure about something in my entire life. Now as far as we are concerned when it comes to the kids...they are both ours & that's end of story. My step-son calls me mommy & has since day 1...he doesn't know his real mother...which is definitely better for him. He doesn't know any different. My daughter - as far as she's concerned...mind you, she's only 5....At 4 yrs old said, "I don't have a daddy" and I have never said anything bad about her father although there is plenty bad to say. So I think if you are getting married ONLY because of the baby....it's probably a bad idea. If you are getting married because you are in love with each other, you could never see yourselves with anyone else, & you want a family together...then you are doing exactly what you need to do :) I hope this helps hun! Best of luck :)

Elisa - posted on 05/16/2010

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When I was pregnant with my son, we had planned already on getting married just moved up the date. I was 5 months pregnant when we got married, I just found a wedding dress that would fit me and not form fitting.

Casey-kathryn - posted on 05/15/2010

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its not only for my baby, i love this man to death and this wedding is rushed but suprisingly im handling everything very well, my nanna and pop are very traditional my partner had to ask my pop for permisson to marry me ( it was so cute ), due to that my father is passed and sadly wont get tomeet my baby girl or walk me down the asile but somewhat in my heart and head i feel this is something that needs to be done, im happy and i think i will stay happy with this man for as long as we shall live

April - posted on 05/15/2010

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I TOTALLY AGREE! We've been together 11 years in August, and living together since 2005. We've always planned on getting married, just never had the finances to get married. We are definitely waiting til after baby, for finance reasons, but now we are doing a less "traditional" wedding, about 6 months after baby. But I agree, wait until both are ready, and not just because of a baby. Make sure you can live through everything with this man. I'm sure glad we did. We didn't get married like most of our friends did right after hs, and we didn't start having babies like most of them did. Most of our friends are divorced and hate each other now, and have to deal with each other because of babies... =( it's sad... it is... I could not imagine going through that with kids! We are 25 and soon 27 and we are so grateful and thankful that we've waited this long.

April - posted on 05/15/2010

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My Boyfriend and I have been together for 11 years in August, and still are not married, (Although we live and act as if we are) we have decided that what's best for us, and our relationship and family to wait until after baby to get married, financially, emotionally it's best for us. We are having to completely put together the nursery ourselves because the economy has hit our entire family on all sides, and us as well. So buying baby and wedding things at once is way too much stress for me. But we have decided that after 11 years, and a baby boy comming that it was time to get married. We are planning on giving our child his last name, and then within six months after the baby (so I can lose the weight and really enjoy my wedding day and pics from that day) to wait and get married.

i freaked out when we first got prego because we were not married and my grandfather already had somewhat of an issue with us not being married and living together because he's a Pastor... and our church was starting to drive us nuts about not being married. we were seriously just gonna go do a justice of the peace wedding, or something. But then we thought about it. You only get married once, so we want to do it right. I know it sucks to wait and all, but in the long run it is gonna be best. At least for us. I had strong convictions on being married before kids. But after realizing how much it would be to get married and getting ready for baby all at once, I was like, you know what... lets just wait. I want to be a sexy bride and be able to drink and have a good time, and not worry about the how loud the music was for my lil guy inside, or how big I would be.... Idk... just us I guess.

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My hubby and i were together for 5 yrs before we got married and we had lived together for 4 of those yrs. We got engaged a little after i fell pregnant but i later found out he had already brought the ring so we didnt get engaged for the sake of a baby. We then had ehr and her little brother then got married! I dont think people should get married just because of a baby. Its a big commitment that should be really worked on!

Vibhuti - posted on 05/15/2010

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its watever you guys agree on but i found out i was pregnant in october. My family didn't even know I had a bf (we had been together for almost 3 yrs but he wasn't my race so I had to keep it to myself) my family got over the race difference and we got married in january! my baby is due this june! i love it, it feels official and more secure (in my opinion)





PS: the trasition from relationship to marriage wasnt hard for us since we were already living together and basically doing everything we are doing now. So if you know you can live with this man and make it thru some tough times then you should do it cuz pregnancy is a hard time, emotionally and it takes a strong marriage/relationship to withstand all the dark clouds. Hang in there!

Delta - posted on 05/15/2010

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I got pregnant with my daughter at age 17 had her at 18 but her dad and I didn't get married till I was 26. We were together for 9 years before we decided to get married.

Liz - posted on 05/15/2010

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My husband and I, were engaged at the time, but we got married April of 2008 and our b/g twins were born in June 2008. Just make sure you get lots of help planning the wedding if you choose to have a 'traditional' wedding. Try to lessen the stress on you and your little one as much as possible. Just take a deep breath and relax, and everything will work out.

Jane - posted on 05/15/2010

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whatever works for the both of you. my husband wasn't ready to get married until our 1st was 6 months old. we simply went to the city hall and got married by a JP. we'd both been married before so i didn't want us getting married before we were both ready. also, i didn't give our daughter his last name until after we were married. he would have been too comfortable - and his whole family agreed w/me on that issue as well.

go w/your gut, it's never wrong and that's a good rule to follow as a mom as well.

good luck!

Corinne - posted on 05/15/2010

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I think its whatever you and your better half agree on honestly. I've been with my boyfriend 9 yrs and engaged a few of them. There was no exact reason why we havent gotten married except we want it to be "perfect" in our eyes and not rush it. When we found out we were expecting we tossed the idea around of getting married before she is born but decided not too. We have decided that within the yr after she is born we will be getting married however. As far as feeling that the traditional way has to be done no I dont personally believe in it but his family does so.

Laura - posted on 05/15/2010

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I got pregnant when I was 19 years old. I knew Jonathan for already two years. But we also decided to marry before Nicholas was born. I like it that way, it feels like we did it like it should be done (in our eyes).

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