Maghen - posted on 04/03/2013 ( 5 moms have responded )
My brother and his wife are 4 years younger than me. They can be real jerks. I let a lot of things go because I know they're not grown up yet, and because they are family and I want to have a good relationship with them. I've been super nice to my SIL, but she is hard to get to know, and doesn't put forth much effort. I'm pregnant with my first, and with the first grandchild and great grandchild in the family. My husband and I waited 5 years to have this baby, when we could be stable financially. A little over 2 months after we announced we were pregnant, my brother and SIL did too. They have no health insurance or jobs, and are planning to be able to get government assistance, already they are on unemployment and are applying for health coverage too, and for my parents to pay for a lot of it. I know they weren't trying before and I know it wasn't an accident. The dates line up in such a way that they clearly started trying right after we announced. To make matters even worse, they announced it with a gift wrapped onsie... exactly what my husband and I had done. It felt like a slap in the face. Since then, my SIL bought the same maternity T-shirt I wear a lot, announced plans to have the same color nursery as me, and tried to get the same rug I got for my nursery. She complains loudly about her (barely 6 week) pregnancy at every chance and it's really making family get togethers uncomfortable for me.
What bothers me is not the pregnancy, or really even the fact that it’s so close in date to mine. I think in time I will be happy that my child will have a cousin close in age. The real problem is the obvious disregard for my husband and I's feelings. And the fact that they are using the pregnancy to get attention and my parents to buy them things.
All I can think to do is try to stay away from them for a little while (which is hard, they live 5 minutes away and drop by unexpectedly) until I can get my hormones/emotions under control. I vent when it feels safe, and slap a smile on my face in public. But I'm worried that I might not be able to control myself as family members make comments like, "Babies everywhere!" or "We should have a combined baby shower!" Any suggestions on how to maintain my cool with this raging river of hormones inside of me? Would it be wrong of me to pull aside a few family members and explain how I feel? My mother and sister knew right away, but others, like my grandmother and mutual friends are excited, and seem to expect me to be also. I think I also would like to know if anyone else has experienced this, and if they have any ideas on how to approach the situation- without family drama- I haven't thought of.