Pregnant by Deadbeat Dad. Will he change?

C - posted on 05/16/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I found out 3 days ago that I am pregnant by my now ex-boyfriend. We agreed previously that neither of us are ready for parenthood, as he complains about his 2 kids that the mother(s) wont let him see. He broke up with me 5 days ago by picking a series of small fights which finally ended with him saying that he doesn't care that I'm pregnant, take my 15% (child support) and stay out of his life! That prompted me to take home pg tests with 2 positive results. I sent him a pic of the test and he asked for results from a Dr. (which i also received). He has made NO effort to contact me since news of the positive results and has made it a point to avoid places we'd bump into each other, yet has been playing on FB constantly.
Is he just in shock or is he really planning to avoid me through the matter?
I don't want to stop him from being in his child's life, but i wont force him either. I don't want child support from him or even a romantic relationship.
He is 41 with 2 kids and behaving like a child going thru it for the first time. Should I expect this behavior to change or start the process to terminate his rights?
What is the process of terminating his parental rights?
Please Help!

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4 Comments

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Ashley - posted on 09/20/2012

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Unfortunately I would say no he won't change. In most cases, although not all, how he is with his current kids is how he will be with anymore. I stayed with a guy for 6 years as he was the father of my child and his behavior just continued to get worse. I kept believing him when he said he wanted to be there more and for a few days or a few weeks he would be and then it was right back to the same old thing or worse. He was always playing video games, never home, when he did spend time with his daughter he was always on the computer or playing video games and sending her to her room. We are divorced now and he gets her every other weekend and even then he still does the same things. AND then has the nerve to complain that he doesn't get to see her enough but won't get her anymore or really spend time with her when he does have her. As far as terminating rights, every state is different. Most will require that a lawyer be involved unless he willingly signs over his rights. Check your local laws and do plenty of research prior to going forward with it so you know what to expect and you can minimize the amount of stress on you during the pregnancy. Have his name listed on the birth certificate if he willingly claims he/ she is his. If he wants to be there for him/ her then I would let him but it doesn't sound like he is going to be. If he isn't acting like he is going to be around, or you aren't planning on a long term relationship, I would recommend having your child have your last name so that things are easier for you down the road when it comes to school registration, medical insurance, etc. Good luck and hope things work out for you and your bundle of joy.

Chesie - posted on 09/10/2012

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honestly my man is 27... two kids. bm is a psyco bitch. kinda the same situation. i am 3 months pregnant. my honest opinion honey. hell end up coming back around but dont count on it. and when he do just take my advice. he was the same when i told him. ignored me for almost a month. then all of a sudden a change in heart.. "i love you.." "i wanna make this work with you.." "i wanna have a family with you.." blah blah blah. what really upsetting about this whole situation is that when he does come back around and start tlking like this i really do truly feel that they really do wanna make it work and that hed be telling the truth. at that moment in time he really does mean what hhe says. but it doesnt last long. its been two months ive been working my ass off trying to get my life in order befor my lil bby comes. and it seems like every week he starts back in his own ways a lil bit more. just tonight he left me at work will 830 when his mom picked me up. i got off at seven he said he be there and never showed or answered my calls. his mom told he he was watching the football game at a friends. i hope this answers your question tho... hell end up comng around and i you choose to let him in make sure you keep doing you. he has to be the one to terminate his own rights i think. i hate to say it but however he is with his other kids dont expect much of a difference. theres two sides to every story and i dont care but no woman can keep a child away from a father. no matter what. if he wants those kids bad enough he can get them theres no excuse and youll see wat i mean in the coming months.

Bonni - posted on 05/17/2012

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Oh... and as far as terminating rights.NOT SO EASY! If he is on the birth certificate you have to go through court and get a gaurdian inlightem (Im sure I have spelled that wrong) and they will advise the Judge regarding both parties, etc. If he is not on the birth certificate you have to run an ad in the paper like lost or found and then wait so many days, etc. It may be different in other states but not easy. You will need to hire an attorney.

Bonni - posted on 05/17/2012

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Hi. Sorry about your situation. I have been there. I broke up with my daughters father before I knew I was pregnant. When I found out he had moved on and was simply not interested. He even told all of our mutual friends that she was not his even though he picked her name out. I just let him go. I never asked for money or tried to get him to be a part of her life. When she was almost 3, him and his wife sued me for custody. He lost terribly but he has been an every other weekend dad since then. He is also in his early 40s. I am not sure what it is with some men. He even told our daughter that he was not around when she was a baby bc he did not know she was his.

On another note ... when he took me to court he also sued me for reimbursment of his attorneys fees. He somehow won that and I had to pay because he claimed I kept the baby from him and I could not PROVE otherwise. So document everything!

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