What would YOU do?

Lynsey - posted on 01/25/2010 ( 19 moms have responded )

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I no longer live next door to a person who's house I was over a lot. I have moved a few states away. Well, she is living with her "boyfriend", and her year old child. She is also six months pregnant. She is 17, and is not well off. Neither is their child. The ways of making money is also ... illegal, shall we say. Now, that is bad enough. BUT, their son, isn't treated properly either. He isn't fed properly, bathed properly, disciplined properly, or napped/put to bed properly. My fiance and I went to get a few things from our house (we are moving), and stopped next door (Rob and her "boyfriend" are friends). I noticed their son is starting to suck his thumb. UH OH, slap in the face. Not hard, just the normal POP. But who pops a one year old baby? Also, they put very very hot sauce on his thumb, so that when he goes to suck, his mouth basically catches fire. I noticed several things I did not agree with before. He goes without baths for days, stays in the same clothes as well, if even clothed at all. His diaper isn't changed until it sags, and when they notice the sagging, it becomes a big argument on who to change him, lasting an hour or so, leaving the sagging diapered baby, well...with a soggy diaper for another hour. He goes to bed at midnight or later, because he naps at six in the afternoon. He is put in his highchair at the table, with a full uncut up piece of pizza, while mama and daddy eat in the living room. When he is done throwing all the food to the dogs and basically cannot eat the whole piece of pizza he is given, they set him down, for him to cry. He has to CRY to get a drink of something. Would you call someone about this? I am seriously thinking about taking action. This poor little boy is neglected, would I be wrong to do it?

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Daniele - posted on 01/25/2010

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I would report !!! If somebody doesn't , this little boy's life will never change and you could blame yourself later on if something worse happens to him.

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19 Comments

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Melissa - posted on 01/29/2010

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call child protective services, you need to be the voice that this little boy can't

Jessica - posted on 01/28/2010

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That is so wrong! That poor little boy!!
I would definitely call about this! I am a young mom I was 16 when I had my daughter and now 18 with another on the way... and I have Never acted like this. This is the most unacceptable behavior like I had a hard time reading about it. That is so wrong. PLEASE CALL SOMEONE !!

Katherine - posted on 01/26/2010

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Your doing the right thing buy reporting, i would do the same thing, if anything happened to that little boy you wouldn't be able to forgive yourself for not reporting, and if that doesn't work ring the ploice and reoprt to them about the illegal things going on in the house, that would deffinitly get him removed from the house. good luck :)

Lynsey - posted on 01/26/2010

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The cops have been called many times, and even searched their house. The particular cop found a bag of...drugs, and just laughed and told her boyfriend to hide it better. That's the kind of town they live in. Connections on all ends, where the cops are dirty and don't really give a rat's ass.

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call the cops if they have connections on the social services end call the cops and say u no of illegal things are happenning in that house and let them go in there and see

Lynsey - posted on 01/26/2010

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Thank you all for reporting. I think when illegal ways of making a living (if you know what I mean) does get the child taken away right away. At least until things "clean" up. I'm just afraid that it may not happen, because her boyfriend always talks about how they have "connections" on the Social Services end. Yes, they even think things through like that, so they WONT get him taken away. It just really sucks. I'm going to write down tonight all the things that I see wrong, and call them tomorrow. I do know that if they are called, they will go. Maybe they will catch them in an act of...neglect or selling or something, i hope. I know that sounds bad, but I just don't see any hope for this couple...at all. Thanks for all the advice. I had pretty much made up my mind that I was going to, just wanted to make sure I wasn't the only one who thought all this was wrong.

Tracey - posted on 01/26/2010

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i think that you should ring up and report her for this. its not about her needing help anymore when a child is in danger somebody has to help them as they cant help themselves . this poor little boy is being left in a dirty nappy not being given a drink unless he scream and screams for it and is not getting food as it is not prepered for him so he can eat it THE CHILD NEEDS HELP please call someone if you dont then this poor little boy willhave to live hes life like this aswell as hes little brother to come or worse something worse could happen to him he is in danger and something needs to be done

Jenny - posted on 01/26/2010

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It's so sad to see how some people take care of their children. I have seen quite a few similar situations with my siblings and their kids and friends of ours who have kids, its hard to see let alone do something about but I would definitely report it, this child is being neglected/mistreated and with another coming soon things probably won't be any better for the baby either. You don't want to feel guilty for reporting it but the guilt of something potentially happening to this child if you didn't do anything would be much worse in my opinion. It sounds like she is very naive and worries more about things(such as the bf) that aren't important instead of worrying about taking care of her children so she doesn't lose them. They may not take the child right away but they could order parenting classes or things like that to help her. If social services gets involved they won't just come and go, they will keep checking in....she will have to straighten up or they will take her kids. I had my daughter at 17, her father turned 18 shortly after that and we also lived in his parents' house for the first year after having her but there was never a day in our lives that anything like this went on. We moved 2 hrs away from home when our daughter was a yr old and did everything for ourselves and still took great care of our daughter. She was always fed, bathed, changed, whatever was needed to make sure she was very well taken care of. We have left our children with people and came back to find they weren't changed for the whole 3-4 hrs they were there and our kids never went back to be babysat by that person. I do agree that when you have children young you have a lot of growing to do still and it is very difficult but being young is not an excuse to not take of your children.

Jennifer - posted on 01/26/2010

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reading this breaks my heart just thinking about that little boy...i would report it. if nothing else at least then social services has a report so if signs start to show then something can be done. just dont be suprised if nothing happens right away...also if you know of other people living in the area maybe you should talk to them so someone can help her out and keep an eye on that poor little boy.

Chloe - posted on 01/26/2010

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you just need to think about what you will feel if you do nothing and something happens to the child... its not your responsibility to do anything but as a person who has seen what is going on then you just need to decide the right course of action for you.
You have said that she will have a better life with her dad. if you have met him and he is a decent man and they have a good relationship, have you thought about contacting him and advising him of the situation? just a thought to consider...

Whitney - posted on 01/26/2010

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Definitely report them! If she hasn't changed her habits after your fiance and you discussed with her what she's not giving the child, it's now to the point where someone has to intervene. And don't get me wrong, I'm a young mother myself. I had my first child when I was 20 and you do a lot of maturing between 17 and 20 so I'm not saying she and I were on the same maturity level agewise, but even at 17, I know I would have known all of the things she's doing wrong. Clearly, she's not ready for the responsibility and hasn't risen to the occasion.

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I would report her then you have done your bit and can walk away with a clear conscience. I dont think this is an age issue shes just selfish and hasnt grown up yet. There are many 17 year old mothers who do a great job this girl needs help and more importantly so does her son.

Brenda - posted on 01/25/2010

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i would report it, but don't be upset when nothing happens, i reported my step sister for neglecting her kids and all they did was go and ask her some questions she denied everything and they left, i don't even think they went in her house. but at least there is a report so if someone else reports her they will look deeper... do what you can do. be prepared when you phone with exact situations and examples you will get grilled too...be strong and do what you think is right. the child is the most important!

Rebecca - posted on 01/25/2010

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call social services IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!! This child is in danger, and may die if action is not taken. Please, take action! Your gut instinct is always right!

Lynsey - posted on 01/25/2010

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I'm only nineteen, and it seems the way I would raise a child and her way or negligence are totally different. I can't help her out in that way anymore, I have moved. And when I did try to help out--like offer to take them for groceries, or buy the child more sippy cups, or change his diaper when they argued about doing it, nothing ever changed. My fiance has even sat and explained to how and what needed to be done for this child. People in and out of the house even see that something is wrong. They have flat out said "give him a bath", or "your baby is hungry", or "give him something to drink", or "why don't you cut the food into small pieces and help him eat it, instead of handing him a whole piece, then spanking him for feeding it to the dogs." every suggestion has been made. It seems to me that she is more worried whether her boyfriend loves her or not. It is obvious he does not care whether his son and her stay or go. Things even get physical between them. And honestly, it got to the point where helping out became an every day thing. She saw it as an a way to get someone else to watch her son while she cried and fussed at the fact that she was not being treated right that day. Her mother won't help her, but she has every opportunity to move states with her dad and find better life. But she won't, because she is in "love". I'm afraid her being blind will end up badly for her son, and her soon to be here son as well. She doesn't want to handle just one, how will she do with two? She lives in squaller. She's been told what to do, shown, helped. If someone so much as says "change the baby's diapar", she'll get all defensive and go to the bedroom and cry because she feels insulted. But HECK, the baby has had a stinky/wet sagging diaper all day! I can't physically help her out anymore, and as far as finding her the help, I've told her many times to go with her dad. But she won't. And her boyfriend has guardianship over her, legally, but he wants her there for a screw. It's a sad situation....I worry about the mom, too, because she has a sensitive heart. She just has no sense or enough care in the right spot, if that makes sense.

Deborah - posted on 01/25/2010

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17 year old moms still have alot to learn. Some have great support groups and can get through anything, others have to learn the hard way, like their baby getting sick. I'm sure she is not intentionally hurting this child. Her ways of parenting must be very different then your own, however I have heard of parents being like this for quite some time. Maybe you can just help her out. Buy her some books, or bring her to parent-tot groups where she can make friends that will help her.

If you were to call authorities on this case I don't think anything would come of it. Is the baby under- or malnurished? Does the child develop a rash from being dirty?

This is a mother that needs some guidence. Help her out if you can, or help her find the people who can help her!

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