anybody elses bf/husband not help out with the kids?

Kayla - posted on 01/05/2010 ( 42 moms have responded )

72

9

4

i have a 9 month old daughter and im a stay at home mom, my fiance works 3-130 4 days a week, he was not changed a diaper since my daughter was 4months old, he will not help me clean, cook, do dishes ect. he will not give our daughter a bath, when im trying to clean he will only watch her when shes sleeping, and when she starts cryin i hear "kayla alexis wants you!!" i tell him ta pick her up and she will be fine and he says "she dont want me!" he realy makes me mad! then when im trying to do the dishes in tha other room, he will put her on the floor and walk away and do something else!!! yea she can crawl so she always finds where i am and comes to me, but then he bitches cuz the dishes arnt done or all the clothes arnt washed!!! i get very frustrated with him! plus we only have 1 car so im stuck at home 24/7, he goes to his friends every wekkend and expects me not to be mad cuz im stuck here, if we need somthing from the store i tell him i wanna go and he makes a big deal bout it he says its to much trouble to get alexis ready just to go to the store, he doesnt understand that we just want to get out of the damn house!!!! please any1 with advice???!!!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Kimberly - posted on 01/07/2010

35

23

3

I think a lot of us are having the same problem, I too have to deal with our daughter alone, he plays with her sometimes, but he doesn't do what it takes to take care of her. I am only saved by his mother, who helps with as much as possible! I need advice also.....I guess you and I are in the same boat!
ALSO CHECK OUT MY COMMUNITY, i think you would fit right in...
"Mother's w/ Their Baby's Father"
This community is for single, mothers who are in a relationship or married to their baby's father. This community was also created to support women new to or experienced in motherhood also to allow women to vent any relationship frustrations also enabling others to offer advice on how to keep their family together!

[deleted account]

Are you sure you wana marry this guy? They don't change after a child is born, and they don't change after marrage. There is nothing you can do to change that...so forget it. Either leave him & start new, or gather a couple of trusted girlfriends & trade babysitting eachothers kids so each of you can get a brake. This is best accomplished with single moms who understand the issue.

I find being a single mom easier than taking care of a man too! Good luck

P.S. I should add....women are better with kids then men until the children get older. Sounds sexist, I know, but it's the way it seems.

Arica - posted on 01/10/2010

49

53

0

the father sounds like a POS & needs a reality check. You'd probably be better off without him. Why do you need to be taking care of TWO babies-- I think you'd be better off taking care of just your *REAL* baby! I hope things get better for you. No woman deserves to be treated like that!

Carol - posted on 01/09/2010

325

14

15

The only thing I can say I leave for a little while, call your mom or a friend your friend not anyone he knows or a sister if you have any and stay with him. My husband did the same thing till I went and stayed with my mom. I don't mind him not giving our son a bath (a good way to save time and have mommy baby bonding is to take a bath together my son loves it cause then there more water to play with). By nine months many babies are self sufficient, they feed themselves, are able to entertain themselves but then there are some that like to be near mommy cause daddy just isn't the same. Mommy is special, so you could put her in her highchair with a snack or give her a toy box with a few toys in it so she can play and do her thing. A good way to get out of the house is to hang out with your friends, if they have babies you can have a play date. I found when I came back to my hometown and all but three of my friends didn't have kids it wasn't that much fun to hang out with any of them, cause you do have to bring baby, but then baby can be your best friend. You can take her to the park, they have mom groups in some towns, or if you have a neighbor with a child around your daughters age ask if you can bring her over so they can play. Giving you some time out of the house too. The store thing I can understand, on a different level. Get your daughter ready before, put her in pj's, its easy no hassle the baby is going to the (grocery?) store, or a clothing store. If he doesn't want you to go by yourself, invite him to go my husband always goes to the store with me if I want him to our not because of the area we live in. Like Carrie said, men don’t start getting into their kids lives till their older, that’s when the child can get out and do things without having to be changed given a bottle or anything. However you can tell him things point things out, let him know your over worked, cause unlike him your job is never over. Being a mom doesn’t end its 24 hours a day for the rest of your life and he’s your assistant and all assistants need some training. Lay out it, let him know you don’t get paid for being a mom, that’s you’re his soon to be wife and if he wants to keep it that way he needs to spend more time with you and your daughter on the days he has off. He can make time for his friends, but he can’t make up time he had missed with you guys.

[deleted account]

Miranda,
The LAST thing you need is another "kid" around. You'll get sick of it and leave. You'll know better next time around! That's how it goes. That's how it went for me. Learn from your past & move right on. In the meanwhile... get into college and get a degree. You may end up a single mom for awile at some point, you'll want to have the means to support the children you gave birth to. Even if you can only do one or two classes at a time DO IT. That goes for you aswell Kayla. COLLEGE COLLEGE COLLEGE!!! You can still accomplish your dreams, it's just harder with children.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

42 Comments

View replies by

Erica - posted on 10/07/2011

17

11

0

Mercy this reminds me of me!..lol!! I promise when i first had Gavin his father did the minimum amount necessary! Man those were some tired times! I was beat! Well we argued a LOT because i'm vocal about a lot of ish! Not that it changed anything tho..lol! I'm sorry but i dont have much advice for you hun. Just know that it will get easier in time. And that "Stay at Home" mom stuff has its pros and cons just like everything else! When the babe gets a little older and you can put her in daycare look to get into something that YOU enjoy. Even if its for an hour or two, You'll feel much more at ease once you're back around your babe. as far as your guy goes, i say give him MAJOR attitiude! Hell dont wash them dam dishes every night! Tell his azz i didnt make the baby by myself! How about YOU wash the dishes, or hold down the babe until i do! Don't just get mad love get RESULTS!

Yvonne - posted on 09/13/2011

5

0

0

Can't complain there, My Husband help often with the children picks them up from school feeds them before I get home from work. He's alot of help . Dont know what I would do without his help .

Lisa - posted on 09/01/2011

56

21

4

He maybe scared of the baby and feeling pushed out. A friend of mines was in tears in this same situation and had to have a in depth conversation with him it turns out, he felt insecure with the baby as he wasnt around enough and was missing out on things, everytime he went to cuddle baby the baby screamed for her and it upset him, I spose a male form of depression so he cut himself of from it all rather than delbt with it. Once he realised what a strain he was putting her under and that he may lose her he snapped out of it and transformed now hes the perfect dad... You need to sit him down have it out with him tell him exactly what you have told us if that doesnt work suggest a break it may just give him the kick he needs and if he agrees you know that its time to move on.





My hubby is full time I work part time and I do all the house work/ clothes/dinners/ ironing etc the only thing he does is throw the rubbish out once a week or cut the grass in the summer. My little one is 2 now and although yes he helps out with her when hes home, I have been at my wits end many times because I cant look after her and the house, so I do sympathise with your situation and good luck

Christina - posted on 08/27/2011

4

14

0

Doggit. I lost my first response---but I think your topic is important enough to try to chime in on again :)

I think that most women have had the issue that you're dealing with to varying degrees. When I had my first child, my husband and I were engaged. I found myself becoming resentful once I noticed that I was the only one who was trying to function 24 hrs (for days at a time) on no sleep. The hardest part for me was realizing that to be a great mother (which we all want to be) doesn't mean you have to be able to do everything w/o any help. Once you TRULY believe/understand that fact, you'll be able to ask for the help you need. Some will say that because you're a stay at home mom, you should be able to handle it. However, I'm a mom who works out of the home 40+ hrs a week and I believe strongly that it takes two people to raise and nuture a family--regardless of work schedules, etc. I believe that Any man who truly loves you will hear your frustrations and do something to help. The key is making sure that you have the talk when you're relaxed and when you have a clear idea of the ways you want him to help. I've had to have a few heart to hearts with my husband over the years, but after each, I noticed changes...and two years later we have a 2 daughters 2 1/2 and 10 months and I can say he has become a GREAT father. He changes diapers, he takes them to the park, he feeds them and when they were younger he even helped out during some of the mid morning awakenings. If you talk with your fiance' and he's still not receptive to helping you out,then you really need to reconsider marrying him. I say this because its not going to get any easier. As your child gets older, there will be school events, homework, etc. and there will still be only 24 hrs in a day and 7 days a week. If you two aren't able to compromise on this, child-rearing, finances and everything else that requires team work will be an issue. Don't kill yourself trying to be the "perfect stay home mom" and don't sell yourself short by staying with someone who would allow you to kill yourself. If he's the right one for you, your frustration will matter--you shouldn't have to lean on neighbors and good girlfriends for support---you should be able to lean on your soon to be husband. Good Luck...I hope it all works out. ;)

STEPHANIE - posted on 08/10/2011

6

9

0

i am goin threw the same thing with my husband he does everything urs does . idk wtf is up with them . damn just help out but when i say somethin he bitches

Dorothy - posted on 08/08/2011

30

17

2

I know how you feel my son is 2 now and things are a bit better. When he was little his daddy hardly held him. it was hard to take a shower without hearing " hurry up he's crying" thank god we lived with my mother for a while than his mom moved in with us they both helped a lot .. and after talking to him finally and asking what the deal was he shyly admited he was afraid of the baby. ( he is a fairly bigger guy) so i can kinda see where he was coming from. a big guy like him. holding a lil baby our son was 6lbs 8oz 21 n 3/4s long. so he wasn't very big lol. his dads arms were bigger than him i told him he wasn't going to break the baby he finally gave in and started helping out more. now im again a stay at home mom and he drives a tow truck so he's only home at night and sundays n mondays so when he is home he spends a good amount of time with just our son.. maybe thats your mans prob. maybe the baby makes him nervous. try talking to him. i know im just rambling and prolly not any help but i do hope things get better for you.. good luck hun

Nicole - posted on 02/09/2011

293

36

24

i love Chasity Farris's advise above. my hubby also needed a little coaxing at first. but i never helped or corrected anything unless he asked. if he forgot to put cream on John, its fine it will happen tomorrow, as long as you state what the important do not forget things are when you show him.
i first showed him what to do and the next night i stood by for any advise, but kept my mouth shut, and after that i left it for him to figure out, get comfortable with and form his own routine

Nicole - posted on 02/09/2011

293

36

24

and if he retaliates and buys another plastaion then sell that one too and buy and additional years gym membership or pay off some debts.

Nicole - posted on 02/09/2011

293

36

24

you are mothers, not robots or slaves.
most of you are probably really soft characters who dont speak about about hubby walking over you and if you do speak out- you dont follow through to make him do what needs to be done.
it's hard to hear that you have to get tough - because i'm sure if you would have done it years ago if you knew how.

firstly sit down with hubby and be serious but calm. hand him a list of things you need help with. if he cant remember to help you you will write it down for him and he can take it off the fridge as soon as he gets home so that you can have a moment too... tell him straight out that when he gets home from work has has time to sit on his bum infront of the tv and unwind - - because he doesnt help you - you NEVER have time to unwind. this is not fair and you wont be accepting it any longer. from now on he will come home and spen time with his son/daughter by fixing and feeding them something small to eat for dinner like a fried egg and chips or cheesy spaggetti. they only take 10 min to make. then they can get them bathed and ready for bed while you begin dinner. by the time LO is down for the night, dinner should be ready or just about - then you can both sit down together and relax watching somthing you both enjoy.
In my personal opinion i dont have time or patients for a man that wastes alot of time playing games on the computer or playstation.. that is for kids. i would give him an ultimatum and ban the playstaion during the week and allow for two hours during a saturaday or a sunday - but not both. the rest of the time can be used doing something constructive or with the family. luckily my husband feel the same way about games and playstation.. there are better things to do!
if he cannot keep to the two hour schedule - sell the bloody thing and all the games and but somthing that is probably well needed in the house - like a toddler bed/bed rail/pay for a gym membership for the family. xx

Paula - posted on 12/05/2010

7

57

0

aww.,,,thats not fair ive 3 kids my fella and i were 21 having our first he fed them there 1st bottles and dressed them as i 3 section, i had very had times every birth therec was something that would go wrong, thank god he was there cause i wouldnt have managed, if i was u id put the oot down..god look xx

Avon - posted on 10/15/2010

1

0

0

My son is now two years old and I went through this for the first six months after he was born. I was the one who ALWAYS got up at night even on the weekends. I felt like I hadnt slept in years. My son also had a milk allergy when he was born so lots and lots of sleepless nights. My Fiance would always watch TV or play on the computer and ignore our son it seemed. I would be washing dishes or whatever and have to take care of the baby. So, I started getting angry and wouldnt speak to him. I would show that I was angry by "the way I cleaned" he could just tell. Finally he asked me what was going on with me. I was very honest and told him my full thoughts, and he didnt realize he was doing that. For the last year in a half he helps me with everything. I also get one night out a week. Have you all tried to tell them exactly how they are making you feel.. and telling them you think you may be better off alone?? This worked for me, but I know it may not work for everyone, just a little advise.

Jessica - posted on 10/14/2010

11

39

0

I think you should sit down with him or write him a letter telling him how you feel and encourage him to help more. Let him know you can't keep doing this alone while he does what he wants. I went though all of this with my sons father also. I know how you feel completely. My son is now 4yr old and he spends time with him, but he doesn't really help with cleaning, etc. Don't give in to him don't let him control you.

Shea - posted on 09/23/2010

69

45

5

Hi there.. I guess I should apologize up front. I may offend you while attempting to offer advice, especially if you love this ..person. I have a hard time referring to him as a man after reading your post. This is, in my experience based opinion ...cut him loose. Hard yes..but needed to live a full and normal life. You know have another being to worry about, from the sounds of it, your already doing it on your own. Why not do it without the extra strife he brings to the table? If your shaking your head and praying he's going to change, don't waste your time. People of his caliber don't change for the positive. The tighter hold , the more control they gain, the worst they become. I wish you all the warm wishes & blessings I can ...good luck.

Heather - posted on 09/06/2010

5

47

2

Hi Kayla. Looking at your picture, I'm guessing you are quite young. You sound like an amazing mom & being a mom is tough I'm sure even more so at your age. I admire your strength for such a young girl. Your boyfriend should realize this also & appreciate what he has, sounds like he doesn't. Don't let him take you for granted. I'm 37 and I have spent most of my life with guys who did exactly that. It is not fair to you or the baby to be stuck in the house all of the time. You need to get out of the house so you don't loose it, and your baby needs to get out of the house to help her grow & develop. She needs to see the outside world too! He is being very selfish. If I were you when he bitched about things not being done, I would tell him to get off his lazy ass and do something about it if it bothered him. He should be helping around the house & helping raise your beautiful daughter. You didn't make her by yourself afterall. Talk to him and tell him you need his help. Let him know what you need & expect from him. If he is not willing to help you, then you should seriously reconsider marrying him. Marrying him is not going to make him change, at least not for the better, if anything he might get worse. You are a beautiful young girl with your whole life ahead of you. Do what is best for you & your beautiful daughter. Just because you love someone doesn't mean they are right for you. Trust me, I have learned this the hard way.
Big hugs to you!
heather

Melissa - posted on 08/16/2010

30

29

6

I agree - in that situation its easier to be single! Then you can trade sitting with friends to get you out of the house. Im a much better mother when I get my "me" time.

Teacher - posted on 07/24/2010

1

39

0

how bout trying to talk things out in a more civil manner? when you made him listen to your grievances, try to lay all your cards and ask his help to figure things out like how to settle smalls things like you mentioned, that usually lead to a dispute. try to mention too that having a child in a family is a responsibility that you both need to face. its never easy to nurture a child alone,, being in a situation like you said really sucks! if he dont wanna listen to you,, then maybe he's suggesting that you need to level up your next move. i hope this helps.

Ofalaine - posted on 05/22/2010

25

33

1

OMG Kayla I am with you on that one,my hysband is exactly the same,he works almost everyday and only has 2days off during the week and when his home I do kind of expect him to help me more with our 8month old daughter,I know hes a hard working man and hes the sole provider of our little family... thing is since havana was born hes never giving her a bath,only changed her 3 times since and he hates the smell of her poo.. I told him his ones just as bad as her and me I have no problems at all,Hes a chef so hes always working and we both do the cooking but everything else I do like cleaning,dishes and washing....He never goes out so I dont need to complain about that he has his drinks at home with my brother inlaw.... But having said that it got to me at one point where I was having doubts about our marriage,he told me he would always help with our daughter no matter what and he doesnt really... So I had to talk to him let it all out because it was doing my head in seeing him on his day off on the computer all day,Men do have to understand that we do need our own space even if its going out with your girl pals for lunch or something,I take my daughter for a walk to the shops or even to the mall on a shopping spree something that we both need!!! You really need to sit him down and talk to him and tell him its not just you in this relationship and your not the only parent he needs to HELP out no matter what!!! I told my husband to stay home and see what I go through everyday... If it help you could always message me..... I still have those days where my husband slacks off but you know it happens... I do hope everything is getting better for you.. :D

Chasity - posted on 04/15/2010

17

31

2

I had a few issues with my husband not wanting to give our little guy a bath and that sort of thing too...turns out he is just nervous about trying something new...(it's been 18 years since he has had to do any of this)...as one person put your "assistant" needs training! :)

Just like he says that "she wants you" well guess what you can talk like that too! My way to get my husband to finally give our little man a bath? "Wouldn't it be fun if daddy gave you a bath William? *pause* really??? I think so too!!" "Daddy William wants you to give him a bath! He needs to be clean to pick up the ladies!" LOL you get the idea! Eventually he will cave if for no other reason then to get you to stop talking and when he does try to be handy for the first few times he does something new..I let him give the bath but stayed close with the towel for when he was done washing him. I took over from there (my hubby was sweating by the time he was done washing the baby!) Same thing with the cereal. I held the baby and let him feed him the cereal.
Another thing if the baby is crying uncontroably while you are holding her guess what..."daddy he wants you" don't give him a choice just hand over the baby! Sometimes your stress shows and the baby will calm down as soon as you hand them over because dad isn't so tense! It makes dad feel more special because he "fixed" it!
Just a few things that worked for me! As far as getting out of the house we have two vehicles and I still leave the house most often to go visit family! My mom is an hour away so I go and stay the night with her sometimes so she can see the baby, I get a break, and I get out of the house! It's awesome! As far as things not getting done...my husband tried to gripe at me and I finally just told him if he wanted to stay up at night with the baby and work in the evenings he was more than welcome to and I would do ALL of the house work but if he couldn't do two jobs completely by himself he shouldn't expect me to. He actually does more dishes now then I do! It's one chore but it cuts down on at least one thing I have to do.

Good luck!

Marie - posted on 04/02/2010

34

60

2

hey dear i understand were your comen from probly alot of others do to.but i dont know if any one has done it twice. that was my mistake. ive come to conclude men are just a bunch of big babys. i cant change the decition that you make. i can only give you incourageing wisdom enjoy every minute that you have with your child . take time for your self. if the house dont get done dont sweet it. if he wants it done then let him do it. theres no point in fighting about it, guys dont grow up they just get older. there are more inportant thangs in life and in the long run because he dont pay atention to your child its his lose .down the road it will come back to bit him in the butt. trust me my youngest is 9 now and when dad wants to spend time he says no he rather spend time with grandpa. so dont let him get you mad. stand your ground and if he dosent want to be apart of it then you take time for yourselfand your childand make the good merories she will remember you two shared. and she will grow and florish andknow truely who cares about her. and if he wants to act like a jerk then let him if need to talk im here for you

[deleted account]

mine helps out but when she screams and im busy hes like teagans crying, ok well go get her, she doesnt like me. so i have to stop what im doing. but usually hes good with her. if i am really busy or just need a nap or to de stress he will help me out. we have a routine where while i change her or am bathing her he makes the bottle so when im done we can get her a bottle which cuts the crying time in half.

i would tell him when he starts bitching bc stuffs not done he can do it himself if he has such an issue helping with the baby. alot of times guys dont realize that they are missing out on that bonding time with the baby. i would definatly sit him down and talk to him. i would be so mad if my husband was at his friends every weekend. i told him he needs to go before the babys born because once shes born i dont want him dissappearing every weekend on videogame night. his friends get mad when he cant go do stuff with them, but i told him its not fair to me that hes out with friends and i dont have any to go do stuff with where we live now.

but definatly talk to him

Karissa - posted on 03/13/2010

112

26

6

Kayla, I'm so sorry for you. There is absolutely no reason for why he should act this way. Honestl,y I can't say that I personally know what you are going though. My fiance is great with our 5 months old daughter. While I am 23 he is 9 years older, 32. We talked about having a baby before I got pregnant. He fully understood what that meant to be a dad and what I expected from him. I think young parents have a problem with dads not doing their part because most times it's not planned and more or less pushed apon them without any warning. Communication is key. I know that is a cliche thing to say but it's true. Some day soon when the baby is sleeping talk to him. Keep it light and not too serious.Tell him what you thought being a mom would be like. Remind him that you love being mommy. That you love your daughter so much and you are so happy to have her. Remind him that he is so important to you, that you love him and are so happy that he has picked you. Let him know, calmly, that even though staying at home seems like it's easy, it is very hard. You sacrifice yourself every minute of the day. Your job as a mom is a selfless job, a 7 days a week job with no pay and 24hrs on call duty. There is no day off, no "personal days" no sick days. You can't call the boss and tell him your not going in that day. The only way you are able to do your job properly and effectively is if you get some time for yourself.

We only have 1 car as well, so some days I will bring my fiance to work that way I can take the car to the grocery store or anywhere else I might need to go. I've just learned that my local library has story time for kids. Even tho the baby doesn't know what's going on it's nice for me to get out of the house for an hour and the baby gets to see other kids, which is important, especially for only children.

How is your relationship with his parents? Maybe you could talk to his parents and let them know how you feel. Sometimes hearing something from another person helps you see the problem. The reason why the baby doesn't want to go with him is because she doesn't have the bond that she should have with him by now. Let him know that it is important that she has a strong connection with him now that way when she gets older she will know that she can trust him. Many young women who grow up without a good relationship with their father have low self-esteem and a higher chance of teenage pregnancy.
Remind him you can be a good mom, but with his help you can be a great mom.

Micheline - posted on 03/13/2010

6

13

0

Hi Kayla,

Sorry you have to deal with such a frustrating situation. Hopefully it did change for the better. Sometime men are just cluless, maybe he's not a bad guy after all maybe he just needs a little direction. My husband is a great dad but unless I tell what to do .. well he helps doing the dishes at night. As far as being a stay at home mom, well it's true that it is our job to take care of the baby and do chores and blah balh balh .. but that dose not mean we have to do it all on our own.
My husband's idea of playing with my daughter is playing with blocks for a while then he sits with her in her room and do whatever on his laptop while she plays..
Maybe you can try to create some kind of activity that u do together as a family or make bath time something to do together until he gets used to her. Tell him you are going out for a walk, when he gets home. He'll have to watch her for half an hr., 15 min whatever it is. It's a start.
If you think you should not marry this guy, then go with ur gut feeling. We normally know what to we are supposed to do. He might just be clueless or it might be more than that.
Good Luck.

Francine - posted on 03/12/2010

3

18

0

He sounds alot like my ex! He never helped with our daughter or any house hold chores on top of that I worked full time! To be honest you can do much better with out him, but thats your choice! In the mean time you should look into putting your daughter into daycare. This way you have a couple of hours to yourself and the baby can get out the house and play with other babies. If you cant find a day care try finding someone that could watch your baby a couple hours a day a few times a week. This will give you some time to yourself and the opportunity to take care of the home with no interruptions. While your at it get a manicure, take a nap or catch a movie you deserve it! Whatever you do just live as though you are a single mom because if you focus on what your fiance doesnt do your just going to get upset and frustrated! The last thing you need to do is take any of your frustrations out on the baby! She needs her mommy to be happy and if possible stress free! Good luck!

Katherine - posted on 03/09/2010

65,420

232

4894

Wow Erica, that was a bit harsh. Maybe she just needed to vent...

Erica - posted on 03/09/2010

2

19

0

I think you have no reason to whine.... as a stay at home mom that is your job.... now if you want change, get a job, put the kid in daycare, and then discuss him helping more....as far as going out, get someone to watch your baby, call a friend and get out... maybe he will wonder about you on the weekends....

Katherine - posted on 03/07/2010

65,420

232

4894

Wow. This is becoming a trend. Men don't get it!!! How old is he? You need to put your foot down.

I would just say, "I'm going grocery shopping see you later." Come home about 4 hours later and see if he's climbing the ceiling because I guarantee he will be.



;)

Pamela - posted on 03/07/2010

18

25

3

Sorry to hear of such a frustraiting situation, in the Dad's defense most men are clueless about infant care, and some are just plain terrified about handling them.He may need specific instruction:" Babe, I need you to lay on the Livingroom floor and let the baby use you for a jungle gym or dinner is not going to get done it's not safe for her to be in the kitchen while I cook, and she's not safe elswhere by herself."
also for the out of house thing "The Baby and I'm going to be ready 9 AM on saterday for our trip to the store are you going with us or sleeping in?"
for household chores, " I didn't sign up to be an M&M (Mother&Maid) for a grown Man so Step up or Step out." You could say the previous line, but, it'd be a lot eaiser to just slap his mother, who obviously let him become a dependant, lazy, spoiled rotten
B*(#@. No seriously he needs to be instructed on How to do some of those chores that Mother didn't teach him, and you might say " I am really Overwhelmed here I can't do everything I need your Help !" then tell him exactly what you need him to do (he's not a mind reader) as for the friend thing you might say " I know how important your friends are to you and I know You need some regular time with them, I feel like the Baby and I are left out and not important to you., I'm asking for 1day each weekend that you spend with us instead of your friends. Do you care enough for us to give us that?" If his answer is anything but "yes I'll do it", then you need to find another Real Man to share your life with..

Catherine - posted on 03/05/2010

3

19

1

Girl I would tell him to grow up and be a man or move back in with mama. You deserve to be respected as his partner and as the mother of his child. It sounds like you're not even respected or cared about at all. I have been through some really tough times with my man and we have stuck through this far,our son 18 months old and it's going so fast. I would talk to him seriously, like tell him that you need to say it and get it out: " If you cannot grow up and take responsibility for your child as a father you need to find some other woman who has time to wait on your every want and need, because I need someone who will love and support me in times of need whether it's doing the dishes or just letting me take a shower and feel good and refreshed." seriously it's something to think about. You can only decide what you want to put up with and what you deserve.

Jessica - posted on 02/16/2010

215

41

24

A few of my friends are in this situation, 1 girl left her man and its the best choice she ever made. She is happy all the time now, and he lil guy is doing much better too. Having him grow up watching her husband be a dead beat was making him say and do things he learns from dad "mommy ijm to tired", Mommy its your job" etc etc. Its been 2 years now and he is turinging into a sweet respectful lil boy!

good luck

Shannon - posted on 02/07/2010

7

10

0

Oh my gosh!!! I feel like I just wrote this!!! My boyfriend does the same thing. I can't stand it. I guess i have no advise for you since I'm in the same situation as you. I guess this means we're not alone. Hang in there :)

Cindy - posted on 01/27/2010

15

27

0

Straighten this out in a hurry.. I thought I could do it all, never asked for help and here I am 25 yrs. later resenting him alot because I really created my own monster..... I went to a therapist who said I allowed him to act and continue like this.....we talk about it, but then he gets mad and I don't like arguing so I just do it all again. Our son is 20 & I'm tired. You seem young, so protect yourself.

Melissa - posted on 01/16/2010

59

6

6

I hear you! My man has gotten better but only if i tellhim specifically what i need him to do. And I should mention he still bitches about doin it. I just remind him that I cook, I clean, I do everything and unless he wants me to stop the he will pitch in.

Jude - posted on 01/10/2010

2

0

0

trying walking to stores if they r near enough or else use a bus.....people can be helpful out there.As for yo man...delegate ,delegate...tell him excatly what u want him to do...like "look after the baby while i cook so we can eat",if he still doesnt help tehn do what i did.I cooked 4 me and the baby,cleaned and did MY washng and ironing..when he started complaining that he had to work hard so we can eat,pay the bills while i was at home...well,i LEFT him with the baby 4 an hr and left my mobile whilst i went out for coffee with a friend.He never complained after that and said hadnt realise what a job a small child can be

Jess - posted on 01/10/2010

106

11

9

It sounds like he is being very selfish! I would put my foot down if I were you. My husband went through some of these things. I had to remind him constantly that he is a parent too and just because he goes to work everyday does not mean that he stops being a daddy. Also the car thing is not cool. If he can't share the car then maybe you can't find time to do the dishes or wash his clothes?

Miranda - posted on 01/07/2010

7

30

0

Im in the same boat your in, all my fiance wants to do is play videogames and never wants to help me with the kids. i really need advice to

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms