Sleepovers are not fun/fair for parents of three children

Carmelina - posted on 07/17/2011 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I am a first grade teacher and have three children in the ages of 12 (son), 10 and 7 (daughters) respectively. My husband and I love children, BUT we suspect that people have the misconception that, just because I am a teacher/mother who loves children, I will not mind having their children spending time with us whenever they want to be kids-free. Due to our limited budget (like everyone else), we can't be going out as frequently as we would like to. My husband and I would also like to go out on dates more often, but recently have found that our "friends" are not willing to reciprocate our courtesy of having our kids over.

In my opinion, families could help each other out by taking turns for babysitting. The same principle may be applied to single/divorced moms! I know they work hard too (I am the child of a divorced mother), but they have to understand that ALL parents need their alone time, couple time, unwinding time, etc.

Yes, I have three wonderful children and an amazing husband! My profession is very dear and special to me because helping children is one of my purposes in life. Still, don't expect me to care for your children whenever you are neglecting to spend time with them! Here's an example: people from different family compositions have asked us to take care of their children (single moms, divorced parents, parents with one child, and parents who have grandparents to help around). We don't have a problem with that! Nevertheless, don't ask us: when this is your weekend to spend with your child, multiple times within the same week just to have your girls' night out, or simply because you forgot to call your parents to ask.

We moved here from another country and don't have family nearby to help us out with child care. We appreciate your kind words and admiration for our stable marriage and loving family! You also need to see that we are ALWAYS surrounded with our kids and, believe me, we need a break too! Just put yourselves in our shoes and be more compassionate and understanding of our needs. We absolutely love children, though please understand that three is enough when you're as devoted to them as we are.

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6 Comments

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Ashley - posted on 02/25/2012

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I know the feeling and yet I only have 1 kid! I live 7 hours from my own family, my husband works out of town, most recently hes been gone for 2 months and wont be home for another month. I do have my inlaws close by yet feel bad asking them to watch my daughter. They currently take her one night a week, to help me out, usually the night before my drs appointment as im 32 weeks pregnant or keep her the night i work late. When my husband was home, we didnt go out much, low income sucks! LOL And i felt bad having to rely on family to watch my child to have some me time, Which I know is so much needed!



I am very thankful for my in laws stepping up to help with my daughter while my husband is away, yet feel bad 'pawning' her off on someone else, which is NOT what i'm doing i just feel that way!



My husband and I haven't had much us time since she was born, mostly due to having no money and the guilt of leaving out daughter in someone else's care. I truly don't understand the parents who never see there kids! My sister in law complains when she doesn't have her kids but yet complains even more when she does have them.



For your own sanity you need to put your foot down and say no more! unless they start willing to ive on there end!!

Michelle - posted on 08/18/2011

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I'm a single mum with 3 wonderful daughters aged 8 years, 6 years and 10 months. Admittedly, I get overnight breaks from the 2 eldest when they go to stay with their dad and, eventually, my youngest will also have overnight stays with her dad but, to be honest, i'm happier when they are all home and far more relaxed. All my girls go to bed at 7pm. They don't necessarily go to sleep straight away as they may read for a bit, or play quietly, but they do stay in their rooms until the morning unless of course they need the toilet or they have a nightmare, etc. This gives me the "me time" I need to relax before I go to bed. It works really well for me. My girls do have friends staying sometimes, and I have my goddaughters here sometimes, but it's not very often and I try to avoid school nights too as, inevitably someone staying over means all kids go to sleep later through excitment.

Dolly - posted on 08/15/2011

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It's okay to say, "no!" respectively you are doing yourselves a favor and you have to draw the line somewhere. Your doing the right thing. I agree with you.

Angela - posted on 08/05/2011

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I use to have a friend who always asked me to babysit her kids I had to tell her no it was hard I am a stay at home mom with no family nearby. When I started saying no she came around less and less. So now my friends who have kids will take mine and in turn I take hers it worked out great when the kids were small now our oldest are able to babysit so now we all go out together. but we make it so it is only one night a month and so do they. You have to put your foot down and say enough is enough.

Teri - posted on 07/29/2011

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I personally don't want my children to stay with families or parents who are constantly running for fun. I see many families who have several children, and I often wonder why they had them. They both work outside the home, he has his hobbies, she has her hobbies, and then they want to party together on the weekends too. Someone else is raising them. I get similar expectations from people who think because I do home daycare that I won't "mind" keeping their children extra hours or on the weekend, or overnight because they have plans or "need" to work late. And then, every organization you are involved with wants to stick you in the nursery since you work with kids. I love kids, but sometimes I just want time with my family ALONE! Or my spouse, ALONE! Some couples start "coops" for helping each other out. You "bank" hours whenever you watch other children. Then, you trade your hours when someone else watches yours. Our town used to have one, but I don't know if they do anymore. Good luck!

Roxanne - posted on 07/17/2011

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i am i the same boat as you...i am always asked to watch my brothers grilfriend's child(always at the last min) I love children and i'm in the medical feild(family practice) but i have my hands full..i'm a single mum with 3 kiddos and my oldest has chronic illness. oh by the way, i'm also a full time student. my mother works out of town and only comes home every 3months so i don't get my"me time" till then..now what i am learning to do is just say no..it is hard..i give no reason..just no..i have even started not answering my phone..what makes my situation harder is I live in the same town home with my brother and his girlfriend lives in the same complex too..so she manipulates him. the child in question is not an easy one to deal with either..shows signs of having ADHD...if you aren't able to tell them no maybe have your other half be the bad guy..if i can help please let me know...another thing you can do is tell them the truth...make a schedule and say if they want you to help them they need to help you guys..everyone needs to help and that's where the schedule will come in..everyone takes a turn and that way everyone get there me time,,and if they don't do it..they stop helping and whoever doesn't do it cut them out.

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