You Love Co-Sleeping but Spouse Does NOT
MOST HELPFUL POSTS
John - posted on 03/18/2014
My Wife of 2 years and we have been together for 4 years has 4 children from other people her youngest is a boy he is 5 and ever since we got married 2 years ago i sleep alone in our room she goes to her sons room around 8 or 9 pm every night to put him to sleep and every night she sleeps in his room and im sleeping in our room i keep saying to her time after time day and day it would be nice if my wife would sleep in our room she doesn't care she says her son wont let her and i can't do this for ever i could see if it was our child but its hers from another man before i meet her it just gets old every night i go to our room to watch some tv and go to sleep by my self we talk about it all the time and she keeps saying she will get him on a routine but its every night for over 2 years and what gets me is she always says to me we never get any time or no time to talk and i say because every night your in your sons room and she gets mad at me what to do is our marriage going to the craps?
Butterfly123 - posted on 03/09/2012
Just browsing through this board and I am shocked.
Umm... what kind of decisions did BOTH of you make regarding raising the child that BOTH of you created? I understand some things sound better in theory and needs tweaking once they are tried and proven ineffective, but both of you need to make decisions rearing he child - not the just mother.
For those of you who just NEED to know your baby is breathing: Why not buy a monitor - you could even get the Angel monitors that monitor's the child's movements.
I'm sorry, but it's absolutely terrible of you ladies who kick your husbands out of the bed and have him sleeping on a couch, or on the floor, or even in another room so that your child can sleep with you - that is jut awful. It's your own insecurities and fears that are ruining your relationship.
Keep this in mind - many men won't complain too much if they feel something like this is important to you, but they will not put up with it forever.
To me, this screams 'selfish mother' because EVERYTHING is bein done for the mother' convenience.
You needed your DH or SO to make the baby - why act lie he doesn't matter when the baby comes? Thats just using him.
Yeah, babies are only little once, but it is not the job of the parent to capitalize on the fact that the child is ony 'little once'. This means the parent has to parent - both parents have to parent the child and raise them in the proper way. If one parent is ignoring the spouse's legitimate requests for the child then that parent is WRONG!
So, for all the frustrated fathers out there - stand your ground & reclaim your bed. And for all the mothers out there -stop being selfish and nuture your relationship with your DH or SO. It's just that simple.
Pichild - posted on 06/07/2014
I end up sleeping on the couch because even when I successfully get my daughter to sleep in her own bed her daddy will bring her to bed with him...
What can i do about this.
As a child I never slept with my parents but he slept with his I don't know how long. I can't handle it anymore. She WILL sleep on her own I've seen her do it.
Altonj. - posted on 07/20/2016
I don't like co-sleeping one bit. I am a very light sleeper and my wife and I work on this together. My son will do the late night mission into our bed and I end up with feet in my face or back all of the time. I am with all of you on both sides of this argument.
I can tell you this; our most important job as parents is respect, support, and love for our spouse, loved one, or sig. other. Every great family has a great love between two people. If the parents can't love and respect each other...we surely can't deliver that to our kids. My opinion of course.
Find mutual ground, find ways to agree, and most of all...be patient with one another!
And for you dads out there...just like me...don't give up on your wife or spouse. Keep trying...be patient. Hell, it's taken me 4 years to reclaim my bed with my wife...and I will keep doing so because my son, my wife, and my dogs matter more than a good night sleep. Again, just my opinion.
Bradley_kevinp - posted on 07/17/2016
@ Valencia Campbell-Chapin.
You are absolutely correct, Co-sleeping does not end a marriage ... AND that is not what I wrote.
I think you need to re-read my post, including other posts. If you read, you will see where some commenters here are in disagreement with their spouse, and they don't care. That, may have a lot more to do with marriage success / failure than co-sleeping or turning a couples bed into a family bed..
Valencia - posted on 06/30/2016
Some of these men sound selfish on this topic. You knew there would be sacrifices to make when you have kids. Co-sleeping just might be one of them. Our baby sleeps with us and sometimes my husband goes to the other room his office. But sometimes he sleeps with us. We are planning baby #2 but baby #1 is not rushing off to her crib. I think co-sleeping brings parents and babies closer. I absolutely love it.
Michael - posted on 01/06/2016
5 years on the couch for me because i cant stand sleeping in a queen sized bed with kids kicking me in the face when i tried to cuddle my wife. We have never been in agreeance about it, and its only led to fighting whenever i brng it up. Well, all this resentment has spilled over into other parts of our marriage and negativity has consumed our life. Its hard to even talk about anything anymore because of the underlying resentment.
I have approached this cosleeping issue in so many different ways and i can never gain any ground. She says shes aware of the problem now, but still shows no sign of wanting to change it.
Im at my wits end.
My neck, back and head hurt from an uncomfortable couch and air mattress. She still doesnt seem to care. I feel like she cares more about them than me.
Anyway, anyone wanting to know what to do if your husband isnt on board with cosleeping, STOP. There is nothing good for you, as a family, in your future and it only makes everything worse. It might end your marriage and cause more resentment between not only parents, but your innocent children aswell.
If your SO is not onboard, DONT DO IT!!!
Bradley_kevinp - posted on 06/11/2014
Wow, some of these comments disrespecting the husbands. Ladies, if your husband is not 100% behind the co-sleeping arrangement, and your marriage isn't absolutely perfect, you can kiss it good bye down the road. Fail to maintain your relationship, and you will do more life-long harm to your children than you are aware of. The greatest thing you can give your children begins with a happy and healthy marriage.
Crystal - posted on 02/11/2012
I have a 1 & 2 year old, they have slept with me since they were born. My husband worked as a night auditor at a hotel up until about 6 months ago, so it never used to be a problem for him. But now he hates that they are in our bed, and he sleeps on the couch. So I know how you feel, but not sure what to do about it either.
Sydney - posted on 02/28/2010
My hubby sleeps on a matress on the floor because our 3 month old daughter sleeps in the bed with me. He's scared he'll roll over on her. We bought a bed rail so I could sleep in the middle with Kyleigh next to the rail and him on my other side, but he thinks there won't be enough room for her and I. He knows she won't sleep unless she's right next to me, and that I can't if she's not next to me so he sacrifices for us lol. I love him to death :D.
Anja - posted on 02/06/2010
When I was pregnant, I was so big and felt so uncomfortable that my husband moved into the spare bedroom. He also snores a bit and needs a lot of space, so when our first baby came, he just stayed in the spare bedroom. Now we have got a one and a nearly three year old and it shocks a lot of people that I sleep with the kids and not with him....
It works for us, he doesn't get disturbed in the night (he wouldn't get up for them anyway) and I love sleeping with the kids. And by the way, it hasn't killed our sex life;-), it has probably been good to our relationship since we have different priorities with regards to parenting and we don't have to argue over it all the time...
My little one, by the way, sleeps in the cot next to the bed, I just took the side of the cot off, so it is like an extension to the big bed. That works well, if your husband is concerned about the space and rolling onto the baby...
Kathleen - posted on 02/01/2010
Fortunatley I do not have that problem. I have three children. A 7 year old,4 and 3 and they all have been in our bed until they turn 4 then they have their own bed.,BUT we still let them sleep with us once inawhile.I tried the crib thing and couldn't stand not knowing if my child was breathing or not. Also I feel it makes them feel more loved because they are closer to us.My doctor didn't agree but as a mother I know best.lol...
Crystal - posted on 01/31/2010
I have the same problem. My husband works nights, so I lrt my daughter sleep with me. He gets mad about in on his days off ant tries to make her sleep in her crib. She is almost 7 months old and never slept a full night by herself. But I feel just as uncomfortable as she does with her sleeping in a different room.
Blanca - posted on 01/22/2010
I agree with Sue..I think it is a matter of understanding between the two of you....My children sleep w/me..Ages 5 and 3.....girl and a boy....my husband doesn't mind....He needs his rest and I need mine...we have been married for 10 years...happily.
April - posted on 01/10/2010
They will eventually go to their own beds. Up until August it was Daddy, 7 year old, 4 year old and myself all in the same bed. The 7 year old finally went to his room, but there are many nights I snuggle with him or we play musical beds. Hubby complained for a while about not enough space, but they are only young once and co-sleeping has been wonderful. Not to mention I was the one so dead against it. In fact the youngest didn't start sleeping with us until he was 2!
Holly - posted on 12/28/2009
My husband HATED my baby in our bed. He is now 4, still my baby, and I do let him sleep with us still if he wants to. Granted it can't be every night because he commands much more of the bed now that he is bigger! LOL I see nothing wrong with co-sleeping! We still take naps together on weekends, I think it makes them feel safer at night when they sleep with Mommy and Daddy. Not to mention, it makes me feel safer. If there is bad weather or he is sick, he is sleeping with me. That way if anything happens, I am right there. If my husband doesn't like it, there is a couch with his name on it! ;)
Julie - posted on 10/05/2009
My husband is gone a lot at night. And he is not crazy about me sharing a bed with my 3 year old daughter. She can not fall asleep without me laying down with her. Eventually because of mu husbands preferances I would put her into her bed after she was asleep. But it never fails.. SHe wakes up every night and crawls into bed with me. I still enjoy that snugle time. She is growing up so fast. Before I know it she wont want to cuddle or be held anymore. I also have a 10 month old son who still is breastfeeding at night. He wakes up at least once to eat during his sleep routine. I will hold him and snuggle with him for about an hour before I lay him down in his crib again..
Minnie - posted on 06/14/2009
If my husband kicked our daughter out of bed I would go right along wherever she went. It comes down to this: we all get better sleep with her in bed with us. There is NO WAY that I am going to be getting up out of bed multiple times a night to feed her, and then hope I can get her back to sleep.
So, make it an ultimatum...if he doesn't want baby in bed, then you go sleep on a mattress on the floor in another room with her. Or shove a twin up to your bed that he can sleep in.
Sue - posted on 04/10/2009
I have four children ages 26, 16, 12, 11. A 4 yr old grandson, who spends a great deal of weekends with us as well. Ive been sleeping with my kids, or a specific kid one night, a different kid the next night, for 26 years now. Often, at the age they are now, they will come into my room in the night, and make a pallet bed next to me, instead of getting in bed. (my 26 yr old, of course, is out of the house, and doesnt come to my bed anymore! :)
MORE Often, there is a kid already IN the bed with me, so there is no room anyway. I started out of convienience when they were infants. My experience shows me that they eventually quit coming into moms bed on their own. My kids are all emotionally sound, no long term damage has occured in spite of all the griefmy doctors have given me over the years. .
My husband? Well, we managed to have four children.... He says I make too much noise at night grindingmy teeth, talking, and snoring anyway. We havent shared a bed in many many years. There are many other matters that worked themselves into our situation, or led us to this arrangement. I think its a wonderful comforting thing to do with your child.
Steph - posted on 04/05/2009
my boyfriend hates that the baby is in bed with us, because he feels like he gets less sleep because he's worried about the baby all night, but i'm breastfeeding so it just doesn't make sense to take him out of our bed. what we did is found a great bedrail, make sure it has a stabilization bar ( it goes between the mattress and the rail so the baby can't fall between the mattress and the bed rail) and a strap for under the mattress.
This way my 9 mos. old son sleeps on the outside with me in the middle, so my boyfriend doesn't feel like he's going to roll over on him all night long.
your hubby might just be jealous of your time. the bed is where he' supposed to get the attention and the cuddles. he might just need a little more attention. men are like that with a new adjustment.
Join Circle of Moms
Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.Join Circle of Moms