Need someone to talk to regard this hard time

Marianne - posted on 03/02/2010

Go to my converstaion "father of teenage girls to see the problem I am going through maybe that will help you. I feel your pain and it hurts deeply.

Rhonda - posted on 12/22/2009

I let my children know all the time how much their dad loves them we have gotten to go to our first visit and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Im just so scared that we are going to end up seperating because he is really changing and Im glad for that he looks different and acts different but I dont know if he'll still want to be with me since I haven't really changed. I did make the biggest mistake of my life and got into some trouble with the law myself. Im not sure whats going to happen at this time but I know its going to be something. I have an attorney and he said either home detention or adult probation, I havent been in trouble since I was 19 and Im 34 now and lost. I feel as if I've lost it but now that I havve hit bottom 100% I have to start coming up I dont want to end up where my man is and I dont want it where no ones here for our children. Yes I did wrong but it was for my kids and for that I cant feel to bad I just feel as if Ive failed everything Please talk back soon sorry I havent been on

Rhonda - posted on 10/26/2009

I try to let my children know on a daily bases that they can take their father away for a little while but they can't keep him. He will get to come home. We live in Indiana and there are no support groups here in Fort Wayne for us. This is definitely the hardest thing that I feel we have or will ever go through. Your right it does suck... I hate it... But it is a way of life for us right now and we can only learn from the mistakes that this has caused... Sometimes I feel very strong and I know we'll get through it, but other times I don't even want to get out of bed or leave my home. I realize that this is just the beginning for us and that we can't see the light yet but I know its ahead. With everything with my health and my families I just feel that I can't take no more. I haven't told him everything because I realize that he can't do anything about it and he don't need the additional stress. I know that it's hard not to tell him right now but really what can he do from there. I'm at the point where I feel that I can't tell him everything because I don't want him to get into any additional trouble because we don't need that and he don't always handle stress well especially when it comes to his children or myself. I am very thankful that I din't lose him to the streets or to any other kind of crime. I know we haven't always made the best decisions when we were younger but then we changed our lives and I thought everything was going much better. It was like a slap in the face when this happened. The children and I were on vacation when we got the call and that only made it that much harder for me and then when I had to tell our children. I felt that was the worse thing I have ever told them and I hope I don't have to ever tell them anything like that again. I really hate this but I have to keep going because we have three children and two others that stay with us so I know they need me and I can't give up on them or their father. I love him with all my heart but I feel as if this is a very trying time in my life. There's nothing I wouldn't do for him but there's nothing I can do either. I feel helpless at this point. Thanks for your advice and I hope to hear from you again.

Kristy - posted on 10/22/2009

You are definitely being tested...it's life. You feel like your at the end of your rope...but whatever you do don't let go, too many people are counting on you--just tie a tighter knot and hold on. It's aweful, no doubt about that. After 6 1/2 years I still cry, my children still cry, my husband still cries. You and your children will be better and stronger whenthis is all over. You should be thankful that this is all your dealing with right now...I was always thankful that my husband was not killed on the streets. You will have good days and bad days...it's okay to be sad...it's okay to say this sucks. The only people that will understand you are the people in the same shoes. Be strong for your children, teach them to be resilient, teach them to rise above the craziness...they are counting on you to hold everything together. As time goes by it will get a little easier to get out of bed in the morning. Keep yourself and your children busy and time will fly by quickly. Use your husbands mistakes to teach your children about consequences...they can learn so much from you and your husband right now. Is he serving State or Federal time? What state do you live in? Keep your head up. The love you and your husband share will get you through anything, I promise.

Rhonda - posted on 10/08/2009

I understand that God wont give me nothing I cant handle but I feel as if Im being tested. I feel like Im at the end of a rope and holding on as tight as I can. I am very honest and open to our children and its very hard. Every night I let the kids know that their dad loves, and misses them and he sends a hug and a kiss. He has asked me to do this and I have every night. I miss him so much and I can't seem to wait till the kids can go see him. This is the hardest thing I have every went through and Im ready for it to end. Im sorry to hear how long you and your children have been going through this and my heart goes out to you. We are just beginning this and it seems like its been forever. Thanks for being there for me. Im glad to know that there are these kinds of places we can talk to others like myself, Thanks again.

Kristy - posted on 10/04/2009

It never gets easier...we (me and my two children) are 6 1/2 years into a 10 1/2 year bid. There is never a perfect way to handle or get through this craziness. Just know each day that what does not kill you will make you stronger...and you are never given more than you can handle. Only the strongest women can get their family through this mess. For me the first 2 years were the hardest...then it just became a way of life. My husband is doing federal time and we travel nearly 4 hours (each way) 2 days per month--talk at least every other day--and exchange weekly mail. I have always been honest with my children..."daddy knew the rules, and made bad choices...he is on a big people time-out and will come home when the judge thinks he has learned his lesson...we love daddy, we just don't like his choices...when you become a father be very careful about your choices so you never have to leave your family...jail is not a fun place..." I am also very careful to not turn my children or my family into "victims"...this is the life that god has chosen for us...and in the end we will be better people because of all this. Just constantly remind the children how much you and your husband love them. What you are going through now is what you are meant to be going through...JUST GET UP EACH MORNING AND KEEP GOING!!! Your heart will heal, I promise...

Danielle - posted on 10/03/2009

My son was about 20 months when his daddy went to prison. We have been going to weekly visits for 18 months now. I am not going to sit here and tell you it gets easier but for us it has just become a way of life. A friend of mine on another site went to Walmart and had a bear made for her son. It has a picture of his daddy on the bears t--shirt she had it mailed to the house and told him it was from his father. He would talk to the bear when he was missing his father and took the bear with him everywhere. I guess that did help out a lot. I put together a scrapbook of the time my guys had together prior to prison. We used to read it evernight. Now we read it when he is really missing him. I also made sure to keep pictures of the two of the two of them all over the house.



We moved 600 miles from home (and family) to be able to visit weekly. About 4 months ago another family made a similar move. The mom and I have become close and our boys are about the same age. They play together all the time and that includes at visit.



You just have to try to keep your head up and think that it will not be this way forever. I totally understand how hard it is to be on your own with kids. But you are strong and can get through it. Just tell yourself that everyday. As I said we have made it through 28 months and still have over 2 yrs to go. It has just become a way of life to us. Hope this helps.



Danielle

Rhonda - posted on 10/03/2009

My children have gotten to talk to their father on the phone. I have told them they can write and he said he will write them too. Every night when we go to bed I let them know that their dad loves and misses them and as soon as he can he'll be home with us again. I give them each a hug and kiss every night from their father. He has asked me to do this and I will do it every night for him till he returns. Once they can go see him I want to take them and I will as often as we are allowed but right now they cant and its hard. They haven't seen their dad since we left for vacation (which they never want to do again). This has been very hard and stressful almost where I dont know where to turn or what to do. Thanks for listening and talking to me it really does help

Connie - posted on 10/03/2009

take it one day at a time. tell your kids that their dad loves them and misses and will return as soon as he can. Have them write letters and when he can he can write them too. Keep the line of communication open i know the phone calls are limited and visits are limited also.