HELP!!! My daughter is about to be kicked out of her 4th daycare!!

Grace - posted on 11/08/2009

Hi there,
I have 2 boys and absolutely feel your pain. I think this is more than attention seeking. Get your child to a doctor and then a child psychologist. If its attention seeking then they can give you tools to deal and handle the situation, but if there's something the child can't tell you, then you need to find out sooner than later, and don't worry everything always has a solution.

Jennifer - posted on 11/08/2009

Quoting Tara:

Sounds like a bad case of the terrible 2's to me. I mean, my 2 1/2 year old is a menace herself. She mainly terrorizes family, people that she's used to, her two older sisters, and anyone bold enough to do something to tick her off. She bites when she gets excited and everything is "NO MOMMY"! I swear she is a 72 year old hornery old lady! I'm hoping that it gets better and I have tried different discipline techniques too. I did do the spanking but it only made her more aggressive so I am now just sticking to time out. If she is throwing a tantrum, I carry her in her bedroom and close the door. She usually bangs on the door screaming for about 2 minutes. After 2 minutes(1 minute for every year) I open the door and tell her that if she wants to come out she's gonna have to be quiet and this usually does the trick. If it doesnt, back in the room she goes for 2 minutes. Good Luck sweetie, I definately feel your pain

Tara used the same approach I did.  When my son acts out I send him to time out.  Depending on where we are the location will change.  It has to be where I can see him.  It needs to be somewhere with nothing he can get into and nothing nearby to play with or pass the time.  Time out needs to be as boring as possible.  I noticed that you have more than one child and your profile shows that you are expecting another.

I can't be certain, but it could be her cry for attention.  There are children that are younger than her and need more assistance than she does.  She may be acting out to get your attention, and when she doesn't get it she acts "worse".  When she is with other people, she may be acting out to have them bring it to your attention.  You get frustrated and focus attention on her to discipline her.

I recommend changing your thought process when you are about to discipline her.  Find out why she is behaving that way, then address that situation.  The disciplince can follow.  In the event of a tantrum, it is hard to get to the source until she calms down.  Send her to her room until she calms down.  Tell her "When you get it together you can come back and we will talk about it."  When she is calm, ask her what made her so upset.  Tell her what she could have done differently.  Let her know that you are not happy with the way she behaved, and go from there.  If you sent her to her room, that is a punishment.  No double or triple jeopardy.  One wrong act = one punishment.  I do not recommend deciding punishments while you are angry.  If it is that bad.  Send her to her room until You can calm down.

I have had BAD Days and then my son acting out "made things worse".  I couldn't do anything except cry.  It scared my son and he stopped to ask me what was wrong.  I told him I had a bad day, and he made me sad when he ___________.  He apologized and when I got myself together we talked about it and then he got his punishment (time out/ no _____/ spanking).  The punishment must fit the crime.

1.   I have spanked my son.  Two or three pats on the butt, to get his attention.  Downside, he eventually thought it was okay to swing back.  I reminded him that I am the mother and he is the child.  No one passes licks except me and daddy.  I told him he is allowed to be upset, but he is not allowed to hit.

2.    I have used time out.  One minute per year seems to do the trick.  When he acted out I told him to stop.  I would then ask him if he wanted to go to time out for _________.  If he said yes or continued doing what he was told not to do I sent him to timeout.  I told him he is in time out because he ___________.

No matter what form of discipline you use, never forget to remind your child that what they did upset you.  They are not bad, their actions were.  Show them love even when you are upset, because love transcends all things.  At some point in your busy day, spend atleast 15 minutes with your child doing something they enjoy.  Read a book, cuddle, tickle, play a game, something.  I know it may not happen for 15 minutes straight, but give her atleast 15 minutes of your time.  The more postivie energy and time your expend with your daughter, the fewer episodes of misconduct you will see.

Long post I know, but I hope it helps.

Misty - posted on 11/07/2009

my son is like this. he was born 12-26-07 and will do everything that u have said!! i am at my wits end too... i have tried time outs, spanks (which he will laugh at) and sitting him on the 'naughty step' and his room AND 'a safe place'. i dont know what to do cuz my daughter (2-8-07) is an absolute angel. she only gets into something if her brother started first and she will listen if i tell her its not nice to do whatever it is...
now the biting? both my kids had this issue... they would bite anyone that got in their way... they would bite me if they wanted me to do something for them. i just started learning to 'ignore it' to an extent and they have finally seemed to curb that behavior. my son will still bite once in awhile but wayy better than he was

Brandi - posted on 10/31/2009

Maybe it is actually your attention that she wants. Kids have a tenancy to act up to get attention be it negative or positive...they don't care as long as it is yours.

Brandi - posted on 10/26/2009

I dont really know what advice to give you, I havent had to deal with what you are having to, but when my son gets out of control he gets a warning and then on the next thing he does he gets sent to his room, It absolutly breaks his heart to be sent to his room, It's worked for me so i have stuck to it, The only time i spank is if he runs towards the rd(he use to be really bad about that, but hasnt done it in awhile), he gets spanked if he jumps on the furniture(along with his 4 yr old sister) and the worst habit he has right now is climbing the stove, He was warned a few days ago that if i caught him near it/climbing it he would be spanked, he has not done it since(knock on wood) and he knows when he does somthing wrong that earns to be spanked because he will hold his butt and look at me and ask me not to spank him..lol



Find somthing you think has worked best and stick to it!!

Kelli - posted on 10/25/2009

well first of all that makeup shouldnt have been in the childs reach and if the sitter didnt know that then it is her own fault not your daughters. i have been working in childcare for 10 years and we have never kicked a child out of our center. i dont think that she is being challenged enough. she is acting out cuz she is board. u need to keep her busy at all times. like crafts and stuff like that. now with the whole bitting thing there really isnt much that you can do about it. i work with the older infants and we have a few bitters in my class right now. the only thing that we can do is to stay beside them all day and stop the bite before it happens. when she gets older you just have to redirect and let her know that biting hurts. it is a long hard process but it is something then stop by them selves. and her past day cares should know that. google the bitting child and u will find some good articles. i hope that i helped. good luck

Jamie - posted on 10/16/2009

I'm going to turn the plate ... have you talked to your doctor about behavior issues or just health issues. I worked for Early Head Start and I had a little guy that was just like you explained. He did everything under the sun you could imagine and it was always "boys will be boys." His "attention getting" actually was underlying dental issues. Once his mouth was fixed, pain gone and mom stayed consistent with discipline he became a very well behaved little guy. Not saying it was a piece of work and didn't happen over night but it did get better. Good Luck

Melanie - posted on 10/12/2009

Well I think the sitter should have been watching her a little bit more then because how did your daughter get the chance to get all the make up and put it on the walls and on the carpet??? that's a little scary obviously she wasn't watching her or paying attention to where she was. Have you asked the doctor? My daughter throws awful fits sometimes and if she wont settle down I put her in her room and close the door and then when she settles down I let her out which most of the time it doesn't take to long for her to settle down after having some time to herself.I watch kids for a living and the two boys I watch bite and kick and scream and they are not even two. and I just put them in a pack and play in a safe room and let them cry it out and it works. Because one of the mothers of one of the boys told me to spank him but i don't feel comfortable doing that so honestly I think the 5-10 mins alone in a safe area works bc time outs and talking it out have not worked for me either! hope this helps!

Kizzy - posted on 10/09/2009

Quoting Vicie:

That sounds really frustrating.

Have you read the book "Raising Your Spirited Child"? The book helped me to figure out how to discipline and deal with my son when he was having a really hard time.

This is a great book and if you can find a seminar on effective implementing I would recommend it.  I know several parents who use this and so does a local child pyschologist

Tara - posted on 10/07/2009

Sounds like a bad case of the terrible 2's to me. I mean, my 2 1/2 year old is a menace herself. She mainly terrorizes family, people that she's used to, her two older sisters, and anyone bold enough to do something to tick her off. She bites when she gets excited and everything is "NO MOMMY"! I swear she is a 72 year old hornery old lady! I'm hoping that it gets better and I have tried different discipline techniques too. I did do the spanking but it only made her more aggressive so I am now just sticking to time out. If she is throwing a tantrum, I carry her in her bedroom and close the door. She usually bangs on the door screaming for about 2 minutes. After 2 minutes(1 minute for every year) I open the door and tell her that if she wants to come out she's gonna have to be quiet and this usually does the trick. If it doesnt, back in the room she goes for 2 minutes. Good Luck sweetie, I definately feel your pain

Christy - posted on 10/04/2009

Your right that it's not a terrible two's thing. It's a child being in control thing. Until you take control of the the situation you can plan on shopping for more daycares in your future. Bouncing her from daycare to daycare is not going to fix the problem...you HAVE to let her know that her behavior is unacceptable.

Shannon - posted on 08/31/2009

My 2 yr old is the youngest of 3, so there are days when she will do ANYTHING for attention. We call her "Little Picasso" because she has colored on anything that will stand still! On top of that, she feels the need to get attention "however" she can at daycare, so far, putting her in time out has worked, but I HAVE to be in sync with my daycare lady, or it does absolutely NO good at all, we just go in circles. I dont know if this will help you, but if you have any questions, I'd be happy to be a soundboard!

Michelle - posted on 08/30/2009

I have a 2 year old as well and we try to stay consistant. If the baby sitter isn't following the same discipline routine as you're using this will confuse your daughter. Talk to the sitter, explain she needs to be on the same page. Also tell her if she is going to put your 2 yearold alone in a room for 15 minutes anything valuable should be put up. Or switch her to another room. I understand how frustrating this can be for you and your sitter. Hope this is helpful and whatever you chose to do it should be consistant.

Elizabeth - posted on 08/27/2009

don't just show anger, show her that when she does things that are bad that they hurt you and disapoint you, my daughter is very high maintance as well but we consistantly discipline her the same way . . . time out and when time out does not work we spank and put her back in time out . . . and she does not leave time out until she calms down, most of the time time-out works, after she is calm and listening to me i always tell her why she was in trouble and tell her that she is not to do that again, we still have plenty of issues but they are down to a minimum and you see the sweet side more than the devil side, lol . . . and she has def gotten into my sis makeup when she was with her , but ask this, why was your daughter left alone long enough to make that big of a mess???

Sharon - posted on 08/27/2009

I use the Quiet Spot for two mintues and stick to it. It's a random spot, wherever I am the spot moves with me so I can ensure that my son will stay there. Now I can mostly give a warning - Do you want to sit on the quiet spot - No - well don't do that again.... Consistency and follow through really makes a huge difference. I also find that if my son doesn't get his required sleep he is really difficult the same as I am if I don't get my sleep :-) And a trying to keep him well nourished on healthy food all helps with temperment I feel.



How often is your daughter with the babysitter? Do you know the babysitter well - how does she treat/discipline your daughter - is she calm or intense? How long has she been sitting your daughter - before or after the behaviour problems.



I also agree with the previous post re the makeup - she is just being her age - my son did a similar thing by smearing nappy cream all over the airconditioner - I had to ensure everything was out of reach.



Hope this helps :-) Good luck and let us know what works for you.

Vicie - posted on 08/04/2009

That sounds really frustrating.

Have you read the book "Raising Your Spirited Child"? The book helped me to figure out how to discipline and deal with my son when he was having a really hard time.

Heather - posted on 08/03/2009

My daughter doesnt have the behavior problems all the time but gets into anything and everything...we put things on closest selves and she climbs. Now even for getting into things she gets time out...nose to the wall. We also tried all different types of discipline and nothing seemed to work. Yelling..she yelled, spanking...she spanked, time out chair...threw it or would not find it a bad thing. Hopefully it is just a phase...my daughters was right after we lost our son. But didnt last as long as you have said you have been stuggling.



Best of Luck, keep your chin up...just keep thinking it can only get better...and I truly hope they do!

Brigette - posted on 07/31/2009

With the makeup thing, she was put down for her nap. My two daughters and the babysitter's 3 mth old are the only kids there. So my two year old is put down to nap in her (the sitters) bedroom. She went back after 15 minutes to check on her, but the damage was done.

User - posted on 07/31/2009

Sounds like you have your hands full! My only advice would be pick and disipline tactic and stick with it. Also, whenever she does something good, make sure to tell her she did well and how happy it makes you. Make a big deal out of it. And Id say when shes bad, dont yell at her...just tell her what she did and why shes being punished.



And as far as her getting into her babysitters make up...shes being her age. My daughter would do that too if I didnt keep my eye on her. You should ask your babysitter why she was left alone long enough to ruin 50$ worth of make up!



Good luck!