how do i handle 15 month old temper tantrums?

Katie - posted on 06/20/2009

My daughter throws herself around on the floor screaming when she cant get her own way. I just stand and watch her, but sometimes have to move things out the way incase she hurts herself. Her tantrums use to go on for half an hour sometimes, but with doing this i have cut them down to 5 minuets

Kim - posted on 06/19/2009

I have 3 children and my youngest is also starting her fit age as well. She is 16 months. I usually will pick up the child and sit her down with me or if she is already sitting like in her high chair I leave her there. You may need to remove items from the chair like the toys, food, cup or what ever object may have started the fit first. Then I talk to her and tell her "No, that is naughty... We don't throw fits! You need to stop this!!" I give her a few minutes. If the child is flinging their arms then I hold them and hold the arms down too. Calmly and with a firm voice tell them again. When they stop completely I usually tell them again that "Fits are naughty and will not get you what you want. We need to be nice and use words to talk to me." Obviously your child like mine may not really be able to talk but in their mind the babbling is talking and that's fine. I use the word "NO!" a lot during my talk attempting to stop the fit because they usually know what that word means by this age. Most people think that's crazy. They are too little to understand that. I don't agree. Eventually the fits don't last as long or as often because they have heard this before and it got them no where. If I am in public and I tell the child, "No! Don't start or Stop! with the fit right now", in a firm calm voice and they don't listen (this young of age they may not) then I would put my cart to the side and take my child (don't forget your diaper bag and purse!) out to the car, talk to them again and tell them again ....when they are done we will go back in and finish the shopping. Remind them that if they throw another fit you'll have to leave the store again and just go home. You could decide to check out first but then you'll have to ignore the fit and do so. I read some books and listen to a speech from our pastor with regards to sending your child to their room/bed or facing a corner and they all say that it is NOT a good idea. This kind of thing gives the child the feeling of low self esteem and abandoment. Time outs should be in the same room as you and facing you. Every child is different and some are more difficult than others. Try it and see if it works for you. Hang in there! Just remember that you're in charge.

Samantha - posted on 06/19/2009

I put my daughter in her crib and tell her that when she is done throwing the tantrum, then she can come back out and play. and then i just let her cry it out. usually she'll end up crying herself to sleep and takeing a nap. it works about 75% of the time.

Sarah - posted on 06/19/2009

When my little boy decideds to have a tantrum, i walk away, or continue with what i was doing, not giving his behaviour any of the attention that he is looking for. Some times i can even find humour in his tantrums and pause to take a photo, which i will be showing him when he is older! Its just thier way of communicating with us, what they would want. I have always stood firm with tantrums this is because with my first child i didnt have a clue, i was so totally confussed about how to handle them, and found myself giving in far to easy, which did not help the situation as then my child did it all the time.

Nadine - posted on 06/19/2009

hey - my son is older now. he's five now but when he had a tantrum it never stopped. eventually i learned that the best thing to do with him was to hold him on my lap and talk to him with a soothing voice until he calmed down. sometimes it took between 30-45 minutes but it was the only thing that worked. walking away didn't and neither did anything else.

Alissa - posted on 06/18/2009

Oh my gosh do I know what you're going through. No one told me about pre-two year old tantrums and it threw me for a loop. I struggle with letting him just lay there because it doesn't seem to help so I'm learning right along with you. I just hope that this is just a phase and it doesn't reflect what type of person he is going to become as he gets older!

Heather - posted on 06/16/2009

thankyou all for the advice.

Rey - posted on 06/16/2009

Yes this is the early signs of the tantrum stage that most of us know as the "terrible two's". The point is that your child is just beginning to realize that she is not an extension of your body but a real and individual person. Your child is showing by this acting out that she has knowledge that "I am a real person" and showing that spark of independence that will keep growing. (This stage may go on for a year or so) What you must do is simply ignore the tanturms..leave the room or look away or walk away. Go on about your business. The child will keep testing you in this way especially during routines such as bedtime and meal times. And yes, in public sometimes. Everyone who is a parent has been there and done that. Ignore and move on.

At the same time, you do have to start letting your child know that you are in charge and make the decisions. (like taking away what she should not have) Children are not mature enough in any way to make decisions about their health and safety. This means what they eat and when it is bedtime. YOU, as the responsible parents, are in charge of all that.

Remember that your child has no way to express the fact that she wants to know her limits and that she will actually feel more secure if you say no or demonstrate limits. She has no way to ask, so she "acts out" in order to see what you will do or say. She is not frustrated, since she does not know yet that there is a way to communicate in words. All she knows is that THIS way, with a tanturm, she can get you to react. What you do and how you react will give her the anser to her question. The less you react to a tantrum the better, as it will tell her that they don't work.
Her thinking might go something like this:
"Can I make this adult let me keep this unsafe toy or put this thing in my mouth?? or Can I hit the baby? No??? Well, I guess the adult is in charge, not me. This is good as I am small and afraid and I need someone to be in charge so I feel more secure. I will keep trying things so that I know what I can do or not do"

Tina - posted on 06/15/2009

I normally just ignore her or repeat telling her what I had said before she strted.For instance, I normally insist that she says please when she comes and wants something from someone else.Well lately she just comes to you and makes grunting noises and gets mad if she doesn't get her way.
She wanted a bite of my Popsicle today and cried for 3 minutes over it.I repeated to tell her to say please.Eventually she walked away from me and int the house.When she came back she wasn't crying anymore, and she said please to get a bite.
They will learn eventually that they won't get anything by behaving like that.
I have also put her in her room and left the door open and she stops crying after a little while and comes and plays with me.
With my older dd I started to put her in her chair for a time out at about 18 months and will soon start it with Maddy.She doesn't have to sit there long, just until she calms down.

Kristin - posted on 06/12/2009

I instantly pick my son up and take him to his room. I put him down on the floor and say,w hen you're ready to join us please do so, or when you're happy come and play. Then i walk out, leave the door open and continue with what i was doing. He usually lasts about 2 minutes crying then he stops and comes to find me, calmer and better.

Deena - posted on 06/11/2009

My son throws the nastiest tantrums. When we are at home I simply sit down and wait for him to snap out of it. I do not acknowledge his tantrum. It usually only takes a minute then he comes running to me looking for hugs and kisses. His dr told me to never walk away during a tantrum because they can feel abandoned and insecure. If we are out in public I will jump through hoops to avoid a tantrum. Whether that be tempting him with a snack or with a toy. One or the other usually does the trick.

Heather - posted on 06/11/2009

thankyou i try to ignore her but its really hard to do that and her tantrums are getting worse

Heather - posted on 06/11/2009

You could just try to walk away from him and just let him cry it out on his own. He'll catch on and stop the tantrum, when they figure out it doesn't get them anything. If you are in public and can't do that, hmmm.... just try to ignore him when he's doing that and don't give in, they need to know you are in charge. I know it's hard, my son has recently started to do that too, but I guess we'll get through it.

Good Luck.