my two year old is out of control.

Julie - posted on 05/04/2010

hello guyz tatz sure a good bunch of suggestionz out der....thanks for all those posts..n' yes i hav a daughter 'Jia' who throws tantrums too..shez 2 now..it sure is embarassin out der in public..gues wat no matter wat she neva stops until she gets things her way..btw we don't pamper her nor suport such misbehaviours..if we just turn our backs..she stil does'nt bother to stop!!really stubborn at times n' rest of teh time shez so smart n so sweet!!
@Donna Bowers :i am def gonna try ur advice....lets c if tat works out..

Candace - posted on 05/02/2010

I am glad I am not the only one with a scary toddler sometimes, lol. We always say little girl, big drama! I think I will give donna's advice a try, ( thanks).
I have recently changed my approach as well, lots of patience and praise for good behavior, has really helped. I have also learned to explain everything and repeat everything. I think at this age they understand a lot but don't have the skills to communicate effectively so they get frustrated. Hopefully things will settle soon before puberty hits and then we have to go through it all again! lol The joys having a daughter!

Brittany - posted on 05/01/2010

hello. i am also not about spanking, but when my child hits me hes either learned this behavior from somewhere or someone. A child hitting there parent is completley unexceptable and scary, but tantrums are normal. If said child throws a tantrum in public turn your back and let her cry as long as she isnt hurting anyone or herself. she will eventully see that this behavior doenst give the desired effect telling her to calm down or taking her out of the enviroment is letting her have her way. as for the hitting my advice would to be to firmly pop her hand when she does it. when she calms down explain to her that it hurts and make sure to point out that it jusr hurt her feelings and family should never hit eachother because family is all we have in the world. ive been in your shoes and my 3 and 2 yo no longer do either soemtimes verbal warnings cant make her feel the physiacal and emotional pain u r experiencing. a metaphor if i may: a crook will steal until he knows how it feels to wake up christmas morning to nothing. good luck and let me know how it goes and when she starts to do better renforce that behavior.

Andrea - posted on 04/23/2010

When my daughter throws her tantrums, I turn my back and pretend like nothing is happening. She ultimatly wants me to react to her during these fits...but I found when I pretend like nothing is wrong it dies down quicker than if I was to react. Of course these are in the comfort of our home...when these get public I seclude myself and her and talk it out, ask her if she wants to try again..and proceed. If she gets worse which is unusual we leave. Also For the hitting, I do the same thing. I let her know that this behavior is unacceptable and walk a short distance away. You are the treat and if she wants to have you close and cuddley she needs to respect you.

Lea - posted on 04/20/2010

thanks everyone for your sugestions i will give them a try.

Rae - posted on 04/12/2010

My son absolutely hates the word no. Whenever we use it he flips. We calmly take him by the hand and walk him to his room. We tell him he can come out when he is done, which is usually less than a minute. Now, that being said, a few times a week we get full blown, out of control, temper tantrums. Those generally require us to pick him up kicking and flailing to carry him to his room. We shut and lock the door (hook and eye on outside of door for this very reason) until he is done. He will hit and kick the door, throw toys, empty the toyboxes and dressers before he is done. Usually about 20 min or so. First break in activity and we open the door and ask if he is done. Then he has to help clean the mess. It appears to be effective so far. We haven't come up with a great solution to his mild fits in public. Removing him from any kind of audience is what works best for him.

Rosie - posted on 04/03/2010

They can test your patience at times can't they. My little girl used to try to smack me but after putting her on the naughty step about a million times till she got the idea I wasn't backing down. I would not keep talking to her as that just makes it worse. If she did get into a right tantrum then I would have to close the doors to the naughty step so she wasn't getting an attention then, only for a couple of minutes then ask her to say sorry and if she doesn't she stays there. I feel for you as I know of it was my daughter and she lashed out and kept hitting me in the face and body then I would put her down where ever I was and sat her down and let her ride it out without me looking at her. She is doing it for your reaction and to see what she can get away with. It is really embarrassing in the middle of a supermarket as everyone looks at you as if you are the worst parent ever. My daughter doesn't hit anymore thank god. I hope you get through it. Keep us posted on how you are doing

Donna - posted on 03/31/2010

Hi Lea, I am a very big believer in positive praise, ie praise the child when they are doing something nice/ quiet or in a manner that you like rather then giving a child attention for mis~behaviour this is hard at times and I have had to learn the hard way with my older children on what is mis~behaviour and what is child like actions. Positive praise does take a while to work but it does work.

As for the hitting and screaming Im afraid this is where you have to be strong and not back down, I would suggest that next time your daughter starts hitting you, turn her so her back is against your chest wrap your arms around her body as in cuddling her ( make sure her arms are inside yours) and explain calmly and almost whispering into her ear that her behaviour is not very nice at the moment and that you dont like it,you know she is a very nice little girl and that it would be lovely for you both if she behaved like one. This is easier if you are able to sit even if it is on the floor, she may try to fight you holding her so be prepared for her head moving about (one of my children used to do this and many a time I ended up with a bruised lip) if she does fight you hold tighter, not so tight that it hurts but so she knows she is being restained and explain that you will let go when she has calmed down.

When she has calmed down ( the waiting time will shorten each time you do this) turn her to you thank her for calming down, give her a big hug, apoligise for holding her the way you did but explain you did it as you was worried she would hurt herself and remind her that you love her. This may seem strange you apoligising to her rather then the other way around but you will find that by doing this the tantrums will be less forth comming and your sweet little girl will return.

This is a method that was recommended to me by another parent and to be honest I thought it sounded wacky at first but I did try it and was surprised how quickly it worked for me. Now with my youngest child I try to only use this method and positive praise and so far I have not had a tantrum last longer then a few minates. Good luck and let us know how you get on.