younger mom vs older mom - which is easier to survive?

Carol Ann - posted on 01/02/2010 ( 19 moms have responded )

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I am 42 yrs old with 3 young kids (6 yrs, 4yrs, 22 mos). I thought I was soooo smart waiting to have children, but many times I wonder if it would have been any easier having them at a younger age? I am tired! They are wonderful kids but it is still a lot of work. Who has experienced BOTH? Just wondering...

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Jami - posted on 11/10/2012

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I'm 28 got a 7yr old a 6yr old and a 4.5yr old. I'm tired every single day. I have never been able to keep up with my kids but then I've never been able to run fast. I will be 42 when my daughter is 19. :)

Michelle - posted on 06/23/2012

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I am an older mom at 43 and my daughter is 6.5 yrs old. There are days that I can't keep up with her or when she wants to do something and I just don't have the energy to do it at that particular time. I love taking her to the playground, or doing school activities with her. I love reading to her, cooking with her and everything about her. I do find it hard sometimes and like you I am also one of the older moms on the playground at school and after. I do what I can when I can and my daughter seems to accept that and we enjoy every minute that we have together and you are right when you say to enjoy them whey they are young....I will be 60 when she graduates high school and can't wait to be there cheering her on when that day comes.

Wanda - posted on 05/11/2012

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I just turned 43 and my youngest turned 5 one day before my 43rd birthday. I also have an 18yo,13yo10yo. and an 8 year old.I guess you can say that I have been all ages . Luckily enough my energy hasn't slipped away yet but I am sure that it can at any time. Sure, I cannot run like I used to and I get winded quicker but, I feel that there really isn't any difference than when I was in my 20's or 30's. I do worry about me being the oldest mom to my younger childrens friends but, one of us has to be older right? lol! Enjoy them when they are young because when they get older, so do we.

Julie - posted on 05/06/2012

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I had to chuckle a bit as I am right there with you. When I began fostering my now-adopted daughter, I was 43 and she was an infant. My brother, who is only 1 year and 10 days younger than me came with his much younger wife for a visit. People frequently assumed he was my son, and Rachel was my granddaughter. My brother told me that if one more person asked if he was my son, I would need to color my hair. Well....someone did...and I did. My brother and his wife went back to their home, but I still am often mistaken for her grandmother. Oh well...you know what? Who cares.?!?

Lee - posted on 01/26/2010

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i am right there too... i have a 2 year old and a 5 month old and i often wonder if trading financial security for youth was the right decision.. however, i think that being a bit older and hmmmmm wiser.. has made me much more laid back and patient as a parent.. sure i would have more energy if i was 20 something.. but i probably would have over reacted to situations and been more high strung...although it wouldnt have hurt to have the body of a 20 something.. they seem to bounce back alot faster... :)

Rose - posted on 01/26/2010

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Well I am 23 expecting my second. Me and my husband have been together for 6 years married for 4. My daughter is 23 months had her when i was 21. I get what you are saying. The older you are the more prepared you are for your child's life. You have your life in order. Sometimes I wish i would of waited but i guess you can't help what age you fall in love. I was 17, 19 when i got married. I don't regret it one bit i couldn't ask for a better life. i just wish i would of waited so i could have a house instead of living in an apartment. Since my daughter has been born we have moved 4 times in her short life. I also wish i would of went to college and had a career started instead of working part time at a job i probably won't be with for the rest of my life. Having kids at an older age makes their life more stable. I will get there soon tho i hope. Oh yea my husband is older 31 so that is another reason i wanted kids so soon. I wanted it bad to! I actually look up to you older moms!!!! Good luck!

Emily - posted on 01/24/2010

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You give me encouragment. I am 47 with 2 year old and am also single. Needless to say I too am tired coping with all the housework, errands and spending time with my daughter. Having said this I wouldn't change it for the world. I am young at heart and still believe that if I had had her when I was younger I wouldn't have been prepared.



I feel my maturity actually helps me in terms of patience. That is not to say that being younger is harder - there are lots of great mothers out there who are younger than me and do great but for me being older works (or at least that is what I tell myself). Being a mother no matter what your age is a lot of work - more than anyone can understand.



Kudos to all mothers out there.

Sara - posted on 01/24/2010

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Im 21 years old and i have a 23 month old and a 7 month old. i think that being a younger mother helps at some point. young mothers tend to have a little more energy but older mothers tend to have more knowledge and i think they read a little more into pregnancy than us younger mothers. most of us younger moms r unplanned or we think we know everything.

Carol Ann - posted on 01/22/2010

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Ladies, thanks so much for the posts...they have really helped! It's good to know that the physical challenges are there at any age, young or older. I was sort of mad at myself for putting so much on my plate at this age. I realize now that it is just part of what you sign on for when you decide to be a mom. Maybe I will cut myself some slack?!

Cindi - posted on 01/15/2010

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Oh my goodness, I am with you! I Also am afraid that prople may mistake my for my boy's grandmother! This has given me reason to take better care of myself!

Cindi - posted on 01/15/2010

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I am 41 with a 23 month old and a 3 month old. For my husband and I the decision to wait was absolutely the right one. I would have not been a good parent 20 years ago as I was still too self centered. While I probably have less energy now, I have more patience and tend to understand my priorities better. On the flip side, I know some very wonderful young parents. The choice is so individual. Congratulations on having three children...

Julie - posted on 01/15/2010

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Well there are pros and cons to both. I was 18 when I got married and had my first baby at age 19 1/2. I had my 6th baby at age 38. I certainly had more energy to keep up with my kids when I was younger and the pregnancies were easier and overall with less complications. I had my 4th when I was 29 and I noticed a big difference in how I was much more tired with my 4th, 5th and 6th pregnancies. I also had more complications and required more bed rest with the later pregnancies and my last 2 I had to be induced because my water broke, but for some reason I never went into labor. My youngest is 23 months now and I'm finding it much harder to be up with a baby at night and not get a full night's sleep as when I was younger. Also I had 2 miscarriages between 5 and 6 and it took me the longest to get pregnant with number 6. So for all the physical I would have to say it was a lot easier having children when I was young. However with age I have gained wisdom and patience which I think is a benefit my older children didn't get to enjoy. Being a parent at any age is trying physically and mentally. We make decisions at the time that we think are best. Then later we second guess ourselves. When I was young and things were so hard I would occasionally wonder what it would have been like if I had waited a few years to have children until I finished my education or we had more money in savings. It's kind of self defeating though. What's done is done. We can't go back and change it so we just have to make the best of our situation. I hope you have a husband that does his part to help and family close by that can give you support and babysitting so you can get a break every once in a while for "me" time or even just to take a nap! I never needed those when I was a young mom, but as I've gotten older I can't get by without one if I didn't get my 8 hours during the night. I am blessed though to have 2 adult daughters and a 14 year old to help out or stay up with the 23 month old when I just can't go another night without sleep.

Dorothy - posted on 01/13/2010

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Hi, I guess that I might be the best to answer this to some degree. I am 40 and have a 20 year old, 18 year old, 4 year old and 22 month old (two different marriages). With the first two, I seemed more tired, unprepared, and I had post-partum depression (so this was a MAJOR contributor). I didn't see the rainbow in the clouds and it was really hard for me and it had a lot to do with my ex-husband and our problems. With my second two, they both had colic the first 4 months and I thought I would never get any sleep and thought it was the first time all over again and it was horrible. But once those first 4 months were over, it was great. I have a great husband who does his share if not more with the kids and both my kids are very happy. I feel so guilty that we have such a happy, loving family life sometimes compared to my first childrens first 4 years, but I have to do what is right for the babies in the household now. So if I look at it from my views, it all depends on your support system, health, colic (ugh), frame of mind, and love in the home to begin with. Oh by the way, my tubes were tied after the first marriage and my husband and I decided to have the reversal surgery done to have our youngest ones. We were very blessed to have these two sweet children. I hope this helps all.

Kym - posted on 01/13/2010

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Hi, Im only 17 and have a 23 month old son (i had him when i was 15) It has not been easy but im still with my sons dad. but i kno tiredness comes with parenting, But i always put my son first before me and im trying to give him the best possible life he could have.

Cassie - posted on 01/10/2010

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I'm 38 and have a 3.5yr old a 23 month old and a 2.5 month old and yes I'm tired too but not as bad as I thought I'd be this stage. Definitely comes with having kids no matter what age you are. I was way to selfish to have kids any earlier so for me being an older mum is better but I know young mums who are so awesome as mums so definitely an individual thing :-)

RachelNpeter - posted on 01/10/2010

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I am 27 and have a 9yr old a 22mth old and newborn, Im extreamely tired! i think it comes with having kids, It definately changes once they go to school and you get your life back, Sometimes i wish i had of waited especially when all my friends are travelling overseas etc, But i figure ill still be young when my kids are all grown up and then my husband and i can travel while my friends raise thier children and my kids babysit them LOL!!!

Sallie - posted on 01/10/2010

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I have a 22 month old and I am 28 years old. My husband and I had been married for 5 years before haveing her. I think it gave us time to grow and experience life and become more stable before bringing children in to the world. I have friends my age that had kids as soon as we graduated high school and although they love there kids they wish they would have waited a little longer to enjoy life, finish college and do lots of other things they never got to do before haveing children. As an older mom I think you have more life experience and stability to offer a child. I sometime feel like the older mom at play groups or the play ground. I had someone tell me once I hit 30 I shouldn't think about haveing a second child it would just be to hard. Thanks for shareing your story.

Carol Ann - posted on 01/03/2010

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Pamela, thanks for the affirmation! I know I would not have been so willing to put the needs of the kids first when I was younger...although plenty of young moms do. The one habit I wish I could break is counting how old I will be at each kid's graduation :( so, yes, I would LOVE to have a celebratory latte!

Pamela - posted on 01/03/2010

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I think that "tired" comes with the territory, no matter what age you have your kids. I do identify with you, though. I have a 22 month old and I am also 42. So, thank you for posting. You have been an encouragement to me already. I have been known to say, "youth is wasted on the young." But I think that as older moms, we are more seasoned as women, and we have the advantage of knowing ourselves better. We are not still trying to "find ourselves" while trying to raise small children. This puts us in a better position to help our little ones know who they are in the grand scheme of things. So you have made a good choice. Your 22 month old and my 22 month old will graduate the same year, and maybe we can have a celebratory latte together.

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