One year old, discipline

Jaime - posted on 03/28/2010 ( 46 moms have responded )

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My one year old is very good natured and we have a lot of fun. Recently, he likes to push the limits and doesn't listen to a firm no. Any ideas on disciplining? It is okay now, but I am worried for this summer when were out doing things, and I just want him to remain safe at all times...

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Karen - posted on 03/28/2010

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Redirecton is the best thing at this age. They really don't understand a time out. Isaiah throws himself if I take something he can't have from him, or his sisters take his toy. I just ignore it. But when he repeatedly goes for the dog water I just say NO and move him. Give him something else to play with. Eventually he will get it.

Madeleine - posted on 04/04/2010

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Hi Jaime,
My little one was tought from very young (is now 14months) three different things: "saggies" - softly, "eina" and "no"! When it comes to hitting the dog, pulling hair or any hard behaviour towards any other being I say "saggies" and he immediatly react by turning the hitting into soft pats, the pulling to strokes etc. If he doesn't then I pull his hair, crab his hand and show him how to stroke softly etc and say " no eina". He so understands this and it allows me to talk to him from a distance. I don't think they know how to act in certain surcomstances i.e "I want to touch and interact with the dog but how do I go about this?" and they just need the guidance instead of being pulled away from his attempt. Rather encourage correct behaviour, o and praise wins the day! "Clever boy!"

When it comes to the big "no" he has been trying me as well just after his 1st birthday and actually today again. I don't to the room and time out thing because I feel if we are not in the kind of environment where I can do this then he will get away with it and might start to realise this and try his luck when you least need it in life. The simple "no once, and then okay "here I come" followed by a smack on the hand and being taken away from the situation in a very firm manner works for me. He goes back and try this about twice in two or three different scenarios and thereafter I think he realises the result stays the same so it is not worth it. I can practice this anywhere he decides to test me. The secret I believe is consistancy, that is why they test you - to see if anything has changed since last time.

Jackie - posted on 04/03/2010

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Our son usually listens, but more recently(since around the time he started walking) he's been pushing the limits. He loves playing the "oops game"(repeated throwing or dropping and waiting [or yelling] for you to pick things up), or walking up to things and trying to get things hes hes not supposed to have (ie: shaking the baby gate or touching anything on the entertainment stand). Nearly every baby goes through this stage, and it sucks, but it will eventually end. He's testing his boundaries. At this age babies actually crave discipline, and will go to extream lengths to find it if they aren't disciplined. All you can really do is be consistent, tell you child not to touch or do something and explain why every time (ex: if a baby keeps going for the stove, tell them firmly "Don't touch, Hot.") If you explain to your child why they can't do something, they accept it more readily.

Tiffany - posted on 04/09/2010

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Besides just telling him 'no' explain to him the reason he cannot do something and why it is not safe for him or others around him. I also do a 'sit and watch', it is different from time out because he has to watch me do fun things without him. I only have him do this for a minute because that was what I was taught, one minute for thier age, otherwise they forget why they are sitting there in the first place and don't learn anything.

Olga - posted on 04/06/2010

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Jaime, I do not say to slap baby's hand is only and constant way to deal with the trouble :). I did it a few times untill my daughter understood that it is not allowed, and it was enough to show my hand and she lets things alone and does not touch them anymore :).

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Jaime - posted on 05/12/2011

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My son is now two and is starting to hit. Any ideas of how to teach him not too? I feel hitting and yelling isn't a way to teach him, it just shows him that its okay. Help please!

Jaime - posted on 04/13/2010

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janice i completely understand i know exactly how u feel! my son cries when my boyfriend or my mom tells him no, but i can yell, whisper, be firm, no mattter what i do he laughs! it IS frustrating!

Stephanie - posted on 04/11/2010

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try saying something different like "stop!" or "don't!" my daughter stopped listening to me saying no because I had too many family members that would say "NO!" to her all the time instead of redirecting her to be successful and now she doesn't respond to no, she only responds to "don't" or "stop"

Janice - posted on 04/11/2010

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My son is 14 mos old and is also not a fan of the word no. When I tell him no, he just laughts at me. When he throws his food on the floor, I take his hand and I say no but he laughs. When Daddy does it, he cries. WHen Mommom does it, he usually listens. It's frustrating.

User - posted on 04/10/2010

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Well according to the psychologists they aren't ready to understand the concept of "no" at this stage in their development. Keep repeating the word No and it will get added to their vocab very quickly. Distraction and praise for good behaviour is the best way to pave the path at this stage.

Nikki - posted on 04/09/2010

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Now is the time to decide what you're discpline routine is going to be. If you want to use "time outs" , spankings, or both. He is not going to understand the discpline you enforce now, but it will make life much easier in the coming months, he will already be used to the system you are using. Consistency is key! You don't want to be changing you ways every other day or starting something new when he really does hit those terrible twos!

Sydne - posted on 04/06/2010

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My Doctor told me is best to remove them from the situation. That might even be myself after he has been removed.

Emma - posted on 04/06/2010

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My 14 month old son is very laid back but is also starting to push the limits, he did at one time listen to "don't" and other little words but now he's pushing past them. I find the more I try enforce the command so to speak the more he'll play with it so I'll say "don't" and then distract him with another game or object.

Jaime - posted on 04/05/2010

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thanks everyone for the advice, ive learned from the great weather in my area lately that getting my son out makes him an entirely new kid... he is just such an active boy, so going to the park and the beach recently has switched his mood on those days and ive had a lot of fun with him! he is starting to listen a little better with a firm no, but like most children still likes to push the limits, my only trouble is still with the dog, fortunately my dog is getting used to his new constant friend, but i still need to teach ryan (my son) that the dog bed is for the dog, because now he has decided he wants to lay in the dog bed with him lol, a firm no and distraction doesnt cut it, he is obsessed, and my apt isnt big enough to put the dog somewhere else, i slapped ryans hand today and it worked but i dont want to always slap his hand, i know im doing it for his own safety, i just always feel like im doing something wrong when i have to slap his hand lightly :(

Olga - posted on 04/05/2010

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Jaime and Betsy, my baby-girl is a very active walking and a curious child as well, lol. And so my house is so protected, not in a fancy way but safe one, too, lol. I like to stay home because I can let her go around not being worried she will hurt and i may rest when she is playing by herself. I hate going to somebody’s houses which I call "not baby friendly" and run after her everywhere, I am getting tired so fast. I discipline I use: firm no, redirection, destruction on other activities, or if she is trying to touch something dangerous I mildly slap her hand until she understands it is not good to do it, it will hurt. I better suffer to see her to cry e little bit from slapping her hand than from burning her face or something worse. So, do not give up and have fun parenting LOL>

[deleted account]

Hi Jaime, I've read your post with interest.

I too have a very good natured baby who is now 1 year and a month old. Her name's Sidney and she's wonderful. However, I've had exactly the same issue with her and my dog Benny. Benny is also a great dog and was my baby before Sid came along too. He's a very well behaved terrier x and I love him very much.

At first, he was very good with Sid, but now she is doing similarly as your kid and pushing his buttons. He's great in the fact that he moves away (when he gets the chance), but when he feels cornered he's beginning to growl and it scares me.

1. It scares me because he may lash out at Sid and 2. I don't want to have to let go of Ben. In fact, I'll do a lot to stop that.

My husband and I went out to dinner on Saturday for our 6th year wedding anniversary and actually got the chance to speak about it with each other. We've come up with a plan. You might want to think whether it will work for you too.

There's a few steps.

First we called my husband's mum and got her advice on discipline. She's a mum of four and was a home daycare provider so has lots of experience. She suggested that we raise our voice with her in a calm way and give her a simple slap on the hand and look at her at eye level when we do it so that she knows what we're talking about. Then we distract her with another toy and praise her for enjoying it.

Secondly, we move Benny out of her reach (she'll follow if we put her somewhere) and we have decided that on our bed is good (because it's a treat for him - he knows he's not been naughty) or we throw him a yummy bone to eat safely outside.

Thirdly, we'll ring Benny's positive reward trainer this week. She's been working with him since before Sid was born and will have some sound advice. If you don't have a trainer it might be a good thing to look into. Positive reward training is the humane and kind and works! :) The most important thing with this is that he doesn't associate Sid with bad things happening to him (either from us or her) as this will make him resentful and may cause him to do something we don't want him to.

And lastly, I'm back at full time work and am going to approach the studio that I work at and propose that Ben spends some days with me. He's come in a few times before and adds to the general vibe because he's a pleasure to be around. That way we get some special "mum and Ben" time.

That's the best I can offer you for the time being Jaime. I hope it helps. It sounds like your furry fella is very important to you and I know how that feels. Keep in touch if you want to talk more.

Enjoy your week!

Venessa - posted on 04/04/2010

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I think the "limpy, floppy I want my way and no is not going to work" stage is one we will all have to deal with. I have started saying STOP! quite strongly, I think it is the novelty of a new word, but because Aisaia still recognises the tone, he will stop what he is doing. Recently, it is playing with things he has known for many months he's not allowed, but is at the I wan't to know what will happen stage.

My problem is not so much the stuff that might hurt, as he pretty much understands pain, and the things that cause it. My issue is more the tryign to read, Mum & Dad's books, and rough little hands accidently tearing pages (or dileberatly) I say STOP, No Aisaia and give him his books saying gently and gently turning the pages. I found the same worked with his Great Grandmother's dogs - not because the were barking, because they were just about spineless after a nice solid stroke from my 13 month old !!! It's all about consistency Jaime, as long as he hears the same thing from everyone he will learn.

Unfortunately we can't keep our kids safe from everything, we can however teach them to safely explore!! Good Luck, and Happy Parenting!!

Madeleine - posted on 04/04/2010

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When it comes to anything that needs a "no" because he will hurt himself I substitute the word "no" with "eina" and act as if I get hurt when I do the action. I have even bitten the bullet and allowed him to get hurt a few times while repeating "no eina", "no eina" and then when it happens tell him that's why mommy said no. For example he was adiment to touch the hot water tap after running his bath. After a few "no's" and the bath becoming unpleasand I decided well then you must start to learn... so I told him eina, eina and when he touched it you should have seen his face. It was very quick and he totally understood what it as all about. I also allowed him to hit his fingers in a draw one day (with me obviously slowing the process with a finger at the bottom, but still allowing it to be unpleasand enough). He has never done that again, and him opening and closing draws is not a concern at all. He lifts his fingers out of the way. I have a gas stove on a big centre island in our kitchen and my son loves cook with me while sitting on the island. He even open the lids and put the wooden spoon in stirring for me. I have no probem with this because he trusts me to tell him what is hot and what not. He will act as if he is touching the lid and then quickly pull his hand away as if it's hot. If I say "eina" then there is no way he will touch it, he know he'll get burned. If it is okay I shake my head and allow him to open it and put the spoon in. If he's not sure about something then he will fetch me take my hand and place it on the object and look at me awaiting an answer. This is actually very funny as he feels it is okay for me to get hurt and some people find it very amusing. But I am always brutaly honest with him and when the stove is off and cool I will tell him it is okay to touch even though it might be hot on another occation. It is important that he understand that the same thing can sometimes be hot or cold. With running water out of a mixer tap he will also come seek my hand to place under the water to feel it for him first. This in itself saves me probably a thousand "no's" a day.

Samantha - posted on 04/03/2010

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My son is a year old and he is usually a good boy but he picks his moments as 2 when he will actually listen when I say no. I usually do the 3 strikes and Ur out method when it comes 2 saying no. After 3 firm nos if he still doesn't listen then I remove him from whatever he is not supposed 2 have or B doing and direct his attention elsewhere. If he goes back 2 it then it is time 4 a timeout. I don't like 2 give him a timeout in his crib cuz he does really well at going 2 sleep by himself and I am afraid that if I give him his timeouts in his crib then he will C his crib as a bag place and will no longer go 2 sleep as well so I always use the pack n play as the timeout area. I don't think that they R 2 young 4 timeouts. I think this is the perfect age 2 start timeouts cuz U R supposed 2 put them in time out 4 1 minute 4 every year of age that the child is. My son is finally 1 year old so I can now start putting him in timeout 4 1 minute at a time. I realize that this is just a stage that children go through at this age but it should still B corrected or else the child will never realize that the behavior is bad and it will continue 2 go on 4ever.

Jaime - posted on 04/03/2010

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jackie i completely agree with u that its a stage and instead of yelling no, explain why, thats what I have been trying to do, and it takes a little longer, but my son finally understand that i say dont touch the stove because its hot....

Emily - posted on 04/02/2010

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I haven't read all posts, but I will just tell what has been happening with us. Our daughter is almost 14 months. She usually listens to 'No' or if we tell her what we dont want her to do, but another thing we have been trying is the 'papa bear'. I know Moms are completely capable of disciplining, but this is just a little trick that works. If Mom tells LO 'No' and she doesnt listen right away, have Dad tell her 'No' in a more stern voice. It's a really easy way to discipline and really works!

Ruth - posted on 04/02/2010

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Yes Angela I whole heartedly agree there is a difference between beatings and spankings. My sister was beat and took beating for me from our father as kids. I never want to be that parent however I believe discipline is important. I have a step sister who was never spanked an is soooo horribly bratty. I do not want my son to behave like she does. I believe there's a line not to be crossed.

Angela - posted on 04/02/2010

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My son Marley is almost 14 months and loves to get into everything!! I watched nanny 911 religously when I was pregnant, and I have to agree...the sooner you decipline, the easier it will be for us (parents)! There is nothing wrong with a good old fashion slap on the hand or bum! The stern NO worked like magic the first few monthes he was mobile...then it slowly faded. Now when he's doing something he's not supposed to, or crying cause I put him down or etc. he gets a warning, and gets told if he does it again he's gonna get a spanking. Most of the time this works...but there has been a few times when he gets a spank! Im not saying beat your child, just enough to grab thier attention! If he continues after that, he goes in his pack n' play for timeout for 1 minute! Myself as a child never got deciplined...I got beat!!! There is a difference!!!! I feel as though what I and Marley's father are doing works! Marley is so well behaved...he behaves better than most 5 year olds!!!

Ruth - posted on 04/02/2010

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That particular day with the outlet I was so frustrated with my mom I was slightly rude. I told her fine let james have his way about everything but when he gets hurt or worse it will be her fault for trying to play mom. I am his mother.my rules (& his fathers) come before hers when it comes to my child. I carried him. I birthed him. I make the rules. The outlet is a no no. Let's just say mom was not happy but stopped interferring as much.

Jaime - posted on 04/02/2010

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ruth i can relate... between me and my boyfriends family there is so many people, and he is the first grandchild and great grandchild, so he is used to getting his way from everyone, and now it feels like im abeing a jerk when i have to be tougher on him because he needs to learn he cant always get his away especially when it comes to safety like the dog, or the outlet.... it can be hard trying to determine when its ok to give in and when to stay firm and make him listen....

Ruth - posted on 04/01/2010

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Jamie I feel the same way. I really don't want my son being "spoiled" or "bratty". (Mom says he's "well loved" is all.) I feel he should begin to understand right from wrong. Ex: today my son tried to lick the outlet plug (his father vaccumed and forgot to put the safety plug back in) so I scold james (and his dad as well) but my mother stopped me. 1st I'm his mother not her 2nd he needs to know that's is a huge no no! I wasn't doing it to be "mean" but I was scared! all I did was say no no james & rushed to him! (Loudly yes bc I was really really scared) but he instantly cried :(

Annie - posted on 04/01/2010

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My daughter has a time-out box, (and has since she was about 11 months) it is a cardboard box which we put by the coat closet and if she doesn't listen to 'no' or throws a tantrum over it, she goes on it for one minute, she then listens like a charm.

Jaime - posted on 04/01/2010

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thats my fear, i know most of it is his age because he wants to talk and he cant and he doesnt understand time out and doesnt fully understand no, but if this is how he is now and we cant correct it when hes older it wont be "cute" anymore, he'll be a brat, and most of the time he is a sweetheart... i dont want his attitude to make him a bratty kid, but its hard to know how to disicpline a 1 yr old so that they'll get it

Clarissa - posted on 03/31/2010

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my one year old daughter is a great kid but some times she can be really mean to other kids n if she dosnt get her was she will scream run away and through herself on the groung and stomp her feet .... she is really good wen we go out to places in the pram and sometimes she walks but im scared she will get worse .....

Ruth - posted on 03/31/2010

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I have the some problem with my son. Each and every time I set him down he cries. He is sooooo emotional. He hardly allows anyone other than me to hold him. House chores are sooo difficult. I worry I've spoiled him. Telling him no (nicely or firmly) only results in tanturms. Then he proceds to do whatever he wants. And hhhe slaps and pulls my hair. No matter how many times I've calmly told him that's not nice he does it again and again. I'm sooo frustrated. Mom says its his age but I worry if I do not discipline he 'll think its acceptable. He literally puts his head down crys\screams whike shaking his head no and puts his little hand to his forhead (like he has a headache from my no's). Itc cute but needs correcting... :(

Tarah - posted on 03/31/2010

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awww the first child is starting to feel the pains of having a younger brother..lol... I can understand that... i hope that things work out they normally do.

Jaime - posted on 03/31/2010

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yeah, hes not very friendly towards anyone but me and he was good with my son, but hes slowly starting to growl more as my son keeps hitting him. I try and not allow my son to go near him when he is in his bed so he has his own space, but it can be hard. My dog was my baby till i had my son, but obviously my sons safety is first!

Tarah - posted on 03/31/2010

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Jamie i had the same fear but my MIL's dog was not a nice dog...you would be suprised at how protective they get over babies even if your son is hitting him... Colten bites her dog, hits him, and what not and he just takes it... he even lets Colten crawl all over him... however you put anyone else ( adult) by this dog and it goes off.. Very strange but he love the grandchildren

Jaime - posted on 03/31/2010

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thanks for replying betsy, glad im not alone.... i asked professor about it because im going for early childhood development and she said try getting down to there level and firmly not loudly tell him no.... i dont think it will always work but its a better alternative than always yelling.... im more scared of my dog because he keeps chasing him and his way of patting him is hitting him, and my dog is a very good dog, but im afraid if he doesn't leave him alone he is going to bite him

Betsy - posted on 03/31/2010

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Jaime, I share the same fears and anxiety with you. My son is 13 months and I am getting impatient. I say countless no firmly and try not to be stubborn but he do not listen. Now is is very active climbing everything in the house, opening and closing shelves in the kitchen, spoiling remotes and ....... I need help.

Helen - posted on 03/29/2010

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yeah - i get the same - tears when i sit him down elsewhere, but they soon stop when i smile at him and tell him hes a good boy and get him interested in something else!

Jaime - posted on 03/29/2010

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thanks helen, my ryan has been walking since 9 months so now hes onto full on running and that makes things harder to because hes so curious and wants to get into EVERYTHING! I feel the same way that im constantly saying no and it doesnt work, ive gotten to the point that i remove him from what hes doing, now its the meltdown after i remove him im working on :)

Helen - posted on 03/29/2010

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oh the joys of parenthood!

I'm hitting the same problems with my LO. I find that using 'no' doesn't really work at all effectively, and we end up saying 'no' over and over with no result, so I have started to say 'no' once and at the same time remove him from whatever he's doing, and then using distraction.

I can now say 'I'm watching you' and he'll at least stop and think before carrying on, at which point he gets removed and distracted.

Luckily he's still happy in the buggy, but when he starts walking i'll be using reins to keep him under control, until he learns to stop when told, and not to run away.

Good luck!

Felicita - posted on 03/29/2010

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I agree with Karen, Redirection is the best thing. It really works for my daughter. We get her to look at something else or put something in her hands or ours and start saying in excited voices "oh wow look at this....oh how cute or pretty."things like that. She stops what she is doing and points her attention to what we are all excited about. It really works for us. But i also know what works for one might not work for another. But I hope this helps a little at least. Good luck.

Jaime - posted on 03/29/2010

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Karen, that is what I have been trying, just a firm no.... when his dad or my mom tells him no he stops, but know matter how loud or soft or firm i say no he laughs!!! its so frustrating sometimes...

Tarah - posted on 03/28/2010

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Rebecca, Try telling him no and holding his hand. My son started three days after daycare started from him. It took about two weeks but he no longer does it and known that when he does he doesnt get what he wants. Also when he starts to scream and throw a hissy fit talk to him in a clam voice and tell him that he wont get his way just because he thinks he needs too... my son's father doesnt realize that raising his voice only makes our son think he is winning... after seeing how different our son is when i am around to when i am not and it is just him he has now learned that he cant just let things go all the time and that he needs to make it clear that he is the child and that mommy and daddy will not stand for it... i know it sounds harsh since he is just over a year but i agree with my parents that it is never too early to start when they areacting like this.

Rebecca - posted on 03/28/2010

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We are having problems with our son hitting and pinching when he doesn't get his way and he's already started throwing hissy fits where he screams and bangs his fists on the floor/wall. I don't know how to stop this behaviour but we are just ignoring it at the moment hoping if he thinks hes not getting any attention from it he'll stop doing it.

Tarah - posted on 03/28/2010

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Well we dont have a dog yet and i am not wanting to get one yet because we are in a town house... but i know how the body going limp on you feels when he doesnt want to walk and him getting upset when i have to set him down. When that happen i stand where i was until he walk where he needs to and when he gets upset when i dont pick him up i stand on the other side of the wall/ baby gate and talk to him in a calm voice going over the fact that i wont pick him up and hold him just because he is crying and not happy. when i am cooking in normally try to talk to him while he plays with toys or i will give him a treat like rice balls that i make or applesauce muffins. he loves them and i add hidden veggies so i kill two birds with one stone. I have def. learned it is not easy with little boys and sometimes i can when his class mates have had a bad day at school because he lays and the floor face dow and kicks his legs like one of his class mates.... he learned really fast it doesnt work at home bc mommy doesnt stand for it... he tries it on day... he is the sucker..lol

Jaime - posted on 03/28/2010

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Thanks Tarah, and its not as bad as him throwing tantrums yet, which im sure someday... lol but its little things like not jumping on the bed, and crying if i put him down, or hitting the dog even though he isnt hitting him to be mean, and he cries if i tell him no, making his body go limp if he doesn't want to walk.... things like that.... things that aren't "huge" deals now, but things that i want to take care of before bigger problems arise....

Tarah - posted on 03/28/2010

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My little man is starting to do the same thing... I was worried at first but my mother told me it is never to early. I dont yet but i stay calm and if he doesnt listen to reason i put him in his pack n play or his crib till he calms down. some times it only takes 5 minutes other times he takes 30 minutes. When it get to a point where he is trying to throw a fit we have quite time and there is no radio ( we dont watch much tv when his is away so i put the radio on), no playing with his toys and no climbing all over me trying to play. We sit in his room in the rocking chair so i am able to hold him still until he realizes that he is not going to win and he needs to listen to me or he will be put down for a nap or bed time depending on what time of the day it is.

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