Temper Tantrum

Sara - posted on 07/30/2010 ( 8 moms have responded )

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Hi everyone, I have a 17 1/2 month old that has started throwing temper tantrums if he dont get his way. I have tried everything, timeout, swatting, ignoreing him, and i just dont know what to do now. my other son who is 8 1/2 months older never went threw this stage. The thing about it is when he has them he will kick, scream, bang his head and not even shed a tear. someone please help!!!

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Amber - posted on 11/07/2010

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I agree totally with the above! My little man 20mths threw himself down in the middle of the road the other day so i gave him a tap on the hand! He can get quite nasty when he is cracking up & lashes out at me/my husband. Besides his rare tantrums he is a beautiful, smart, well behaved little boy. I don't think a 'cuddle' is the way to reward a tantrum, especially when he is violent, and i think it would actually reinforce negative behaviour. A smack on the hand has never killed anyone & it makes me laugh when you read these posts where women are judging others for disciplining their children! .............

Alex - posted on 11/03/2010

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hi ive had this and in the past I just walked away from my little girl and now its come to i have to give her dummy,cuddle and blanky to calm her down...I dont understand why she throws tantrums as she is very good with words and can tell me what she wants.... so once she is settled i say "now that was silly wasnt it did it make you feel wobbly?"she laughs and all is forgotten...
I DO smack her hand if she throws a temper tantrum and puts herself in danger like the other day she decided she wanted to throw a tantrum in the middle of crossing the road!!!

Saying they don't know what their doing is untrue they know exactly what they are doing...if she hurts another child she gets put in a corner and then made to say sorry..it works..

Kelina - posted on 08/27/2010

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ACtually I knew two but they had an older sister. Some can some can't, some understand enough to know what that means some don't. Also with my son who is only a month older when he throws a tantrum I can tell him things like if you don't stop whining we won't get to see grandma and grandpa, or he'll have to go on timeout etc and he understands. He may not talk but he understands and stops very quickly.

Aleks - posted on 08/27/2010

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@Kelina, I am sorry but I have to ask: How many 17month olds can use words to describe what they wantor even how they feel?????????

Kelina - posted on 08/27/2010

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Wow! I find that timeouts work great and even the threat of a timeout works wonders with my son. He doesn't throw temper tantrums though he just whines and cries a loud earsplitting whine that drives us nuts. If he's talking a good method is to put him in his room to calm down and tell him when he can use his words he can come out. Yes he's frustrated and upset, but he needs to know that that outletting of his emotions is not ok. It's also ok to let him know you love him when you do it. When you go put him in his room, tell him that you love him very much but it's not ok to hit/kick/scream or whatever else he is doing and when he is ready to use his words and talk to you then he can come out. Whatever method you choose though stick with it! If you keep swtiching methods it will confuse him and lead to not only a continuation of the behaviour but possibly even worse behaviour. Good luck!

Aleks - posted on 08/27/2010

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OMG! That behaviour is so normal for a child of that age. And timeouts and "swatting" will not work because he is too young for those "disciplinary" methods (if you could call it that). He doesn't understand what you are doing! And it probably is making it worse! Too much strong emotion that such a young person does not understand is occuring in him.

How about picking up your little one and giving him a cuddle??? telling him that you understand that he really wanted (insert the want) but he cannot have it, at least right now, because (insert the real reason, but simplified of course). That is what I do to my 18mth old little girl, and guess what? She stops within a minute! Follow this by "distraction" onto something other than what he was tantruming about, and all is solved. Quickly, little tears and definitively LOW STRESS!

My lo throws herself on the floor, arched back screaming high pitched blue murder when she tantrums, has been known to (attempt) at hitting if she isn't getting her way too. But one thing I have learned is that frequent ignoring doesn't work - as they just get worse, mostly to get that attention!!! Swatting or any type of hitting NEVER work... it only confuses the child, makes them more hurt and definitively teaches the child not to trust the parent to help them thru this difficult time they are going thru. And yes, that tantrum is a difficult time for them as they so desperately want "that" thing and they cannot have it - it kind of is the end of the world for them... so when their trusted mum ignores them, or "swats" them or gives them "time out" (that can only be done to children who have an understanding of this punishment, and a 17mth old does not! Also, there has been recent evidence come to light that frequent use of time out is a negative disciplinary technique that does more harm than good, tho word out still on the occassional use of this method) it only surves to making that child feel ignored and abondoned, certainly not what they actaully need.



Anyway... that is my 5cents worth. Good luck :-)

Dawn - posted on 08/27/2010

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Don't worry, this stage will pass and isn't neccessarily a sign of future behavior!! He is just experimenting with his control and emotions but doesn't have the impulse control to help himself. And as far as your other son goes, you can't compare the two because personality plays a big part in how they communicate and handle emotions. Continue to ignore the behavior and use distraction...you can also start to communicate that this is not how we handle ourselves and our emotions. IMO, spanking and traditional timeout are not effective at this age because their actions are not intentional. My doctor explained to me that at this age timeout can simply be holding your child, facing away from you, for a minute until they calm down.

Demetria - posted on 08/26/2010

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I wish I could help you but we're going through the same thing at the moment and I don't believe in spanking this young but it is so frustrating he is even hitting when he gets angry sometimes he actually slapped my 17 year old in the face and made her cry a few weeks ago because her feelings were so hurt and she loves him so much,but we need this to stop now before it really begins to get out of hand because it has yet to happen in public...yikes!!

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