All Communities > February 2009 Babies > Will only fall asleep in my arms or the car - 21 months

Will only fall asleep in my arms or the car - 21 months

Melissa - posted on 11/13/2010 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I thought I would post this to see if anyone has any new idea's for me to try :)
My daughter slept in our room until she was 13 months old. When I thought she was ready and wouldn't cry I put her into her own room and to our delight, she loved it! Once I changed her nappy, gave her a good cuddle and she had 1/2 her bottle, I would ask her if she would like to have a little rest and she literally dived into her cot and had the rest of her milk. When she woke in the morning, I would hear her talking to her teddies and reading the books which were hanging over her cot. She still does this every morning and every day when she wakes.
For the first 13 months, she did not sleep for more than an hour during the day. Alice had reflux and mostly slept 2 x 20 minute naps during the day and would wake during the night and I would have her sleep in our bed. During the first 13 months Alice would always fall asleep in my arms only, during the day and night. You can imagine my delight when Alice starting sleeping 2-3 hours during the day and mostly right through the night when she wasn't teething or had a cold etc.

My dilemma now is - Alice has gone back to wanting to fall asleep in my arms at night time, I do enjoy it, I love sitting in the rocking chair in her room and cuddling her. If it took her 30 minutes, I wouldn't worry but it's been 90 minutes and by the time she falls asleep and I leave her room it's 9.30. I try not to talk to her, but she insists on counting and talking, pointing to my eyes, her eyes, ears, hair, teeth etc etc and says "love you" so obviously I have to tell her that I love her too.
This has gone on now for approx 4 weeks and I have so far tried..doing the above except letting her fall asleep in my arms and telling her that she can have a rest in her cot and mummy will stay with her. The first night, she kept standing up and I kept placing her back down and after 6 -7 attempts and her being frustrated, she gave in and I patted her to sleep. Now, she will not go to sleep and me being there by her cot must be confusing her because she thinks it's fun and stays awake for a couple of hours! When I think she's asleep I leave the room and she starts crying again.
I have dreaded the controlled crying method, but I do believe it is the only way for Alice to see what is expected.
During the day she has started falling asleep in the car and I can transport her from the car to the cot beautifully, she opens her eyes coming out of car and once she's in the cot, repositions herself and off she sleeps for 2-3 hours...this has been convenient for me because we go out most mornings anyway and on our way home she just conks out.
Today I tried placing her in her cot for her daytime nap but she wasn't having that either and really carried on like never before. I should have just left her in the cot but hate hearing her so upset calling my name and coughing and carrying on, I tried standing/sitting next to the cot and cuddling her whilst she's still in the cot, but I couldn't see her calming down anytime soon and knew that all I need to do was pop her in her carseat and she would be asleep almost instantly..Once I let her out, she danced and started singing humpty dumpty!! Anyway, I put her in the car and she was out like a light!

Alice loves her cot and enjoys waking up in it and even during the day she wants me to put her in it, asking if she can have a little rest (5-10 minutes depending on when she wants to get out).
Most afternoons I end up having to entice her out of the cot, so it's not a cot issue. I know Alice just wants her mummy and that's exactly what I will give. She is very well balanced and even goes to family day care once a week (3 other children are also there) and she loves "Aunty Jam" (Jan) and sleeps beautifully for Jan without a problem.

I'm happy to continue with our 90 minute cuddle if I felt we were getting closer to Alice wanting to go to sleep on her own in the future but I think I need to be firmer than I have been???

Any ideas or advice would be greatfully received :) x

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4 Comments

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Vicki - posted on 12/03/2010

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Ugh same problem here. I can't do anything to make my daughter sleep. I tried rocking in our normal chair, laying next to her, and today leaving her alone in her bed. She just sat there quietly for a hour or so. I'm wondering if she just needs to quit with the daytime naps. It just seems too early.

Marissa - posted on 11/27/2010

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My son had this problem at around 17 months and I hated it. I loved rocking with him and cuddling, but nap time is an important time for me to get paperwork and stuff done. I started setting out 5 books (we would put the rest away before we started bed/nap time) and I told him we would read these books, sing 3 songs and then it was nap time, and he could read to his teddy bear then. And so far this has worked. My husband tells our son that he needs to help us by reading these books to his teddy bear. The first few times we read the books to the bear outside of his crib and then he copied us in his bed. Now he gets in after his book and songs and reads maybe one book to his bear before he is asleep.

Now this being said, we have a day once in awhile when he doesn't want anything to do with this routine. Those days I keep at the same pattern, but I let him cry. I usually take a shower right away so I can hear him, but can't really get to him. I know he is alright and if he is still wailing after my shower and everything then I start the pattern again which has only happened twice.

Just pick a pattern/routine and stick to it, even if she throws a fit. This is the age when toddlers start to test the waters and try to control everything. I guess as I was told from another mom, let the games begin!

Melissa - posted on 11/13/2010

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Hi Sathya :)
Thanks for your reply and yes, our little ones do sound very much the same! Your little boy sounds mighty smart especially being able to read some words. Alice can read her name and mum :) I only noticed today that she knows all the small lettters of the alphabet too! Always full of surprises aren't they :) I might try your trick and lay down with her tonight to see how that goes :)
I'll let you know how I go tomorrow x

Sathya - posted on 11/13/2010

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Hi Melissa,

Sounds like Alice is just like my son - I read your other post about learning too much too soon too! Mine can already read words... That aside, I have similar problems like you. There was a phase when I could just drop him in his crib and leave - he would fall asleep, but almost 5 weeks now - he insists he wants us to lie down with him. And, not only that, he does the same thing - "one nose, two eyes, two cheeks, etc..." It takes close to 90 mins to get him to sleep. But, today was the first night - I tried something different. His crib is still in our bedroom and our ritual everyday was the same - bath, milk, and bed. Today I tried something different. I gave him his milk in his play room (which is also a guest bedroom with a single bed). Then, all lights out, we both lay down together in the "big boy" bed. The same pointing at different parts of the face, counting, continued but 10 minutes later, he was asleep!! I am thinking sometimes just changing their routine a little might help? Although, I must say - tonight was the first time. I hope it continues. I will keep you posted. Try altering SOMETHING. I think for kids like ours who are over stimulated, they need something different/challenging to calm them... I don't know - I hope that helps. Hang in there. Good luck with Alice!

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