Daughter overly-attached - What to do?

Vera - posted on 06/14/2011

Robyn I wouldn't mind taking her to daycare especially if we were like you but she has to be in daycare from 8am until almost 6:30 every day. I know it's great for some children but with about a 30 min drive home it's bed time when we get home leaving little to no time with her. They have a mothers day out thing I've been thinking about but daycares in this area run us around 500 - 700 a month. May not be a lot to some but I try to spend money wisely where I can so everything in the household is paid for with out having debt. Plus I already have saved up 2 years of planned money for her. I think your idea about her waiting for me to get home may be correct too. I spoke with the ped last week he thinks its because she is teething - she has been getting her back teeth in which seem to be pretty painful. They are taking forever! He said that I am her "security blanket" and make her feel comforted. I guess that can be good and bad. Will have to wait and see if the teeth ever stop coming in.

Thanks guys for all your great advice and help!

Robyn - posted on 06/10/2011

Ever consider taking her to a home daycare? The caregiver will only take up to 3 kids most of the time and that way it minimizes the amount of germs she will be around but also lets her get sick once in awhile to build her immune system as well as, not only socialize with other children (without you around) but lets her discover and learn with a completely different person (not family) and teaches her that life isn't a big bowl of cherries 24/7 in the comfort of her own home, waiting for Mommy and Daddy to return. I only take my daughter to her home daycare for 3 hours in the afternoon. I work p/t, and my husband picks her up after his 9-5 job. The caregiver takes care of only 1 other little girl plus her own 1 year old, who Ariana has a lot of fun with being 1 also, but they do have there disagreements which I think is really good for her. Worth a try. Good luck! :-)

Vera - posted on 06/10/2011

She used to be in daycare until December when she came ended up catching the flu (confirmed case) and was teething. (Flu shots DON'T work, so don’t bother getting them!!) We decided to remove her from daycare because directly after she got over the flu she ended up getting strep and a cold. It wasn’t the illness that had us remove her it was the entire month she was sick – Dr rec not taking her back for 1-2 weeks after she was better so we didn’t want to pay for something she wasn’t going to.

My dad came to stay with us to watch her when we are working, I work typical 9-5/6 and hubby usually from like 11 -7. Does fine when she is with other children we have friends with children almost her same age and they play well.. as good as kids their age play. Ok kids are interested in what they are doing not each other.

I guess I could see her needing more socialization but she hasn’t been sick once since leaving daycare – which we are happy about since we had a literal folder FULL of sicknesses when she was attending daycare.

Robyn - posted on 06/10/2011

Does she go to Daycare or a Family babysitter?

Karen - posted on 06/03/2011

I was in this boat until very very recently. My daughter did a lot of the things yours does, like hiding her face when people talk to her. She is still clingy to me, but not like before. Its because we started a little bit of tough love. The grandparents told me they were prepared for a cry-fest and to just get on with it, so I started off with 3 hours of them babysitting, once a week. We have been doing this since mid March and the change in her is nothing short of amazing. I mean, she still won't just let strange people come up to her, but shes a lot more tolerant of them being around. She is still very afraid of tall men, but women she warms up to. No one is allowed to touch her yet, but I have noticed she will come to you if you put your hand out. She surprised me when the neighbor touched her arm the other day, she didn't freak out and cry, she just simply snatched her arm away from the neighbor and went on playing.
It was heartbreaking for me the first time I dropped her off and drove away, especially knowing what might be in store for the grandparents, but it helped us tremendously. Now that I am not afraid of her reactions to people, I take her to the park and let her play. Children and mothers come close to us all the time and it no longer phases her.

Vera - posted on 05/27/2011

Joanne it's so hard though because at 15 months she can say a few words but the rest is a lot of babble. I just know the holding is with arms outreached and saying the best up up she can.

I always do talk with her and even when I say a stern "no mam - we don't do that" she'll just cry and want to be held. I don't believe anything has changed - that I am really aware of - no deaths or real changes in schedules etc - she was doing this before we had to rehome our dog. I do spend as much time with her as I can and have gone over everything over and over trying to figure out why she always needs me right there all the time. Even outside in the yard she'll leave to play just a little and come right back to me wanting to be held - I'll usually get her distracted to play for a bit but it always ends the same - arms up wanting to be held. God this kills me to think something happened to make her feel this way.

I think I will try the necklace thing - she likes to put them on and off with a picture - maybe it's just not seeing me enough. I know I devote almost all of my time in the morning and evening to her (annoys my husband) because I barely see her and it's maybe a total of a hour in the morning from the time she wakes up till I leave and maybe a hour - 3 hours at night total from when I get off till bed time - sometimes less because hubby gets irritated at her screaming lately and is "putting her up" so she will stop. Aww this makes me feel so bad.

Joanne - posted on 05/27/2011

Vera, has something changed over the last few months. When my son was that age we had the same issue. I had an injury which caused me pain, and I think my son saw that as I might die. I reassured him that I was fine and that I loved him so much, but told him that I could not hold him, be with him, etc., all the time. I did make him a "necklace" of sorts. I got a picture of the two of us and attached something so he could hang it around his neck (be careful how you do this, you don't want it to be something that wouldn't break if tightened). He put it on and kept it inside his shirt and I told him that was so he knew I was "with him" at all times, even when he couldn't see me. It worked like a charm. As far as the tantrums, it is amazing how much a small child understands when you talk to them. I would explain that this is how little babies talk, not big girls and if she needed something, she needs to ask. If you have a tantrum, I do not understand what you need or want. And then if it does happen, you leave the room and don't even acknowledge it. It took leaving the room twice before mine figured out it wasn't going to work and started to "verbalize"(as much as possible at that age) what they needed. Be strong and DON'T give in. They have to understand that you will stick to your guns and then they will give in. You have to be the strong one! I do think it is important to "listen" to kids, though. So if nothing seems to help after sticking to it for a while, you might want to talk to your pediatrician and see if anything else could be going on. I hope this helps.