first time mum and full of excitement and nerves!!

Amy - posted on 09/30/2009

Christina - I'm in the U.S., and induction and c-sections are sooooo common that most women seem to think that it's always the right decision, without questioning why the decisions being made, and if it really is the best thing to do.

Ok, Brigitte, sorry we hi-jacked your post! :) You can have it back now! lol

Ashley - posted on 09/30/2009

thanx everyone for the great advice i just hope once he comes along i will remember it all and it will work

Christina - posted on 09/23/2009

That's crazy Amy!! Which country are you in? I am an Aussie and I don't know if it's just where I'm from, but women here have a lot of control over their births if they're in the private sector. We also have public health, but even then midwives are the offered support - so again it is a more natural choice.

Like I said, here if you don't consent you don't get it. There isn't any way a Dr can force you into a c-section after only 8 hours of induction!! That's just crazy!!

And like I said above, my particular Dr will ONLY induce vaginally IF the cervix is favourable - his reasoning is there is no point inducing contractions to an unripe cervix, that just causes fetal distress......so again, it is done with the Bishops score in mind and if it is a medical reason without a ripe cervix, you have the choice to attempt a vaginal or go straight to c-section.....

Like I said to my Dr - my first baby was a 5 hour labour and 45 of pushing. I anticipate this induction to be faster - however - I am also prepared with monitoring to call it a day after 24 hours after ROM and anti-biotics

I think for me, it's important that women have an educated choice in their care, but I also think that they shouldn't feel pressured into the whole "au natural" approach if it isn't for them. I take my hat off to women that can birth unassisted - but I'm a drugs kinda gal LOL - mine is a very informed and researched choice

Amy - posted on 09/23/2009

My sister's mother-in-law has 6 kids - 1 born in a hospital (the first one) and 5 born at home! The last one, she didn't even have a midwife! There was one that was sort of "on-call" but they weren't planning on her coming until after the baby was born, and she didn't! The whole idea scares me, but it went fine 5 times over for her! I have another friend that had her 2 kids at home, but her husband is a surgeon, and they went to an OB for all of her appointments with each kid, they just had the babies at home. I just don't think I'm that brave! But more power to the women that are! lol



I several friends that have had babies in the last few months, and they were all first babies and ALL 5 were induced (only one was after her due date, and even then only 2 days), and 4 of them ended up with c-sections, and all around 4 PM! It was crazy! That's what got me to researching about c-sections, and I found out how common it is, and especially in the afternoons.



My water broke 2 weeks early, and after about 16 hours, I was still barely dilated to a 1, had no regular contractions, and my son hadn't dropped yet (much to my chagrin - it was an all night labor!), so the midwives transferred me to the hospital from the birthing center. They did one round of pitocin and after 2 sets of contractions, we lost the heartbeat for about 90 seconds. They decided to do a c-section then, and found out that he had been jumping rope in the cord and had it around his neck, around his shoulder, and across his chest - there was no way he was coming out vaginally! Every contraction I had (esp. with the pitocin) strangled him! I know c-sections are necessary sometimes, but in the 4 friends that I have had with them, NONE of them were for any danger to the baby. Every one of them was failure to progress...only 8 or so hours after being induced before their due dates with their first children. The average labor for first babies is somewhere around 16 hours! And every one I talked to said they didn't think they had any choice in the matter - that they HAD to have a c-section because the dr. said it. Now I've kind of made it my mission to help people know that they can ask for second opinions, and that it's ok to question the medical professionals - at least that way you feel like you've gotten a straight answer and you can feel good about the decision you made!

Christina - posted on 09/23/2009

LOL - I hear ya! Home births are the one for me that I just can't fathom that people can honestly feel 100% about. I am all for doing as much of the labour at home - but for delivery, there are so many variables and I see home birthing as a recipe for disaster.....

BUT - that is my opinion and I am sure many would disagree.

I have had a lucky experience with my OB because I am in control of my pregnancy. Induction will only happen IF my cervix is ripe and I won't allow them to do the "failure to progress" until 24 hours. I do understand there are some OB's that are selfish however I think that's the exception rather than the rule.

Great advice though - I think it comes down to managing the experience that you are comfortable with !

Amy - posted on 09/22/2009

Christina, I agree about following the model of care you're comfortable with, and every person (dr., midwife, etc.) is different. There's really no way to generalize, is there? It just has been my experience lately (it seems like everyone is pregnant! lol) that there are tons of care providers that don't necessarily have their patients' best interest at heart. I think we should second guess when the time calls for it - that's why people ask for second opinions. It's been shown that the most number of c-sections happen between 3 and 4 PM, and on Fridays. Many doctors want to go home to dinner, or they have weekend plans, and whether or not it's really a "need" for the patient, doctors call it "failure to progress" and say they need a c-section. Many (but not all) inductions are the same way. That's not to say that all doctors or midwives are only thinking about themselves, but some are. I had midwives and loved them, and now I have an OB and love him too, but I just felt like my midwives kept me a lot more informed.

My favorite thing they did for me was to give me a card, which they called a mini-chart. I kept it with me at all times and brought it to every appointment. It had my weight, blood pressure, fundus height, baby's heartrate, urine tests, and gestation on it, so I could track everything along with them. There was no wondering how much weight I had gained or what the baby's heartrate was or if my blood pressure was normal, which are all things I have to ask at the doctor, because I guess most people don't care about that stuff! I however, definitely wanted to know! I'm thinking of making one for my dr's visits now because it was just so darn helpful!

But I do totally agree that it's all about what you're comfortable with. Many people are freaked out by birth center births, and many people are freaked out by hospital births...I for one, am freaked out by home births, but I know tons of people that have done it! I just think it's important that we all make informed decisions rather than taking someone's word for it, regardless of who it is. I think OBs and midwives encourage people to research on their own, too, because when someone decides something along with them after it's been researched, they know they have our complete faith, which is something that makes us feel better too!

Christina - posted on 09/15/2009

She is fantastic. I encourage everyone to get on her website and support her cause.

She passed away from Breast Cancer, but there are many many people that advocate her lessons and continue her legacy through supporting other mums.

As for Amy's message - some good advice there however I would say follow the model of care you are comfortable with.

I had midwives for my son and will NEVER again go through that model of care.

I have an OB who is inducing at 38 weeks and I love his manner and trust his judgement.

I believe that knowledge is powerful - but you are not qualified to second guess the professionals. That is what you pay them for - their knowledge and a trust they will deliver you a safe and healthy baby.

Also remember that midwives and OB's have completely different viewpoints and therefore may have a completely different game plan. It comes down to what you are comfortable with

Brigitte - posted on 09/15/2009

Oh the Baby Whisperer!! If anyone knows Tracy Hogg, please let her know I have a spare room set up for her!! One of the mums here suggested I read it, and I simply can not put it down!! So easy to read and understand for a novice such as me!! My partner is also reading it so we will be on the same page when baby comes - this is awesome!!

Amy - posted on 09/14/2009

I agree with everyone! Research, research, research! Google has become my best friend in the world! My son is 13 1/2 months old, and we went to a birthing center with very informative, and very strict, midwives. They gave us so much information. It was wonderful for me because that's just how my brain works! This time around, I'm going to a dr. (we moved too far away to go back to the midwives), and if this were my first pregnancy, I'd be completely lost! I feel like they just tell us that this is what we're doing. There's no WHY to it! And as far as nutrition info, they just gave us a packet to take home. The midwives made me keep a log of what I ate for the first month we saw them, then they went over it at our next appointment and told me what I was doing right and doing wrong. Also, they stressed exercise, and would ALWAYS ask if I'd been exercising. So all of this is said to tell you that knowledge is power. Whatever you don't get from your doctor, research on your own.

I'd say right now some of the things to be researching on are labor and delivery, and breastfeeding. That will be your main point of interest in a short period of time! lol Look up when induction is necessary, and what your rights are with the doctor. Ask your doctor when he/she induces and why they would do it. Find out about c-section rates for your doctor, and ask why he/she would do a c-section. Find out the pros and cons of medications used during labor...what are the consequences of each drug (both positive and negative consequences). Find out the pros and cons of a non-medicated labor, both for you, and for the baby. Do research about the stages of labor, and what the best ways are to handle each stage. Like Bethany said, I loved the Bradley method. Talk to people that have used different methods - bradley, lamaze, prepared childbirth, etc., and get a balanced view of everything.

I always make sure to find several different sources when I'm researching because whether people will admit it or not, everyone has an angle. Even the websites that are run by a company still have a bias, so just try to find out both pros and cons for issues, then make an informed decision based on all the info you have, both good and bad. For example, there are official websites that say that vaccinating is completely 100% safe, but oftentimes, if you dig, you can find out that some of that website's funding comes from one of the companies that produces the vaccine. Then on the flip side, the official websites that say that you shouldn't vaccinate often had a single bad experience, and that shaped their viewpoint. It's just best to be balanced!

Another example...if I were to give the pros and cons of an epidural, it would be heavily weighted on the cons side, lol, because that's my own personal opinion. I can give facts to support both sides, but when it comes down to it, I'm against it...mostly based on the vast amount of research I've done. So again, it's about making informed decisions about things.

You can also research about nutrition and exercise during pregnancy. For example, find out the effects that caffeine has on your baby, and what foods can give you the most nutrients that you need. A good book for that is the What to Expect When You're Expecting book, and their website, whattoexpect.com. They have a pregnancy diet that tells you what foods have what vitamins, and they give you suggestions about foods that you can eat that kill two (or three of four) birds with one stone. It's really helpful. Also look up exercise and its benefits for pregnancy, labor, and for quick recovery and weight loss after delivery. There's really nothing to be said against exercise during pregnancy (unless your dr. has told you otherwise based on a medical condition or something).

Also, I have tons and tons of breastfeeding info compiled into a message that I sent to a friend that asked about it. I will probably post it here soon, but again, my angle is that it's the best possible way to feed your baby, and while there are rare cases where it won't work, for the vast majority, you can't go wrong with it! lol But still, research it for yourself and find out the pros and cons, then make a decision from there. A really good breastfeeding site is kellymom.com. They have lots of info there.

And right now while you don't have a kid is the BEST time to research! You've got more time, and you're super excited, so you soak up information like a sponge! You are not neurotic at all, you're just a mom! And you've got years and years of worrying and research ahead of you! :) No worries, you're not alone!

Congratulations and good luck! I've got research coming out my ears, so if you ever have any questions, please, please, please don't hesitate to ask. If I don't know the answer, I can certainly look for it, or point you toward places to look! This Circle of Moms this is one of the best resources I've found, but you have to be careful to sort out opinion from fact! My thought is that it's best to have an opinion based on fact! :)

Christina - posted on 09/13/2009

You're welcome! It's a fine balance between setting a flexible routine and a stringent one. My mistake to start with is I made it that Cooper only could sleep in his cot, had particular nap times etc - I set myself up for heartache because when we were out and about I had one angry kid who couldn't adapt to a "thrown" routine.

That's what I loved about Baby Whisperer. It teaches a pattern rather than a routine and in that, you'll have a flexible baby. I'm just grateful we found it 3 months in before some long term habits were formed!!

It's great you're up to the reading - it's the best thing you can do!

Brigitte - posted on 09/13/2009

Thanks for your time Christina and your information.. I have heard of the baby whisperer, but I hadnt looked into it - I will now! The best thing I have done so far is join this site - I have written down the other recommendations (books) that have been suggested that I read, I will add this one. The ladies at the library will think I am becoming very knowledgable, which at this stage is VERY empowering. Thank you again - it seems to be the concensus to start routines as erly as possible - which makes sense! Thank you again. Brigitte

Christina - posted on 09/12/2009

I too have a 17 month old and I too was a shocking worrier about what would happen after the birth.

The way I handled it was to talk to many other people with SMALL children. I emphasise small because I found the older generation was full of "great" advice that I just would not do myself due to time and research since they have had kids.

I agree with the vaccinations - we don't vax purely from the research I'd read whilst pregnant - but that is such a personal choice and you'll make the right one once you've finished researching.

I recommend the Baby Whisperer books as well as their website for sleep routines. I found Tizzy Hall to be way to rigid and strict, but loved the E.A.S.Y flow of Baby Whisperer.

I bought a temperature egg that glows in the dark so that I could ensure bub's room wasn't too hot or too cold. Grobags are BRILLIANT

Swaddling helped my bubba sleep for good stints at night until he was about 6 months old.

Decide if you are for or against pacifier use before bub is here. I didn't want to use it - my mother gave him one when he was a couple of months old - now he is 17 months and won't sleep without one!!

As for eating well etc - we used a blank diary to jot times, how much etc because at the start I thought he wasn't getting enough until I started seeing just how often he fed. Problem solved

As for not sleeping for the first 3 months - this is where good routines and nutrition should see bub sleeping at least 6-8 hours overnight if you get onto it early.

I cluster fed my bub from 5pm every hour until 7pm and then bedtime. I would always get a 3am wake up for food and then down again until 7.30am.

Don't underestimate the power of a great bedtime routine from the moment bub comes home. From the start our routine began at 6.30pm with a warm bath, book, bottle of milk, cuddles and put to sleep with dreamy music softly in the background. Nothing at all has changed in 17 months with the exception he starts dinner at 6pm.

We have a bub that sleeps really well.

I'd also advise getting bubba used to sleeping in other places other than their crib. That way if you need to take the pram to a dinner, bub may sleep while you're out.

Bethany - posted on 09/12/2009

Well, thanks ladies! I'm so glad that helped. Happy researching! :)

Shanna - posted on 09/12/2009

Wow Bethany! Your info was VERY helpful! I have been reading A LOT but not thos books.... ill be looking for them ASAP! :) Thanks!

Nikkita - posted on 09/12/2009

I second that! Thanks Bethany for all of your help! It helped me out as well.

Brigitte - posted on 09/12/2009

Hi Bethany, thank you so much for you recommendations.. I will head down to my local library today and see if I can get my hands on them - especially, Healthy sleep habits, happy child.. I am a big reader so this really does help me out alot. Again thanks. xb

Bethany - posted on 09/12/2009

Hey! I have one 17month-old daughter, and so far I still worry sometimes, just about different things. Now it's not whether she's too hot or cold or not sleeping. Instead I wonder whether I'm doing discipline right and whether I'm stimulating her brain enough.

One thing that has helped me a lot is to calm down and research every stage of life, from pregnancy on. I started with childbirth, what kind of classes to take (I thought Bradley classes were the best), whether to have drugs during labor, what shots are regularly given to new babies and which ones are actually needed. I learned that you can veto anything you think is unnecessary, and that doctor doesn't *always* know best.

Then while I was pregnant I also started researching different methods of soothing a baby and whether to do a routine. If you're worried about not sleeping, take heart! We all slept just fine after the first week or so, and I was exclusively breastfeeding! I would recommend reading "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth. I read some other books, but they were not ones I would recommend to just anyone. That one seemed to be the most balanced book about establishing a healthy routine for your baby and yourself.

Then during pregnancy I researched vaccines and which ones would be a good idea to give, and which ones aren't. For that the best book was "The Vaccine Book" by Dr. Sears. He is pro-vaccination for the most part, but does give you all the facts about how each one is made and all the different ideas surrounding each one.

Not saying you have to do what I did by any means, but I really found that, by studying and learning in advance, I wasn't AS worried about how I would care for my new baby. I took all my worry energy :) and focused it into something productive. Now I'm pregnant with my second and not nearly as worried, though I'm still learning. :)

Good luck! (and no, you do not sound neurotic, you sound pretty normal to me)

Shanna - posted on 09/11/2009

You are not alone! I am a 1st timer who has been taking care of kids for over 10 years (day care worker & Nanny) I can tell you that even tho I know a lot .. I still worry all the time about how I will do as a mom... its a scary thing! Just know god gave us a baby, so he knows we can do it! try not to worry to much!

Nikkita - posted on 09/11/2009

Hi Brigitte! I'm a first time mom as well. I'm not a pessimist either, but I do have a lot of concerns. I just try to put all that aside because the baby can feel everything I feel...Baby knows I'm worried. I just say that God gave me this baby, and He's going to help me take care of him/her. So, know that you're not alone and try to relax.

~Nikkita =)