Single & First Time Moms

Lauren - posted on 11/08/2009 ( 10 moms have responded )

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I'm single and going to be a first time mom soon (due 2/10/10). I have been feeling very stressed and have a lot of anxiety about doing this all by myself. Just thought this might be a good place to discuss this topic with other's who are in the same boat.

I have always wanted children badly but wanted to wait until I met the man of my dreams and got married. Ha! I have learned that things don't always happen as we plan them. I got pregnant by my ex after we had broken up and moved on so he didn't want the baby from the beginning since he has a new girlfriend and new life in another state. I decided to keep the baby and knew I would have to do it all on my own and was completely fine with that when I made the decision. It just seems to get harder to come to terms with the fact that he could treat me and his unborn child (first child too) as if we don't exist in order to salvage his relationship with his current girlfriend. I find myself so upset and bitter toward him, and no matter how much I try not to think about it, I grow to hate him more and more each day. I really want to be stress free for my baby and I'm afraid this anger toward him is stressing me out too much. I am also confused as to how I am supposed to act once our first child is born and he decides he wants to be involved and has left me to do it all by myself up to that point. Anyway, most importantly, I thought this would be the most joyous time of my life, being pregnant with my first child, but I find myself so full of anxiety about the future that it scares me to death. Thinking about how drastically life will change, how I will loose all my freedom, and how scary it is to know that I have absolutely no help with anything,

Can anyone relate to these feelings of anxiety, and how do you move past them to be filled with nothing but joy and excitement?!?

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Jayne - posted on 12/09/2009

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wow its amazing how many women are in the same situation,
I was with my ex for 4.5 years before we broke up, i found out i was pregnant about a month afterwards. He's american so he's gone back to america now, and says he's coming back for the birth.
he wasnt interested in the baby at all at first, he wanted me to abort it and was horrible to me when i decided to keep it. then he got a new girl, who he will be seeing for sex when he comes back to australia for the birth. he has started to get interested in the baby, but still has only called me twice in 3 months and expects me to do all the work in maintaining any kind of correspondance between us.
i have given him numerous chances to grow up and start acting like a decent human being but the more i push him the more he acts like a child.
I had agreed to hyphenate the baby's last name with both of ours, but now i dont want his name on my child anywhere. i threatened this to him once when he was being an arsehole, but havent told him this is now my decision.
he told me two days ago he would be calling very soon, so im just waiting on that call to tell him.
im very scared to be raising a baby by myself, and trying to study at the same time. to make matters worse he is Jamaican-American, so my baby will be darker than me and im worried that people are going to judge me or say horrible things, and i'm already feeling fragile.
im glad there are other women on here who are going through similar things, sometimes i thought i was being too harsh on him because i do still love him even though he's hurt me so much. but now i know how i feel about all your ex's and i feel im justified in giving the baby my name alone.

Danielle - posted on 12/05/2009

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i wish i could do it without meds but i was on them for years before i got pregnant and i have to take them. I'm bipolar. but i dont take anthing else. if i dont feel good i wont take anything for it. i get plenty of rest and drink lots of juice. i dont want those extra unnessecary drugs in my body. ppl lived without advil and cough meds for a long time. i can do it for her.

Lauren - posted on 12/04/2009

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Ladies, we are strong and we can do it ourselves. If you think about it, most of the time a man ends up being another person to care for at home.....just think of being a single mom as one less person to care for!! Less cooking, cleaning, laundry, worry. For the women on meds to cope, I would strongly suggest you considering trying to get through it without meds. Everything you put into your body goes to your baby and I have done everything possible to be very organic and natural throughout my pregnancy. As much as I've wanted meds to help me through, I can't bear to think how they could effect my child for life. You just never know. So, I'm not judging, I'm just saying you may want to considering trying the rest of your pregnancy without them and see how it goes.

Danielle - posted on 11/30/2009

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i'm going to be 24 in dec. i was with my guy for two year when we found out i was pregnant and he basicly told me that he didn't want this baby and had no plans on ever marrying me { no matter what he had said before}. i took a few days to think about it and realized i was not happy there and i didn't want to raise my child with him. i have always wanted kids and to get married and he knew that, so it seemed like a betrayal when he said that. he also asked me when i left him if the baby was even his and that just made me mad. i am on prozac and due to medical problems a lot of other medications. its very hard for me but my family and friends are very supportive and loving. i'm currently staying with my mom and stepdad until i get all my bills paid off and i can find a new place to live. i know i'm lucky and i know i will be the best mom i can be and at the end of the day that is what i tell myself. i also talk to her and tell her i love her. it is a wonderful feeling to share that bond. everytime i get mad i tell her i dont blame her her and i'm sorry for getting mad and it makes me feel better. i also like to talk to people and write things downs. try some of these and let me know if any help. blessings to you.

Lauren - posted on 11/27/2009

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Thanks everyone! I'm sorry to hear ya'll are going through similar situations but in a way it's kind of comforting to hear I'm not completely alone. I've been filled with such a lonely feeling since finding out I was pregnant. I just can't wait to meet my little guy so I'm not alone anymore. When he arrives I am hoping I will completely forget his father exists and not worry any more. It still frustrates me that he has no idea what I'm going through and never will since he's not around but I just have to learn to stop thinking about that and worry about me and my baby only....not him and what he is doing or thinking. We need to keep reminding ourselves that these men who are treating us like this are not even worthy of us bearing and caring for their children and it's their loss. As far as I'm concerned, his girlfriend can have him. I would never want to be with a man that could treat any woman like this. He is nothing more than a sperm donor.....except I will collect a monthly check from him! Ha! :) Good luck ladies! Keep your head up!!!

Lindsey - posted on 11/12/2009

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This happen to me too and to this day (shes almost a year now) i still think about her father and he really wants nothing to do with her and only even seen her in court when we got paternity done and custody straightened out...but i can't get out of my head how much he hurt me about how when i found out he said he wanted to be there and wouldn't leave..and poof...gone...i haven't talked to him since i was 3 months pregnant...haven't even said a word to him when i saw him in court a few times...there is just so much to say that i have NOTHING to say to him because i would probably explode...with ever emotion there is..

i can tell you it sucks...and its hard...but just love your baby thats all you can do...love it to death...and it will make you much closer to your baby having him not around anyways...least it did for me shes my everything :) and it didn't change my life all that much i know some people say life is over..once u have a baby...its really not it just got a billion times better ( i was terrified how i was going to take care of a baby) i love taking my daughter with me when i go places im a family type person anyways if my child can't go with me..then its not a place for me...and i don't go out (bars and whatever) but i never was interested in doing that anyway so it wasn't a big change for me..


as for the joy and excitement...that will come when your baby is born and you hold it for the first time...you will stare for hours....at that little baby

Omnayah - posted on 11/12/2009

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Hey Lauren, my name is Omnayah Mallard and I am in the same situation as you. I am also expecting my first child and have to do it all alone. I am 27 years old and I always wanted a child. i am constantly stressed out all the time I try my best to remain stress free because I don't want to harm the baby. My baby father has a wife and a girlfriend. He still lives in the same town I live in and he constantl walks pass me with his wife or driving his girlfriends car. I cry all the time and ask myself how can he treat me like this when he wanted a child and this will be his first too. Him and his wife knew each other for 8 weeks before they got married @ City Hall.

Chantay - posted on 11/10/2009

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Yeah I completley understand! I am due Feb 5,2010 and it looks like I will be doing this by myself to. I also had big dreams of marriage and children but we don't always get what we want. My ex/son's father cheated on me with two different women that I know of and God knows how many more there are.We have been off and on for about six years and got serious in March of 2009, I then got pregnant in May. He was good to me until I got pregnant and then started treating me real bad. I just recently broke it off completley with him. I am very anxious and scared of what the future holds. I know I can't take anymore stress from him but at the same time apart of me is scared to be a mom and do it by myself. But we have to think of ourselves and our children and God will give us the strenght to be the best moms we can be and get through our trials and tribulations.

Chantay - posted on 11/10/2009

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Quoting Lauren:

Single & First Time Moms

I'm single and going to be a first time mom soon (due 2/10/10). I have been feeling very stressed and have a lot of anxiety about doing this all by myself. Just thought this might be a good place to discuss this topic with other's who are in the same boat.

I have always wanted children badly but wanted to wait until I met the man of my dreams and got married. Ha! I have learned that things don't always happen as we plan them. I got pregnant by my ex after we had broken up and moved on so he didn't want the baby from the beginning since he has a new girlfriend and new life in another state. I decided to keep the baby and knew I would have to do it all on my own and was completely fine with that when I made the decision. It just seems to get harder to come to terms with the fact that he could treat me and his unborn child (first child too) as if we don't exist in order to salvage his relationship with his current girlfriend. I find myself so upset and bitter toward him, and no matter how much I try not to think about it, I grow to hate him more and more each day. I really want to be stress free for my baby and I'm afraid this anger toward him is stressing me out too much. I am also confused as to how I am supposed to act once our first child is born and he decides he wants to be involved and has left me to do it all by myself up to that point. Anyway, most importantly, I thought this would be the most joyous time of my life, being pregnant with my first child, but I find myself so full of anxiety about the future that it scares me to death. Thinking about how drastically life will change, how I will loose all my freedom, and how scary it is to know that I have absolutely no help with anything,

Can anyone relate to these feelings of anxiety, and how do you move past them to be filled with nothing but joy and excitement?!?


 

Shay - posted on 11/08/2009

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yes im in the same boat as you im having my first in febuary she is due about 10 days after my 23rd birthday i was really frightend at first and was having alot of axiety but now im feeling alot better you should go see your dr and tell them how you are feeling they might have something that can help you feel a bit better they have put me on anxiety and deppresion medication its called efexor-xr and its really helped, that may not be the thing for you but im sure there is something that will help with your stress i hope every thing start to get better for you

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