Would it be horrible if I said I didn't want my partner's mother at the hospital?

Erika - posted on 11/10/2010

it is up to you who is there when you have your baby. i personally wouldnt want my mil there. not in the delivery room anyways... for my first child, i allowed lots of family in and out while i was in labour. i had intended for my husband and mother to be in with me while i delivered. but i ended in an emergency c-section, so just my hubby was. this time around, it will just be my husband and i as my parents will be watching my daughter.

Jodi - posted on 11/06/2010

I wanted to respond to the phrase your MIL made that she is not ready to be a grandma. While I can certainly understand how hurtful this may have been to you, it reminds me of what my mom said when my oldest brother's wife was first pregnant (granted, I believe my mom had enough tact not to say it to my brother and sister-in-law). Instead of having her grandchildren call her Grandma, she made up Grammie Jean. It had nothing to do with my brother and everything to do with her not feeling that she was old enough for that stage in her life. My mom didn't have a mean bone in her body.

In the absence of my mom (she passed away 4 1/2 years ago), I felt lucky to have my MIL (holding one of my legs) in the delivery room with me for my now 20 month old daughter. I would not have had her there if I didn't have a great relationship with her. There is nothing wrong with letting people know ahead of time that you don't want visitors in the hospital and deal with it that way. Better still, perhaps you and your soon to be husband can talk with her and let her know that her behavior is unacceptable? He probably has to be the one to initiate it though.

Good luck and try to enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.

Natalie - posted on 10/29/2010

@Jessica...hopefully for your son's sake your grandma doesn't do that 2 him and it she does do that i would not except the gifts, you have 2 protect your babies while you can my grandmother treated my twin brother better than me all my life and it sucked so i vowed from as young as i could understand that i would not let that happen if and when i had kids and now is the time. B4 i found out what i was having my mother-in-law said if it was a boy she didn't want anything 2 do with it but now that it's a girl she thinks she will spoil her and that will never happen she's not there for my son and i don't want her there for my lil girl.

Jessica - posted on 10/26/2010

@Natalie...I can't believe how families treat each other. I just don't understand how they can do something like that. I would feel the same way if I was you...I am worried b/c my family is more about girls then they are boys. My grandma has never even acknoledged my son's birthday but when my sister had a baby in February my grandma sent her a card and a check and then sent a bunch of clothing. I am worried b/c this baby should come out a girl and I don't want her to be constantly be getting things and him get nothing!

Natalie - posted on 10/25/2010

I truely understand your delema i'm kinda in the same situation. I've thought and prayed about this since i've found out i'm pregnant but for me it's not just my moter-in-law but also several people on both my side of the family as well as my husband's side. I really don't want to be rude and say no visitors but i also have to think about my 6-year-old he's always been sick and hospitalized over ten times since he was 2-months-old(thank God he hasn't been in a little over a year though) and when he is in the hospital he rarely gets visitors and he has voiced that it makes him sad especially when his own gm on his dad's side doesn't even come see him (my mom, his rock, passed away 3 years ago yesterday) so I don't want the same people who fail to visit him to come see his new baby sister b/c he is not stupid and i don't want him to feel like he is the black sheep of the family,

Jessica - posted on 10/23/2010

Actually I am having a C-Section and I don't want her in my room after the baby is born. And I am not exactly in the middle of a fight between the two of them...she went behind his back and got in the middle of something that is none of her business and really hurt my feelings especially since she didn't want to be a grandma! I am 22 and he is 21. I don't think has ne thing do with our ages. We have a place together and he works a great job at John Deere. We are financially stable. My son is 5 and a half years old. She is just a jerk mother and she only cares about herself. My real problem is I don't want to start a fight with him b/c no matter what she does she is still his mother. My thing is that it is going to be MY hospital room and the baby just happens to get a nursery stay...granted I kept my son in my room all day and all night except when they had to do something with him and they took him in the middle of the night and asked if I wanted them to keep him so I could sleep and I said no and they kept him ne way. When I woke up in the morning I was freaking out and went and got him right away! Ne way I get in fights with my mother all the time about mostly my sister and I get to the point where I wouldn't want even her at the hospital but she is my mother and it would be her grandbaby and I would resolve my differences with her and have her come see us in the hospital. With that said should I just get over my hurt feelings and move on since she is HIS mother. I also don't want to not invite his entire family just so his parents don't find out! That isn't fair. His dad does somethings that are considerably worst then his mother but he also does things that are considerably better then his mother as well! I don't have ne problems with his dad at all...his dad does crapy things that he should do as a father but I don't really hold it against him we know exactly what to expect and could stop issues from happening by dealing with them before his dad has the time to tell the entire planet! His mother isn't ever going to be involved and she is going to complain about how we don't bring that baby to her! and I just want to start out with this is how I am going to be and I really don't care if you like it or not b/c it is MY baby and I will take her to see people that actually care about her. IDK I just am so frustrated!

Cara - posted on 10/22/2010

I think you have every right to decide who you want in the room with you. You most certainly don't need someone there that is going to make you feel worse or have you stressed. If I felt about my MIL the way you do about yours I wouldn't want her there with me. The title of being a parent or grandparent should not be given freely. I have a grandparent that has never been a part of my life and honestly, I don't want her to be. She never did anything to earn being my grandmother and I will never call her such. You need to do what is best for you and that baby and having someone like that there when you are giving birth is likely not good for either of you.

Sammie - posted on 10/22/2010

I think, regardless of her reaction, she is still the grandmother.


I think, regardless of what she has done, she is still the baby's grandmother and has entitlements. I also think it's not fair of your partner to not want to share the birth of your baby. You don't say your ages, is this part of her reaction? The birth of a baby should be a joyous occasion, and quite often is enough to end feuds in the family. I strongly advise against getting in between in fights between your partner and his mother, it will only cause problems later on down the track. Hope this helps :o) And best of luck with the birth!