whats the best thing

Kristin - posted on 11/16/2009 ( 3 moms have responded )

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my brother just lost his one month old baby girl today to trisomy 18 (genetic defects) the family has been prepared for this but now that its here i just dont know what to do or say. i cant imagine losing a child.

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Natasha - posted on 11/18/2009

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No problem, I hope that they are okay and will be praying for continued strength over the next few months for them.

Kristin - posted on 11/17/2009

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thank you so much for this. i saw my brother and sisterinlaw today and this did help! They are holding strong and i believe that every aspect of this poem is how they feel. so thank you

Natasha - posted on 11/16/2009

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As someone who has lost a child (I lost my little girl last year at 7 wks old, we knew about two weeks beforehand that she probably wouldn't make it) there are things that can make it better or worse. Just being there helps. Here is a poem I found about this very thing:



DON'T ask us if we are over it yet, we'll never be over it, a part of us died with our child.

DON'T tell us they are in a better place, they are not here with us where they belong.

DON'T say at least they are not suffering, we haven't come to terms with why they suffered at all.

DON'T tell us at least we have other children, which of your children would you have sacrificed?

DON'T ask us if we are better, Bereavement isn't a condition that clears up.

DON'T force your beliefs on us, not all of us have the same faith.

DON'T tell us God never gives us more than we can bear, right now we don't think we can handle anything else.

DON'T avoid us, we don't have a contagious disease, just unbearable pain.

DON'T tell us you know how we feel, unless you have lost a child, no other loss can compare to losing a child.

DON'T take our anger personally, we don't know who we are angry at or why, we lash out at those closest to us.

DON'T whisper behind us when we enter a room, we are in pain not deaf.

DON'T stop calling us after the initial loss, our grief does not stop there and we need to know that others are thinking of us.

DON'T be offended when we don't return calls right away, we take each moment as it comes, some are worse than others.

DON'T tell us to get on with our lives, we each grieve differently in our own time frame, grief cannot be governed by any clock or calendar.

DO say you are sorry, but we'd rather hear nothing if they are cliché’s you don't mean.

DO put your arms around us and hold us, we need your strength to get through each day.

DO say you remember our child if you do. Memories are all we have left and we cherish them.

DO let us talk about our child, our child lives in our hearts forever.

DO mention our Childs name, it will not make us sad or hurt our feelings.

DO let us cry, cry with us if you want to.





I hope this helps......its exactly how I felt and still do. My deepest sympathy to all of your family and remember to take care of yourself, you lost a niece today and you will grieve too. Best wishes to all of you and if you ever want a chat I'm here.

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