Adoptee been found.....

Cari-Ann - posted on 04/21/2010 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Hi!
I feel a little bewildered currently, and hope some of you may be able to help shed some light on the different, weird, wacky thoughts going through me.
I was adopted when I was 2 1/2 years old, love my parents, both have passed in the last 10 years, and my brother.....toyed with the idea of searching for my biological family, but was always too scared of being rejected, and not wanting to muck up their lives by reappearing.
For the past 35 years, it's as if a huge ? has been hanging over me, yet at the same time, it's no big deal. Am I making any sense??
I have come to love, respect and be proud of who I am today.....and comfortable with the person I am.
Four days ago, seems so much longer, I received a letter from an organisation in the state I grew up in, asking me to contact them regarding a personal matter........admittedly I was terrified, as my ex hubby has the prominent care of my younger daughters, simply because that was the status quo at the time of our divorce......yet instinctively I knew it was either regarding my own adoption or my daughters......either the nightmare has ended, or pandora's box is to be opened.
I made the call, only to be told the case manager was away.....thankfully only on lunch as it turned out. My birth/biological mother was searching for me. Has been for the past 13 months.
I'm not angry, upset, annoyed at her in any way shape or form.....I feel sorry that she's missed out on my youth, on watching her granddaughter's grow up, and seeing her great granddaughter in her first year of life. She has already suffered, and nothing I say, or do, could hurt her as much as her own thoughts or fears.
I do want to open the lines of communication, but I'm numb to it all at the same time. I know it's up to me if I want her to have any identifying information about me, and right now, I'm not quite ready for that. There is a letter from her on it's way to me via VANISH, and it's a strange feeling to be going about my daily life, yet with the knowledge that something so life altering or life improving is headed my way.
I've spoken to a support group in the capital city of where I know reside, and that has been a help....along with a fair few emails between myself and the case manager at VANISH......my family, friends and people who matter the most to me in my life now are all amazing people who are supporting me......
Is it 'normal' (define normal lol) for me to be so detached at the moment? This is a bombshell that's been dropped into my life.....yet at the same time, it's not quite real yet either.
Thank you for reading, I guess I just need to get a little perspective....instead of so much emotional yeses at the moment....I am thankful the ones I'm close to are being so supportive, but I would like some honest feedback, without the emotional connections, if that makes sense?
Take care everyone.
Cari

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Shauna - posted on 04/25/2010

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Hi Cari



What your feeling is totally normal. I was adopted too. I have reunited with my birth parents. All I can tell you is that you need to feel ready. Maybe you aren't yet and that's ok. You need to call the shots and try not to feel guilty abourt your decision whatever it may be. If you don't want to meet your mom yet maybe you can write her a letter and just let her know you are not ready. Once you meet there is no turning back and you really do need to be prepared for whatever may come of your reunion. I vollunteer for an adoptive family organization and know from my own situation and other peoples that birth family relationships can be very difficult. You have a genetic connection but no foundation for a relationsip so it can be very awkard. If you have any questions or just need someone to listen I would love to be of help to you. It's been almost fourteen years since my reunion so believe me I get it.

Shauna

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Shauna - posted on 04/25/2010

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You're welcome Cari! I think the support group is a great idea. My thoughts are with you.



Shauna

Cari-Ann - posted on 04/25/2010

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Thank you Shauna,
It's been a bit of a shock to the system.....I know in myself I have to adapt to the idea of being able to open Pandora's jar (was told recently it wasn't a box :D ) and when/if I'm ready to fully follow through with that, then that's going to be the right time.
Baby steps to begin with, and that will be just writing letters at the moment. There will be a new support meeting group closer to my home from June, so will certainly be attending to listen, support and broaden my own understanding of all sides.
You summed it up perfectly.....I have a genetic connection, but there's nothing else there. She is a stranger to me, and that may never change.
I guess only time will tell.
Thank you again!
Cari

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