Adoption Process/Adopting a 3 year old...

Mickaela - posted on 07/26/2011 ( 4 moms have responded )

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A friend of a friend is going through a very rough time in her life. She (Sara) is getting kicked out of her apartment and struggling with depression, drugs, anger issues... as well as gender issues and just plain life... She has a 3 1/2 year old daughter (Hannah), who has started having her own anger issues, as well as lack of discipline/rules.... The mother, Sara, feels that it is not fair for her daughter to have to go live in a shelter, and said that if someone does not take guardianship/custody by the first that she is going to take her to DHS and have her put in the system. I don't even know if that's possible... My questions are... 1. My husband and I are willing to take custody and proceed with an adoption... does anyone know the process in Iowa? 2. As far as ease on Hannah, would it be better to continue to allow visits with Sara (BM) or would it be better to withhold until she adjusts?

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Stephanie Foreman - posted on 08/11/2012

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I know this is an old post and; my heart goes out to you and your friend. My sister adopted a little boy this way meaning there was a girl that found my sister and her husband through a mutual friend. They saw an adoption attorney who did everything for them to make it legal. I hope you were able to get it worked out best for the child.

Liz - posted on 08/13/2011

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I wish you the very best. My husband and I adopted our son when he was 13 months. I wouldn't be honest if I didn't say that for us it has been a difficult road. Ou son has ADHD and is possibly on the spectrum. We've worked with therapists and early intervention educators since he was 2. I highly recommend that you get good legal counsel like the other poster recommended. But, I also recommend that you do as much reading/resource investigation as you can so you have help at hand if the need for it arises. Especially regarding complex family relationships, how adoption can change your relationships within your marriage and family.

Jane - posted on 07/26/2011

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I would suggest that you contact an adoption attorney to walk you through the process. Every state is different but you want to do things correctly so someone related by blood can't come along later and force a custody fight or a reversal of the adoption.

Our children were both adopted as infants, but we did maintain a connection with their birth parents. I recommend this highly. It lets you know about things such as medical history adn it gives the child a feeling of continuity. It also can help her understand that her mother loves her and wants a loving home for her, something mom couldn't provide.

Good luck!

Mickaela - posted on 07/26/2011

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I am open to any suggestions for once we get her home... any advice... My husband and I have one son(8), and one nephew(13) living with us, any suggestions on interactions between the three would be great as well... We have always wanted a daughter, and have been looking at adoption for a while now... and this situation just kind of fell in our laps a few days ago... We have looked in to becoming licensed Foster Parents.. but due to our states requirements we won't meet the criteria until we have been married for 5 years since my husband has a prior divorce. We've been together for 7 consecutive years, we have a 5 bedroom farm house that we have lived in for almost 3 years..so we have the space, and the financial resources to take on another child...Just need a little advice..

Thank you!!

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