need your opinion/advice/story

Tina - posted on 08/16/2010 ( 5 moms have responded )

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Hi there! My hubby and I have started the process to adopt/foster to adopt. I was just wondering what everyone's opinion was on how old your own children should be before you think of this. We have a 1,2 and 3 year old. Do you think they should be older before thinking on this? I know they will pick up behaviors of other children very quickly as we are hoping to adopt (or even foster) children that are a little older. How did you guys find that?
How was your transition period?
How was it once your "honeymoon" period was over? how did you cope?

Any info or story or anything would be appreciated! I have a real heart for this but I know there is a time for everything so maybe I'm pushing this too fast and should just enjoy what I have now?? My husband could take it or leave it. Nothing is really happening right now anyway.. we finished our training back in April and still have not heard anything. I emailed once with no reply.. so right now its kinda on hold until Child Welfare decides its time to continue with the process!
Thanks for reading and responding!!!

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Jerri - posted on 10/05/2010

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They should be fine at those ages..They usually adjust better when they are younger due to the fact that they will view this child as someone to play with.....just make sure you show your children how much you love them & need them in your life & let them help out with the new child & everything will work out fine.

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Tammy - posted on 10/14/2010

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I agree with Traci and Linda. I personally would wait a while if I were blessed with a 3, 2, and 1 year old. Also, all foster children come with baggage/issues at some level. An older foster child as a role model for your little ones is probably not what you want. My 15 year old is really good with my 2 and 3 year old however, they are all from the foster system, and I got my 15 yo two years before the little ones. I think if my 15 year old were to come into our home with pre-existing smaller siblings, the potential for resentment would be there as he watched the parent. small child interaction. Your heart is in the right place and I think in time, you will be able to add to your family and in my opinion there is no better way than adopting from the foster care system.

Cara - posted on 08/31/2010

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Keep in mind that there are extra dr appointments, social worker visits and family visits that you will have to take the child to. Our last FC had two family visits a week plus weekly counseling and a monthly home visit from one social worker and quarterly from another.
Are you planning to take only infants? I would not recommend taking in children older than your youngest due to having three little ones. You can't keep you eyes on them all the time. It took us 7 months to find out our FC had been sexually abused. You just never know what could happen if you even take your eyes off of them for a minute. Your current children are too young to fully understand or communicate to you if something happens.
Mine were 4 and 6 when we started. We only did it that early b/c my (then) 4 year old was always VERY aware of his personal space and has no problem telling someone when they are in his 'bubble'.
I 'coped' with the FC behaviors by attending the counseling with them. Our therapist is WONDERFUL and gave me many parenting techniques. I also constantly read books by Nancy Thomas and Gregory Keck to help me understand why the children do what they do and get tried and true techniques to help them.

Traci - posted on 08/27/2010

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I would agree with Linda. The final decision is up to you of course, pray about it and decide. My kids were 14,13,11, and 10 when we got licensed. I also only take kids younger than them. You can never be sure exactly what you are getting in to. I got into this to get one little girl.....however, the phone call I received was a little more than that. I got two little girls and their mom was pregnant with a third. I have had them for a while and received their baby brother when he was born. So my family jumped from 6 to 9 in a hurry. It can be a little overwhelming at times, but wouldn't change it now for the world.

Linda - posted on 08/16/2010

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Personally, If I had a 1, 2 and a 3 year old.. I would wait. I have boy/girl twins, and we waited until they were 6 before we started the training process, became licensed when they were 7, and ONLY have children younger than them for placement. Not only will your children learn things from children in foster care, but your children could possibly be harmed by an angry child in foster care. I have evaluated each placement carefully to ensure the safety of everyone in our family and the child being placed in our home.

My advice, wait until your kiddo's are older. It will be easier for them to understand when children come and go from your home, too.

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